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Boyfriend watches Porn What Do I Do?

12357…10

Comments

  • #122
    Laslo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 831 ✭✭✭Laslo


    Misandrist in denial TBH


  • #123
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,375 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    No, but I assume you've done a study on this; that you've questioned all your partners, and they been truthful?

    I offerrred a subjective opinion thats all. I dont give a **** whether they watch porn or not. They have no reason to lie. I dont persecute them for it. I dont know why your so defensive about this. The lady doth protest too much I think.

    Men like porn.

    Yeah, duh. I said NOT ALL men watch it.

    I'm an individual with an intelect.

    :confused:

    I have female friends. I discuss.

    See. You get the real information from real women.

    Well your right in that I don't like hearing it. It saddens me. But that's not why I think it's ridiculous. I think it ridiculous, because I (like a lot of my friends) whould never bring what I saw in a porno into the bedroom. One is porn, the other is sharing an intimate moment with someone who I care about and I think the world of. Men can actually determine the difference you know.
    Today 11:30

    Well if you say so.

    Though what turbot said would contradict this.

    If a guy has already watched a reasonable amount of porn in his life, then neural pathways have been formed that are the basis for behavioural effects of that porn. More porn may re-inforce that which is there already.

    Life imitates art. It cant be helped. Most people are sheep. Monkey see monkey do.


  • #124
    Zulu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,967 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    metrovelvet wrote:
    I dont give a **** whether they watch porn or not.
    Wasn't the point you were making defining a difference between those who watch porn and those that didnt'? Surly for your point to carry any weight, you'd need to give at least a little **** as to whether or not they watch porn? ...or was your point just to fire off a flippant comment with no real substance?
    I dont know why your so defensive about this.
    I certainly don't mean to be defensive! I'd like to think I'm mearly pulling apart your rather flimsy argument in the hope that the OP or an other poor unfortunate, who might be foolish enought to accept it with out considering it, can see it for what it is.
    The lady doth protest too much I think.
    Indeed, I watch porn on occasion. Your point?
    Though what turbot said would contradict this.
    Good for turbot. I don't agree.
    Life imitates art. It cant be helped. Most people are sheep. Monkey see monkey do.
    Four clichés don't make a point.
    I personally assume people to have an intelect and believe they are responsible for their own actions. I don't believe movies encourage people to re-enact what they see - be it porn or violence.


  • #125
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,375 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Zulu wrote:
    Wasn't the point you were making defining a difference between those who watch porn and those that didnt'? Surly for your point to carry any weight, you'd need to give at least a little **** as to whether or not they watch porn? ...or was your point just to fire off a flippant comment with no real substance? .

    Not really. As I said already, I offerred a subjective observation. Im not trying to establish fact.
    Zulu wrote:
    I certainly don't mean to be defensive! I'd like to think I'm mearly pulling apart your rather flimsy argument in the hope that the OP or an other poor unfortunate, who might be foolish enought to accept it with out considering it, can see it for what it is..

    As far as I know this is not a debating forum. Im not putting forth an argument. I am offerring a subjective opinion. Take it or leave it. If I said, "in my experience coffee beans grown in Columbia taste nicer than coffee beans grown elsewhere" would you be dogging me down like this?
    Zulu wrote:
    Four clichés don't make a point. ..

    Dont knock cliches. They are the voice of the people.
    Zulu wrote:
    I personally assume people to have an intelect and believe they are responsible for their own actions. I don't believe movies encourage people to re-enact what they see - be it porn or violence.

    Whatever. Thats right. Art and movies have no influence on things like fashion and music and how we behave.


  • #126
    Zulu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,967 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    metrovelvet wrote:
    As far as I know this is not a debating forum. Im not putting forth an argument. I am offerring a subjective opinion.
    I'm disagreeing with your point, and I'm backing my position up. If you don't like that, I suggest you reconsider posting on an internet forum. ...you know what a forum is - right?
    If I said, "in my experience coffee beans grown in Columbia taste nicer than coffee beans grown elsewhere" would you be dogging me down like this?
    Straw-man.
    Whatever. Thats right. Art and movies have no influence on things like fashion and music and how we behave.
    Indeed. I seem to remember a court case where an argument was put forward that the movie "childs play" had infulenced certain individuals to carry out a violent act. Guess how the judge felt about it?

    Anyway, I think I've made my point. Perhaps we shouldn't let this get any futher OT?


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  • #127
    Laslo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 831 ✭✭✭Laslo


    metrovelvet wrote:
    Not really. As I said already, I offerred a subjective observation.

    Observation? What you've basically said is that you've managed to successfully categorise your sex partners into those that watch porn and those that don't and are giving a 'subjective opinion' about which group are better in bed? Never mind that fact that all men are different and watch varying amounts of porn depending on the person. Your argument is exactly what Zulu said it was... a ridiculous, flippant comment with no substance. And the accuracy of your claims is questionable based on the fact that most of the men that you asked about their porn-watching habits probably lied to you.


  • #128
    Shabadu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,659 ✭✭✭Shabadu


    Metrovelvet & Zulu, way to go on actually addressing the OP's personal issue rather than engaging in futile eWankery™.

    OP, there are several things you can do. 1) Stop caring and let him get on with it. 2) Join in. (This is the most fun option.) 3) If it's really a deal breaker, dump him and start the search for another man with good qualities that you're attracted to and who doesn't watch porn. Good luck.


  • #129
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,375 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Zulu wrote:
    Anyway, I think I've made my point. Perhaps we shouldn't let this get any futher OT?

    You havent made any point. Youve just gotten some hostilities out of your system. I hope your feeling better.

    Observation? What you've basically said is that you've managed to successfully categorise your sex partners into those that watch porn and those that don't and are giving a 'subjective opinion' about which group are better in bed?

    So what? What do you care? I can do that if I want.

    that most of the men that you asked about their porn-watching habits probably lied to you.

    So what are you saying? Men who say they dont watch porn are liars?


  • #130
    Gordon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,522 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Shabadu wrote:
    Metrovelvet & Zulu, way to go on actually addressing the OP's personal issue rather than engaging in futile eWankery™.
    Indeed. Can you guys stick to constructive advice please.


  • #131
    Muggy Dev
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 230 ✭✭Muggy Dev


    turbot wrote:
    If a guy has already watched a reasonable amount of porn in his life, then neural pathways have been formed that are the basis for behavioural effects of that porn.

    My sincere apologies Turbot.I bow to your superior knowlege on these lofty matters.Seems like porn is harmless...............just like smoking used to be.


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  • #132
    Muggy Dev
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 230 ✭✭Muggy Dev


    Zulu wrote:
    somehow, I doubt it's an Irish thing. ...

    Our track record on other sweeties such as alchohol and drugs would indicate otherwise.


  • #133
    Smoggy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,455 ✭✭✭Smoggy


    How can porn be harmful ?
    The dude looks at naked women , pulls his plonker and thats all.
    He wont go blind and if you dont like it thats your issue and not his.
    Talk to him , he might stop, but it will be hard going, like asking him to stop breathing. I don't know any bloke who doesn't look at porn, single or not.


  • #134
    flano1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15 ✭flano1


    Muggy Dev wrote:
    My sincere apologies Turbot.I bow to your superior knowlege on these lofty matters.Seems like porn is harmless...............just like smoking used to be.

    Your points don't contain any logic whatsoever.


  • #135
    Muggy Dev
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 230 ✭✭Muggy Dev


    Smoggy wrote:
    How can porn be harmful ?
    The dude looks at naked women , pulls his plonker and thats all.
    He wont go blind and if you dont like it thats your issue and not his.
    Talk to him , he might stop, but it will be hard going, like asking him to stop breathing. I don't know any bloke who doesn't look at porn, single or not.


    .........and therein lies the problem. Thanks Smoggy.


  • #136
    Shabadu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,659 ✭✭✭Shabadu


    Muggy Dev wrote:
    .........and therein lies the problem. Thanks Smoggy.
    Yeah, don't masturbate kids, you may masturbate your whole life! OH NOES!

    How many men look at porn? How many get addicted to the point it damages their lives? It's like saying alcohol should be banned because someone might be an alcoholic.


  • #137
    Muggy Dev
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 230 ✭✭Muggy Dev


    Shabadu wrote:
    Yeah, don't masturbate kids, you may masturbate your whole life! OH NOES!


    Nobody said anything about masturbation Shabadu. Steady on.


  • #138
    Muggy Dev
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 230 ✭✭Muggy Dev


    unnameduser wrote:
    he is going to continue doing it. Most men do. It natural and there is nothing wrong with it.

    Leave him alone. It has nothing to do with you nor does it say anything about you or his relationship.

    Just be glad that he isnt contacting other women on the internet.



    ..............so no problem then.


  • #139
    Muggy Dev
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 230 ✭✭Muggy Dev


    metrovelvet wrote:
    Maybe he cant please her because hes watching all that ****ing porn and getting it all wrong.



    .........or not "getting" it at all.


  • #140
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,375 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    .........or not "getting" it at all. lol

    Yeah. And then when they do they want a shaved pussy so they can actually find it.


  • #141
    Muggy Dev
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 230 ✭✭Muggy Dev


    metrovelvet wrote:
    .........or not "getting" it at all. lol

    Yeah. And then when they do they want a shaved pussy so they can actually find it.


    Hi Metrovelvet.I have been admiring your recent posts.



    Oh! I'm a soft landing man myself.


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  • #142
    turbot
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,106 ✭✭✭turbot


    MetroVelvet,

    I think making a divide between men who watch porn and don't is of limited use, unless you qualify what that actually means.

    Do you mean that men, who in their lives, who have watched less than 10 hours worth of porn overall, are better in bed, in your subjective opinion than men who have watched more than 10 hours?

    Or do you mean that mean who watch less than 10 hours worth of porn a month, are better in bed, than men who watch more, in your subjective opinion?

    Both of these also require qualification of how you actucally know if they watch porn / how much they watch.


    As far as I can tell, the way porn affects someone entirely depends on:

    - Their prior sexual experience / history
    - The kind of porn they watch, read, see, hear
    - What they think of, or do when they watch porn
    - Whether or not they take drugs, while they watch porn
    - Their other options for sexual gratification

    I think that someone with issues over sex, who uses porn, and has limited ability to interact or enjoy sexual experiences with women in the real world, may find that porn can wire the source of their stimulation to a place thats unlikely to help them achieve a better relationship.

    I also think that, porn can facilitate someone in enjoyably learning more about their own sexuality, and helping heal some taboos over sex, especially if they have reasonably healthy sexual options anyway.

    I also suspect that, the other way round, if guys explored whether or not women who liked/accepted porn, or didn't like/accept porn, were better in bed, those who liked/accepted it may come out on top, and I don't mean literally.


  • #143
    Smoggy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,455 ✭✭✭Smoggy


    Who ever views ladies in a porn mag and thinks that all women should have shaven ravens, dd knockers and a tight arse aren't old enough to be looking at the top shelf mags, as they obviously haven't seen a none paper based lady in the nip.


  • #144
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,375 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Turbot -

    I said in my experience- that means the men Ive been with - I am not talking about half the population of the globe.

    If your spending all that time watching - you're hardly doing now are you?

    I guess you guys like it faked.

    Smoggy - how do you think the brazillian, the bee stung blow job mouth, and all these fake breasts have become so widespread [excuse the terminology] in popularity in the past few years?


  • #145
    cupsoftea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 75 ✭✭cupsoftea


    Pigman II wrote:

    And besides, whenever I see a lady getting sprayed in the face by a warm jet I'm only ever thinking about the one I love.

    As someone who is trying to understand the whole porn thing, what is the attraction of watching a woman, sorry a "lady" getting sprayed in the face by a warm jet. It doesn't seem to be an affectionate type gesture, is it some type of humiliation. What am i missing?


  • #146
    Smoggy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,455 ✭✭✭Smoggy


    Brazilian , DD tits and blown up lips may have come from the porn world, but its insecure ladies who choose to have them. Not w**nkers.

    cups :

    Having sex with your partner and having a w**k are poles apart. Sex with your partner is about love and mutual pleasure, knocking one off the wrist is about quick gratification. Sex with a partner is a long process ( or so I like to think so ), while you can have a w**k real quick and get the instant "buzz". Maybe its just cos women are from mars and men are from venus. I think if you break it down the best part of sex for men is the final act , whereas for women its the closeness.

    I don't get the spraying it in the eye thing myself thou.


  • #147
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,375 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Thats why I dont get this advice of transposing what you experience watching porn into what you do with a lover.

    To me thats like watching the Brady Bunch and looking for examples of how to run your family.

    There are other ways to break taboos and deal with your hangups. Additionally, porn may supply more hangups than it relieves.


  • #148
    Pigman II
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,921 ✭✭✭✭Pigman II


    Smoggy wrote:
    Maybe its just cos women are from mars and men are from venus.

    I think you'll find Men are from Mars. We always get the planets with the evil alien monsters.


  • #149
    Muggy Dev
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 230 ✭✭Muggy Dev


    Pigman II wrote:
    We always get the planets with the evil alien monsters.


    ........the one eyed monsters presumably.


  • #150
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,005 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    the idiotic, self projected posts on this thread have amazed me.

    we have the 30 something "your an idiot" brigade well past giving a **** what their partner does once it doesnt border on anything illegal..glad to have them really arent you..

    we have the 40 something swinging "your an idiot" brigade who dont give a s*it anyways, once their getting some at this late stage in their lives...

    and we have the male college going "i look at porn every waking moment why dont you attempt to act like a porn star" brigade, god bless them their probably typing with one hand.

    And the odd rational poster who remembers that the point of PI its to help the OP regardless of their own attitude to porn.

    We have those of you who are so far from a relationship that you cant remember what it was like to ever wonder what someone else thought of anything let alone porn, and are so desperate to be done sideways that you would consent to a good lashing in a gimp outfit with bells on, or at least give that impression...

    Dear people..
    The OP isnt stupid, isnt lacking in anything, and is human, the fact that everyone has lambasted her, for something that is a common occurance in any females psyche at some time in her early relationship days shows...your out of touch.

    To the OP, just ask your boyfriend why he watches porn, ask him to answer truthfully and try and deal with the answers in your own way, between him and you, dont ask random people on the internet.

    Each relationship has its own set of rules, each works for people differently.

    Dont feel like porn puts pressure on you to perform in any way, and ignore most of these people, because they are only thinking of themselves, and how they think, not you.


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  • #151
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    metrovelvet wrote:
    .........or not "getting" it at all. lol

    Yeah. And then when they do they want a shaved pussy so they can actually find it.

    Brazilians a better.. a sort of landing strip to guide him in... fly by wire.

    There are alternatives to making home videos though. I practice a lot of chakra meditation which involve a lot of dancing with (and without) a partner). The dancing can get quite erotic so that is one possible way to go.
    Occasionally a partner has had this idea that they should live up to the "ideals" of what they have heard or seen in porn. At that point i would stand in front of a mirror with them and gently show them exactly what i see in them. It helps to overcome any feeling of inadequancy by showing then and there what you see and feel


This discussion has been closed.
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