Talk About Your Relationships Here

snoweybird · 01-06-2008 04:10PM

:eek: i suppose it is ok for women to moan about men,what about men moaning about women,we have feelings too,2 bad relationships broke up by 2 two 2 timing women!

GirlInterrupted · 01-06-2008 04:11PM

DON'T call her. Bit of space to realise whats she's missing is in order. Hard though, I know.

Cathmandooo · 01-06-2008 04:16PM

sar84 wrote: »

thanks for being so nice, really appreciate it

have organised to go to the cinema later so thatll get me out for a bit & hopefully distract me!

Us gals gotta stick together

enjoy the cinema tonight!

snoweybird wrote: »

:eek: i suppose it is ok for women to moan about men,what about men moaning about women,we have feelings too,2 bad relationships broke up by 2 two 2 timing women!

Men are welcome to discuss their relationships with women too, you just dont get too many men willing to open up about it but feel free to share anytime.

LCFin.yay · 01-06-2008 04:22PM

I need some advice.

I dated this guy from school for about a week, it was a mistake as I don't think we had anything in common and I simply wasn't attracted to him.
But that was months ago, and he still talks to me like he thinks I'm his girlfriend...
What I mean is he says stuff like "we'll go here" or "you'll be mine that night" to anything that we might be both at.
School anything he comes up to me and is just way too close. So much so that people ask me afterwards if we're dating. I have a feeling he tells people that we are.
We have a lot of the same friends. So I can't just ditch him or ignore him completely.
I have explained to him over and over that I'm not interested in anything more than friends.

When he's drinking, he scares me. He graps me and such.

I don't really know what to do about it... I've said it to him nicely and I've said it to him straight. I've even explained to our mutual friends how I'm feeling. I'm out of ideas.
I need him to get the picture that whats inappropriate is inappropriate.

snoweybird · 01-06-2008 04:28PM

i was engaged to karen and lived with her for 7 years,i was careful,used condoms as i thought it was the IN thing to use condoms, but i was not aware she was having it with another bloke till i found the contraceptive pill in the chest of drawers and she caught something "below"i was horrified,and when it all came out the other bloke gave her an infection,and she even eventually confessed to having bad smear tests-how bad is that?And that was not long ago,and she even told her friends i was lousey lover!

GirlInterrupted · 01-06-2008 04:43PM

LCFin.yay wrote: »

I need some advice.

I dated this guy from school for about a week, it was a mistake as I don't think we had anything in common and I simply wasn't attracted to him.
But that was months ago, and he still talks to me like he thinks I'm his girlfriend...
What I mean is he says stuff like "we'll go here" or "you'll be mine that night" to anything that we might be both at.
School anything he comes up to me and is just way too close. So much so that people ask me afterwards if we're dating. I have a feeling he tells people that we are.
We have a lot of the same friends. So I can't just ditch him or ignore him completely.
I have explained to him over and over that I'm not interested in anything more than friends.

When he's drinking, he scares me. He graps me and such.

I don't really know what to do about it... I've said it to him nicely and I've said it to him straight. I've even explained to our mutual friends how I'm feeling. I'm out of ideas.
I need him to get the picture that whats inappropriate is inappropriate.

Sit him down with a trusted mutual friend between you as a witness/voice of reason and explain bluntly that its over, there's no hope, there never will be, he's scaring you, you find his behaviour inappropriate. Hopefully having a third party witness will help him take you seriously.

If this fails, involve an adult, tell your mum and get her to talk to his mum, I know it sounds drastic, but don't let this guy develop ownership feelings towards you if he scares you. Avoid being alone with him. Good luck:)

LovelyTom · 01-06-2008 04:45PM

That's a hard situation!

If I were in your shoes I'd get him on his own and explain that his behavious is scaring you and that you're sorry but you're just not interested. I'd also mention that if there is any inappropriate contact it will be treated as such.

Best of luck with this!

Hope everything turns out ok

Ballerina · 01-06-2008 05:10PM

thejurysout wrote: »

We've just finished our postgrads.

She might be at a bit of a strange time in her life, especially if she went straight into her post grad after her degree.Maybe she does actually need space to sort stuff out and that, maybe everything in her life is changing for her at the moment cos shes leaving college and needs to get a grip on things.

Definitely dont call her though, if she actually likes you she'll like you even more if you don't call.

jellie · 01-06-2008 05:50PM

LCFin.yay wrote: »

I need some advice.

I dated this guy from school for about a week, it was a mistake as I don't think we had anything in common and I simply wasn't attracted to him.
But that was months ago, and he still talks to me like he thinks I'm his girlfriend...
What I mean is he says stuff like "we'll go here" or "you'll be mine that night" to anything that we might be both at.
School anything he comes up to me and is just way too close. So much so that people ask me afterwards if we're dating. I have a feeling he tells people that we are.
We have a lot of the same friends. So I can't just ditch him or ignore him completely.
I have explained to him over and over that I'm not interested in anything more than friends.

When he's drinking, he scares me. He graps me and such.

I don't really know what to do about it... I've said it to him nicely and I've said it to him straight. I've even explained to our mutual friends how I'm feeling. I'm out of ideas.
I need him to get the picture that whats inappropriate is inappropriate.

he sounds kind of scary. for a start id make sure youre never left alone with him. as someone mentioned get a mutual friend to sit with you & him & tell him youre not interested. if hes not listening to you get the friend to try drum it into his head.

if this isnt working maybe its best to just stay out of his way for a bit.

Trinity · 01-06-2008 09:34PM

snoweybird wrote: »

i was engaged to karen and lived with her for 7 years,i was careful,used condoms as i thought it was the IN thing to use condoms, but i was not aware she was having it with another bloke till i found the contraceptive pill in the chest of drawers and she caught something "below"i was horrified,and when it all came out the other bloke gave her an infection,and she even eventually confessed to having bad smear tests-how bad is that?And that was not long ago,and she even told her friends i was lousey lover!

Good riddance tbh. Nasty cow. Unfortunately its a fact of life that some people cheat and they have absolutely no regard for anyone else that may get hurt (or infections or worse) along the way.

I dont understand why people dont leave their current partners when they want to go out and fnck someone else.

DOnt have much advice it will take some time to get over that. Try go out and have fun and take your mind off things - same advice as been given to the girlies that break up.

jellie · 02-06-2008 12:48PM

im not doing so good today

everything is so hard to deal with

bronte · 02-06-2008 01:25PM

Aw hun, I know what that feels like

It will be crap for a while.
You have to grieve for the relationship though.
It's rotten but it's the only way.
Treat yourself today, do something special for yourself.
I promise you it does get easier.

Cheeky_gal · 02-06-2008 05:04PM

Not so fortunate with relationships.

Guy that liked me and who I actually liked I misread completely and thought he was only interested in using me so i told him where to go and now analysing it I realise he genuinely liked me so now I've blown it and he won't reply to any of my texts.

Another guy who I met up with from time to time is only interested in using me but I've developed feelings for him but I know nothing can happen

ANOTHER dude who I haven't met but we've been talking, I'm due to meet up with him in a week or two which I'm freaking out over cuz I just feel like every lad uses me and now I'm beginning to think all lads are jerks and I'll never find a happy relationship

jellie · 02-06-2008 06:00PM

bronte wrote: »

Aw hun, I know what that feels like
It will be crap for a while.
You have to grieve for the relationship though.
It's rotten but it's the only way.
Treat yourself today, do something special for yourself.
I promise you it does get easier.

Thanks

im struggling on. i know it will get better eventually. EVENTUALLY!

Trinity · 02-06-2008 06:08PM

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

Not so fortunate with relationships.

Guy that liked me and who I actually liked I misread completely and thought he was only interested in using me so i told him where to go and now analysing it I realise he genuinely liked me so now I've blown it and he won't reply to any of my texts.

Another guy who I met up with from time to time is only interested in using me but I've developed feelings for him but I know nothing can happen

ANOTHER dude who I haven't met but we've been talking, I'm due to meet up with him in a week or two which I'm freaking out over cuz I just feel like every lad uses me and now I'm beginning to think all lads are jerks and I'll never find a happy relationship

You sound exactly like me. I'm settled now but if i were to be single again tomorrow, i imagine i would be the same.

Most of it is down to insecurity, and bad previous experiences, well i think thats what mine is down to.

If the guy wont reply, I would sent him one more text, apologising, dont go into your life story but just say you were wrong and you regret it, and you hope in time he would like to be friends. Fluffy it up a little without being too pathetic if ya know what i mean. Then wait, dont contact him again.

The other guy you are meeting up with soon, give people the benefit of the doubt, til you have actual proof he is a jerk! They are not all like that but always bear in mind, if you allow people to use you they will. SO teach people how to treat you.

Trinity · 02-06-2008 06:16PM

sar84 wrote: »

Thanks im struggling on. i know it will get better eventually. EVENTUALLY!

Good for you. It will get better and you know it. My sis recently had a break up and i could not understand how upset she was, i mean i even said it to her christ you think someone had died, but i know when you lose someone you love through a break up it can feel the same as you cant be with them.

But hang tough and allow yourself to cry. But i would give myself a maximum amount of time too. Dont wallow too long, as its hard to get out of a big rut, especially when you've dug it good and deep yourself!

jellie · 02-06-2008 07:16PM

Trinity1 wrote: »

Good for you. It will get better and you know it. My sis recently had a break up and i could not understand how upset she was, i mean i even said it to her christ you think someone had died, but i know when you lose someone you love through a break up it can feel the same as you cant be with them.

But hang tough and allow yourself to cry. But i would give myself a maximum amount of time too. Dont wallow too long, as its hard to get out of a big rut, especially when you've dug it good and deep yourself!

it seems weird to compare it to someone dying, but i suppose its similar. when you love someone & you lose them from your life.

im coping better than i expected, despite some of my posts. therell be a lot more tears before im through this though!

jesus_thats_gre · 02-06-2008 09:04PM

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

Not so fortunate with relationships.

Guy that liked me and who I actually liked I misread completely and thought he was only interested in using me so i told him where to go and now analysing it I realise he genuinely liked me so now I've blown it and he won't reply to any of my texts.

Another guy who I met up with from time to time is only interested in using me but I've developed feelings for him but I know nothing can happen

ANOTHER dude who I haven't met but we've been talking, I'm due to meet up with him in a week or two which I'm freaking out over cuz I just feel like every lad uses me and now I'm beginning to think all lads are jerks and I'll never find a happy relationship

When girls worry about being used, what do they actually mean?

Cheeky_gal · 02-06-2008 09:11PM

jesus_thats_gre wrote: »

When girls worry about being used, what do they actually mean?

The guy doesn't actually care for the girl, he' just looking for sex or otherwise.

MJOR · 02-06-2008 09:13PM

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

Not so fortunate with relationships.

Guy that liked me and who I actually liked I misread completely and thought he was only interested in using me so i told him where to go and now analysing it I realise he genuinely liked me so now I've blown it and he won't reply to any of my texts.

Another guy who I met up with from time to time is only interested in using me but I've developed feelings for him but I know nothing can happen

ANOTHER dude who I haven't met but we've been talking, I'm due to meet up with him in a week or two which I'm freaking out over cuz I just feel like every lad uses me and now I'm beginning to think all lads are jerks and I'll never find a happy relationship

you will defin find a happy relationship... trust me i have dated all the losers and users and have been going out with my boyfriend over a year.... (he is fab)i met him at a time i was just like you despondant and despairing...
one bit of advice........ stay away from user guy.... he is taking up too much brain space and time..... and he is totally clouding your judgement and preventing you from meeting mr right!

genegenie · 03-06-2008 03:09AM

thejurysout wrote: »

Apologies for man-post; seeking insight from other side.

Both 25, going out a few months, everything really great, no problems. Couldn't get enough of each other and always (normally) happy to see each other. I spent a lot of time at her place, but only at her request.

She's a smashing girl. Her friends, housemates, family (that I've met) like me. We've just finished our postgrads. We even talked of travelling together, and there's been no I-love-yous, talk of ex's, or moving in together stuff. Maybe I do love her. Who knows.

Things got hectic for her toward the end of college, she kept to herself and didn't pay much attention to me, grand, but things haven't changed a week later.

I call into her place, suddenly she wants space. After a few days, and almost no contact, I call into her again and talk it over for a few hours, she's not sure anymore, "doesn't know if we're right for each other", says "we are into different things" and "isn't sure what she wants to do with herself at the moment." Yet, she doesn't want to break up with me until she knows herself. I'm fairly confident she's not seeing anyone else or is interested in anyone else. I listened and gave my tuppence - didn't turn into a sobbing wreck or get angry or anything.

We embraced and had a long kiss just before I left. Before this I think I announced three times during the day that I was heading home but I kinda sense neither of us really wanted to be apart.

She's gone to see her parents for a few days and says she'll see me next week. I've a strong feeling it's not going to go my way. The question:

Call her every day or so and let her know I exist or do absolutely nothing? (any other non-black and white options / advice welcomed)

The other question: What is up with her?

FYI
I'm not totally destroyed over this, I've been in several relationships before and am generally staying upbeat. As I said she's a great girl, we have a lot of fun together (normally), and we're never stuck for anything to say or do together (normally). I'd really like to see this one last.

Thanks,

I can only speak from my own experience, so here's a little story of mine...

I had broken up with my ex boyfriend for various reasons all to do with his behaviour, and had been seeing another great guy for a few weeks. My ex got in contact with me saying that he'd "changed" (I can see you all rolling your eyes) and that he wanted another chance. After meeting him a couple of times I deduced that he really had changed and that the reasons I had for breaking up with him were no longer an issue, which left me with a dilemma.

So I asked the ex and the current boyfriend to give me some space for a week or two while I got my head around everything. The current boyfriend, showing enormous insight which I should have given him credit for, said to me, "I'll do as you ask and leave you have space. Your ex won't, he'll keep pleading his case and convince you to get back with him." He was right. My ex kept in contact with me while the current boyfriend left me alone, and I got back with him. It all ended in disaster a few months later and I realise now that I made the wrong decision.

Familiarity can be very comforting and change is frightening. If your girlfriend is anything like me, she'll be finding it difficult to break away from what she knows, though it seems that she wants a change. So you keeping in touch with her in a no pressure way might just sway her decision in your direction. But the real question is, would it really be fair of you to influence her? I realise now that my ex was quite selfish in what he did, and I don't want even a modicum of friendship with him because of it.

It's a difficult one to call really. Perhaps you could text her, just saying that you're around if she'd like a chat, no pressure. Leave the ball in her court, hopefully she'll pick it up.

allabouteve · 03-06-2008 05:27PM

jesus_thats_gre wrote: »

When girls worry about being used, what do they actually mean?

They worry that the guy isn't genuine and is just playing her for his own amusment or sex. Or just to fill in time when he's at a loose end and has nothing better to do.

thejurysout · 03-06-2008 10:03PM

genegenie wrote: »

I can only speak from my own experience, so here's a little story of mine...

I had broken up with my ex boyfriend for various reasons all to do with his behaviour, and had been seeing another great guy for a few weeks. My ex got in contact with me saying that he'd "changed" (I can see you all rolling your eyes) and that he wanted another chance. After meeting him a couple of times I deduced that he really had changed and that the reasons I had for breaking up with him were no longer an issue, which left me with a dilemma.

So I asked the ex and the current boyfriend to give me some space for a week or two while I got my head around everything. The current boyfriend, showing enormous insight which I should have given him credit for, said to me, "I'll do as you ask and leave you have space. Your ex won't, he'll keep pleading his case and convince you to get back with him." He was right. My ex kept in contact with me while the current boyfriend left me alone, and I got back with him. It all ended in disaster a few months later and I realise now that I made the wrong decision.

Familiarity can be very comforting and change is frightening. If your girlfriend is anything like me, she'll be finding it difficult to break away from what she knows, though it seems that she wants a change. So you keeping in touch with her in a no pressure way might just sway her decision in your direction. But the real question is, would it really be fair of you to influence her? I realise now that my ex was quite selfish in what he did, and I don't want even a modicum of friendship with him because of it.

It's a difficult one to call really. Perhaps you could text her, just saying that you're around if she'd like a chat, no pressure. Leave the ball in her court, hopefully she'll pick it up.

Cheers for that, (and everyone else) insider info is always handy!

Still no word from her 3 days on, yet we're still not broken up. So there is kinda a case to be made for both sides. Dunno. Just dunno. If I can last until 7 days I'll call, but if there's any human left in her she'll at least put me out of my misery!! Hate this feeling. I'll keep you up-to-date as the situation develops..

thejurysout · 10-06-2008 09:42PM

thejurysout wrote: »

Cheers for that, (and everyone else) insider info is always handy!

Still no word from her 3 days on, yet we're still not broken up. So there is kinda a case to be made for both sides. Dunno. Just dunno. If I can last until 7 days I'll call, but if there's any human left in her she'll at least put me out of my misery!! Hate this feeling. I'll keep you up-to-date as the situation develops..

got dumped.

Trinity · 10-06-2008 09:45PM

thejurysout wrote: »

got dumped.

Ah ****. Thats sucks. Did she say why? Dont beat yourself up about it you seem to have done all the right things.

Macha · 10-06-2008 09:48PM

Oh no. Did she say why??

Cinamon Girl · 10-06-2008 10:44PM

Hi. I have a question. Met a guy I though was really nice. We met for lunch a few times and then had one date. Was in contact with him over the following few days and I asked him if he was interested in meeting up again and he said yes but the evening we were supposed to meet he had to attend to a horse in foal (farmer of course). He sent me a text a 6.15 the following morning saying he had just got home and unfortunately the foal had died! I replied telling him to get some sleep and call me later. Later was 4 days later to tell me he was going to Spain with his kids the following week. (We are both separated with kids). I sent him a text asking if wanted to meet up for a drink or lunch to let me know. No reply. I tried again a few days later in case I might catch him before he went away. I got a reply again 4 days at 5.30am to say he was in Spain.

I don't know what to make of this guy. Is he interested or not. Should I bother trying to contact him again?

Trinity · 10-06-2008 10:59PM

Cinamon Girl wrote: »

Hi. I have a question. Met a guy I though was really nice. We met for lunch a few times and then had one date. Was in contact with him over the following few days and I asked him if he was interested in meeting up again and he said yes but the evening we were supposed to meet he had to attend to a horse in foal (farmer of course). He sent me a text a 6.15 the following morning saying he had just got home and unfortunately the foal had died! I replied telling him to get some sleep and call me later. Later was 4 days later to tell me he was going to Spain with his kids the following week. (We are both separated with kids). I sent him a text asking if wanted to meet up for a drink or lunch to let me know. No reply. I tried again a few days later in case I might catch him before he went away. I got a reply again 4 days at 5.30am to say he was in Spain.

I don't know what to make of this guy. Is he interested or not. Should I bother trying to contact him again?

I personally would not bother tbh. If he is interested he will make contact, you have done enough for now.

BTW if anyone text me at 5.30am i would hit the roof. Is he a bit thick or just an inconsiderate prick.

SarahSassy · 10-06-2008 11:31PM

Cinamon Girl wrote: »

Hi. I have a question. Met a guy I though was really nice. We met for lunch a few times and then had one date. Was in contact with him over the following few days and I asked him if he was interested in meeting up again and he said yes but the evening we were supposed to meet he had to attend to a horse in foal (farmer of course). He sent me a text a 6.15 the following morning saying he had just got home and unfortunately the foal had died! I replied telling him to get some sleep and call me later. Later was 4 days later to tell me he was going to Spain with his kids the following week. (We are both separated with kids). I sent him a text asking if wanted to meet up for a drink or lunch to let me know. No reply. I tried again a few days later in case I might catch him before he went away. I got a reply again 4 days at 5.30am to say he was in Spain.

I don't know what to make of this guy. Is he interested or not. Should I bother trying to contact him again?

He knows where you are and has the freedom to make contact and rearrange a meeting if he wants... So far he has not wanted to.... I could be wrong but it seems from your post that you have been making all the contact .

I personally would let him off and see if he contact when he comes back from hols.... Sounds to me like he is playing with you a bit to be honest but give him the benefit of the doubt, leave the ball in his court and see what moves he makes next.... If he does not contact you then 'he is just not that into you' and let him off and move on to 'Next'

Cinamon Girl · 11-06-2008 09:37PM

Thanks Trinity1 and SarahSassy. You are right. He knows how I feel, its up to him to make the next move. I just needed someone to say it for me. Men, they really do my head at times, most of the time in fact. I don't mind the early texts as we both seem to be early risers. But you would wonder at someone sending a text that early on holidays! I didn't reply for a few hours I assure you. Anyway by the time he gets in touch again, if ever, hopefully I'll have met someone better.

Talk About Your Relationships Here

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