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Could you go out with a religeous person?

  • 20-09-2008 12:36pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 842 ✭✭✭Weidii


    Just wondering what other peoples thoughts on this are.

    Personally (and I know it's descrimination, I'm being brutally honest here) I just couldn't. The fact that someone is religeous suggests something about their personality/mindset to me, and it's that je-ne-sais-quoi that would turn me off.

    Throughout my life I've always ended up being best friends with devoutly religeous people and from those experiences I'm making this judgement. Don't get me wrong, I get along with these people as buddies and they have all been great fun, etc, but I just couldn't spend my life with one.

    ...I hope this doesn't sound bad (it's not meant to)


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,892 ✭✭✭ChocolateSauce


    I'm in a relationship with someone who until about 3 months ago called herself a Jehova's Witness. She still has an irrational respect for them, something her mother has no doubt instilled in her.

    But she was never a very good one! And I guess my outlook on life has rubbed off on her.

    My first real partner was a wiccan, and that drove me up the wall. She'd say things like "I can sense some angry energy coming from you", thus making a self-fulfilling prophecy. But she became an atheist eventually, with the cajoling of my militant and unapologetically snide mother (we all lived together).

    But I don't think I could even get on with someone who was actively religious. Passively, maybe...but not for a serious relationship. Issues like how to raise children would just be insurmountable.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,180 ✭✭✭Mena


    Weidii wrote: »
    Just wondering what other peoples thoughts on this are.

    Personally (and I know it's descrimination, I'm being brutally honest here) I just couldn't. The fact that someone is religeous suggests something about their personality/mindset to me, and it's that je-ne-sais-quoi that would turn me off.

    I'd pretty much agree with your sentiment. Just couldn't do it, as I'd never be able to respect the person or their judgement.

    Trickier one would be: How to react when your wife/husband whatever suddenly becomes a religious fanatic... That one would scare me.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,892 ✭✭✭ChocolateSauce


    Mena wrote: »
    I'd pretty much agree with your sentiment. Just couldn't do it, as I'd never be able to respect the person or their judgement.

    Trickier one would be: How to react when your wife/husband whatever suddenly becomes a religious fanatic... That one would scare me.

    It would scare me too. If my partner suddenly went deep into the Jehova's Witness fold our relationship would become unworkable.

    Imagine if there were kids involved and one partner had an evangelical religious conversion and insisted the children were brought up according to the customs of ancient barbarians?


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Couldn't live with serious religion always in my face.

    So it would never get as far as the the kids issue.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,421 Mod ✭✭✭✭robindch


    Depends on the kind of religion really. Can't imagine all that much trouble with a couple-of-times a year church-goer or perhaps even a sunday catholic, if she scores high everywhere else.

    But that said, if they're the kind of person who puts their religious beliefs ahead of reality or the relationship, well, I wouldn't respect that over beer, let alone the next morning or five years down the line.

    And what about the other side? Whatever about having to endure my opinions of organized religion on an ongoing basis, I wouldn't like to have somebody around who believed me intellectually incapacitated and who might try to "convert" me passively by spending years on her knees in a cold church, drip-feeding prayers into the silent rafters.

    Anyhow, I'd be suspicious of a chick waiting for another bloke's second coming. I'll do that myself, thank you very much :)


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭iUseVi


    Having been brought up in a devoutly religious family, I don't think I could stomach it. I am possibly letting the pendulum swing too far the other way, but I would probably even have problems with a couple-of-times a year church-goer type as Robindch mentions. (severely limits my options, I know...)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,141 ✭✭✭eoin5


    For me she can believe whatever religion she wants and as long as she knows her beliefs are irrational. I cant see there being much overlap :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,021 ✭✭✭Hivemind187


    My last girlfriend was a bit of a tree-hugger and extremely suseptable to suggestion.

    She had given up the majority of the christian stuff but had a habit of latching on to other spiritualities like buddhism and wicca. So much of which I can cope with.

    When she turned vegan, abandonned western medicine and science in favor of "chakras" and "herbs" and "positive thinking" things really took a turn for the worse.

    She's now hooked up with the Greek Orthodox church and believes that the use of shamanic rattles will alleviate the symptoms of her various "problems".

    So I guess its not so much the religoous rubbish that bothers me as it is the abandonment of reason and evidence for superstition and magical thinking.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    Are we talking church on Sunday religious or "Stop wearing clothes made of more tahn one kind of fabric!" religious?

    On a side note, I used to go out with this girl. Shortly after we broke up she became 'Born Again', probably as some kind of bizarre sideswipe against my atheist ways.
    Pfft, she didn't seem so Christian when she had her ankles around her neck. :pac:
    Or when she decided polygamy suited her better. :mad:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    In terms of casual dating, sure.

    In terms of a real relationship founded on respect and mutual understanding, not for a second.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭brianthebard


    Does she want to convert me? If she was happy with me being agnostic then there's no problem if she was putting pressure on me to join her faith I'd have a problem.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,226 ✭✭✭taram


    I agree with the OP. My current love is agonostic so we're good :) We're going to raise our children agnostic. Wouldn't accept a friend who put their religious beliefs over other parts of their life either, though two of my friends are very strong in their respective religious beliefs, they know I'm as strong in my lack of and we never discuss religion, ever!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 842 ✭✭✭Weidii


    It would also be interesting to hear the other side of this.

    To any religious person who may be reading this:

    Could you get into/stay in a relationship with an athiest, agnostic or *gasp* anti theist?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 27,857 ✭✭✭✭Dave!


    hmmmm I'd probably find it hard to go out with someone who was very religious, or referenced god/jesus on a regular basis because I would find myself rolling my eyes on a constant basis when I'm around them. Usually if you don't respect someone or think they're a gobsh*te, then it'll make a relationship difficult.

    I'd have no problem shagging one though.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,892 ✭✭✭ChocolateSauce


    Dave! wrote: »
    I'd have no problem shagging one though.

    That made me think of Ann Coulter for some reason.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 27,857 ✭✭✭✭Dave!


    She's a bit too masculine for my tastes............... and I think there's a threshold of INSANITY that I will not cross for love nor money! :D Nutjob of the highest order


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,421 Mod ✭✭✭✭robindch


    Dave! wrote: »
    I think there's a threshold of INSANITY that I will not cross
    "Never sleep with anybody odder than you".


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,814 ✭✭✭Calibos


    You see we are backing ourselves into a corner here. We don't want to let ourselves fall for someone who we will only lose respect for when we find out they are religious or have Woo beliefs. So the obvious solution would be to try and hook up with ladies at the local secular humanist society/club where you are guaranteed a lady of the atheistic/agnostic persuasion. But then again, the type of girl in general who would join such a club would be more the activist type and if theres on thing that goes hand in hand with female activists its hairy armpits and an untrimmed thatch!! Whats a handsome atheist guy to do?? :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    Calibos wrote: »
    Whats a handsome atheist guy to do?? :D

    Screw around.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Galvasean wrote: »
    Screw around.
    Typical godless attitude. Tsk.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    Dades wrote: »
    Typical godless attitude. Tsk.

    God might forgive him as long as he doesn't use condoms.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 817 ✭✭✭Burial


    The only time I'd have a problem with it, was if she kept converting me, and was only really with me for that reason. But if the girl knows that I won't be her religion and shes cool with it, then she can be as religion crazy as she likes! However, with kids she must also accept that the kids must choose their own paths... I'd be more worried of the kids becoming crazy religion people...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,221 ✭✭✭✭m5ex9oqjawdg2i


    I did it once, and won't do it again :) Was more of a problem with my partners parents than my partner. I was the devil in their eyes...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,925 ✭✭✭aidan24326


    Dave! wrote: »
    I'd have no problem shagging one though

    Good man Dave, I like your style!

    Same for me too, just as something casual it would be no problem, but for a long-lasting relationship I think it would be an issue if our views were that different. I suspect it wouldn't get that far.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,021 ✭✭✭Hivemind187


    ... you all realise we'll be branded intolerant-bigots for these statements?

    :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,180 ✭✭✭Mena


    ... you all realise we'll be branded intolerant-bigots for these statements?

    :D

    Tolerance only goes so far, this one would bring me to my breaking point :pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,103 ✭✭✭estebancambias


    LMAO...good luck getting partners in Ireland, and even if you can the talent on offer will be greatly sliced.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    LMAO...good luck getting partners in Ireland,

    This opinion poll fills me with hope.
    http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055380182
    and even if you can the talent on offer will be greatly sliced.

    Oh that's right, for the lord has smote us nonbelievers with festering boils and tarnished bodies :rolleyes:


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    LMAO...good luck getting partners in Ireland, and even if you can the talent on offer will be greatly sliced.
    Somebody's not getting any...


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,925 ✭✭✭aidan24326


    ... you all realise we'll be branded intolerant-bigots for these statements?

    :D

    Yeah probably!

    It isn't intolerant at all though, it's just that in general we tend to gravitate towards people of at least a reasonably similiar mindset, and religious views would be a significant part of that. I wouldn't say I'd like to agree with my wife/gf on everything, that would be no fun. But if we were diametrically opposed I suspect that would be a problem for me and for most people.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,016 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    robindch wrote: »
    Depends on the kind of religion really. Can't imagine all that much trouble with a couple-of-times a year church-goer or perhaps even a sunday catholic, if she scores high everywhere else.
    My fiance is a church goer. I think you'll find most couples will disagree on something. One might be a Vegetarian the other a carnivore. One might vote PD the other hate them. One might believe in private schools, the other loath them. One might be a Rugger head. The other a GAA head. One might like simple holidays. The other sporty ones. One might like to drive fast. The other slow. One might prefer Mexican, the other Italian.

    You'll always get differences unless one person is dominating over the other.
    As sad as it sounds, what it comes down to is if you love each other. Then you relationship will just progress. Opposites sometimes do attract. Prior to this relationship, I had gone out with non church goers but I just didn't love them.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,408 ✭✭✭studiorat


    I draw the line at the Clergy.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    aidan24326 wrote: »
    It isn't intolerant at all though

    Yes it is. Intolerance is only a bad thing if its based on misconceptions. I will not tolerate religious thinking in a partner.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Don't think it would work. They'd be offended by my views & although I wouldn't be offended, I'd have little time for theirs


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,928 ✭✭✭✭rainbow kirby


    I could put up with a Christmas and Easter Christian, but that's about it. Anything more than that and it would never work. I'm far too much of an atheist to date anyone with more than nominal faith.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,925 ✭✭✭aidan24326


    Zillah wrote: »
    Yes it is. Intolerance is only a bad thing if its based on misconceptions. I will not tolerate religious thinking in a partner.

    I suppose you're right that it is intolerance, it just shows how that word immediately provokes a negative reaction even though its meaning in a given context doesn't have to be negative. It's a loaded word and I fell into the trap!
    I could put up with a Christmas and Easter Christian, but that's about it.

    Sometimes the wishy-washy sunday morning christians are nearly more annoying. You have to wonder what they're getting out of it. At least the christian fundie really believes in the damn thing hook line and sinker. Some of the more half-hearted religious types aren't too sure what they believe but cling to the label nonetheless, be it catholic or whatever else. I mean what's the point?

    That would be like someone calling himself a Liverpool supporter even though he's never been to see them play, can barely name half the team and doesn't even bother to watch the games on tv except the odd time. In what meaningful way is he a 'supporter'?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    aidan24326 wrote: »
    I suppose you're right that it is intolerance, it just shows how that word immediately provokes a negative reaction even though its meaning in a given context doesn't have to be negative. It's a loaded word and I fell into the trap!

    Intolerance is great!*

    I think its wonderful that society is intolerant of murder and stealing and rape and all that sort of stuff.

    Where people disagree is what exactly warrants intolerance.

    *Please do not quote out of context


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Zillah wrote: »
    Intolerance is great!
    Quoted for future reference. :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,016 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    Is this thread not all just a bit moot? I mean if you were going to a dating agency and you specified no christians please then you can filter out the believers. But in real life, (I think it's safe to say most people meet outside dating agencies) you meet people and you either fancy / love them or you don't.

    I mean do you logically decide to love someone or do you just love them?

    And if you have to decide to love them is that really love?


  • Posts: 5,121 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    It is hard to avoid over here so yes as long as they are not some born again or something. I can live comfortably with christmas and easter.

    When I lived in London I dated a Sikh girl and a Jewish girl for a while. They both took their religions seriously and observed random special days with fasting or whatever. Those relationships weren't going anywhere as they didn't even want me to meet their family. (Edit: or for their families to even know about me.)

    The Sikh girl was hot though which made up for it, forbidden fruit and all that.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    I mean do you logically decide to love someone or do you just love them?

    You can logically decide to not act on that love if you predict that the relationship will be torn painfully apart later when it comes to issues such as charity, family, weddings, funerals and possibly most importantly, children.

    Anyway, stop being a moaning Michael, the thread title asks the question "Could you go out with..." not "Could you love..."


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,161 ✭✭✭✭M5


    personally i would have thought that it would be impossible for me but I am currently seeing a Polish girl, catholic of course! Not a church goer though. I do sometimes have to bite the tongue sometimes but in general its not a problem


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,137 ✭✭✭ironingbored


    Luckily my wife is also a non-believer and rabidly anti-catholic (as I am). She does however have an interest in traditional medicine, holistic medicine and does talk about chakras, which sometimes irritates me. Makes for great debate. She thinks there's something that lies behind the mystery of the universe. I just say (as Hawking coined) what's north of the north pole?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 668 ✭✭✭karen3212


    I thnk I'd have no problem as long as said person wasn't a Bible basher(or other religion equivalent). You know what I mean by Bible basher, someone who uses the Bible to bash and belittle other people.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,580 ✭✭✭Splendour


    karen3212 wrote: »
    You know what I mean by Bible basher, someone who uses the Bible to bash and belittle other people.

    Anyone who uses the bible for this pupose is very religious and not at all very Christian!
    I, as a Christian could no more go out with someone like this no more than I could go out with a non Christian.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 842 ✭✭✭Weidii


    I could put up with a Christmas and Easter Christian, but that's about it.

    But then, Easter and Christmas (well, the tree bit) are pagan celebrations :p


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    Weidii wrote: »
    But then, Easter and Christmas (well, the tree bit) are pagan celebrations :p

    That's what I always say when people start talking about the "true" meaning of Christmas! :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,245 ✭✭✭✭Fanny Cradock


    Weidii wrote: »
    But then, Easter and Christmas (well, the tree bit) are pagan celebrations :p

    Yeah, because those pesky pagans just loved celebrating the birth, death and resurrection of Christ.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    Yeah, because those pesky pagans just loved celebrating the birth, death and resurrection of Christ.

    People were celebrating other gods, yule and the winter solstice long before yer man was around.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,245 ✭✭✭✭Fanny Cradock


    Hardly a revelation. We have such'bombshells dropped on the Christianity forum (usually accompanied with a clip from the Zeitgeist Movie) on a fairly regular basis. That people were celebrating other things around the same time does noting to invalidate Christianity.


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