Should I tell my girlfriend?

LegacyUser

Was recently away in the Med. for a mate's stag weekend, 10 of us in total staying in this villa so things got pretty messy, basically drinking the entire time. The saturday night, one of the lads had hired a stripper who turned out to be stunning, we were all buckled an all of us touched her at one stage or another, being a total boob man I couldn't resist a grope of her tits and I sucked her nipples a bit when she sat on my lap. none of the other lads were bothered and reckon what goes on at a stag party stays there but im feeling a bit guilty as ive a girlfriend of 2 years. She asked me was there a stripper and I said yes, but didnt mention touching her. i think it would hurt her and do more harm than good?!

LegacyUser

if i were ur girlfriend id want to know - the guilt will eat away at you - which will prob lead to rows etc. so in my opinion - id be honost. i think ur girlfriend deserves more than being lied to - especially when all ur mates know what u did!

zxcvbnm1

Man - i dunno what you are feeling guilty about.

There was a stripper - it was a bit of harmess fun.
No big deal.

I wouldn't feel one tiny bit guilty iof i was in your shoes.

King of Kings

nah don't tell
what is to be achieved by telling her,
it wasn't like you shagged her.
you were in the wrong but on a scale of 1 to 10 - it was a 1.

unless you make a habit of this type of carry on - chalk it down to stag night shenanigans.

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

I wouldn't feel one tiny bit guilty iof i was in your shoes.

have to say I'm with this guy on the guilt thing.

Jumpy

Unregistered wrote: »

if i were ur girlfriend id want to know - the guilt will eat away at you - which will prob lead to rows etc. so in my opinion - id be honost. i think ur girlfriend deserves more than being lied to - especially when all ur mates know what u did!

No you wouldnt. Unless you enjoy drama.

It wasnt a nice thing to do OP, but peer pressure can be a powerful thing. You really want to be the pansy that didnt want to touch etc etc?
Very minor infraction on the relationship part, but an infraction all the same.

LegacyUser

no god damn way is this minor - i bet if his poor girl friend found out - you'd be dumped mate! why all the secrecy??? if it's ok to touch a strippers tits when your in a relationship- then why are you on boards feeling guilty! go figure!

Silverfish

Normally I'm in the 'tell' camp, but in this instance, if you're absolutely positive your mates won't say 'Remember when you did x,y,and z with the stripper' in the pub in front of her, or if you're positive nobody took any pictures of it, then I would say maybe let it slide.

She asked was there a stripper, you said yes, she didn't ask 'So... did anything happen?', she may already have guessed and doesn't think its a big deal.

zxcvbnm1

Unregistered wrote: »

no god damn way is this minor - i bet if his poor girl friend found out - you'd be dumped mate! why all the secrecy??? if it's ok to touch a strippers tits when your in a relationship- then why are you on boards feeling guilty! go figure!

This is very very minor.

I'd be surprised in fact if the girlfriend had any issue with it.

If my girlfriend did something similar with a male stripper i wouldn't care one bit.

LegacyUser

im the poster that said no its not ok - its amazing how everyone here said its ok for this guy to do what he did - has everyones standards gone down or what??? im a 26 year old female and im not a prude or anything - but if i found out my boyfriend did this id never forgive him.

fabbydabby

Yeah right? If she sucked his.... you know... you wouldn't mind?

OP, Don't tell her dude. Your punishment for being a trollop is to have that guilt gnaw at you when you are being intimate with your GF.... FOREVER!

VaioCruiser

Telling our partner when something happens like this is absolutely wrong - and people only do it to salve their OWN conscience. I think that the fact that you feel guilty, which I don't think you should by the way, shows how much you like your gf and that you are a decent guy.
But telling her will only hurt her and give her all kinds of anxt and worry. For what ? does she have anything to worry about ? are you going to do it every week ? No, I think not.

We all have little secrets that we carry. Moments of weaknesses, mistakes we make. We keep them to ourselves and don't burden the people we care about with them.

Silence is golden.

Adamisconfused

The poster above just hit the nail on the head.

You would be admitting something in order to alleviate your own guilt. I’m not sure why you should be feeling any guilt at all. When I first started reading the opening post, I was expecting you to say that you had sex with another woman.
Get on with your life and don’t do it again if you feel guilty so easily.

Whatever you say, say nothing.

LegacyUser

OP I totally agree with the others - SAY NOTHING!! I was in totally the same situation except I am a female and it was the male stripper. A few of us sucked off the stripper, it was completely harmless fun. I did feel a bit guilty and went through the same as you but all my friends put me right. What goes on a hen/stag stays on the trip. Personally I now know I did nothing wrong, it was just sucking him off. SAY NOTHING!!

D rog

I don't agree silence is golden.

Who would want to move on in a relationship with a partner who had infidelities but thought you shouldn't worry your little head about it?
Better to be honest and let your partner decide how they want to move things forward, their decision.

Adamisconfused

Me too wrote: »

OP I totally agree with the others - SAY NOTHING!! I was in totally the same situation except I am a female and it was the male stripper. A few of us sucked off the stripper, it was completely harmless fun. I did feel a bit guilty and went through the same as you but all my friends put me right. What goes on a hen/stag stays on the trip. Personally I now know I did nothing wrong, it was just sucking him off. SAY NOTHING!!

I hope you went for an STI screening since what you did was much more serious than what this guy did.
Oh.....you weren't just being sarcastic were you?:eek:

herya

If my bf did this and told me I'd forgive easily (maybe even had a laugh) - but I'd still prefer to know.

BTW peer pressure is the worst reason possible to do naughty things, it just shows you're really weak.

Astrogeek

If I was your girlfriend I would not see any problem and laugh it off. Personally I would rather honesty and would be happy that you told me.

BUT, you know your girlfriend a hell of a lot better than we do. Girls usually feel one of the two extremes about strippers/stag nights/boys being boys type of thing. If you think she would be disgusted and out raged. It isn't worth it. You don't want her over-thinking this and turning it into something it is not.

LegacyUser

Adamisconfused wrote: »

I hope you went for an STI screening since what you did was much more serious than what this guy did.
Oh.....you weren't just being sarcastic were you?:eek:

God no I am not being sarcastic - he sucked a woman's tits, I sucked a man's kn*b what's the difference? I know what I did was not serious and I WILL NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. Please don't try and make me. I really don't see a difference between the two and you are being sexist if you do. I know my BF would probably laugh about it but I can't take that chance.

herya

Me too wrote: »

he sucked a woman's tits, I sucked a man's kn*b what's the difference?

Do you know what an STI is?

LegacyUser

herya wrote: »

Do you know what an STI is?

No?

the_dark_side

forget about it man... for gods sake dont tell your girl-friend, not a big deal in the least... so come please ladies and gentlemen, move on, theres nothing left to see here

elle

I wouldn't tell her if I were u. If I was your gf I would prefer not to know. I don't mean that in a really bad way but I just think that's an image she doesn't need in her head. You admit there was a stripper there and I am sure she can come to her own conclusions on stag dos and strippers. If you had slept with the stripper I would be very much in the tell her corner but I think that what happened is relatively minor and saying it could cause more hassle than its worth - u obviously care about ur gf if you are this guilty over it.

Zaph

Me too wrote: »

No?

I'm going to take this at face value and assume you're serious - an STI is a Sexually Transmitted Infection. Here's a list of infections you could catch:

• Chlamydia
• Gonorrhoea
• Genital Warts (Human Papilloma Virus, HPV)
• Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
• Pubic Lice (Crabs)
• Non-specific Infections
• Thrush (Candida)
• Trichomonas Vaginalis (TV)
• Molluscum Contagiosum
• Syphilis
• Scabies
• Hepatitis B
• Bacterial Vaginosis
• HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus)
• Herpes
• Hepatitis A

You'll find more information about them here

Misticles

I wouldnt feel guilty if I were u!

If I was ur girlfriend, id just be raging I couldnt get in on the action lol

Wouldnt worry about, only harmless fun!!

philologos

OP: Do the right thing and let her know. It's not just an innocent event, you got involved with the stripper in a way that you shouldn't have when you claim to be committed to your partner.

Misticles

What??

It is purely an inncocent event.. he had no agenda or no intention of goin further with her!

That wouldn bother me in the slightest if a bf came home and told me that after coming from a stags party!

Men will be men especially with their mates on stag parties!

If its buggin ya-- just tell her-- she might see the funny side!

xxboylarzxx

let her know man!you were locked!ive known people who have came back from alot worse!

you need to get it off your chest if its eating away at you

Wurly

Jakkass wrote: »

OP: Do the right thing and let her know. It's not just an innocent event, you got involved with the stripper in a way that you shouldn't have when you claim to be committed to your partner.

Personally, I hate all this 'boys will be boys shyte'. So because they're 'boys', they can get away with anything?

A lap dance is one thing. Sucking on another woman's nipples is quite another. It doesn't matter if she's a stripper or not. He put his mouth on an intimate area of another woman.


If I was in the OP's shoes, I dont know what i'd do. If I was his girlfriend, i'd be upset about it but i'd admire his honesty. If I found out from other means, i'd be less than impressed and prob paranoid therefore that more happened than actually did.

philologos

Trí wrote: »

Personally, I hate all this 'boys will be boys shyte'. So because they're 'boys', they can get away with anything?

If this happened as the unregistered user "Me too" described concerning sucking the male strippers knob. I'd be seriously annoyed. Likewise I think that the OP's girlfriend has a right to know. If it wasn't so bad, why should it be hard to convince his girlfriend?

Trí wrote: »

A lap dance is one thing. Sucking on another woman's nipples is quite another. It doesn't matter if she's a stripper or not. He put his mouth on an intimate area of another woman.

Totally agree.

Trí wrote: »

If I was in the OP's shoes, I dont know what i'd do. If I was his girlfriend, i'd be upset about it but i'd admire his honesty. If I found out from other means, i'd be less than impressed and prob paranoid therefore that more happened than actually did.

I agree again. But then again I'm probably just a bit conservative

LegacyUser

.....and you friends didn't take any photos? And what about the wedding? Will someone not point you out to their partner as the guy who sucked on the nipples and for that to get back to your girlfriend, or worse still...if you're mentioned in the speeches. Basically it will hurt her a lot more if she sees a picture of this on facebook, or hears about it in the ladies powder room at the wedding. Be honest, tell her in the nicest possible way.

Wurly

Unregistered wrote: »

.....and you friends didn't take any photos? And what about the wedding? Will someone not point you out to their partner as the guy who sucked on the nipples and for that to get back to your girlfriend, or worse still...if you're mentioned in the speeches. Basically it will hurt her a lot more if she sees a picture of this on facebook, or hears about it in the ladies powder room at the wedding. Be honest, tell her in the nicest possible way.

Agreed. If my boyfriend did this, i'd be majorly p1ssed off. But if he didn't tell me, then any respect I thought he had for me would be right out the window.

You'll be living on your nerves wondering if she'll find out or not. Just tell her. It's better coming from you. Be sincere in your delivery and tell her how silly it was. Also, how regretful you feel.

Best to leave the part out about the stripper being a stunner though!

echosound

Trí wrote: »

Personally, I hate all this 'boys will be boys shyte'. So because they're 'boys', they can get away with anything?

A lap dance is one thing. Sucking on another woman's nipples is quite another. It doesn't matter if she's a stripper or not. He put his mouth on an intimate area of another woman.

Agreed 100%.

Sucking a nipple, copping a "grope", where exactly is the line drawn as to what constitutes a breach of trust/cheating? Would putting your mouth on someone else's mouth be ok (kissing another woman)? I would view sucking another woman's nipple as a step beyond kissing another woman (as it's a far more intimate body part) so to me, that would most definitely be crossing a line and cheating.

All of this "boys will be boys" and "what happens on a stag doesn't count" rubbish - so because it was a stag it's ok that you sucked on another woman's nipple? If you were just at a house party and you sucked another woman's nipple who didn't happen to be a stripper, that would be ok too? Stripper or not, you performed an intimate act with another woman. Would you be happy for your GF to kiss another man? Or to suck on an intimate area? Even if he was a stripper? Same difference TBH. It's using your mouth to perform an intimate act.

I'd do your GF the favour of being honest with her and let her decide how she wants to view your actions. You've already said you know it would probably hurt her - perhaps keep this in mind next time you are considering sucking on some nipples.

starchild

if it is important to you to be totally honest then tell her

personally i think if you want to stay with her and want your relationship to have a future then dont tell her

just realise you love her be thankful you got away with it and dont do it again

t-ha

Fortunately or you it was a different area code this time (which makes it ok), but watch your step in future young man!

Wurly

echosound wrote: »

Agreed 100%.

Sucking a nipple, copping a "grope", where exactly is the line drawn as to what constitutes a breach of trust/cheating? Would putting your mouth on someone else's mouth be ok (kissing another woman)? I would view sucking another woman's nipple as a step beyond kissing another woman (as it's a far more intimate body part) so to me, that would most definitely be crossing a line and cheating.

All of this "boys will be boys" and "what happens on a stag doesn't count" rubbish - so because it was a stag it's ok that you sucked on another woman's nipple? If you were just at a house party and you sucked another woman's nipple who didn't happen to be a stripper, that would be ok too? Stripper or not, you performed an intimate act with another woman. Would you be happy for your GF to kiss another man? Or to suck on an intimate area? Even if he was a stripper? Same difference TBH. It's using your mouth to perform an intimate act.

I'd do your GF the favour of being honest with her and let her decide how she wants to view your actions. You've already said you know it would probably hurt her - perhaps keep this in mind next time you are considering sucking on some nipples.

Absolutely excellent post. I couldn't have put it better. OP, read this one thoroughly.

How would you feel if the tables were turned?

Barr

Not a big deal to be honest -move on its not like u slept with her

Wurly

Barr wrote: »

Not a big deal to be honest -move on its not like u slept with her

I have to say, I hope that's not a common male view as to what is acceptable.

I'd love to see the look on my boyfriend's face if I said 'its okay honey, I didn't sleep with him. I just fondled his penis/snogged him/licked his ____. Girls will be girls. Move on'.

Somehow - nah. I don't think that would go down too well.

LegacyUser

i totally agree with tri

waraf

Don't tell her OP. Essentially you're just trying to ease your own conscience at your birds expense. You're just gonna cause a massive row and she'll be freaked anytime you go away with the lads in future. If the lads on the stag are normal blokes they'll understand the golden rule of stags....."what goes on tour stays on tour". I've seen married blokes do a lot worse than you mate when they've gone away on stags. You're obviously a decent bloke and probably a decent boyfriend. Make it up to your bird by doing something special for her but for God's sake don't tell her. You will regret it for a very long time if you do....

herya

echosound wrote: »

I'd do your GF the favour of being honest with her and let her decide how she wants to view your actions. You've already said you know it would probably hurt her - perhaps keep this in mind next time you are considering sucking on some nipples.

Or if you keep the nipple thing under wraps this time what are you going to suck on your next stag?....

Barr

Girls fondal male strippers all the time , Im sure they dont stay awake at nites with guilt...its more entertainment than a form of infidelity

philologos

Barr wrote: »

Girls fondal male strippers all the time , Im sure they dont stay awake at nites with guilt...its more entertainment than a form of infidelity

Whether or not people feel guilty enough is irrelevant. If something isn't kosher it isn't kosher. I.E the other partner will still most likely find it wrong whether or not the OP feels guilty about it. I personally think the lack of guilt would inform us about someones moral compass or their character. Generally a lack of guilt would imply that one is regularly acquainted with such activity.

Edit: If it isn't wrong why is the OP so afraid to tell his girlfriend about it. If it was harmless surely she would also find it harmless. That's what I don't get about people on this thread, how they can't possibly see the logic in that.

Wurly

Barr wrote: »

Girls fondal male strippers all the time , Im sure they dont stay awake at nites with guilt...its more entertainment than a form of infidelity

Do they suck on intimate parts of their anatomy? My guess would be no.

You're missing the point here. A lap dance - fair enough. A munch on another woman's nipples - not so fair enough.

And it doesnt matter that she was a stripper either.

The OP described the stripper as 'stunning'. So if she wasn't as attractive, would he have sucked her nipples then?? I mean, without jumping to conclusions here.... but if say at a party there was another stunning girl, would he go for it. Cos she was stunning, like?

This is different to getting a lap dance. It just simply is!

pookie82

waraf wrote: »

Don't tell her OP. Essentially you're just trying to ease your own conscience at your birds expense. You're just gonna cause a massive row and she'll be freaked anytime you go away with the lads in future. If the lads on the stag are normal blokes they'll understand the golden rule of stags....."what goes on tour stays on tour". I've seen married blokes do a lot worse than you mate when they've gone away on stags. You're obviously a decent bloke and probably a decent boyfriend. Make it up to your bird by doing something special for her but for God's sake don't tell her. You will regret it for a very long time if you do....

I'm sorry hang on a second... How is he obviously a decent bloke/boyfriend? Don't think what he did constitutes most definitions of that statement. Or is he incredibly decent because he's even contemplating owning up???????

Awesome. You and your mates must be a very trustworthy and upstanding bunch. If you want to carry on with this pre-school sh*te of boys will be boys and infidelity "staying on tour" then more pity to you and your girlfriends. But the OP is contemplating doing the honest thing and having the balls to admit to his girlfriend that he sucked another woman's breasts. You're clearly not comfortable with the fact that although he did something really stupid, he's toying with the idea of coming clean and taking the consequences like a man.

OP I have a feeling you'll put up and shut up to keep the peace, especially if you're leaning toward the pre adolescent mindset of most of the male responses on here, but I hope that everytime what you did pops into your head you can picture her licking/sucking some guy's c*ck and feel ok with her keeping that from you.

Barr

Trí wrote: »

Do they suck on intimate parts of their anatomy? My guess would be no.

I would hardly describe a strippers tit to be an intimate part of her body ,its just abit of fun. Its not like he performed a sexual act on her. I really dont think its a big deal.

zxcvbnm1

echosound wrote: »

All of this "boys will be boys" and "what happens on a stag doesn't count" rubbish - so because it was a stag it's ok that you sucked on another woman's nipple? If you were just at a house party and you sucked another woman's nipple who didn't happen to be a stripper, that would be ok too? Stripper or not, you performed an intimate act with another woman. Would you be happy for your GF to kiss another man? Or to suck on an intimate area? Even if he was a stripper? Same difference TBH. It's using your mouth to perform an intimate act.

Nonsense. The fact is she was a stripper. ANd that is important.

I've been on stags with a stripper.
And it's not like all the guys are standing arolund getting their rocks off.

It's viewed as harmeless fun with laughing etc.

The context of the event is the issue here.
It's just a bit of a laugh. It's npot viewed as a sexual thing at all eally.

I'm actually shocked that some people take offence to teh whole thing.

I'm assuming yee are quite prudish.

Wurly

Barr wrote: »

I would hardly describe a strippers tit to be an intimate part of her body ,its just abit of fun. Its not like he performed a sexual act on her. I really dont think its a big deal.

If a man sucking my breasts was not a sexual act, then why don't I let all the men in the street do it? Just a bit of fun, wha' wha'

That is something I would allow only one person in my life to do. Why? Because it IS a sexual act.

Barr

If a girl sucked a male striipers nipple - I would hardly describe it as a sexual act , I think the whole,thing is taken out of context

Wurly

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

Nonsense. The fact is she was a stripper. ANd that is important.

I've been on stags with a stripper.
And it's not like all the guys are standing arolund getting their rocks off.

It's viewed as harmeless fun with laughing etc.

The context of the event is the issue here.
It's just a bit of a laugh. It's npot viewed as a sexual thing at all eally.

I'm actually shocked that some people take offence to teh whole thing.

I'm assuming yee are quite prudish.

Jesus H Christ. It's nothing to do with the stripper. Women are not thick - we know that men go to lap dancing clubs on stag weekends.

It's almost expected.

What we don't expect is our other halves to take the tits of a stripper, fondle them and put them in their mouths.

It's not the stag do or the stripper that is the issue here. It is the sucking of another woman's tits!

That's got nothing to do with being prudish. 'Ah yeah, it was a great laugh. I was on a hen's weekend and sucked a male stripper's ________'. Doesn't sound right, does it? I don't think it sounds very funny either. But maybe my sense of what's funny is slightly skewed.

zxcvbnm1

Trí wrote: »

If a man sucking my breasts was not a sexual act, then why don't I let all the men in the street do it? Just a bit of fun, wha' wha'

That is something I would allow only one person in my life to do. Why? Because it IS a sexual act.

I think you are not understanding the issue correctly.

If it is like any stag with strippers that i have been on the event probably lasted no more than 15 seconds with the guy just laughing while doing it.

It's not like they would have gone into some dark corner with both of them moaning and groaning.

And comparing it to a girl giving a guy a blowjob is not in anyway comparing like with like.

The context of the event is crucial here.

Wurly

Barr wrote: »

If a girl sucked a male striipers nipple - I would hardly describe it as a sexual act , I think the whole,thing is taken out of context

Men walk around with their 'tits' out every day of the week. Where I live anyway, girls do not expose their tits in public.

Men's nipples and women's nipples are different. Come on now. It's an intimate part of a woman's body. The only other part of my body that I cover is my genitals. Why? Cos it's an intimate part. If it wasn't, sure then there'd be tits, fanny's and willies out all over the place.