Boyfriend watches Porn What Do I Do?

Ruu_Old

Find some porn that you can watch together and enjoy it, I'm sure he doesn't watch it to hurt you in any way.

LegacyUser

Yeah I was wondering what the OP's boyfriend was asking for that counted as PORN (gasp!!!).

I'm sorry but from your post OP you sound like you've got quite a sheltered view of sex. If you're only interested in vanilla sex (i.e. missionary, lights out) and are shocked by his suggesting new positions, locations etc. then maybe you need to broaden your horizons.

If he's interested in spicing things up a bit be glad of it. If you're so adamant against it then maybe you two aren't the ones for each other. Because no matter how well you get on, if you don't click sexually then you've got problems

metrovelvet

Exaclty. And it being so, its very hard for a man to compete with a vibrator. Unless a girl is very very lucky. It just doesn't "measure up."

Dragan

metrovelvet wrote:

Exaclty. And it being so, its very hard for a man to compete with a vibrator. Unless a girl is very very lucky. It just doesn't "measure up."

The day they invent a vibrator that can make breakfast men are fu*ked, or not, as the case may be!

Marksie

metrovelvet wrote:

Exaclty. And it being so, its very hard for a man to compete with a vibrator. Unless a girl is very very lucky. It just doesn't "measure up."

you've been watching TOO many porn movies metro . Size isnt everything

Actually OP have you ever wondered how many men actually have issues cos the guys in movies are hung like donkeys? It is exactly the same as your issue with perforemance. PORN is exaggeration of real life and a poor facsimilie at that

Dragan

marksuttonie wrote:

you've been watching TOO many porn movies metro . Size isnt everything

Actually OP have you ever wondered how many men actually have issues cos the guys in movies are hung like donkeys? It is exactly the same as your issue with perforemance. PORN is exaggeration of real life and a poor facsimilie at that

I don't think she means size, i think she means sensation etc.

Marksie

Dragan wrote:

I don't think she means size, i think she means sensation etc.

Oh not a problem when i am around

Still same applies: Vibrator doesnt kiss kiss or hold you, it doesnt look into your eyes and make your pulse race. It doesnt make you weak at the knees ata glance. Take my point? apply that to porn and then you know the difference

Blisterman

I think you should be more upset that he lied to you, than whether or not he watches porn.

Kiera

Sleepy wrote:

Porn is to men what vibrators are to women. That simple.

Haha very good point. I some how doubt the OP even knows what a rampant rabbit is tho.

imeatingchips

If they took porn off the internet, there'd only be one website left, and it'd be called "Bring back the porn!"

metrovelvet

No I mean size too, depending on the vibrator. And yes, boys it does matter.

Thats why if you go for certain models you'll set yourself up for dissappointment. Just as if you watch porn and let that be your guide you will also be setting yourself up for dissappointment.

Its true, mark a vibrator wont do those nice things. It also wont cheat on you or hurt you or break your heart.

LegacyUser

Ok maybe I didnt come across clear enough, we have an excellent sex life, we are both each others first partners, so we are both still learning but Im not a prude, we have tried and enjoyed almost every position possible but just lately he sounds like a pornstar with things he says, wants to do and yes when Im uncomfortable he knows it and doesnt push. It really isnt the porn thats the major problem ok i dont like it and as u say i have the problem with my insecurities ect but he lied about it..The last thing i want to do is for this to ruin what we have so i am really taking on what all of you have said and i will apologise I suppose i just have to learn to deal with it

Dragan

metrovelvet wrote:

It also wont cheat on you or hurt you or break your heart.

Which judging by a lot of your posts has happened to you, as much as it has happened to all of us! I know plenty of guys who have been heart stomped by girls as well Metro, so lets not always make things a battle of the sexes!!

As for size....i have found that this will always depend on the girls as much as the boys as well. The simple fact is there is a happy medium, enough to be obviously present, but not enough to hurt.

The whole idea of the 12 inch porn cock is, to most of my female friends, a bit of a nightmare from what they tell me!!!

LegacyUser

Keira, what age do u think i am?? JUst because Im not keen on porn doesnt mean im thick....

Zulu

Blisterman wrote:

I think you should be more upset that he lied to you, than whether or not he watches porn.

...well, no. She shouldn't. From where I'm sitting, she gave him no other choice. Evidently the idea of porn is abhorent to her, so he was always going to deny this.

Sleepy

Dragan wrote:

The whole idea of the 12 inch porn cock is, to most of my female friends, a bit of a nightmare from what they tell me!!!

A friend of mine had her first sexual experiences with a guy hung like that and was left terrified of sex until she discovered that 12" wasn't the norm!

metrovelvet

Yes I know Dragan, I didnt meant to imply a gender issue, I was just trying to balance out the things in this world that can make us feel safe and or inadequate thats all. We are all vulnerable.

Yes the 12 inch cock is a frightening thought. I remember in college there was one guy who we all knew was gigantic and no one wanted to go near him. And yes it does depend on the girls too, I know... im just trying to make myself laugh... im in a bad mood. [sorry OT for a sec].

And btw OP the less free your relationship is the more lies it will breed.

Zulu

metrovelvet wrote:

Its true, mark a vibrator wont do those nice things. It also wont cheat on you or hurt you or break your heart.

I was wondering how long it would take. You did well this time 3rd post was it?

Can I get a gin and bitter over here please?

OP you need to acknowledge that you are in effect making him lie! He knows you don't like porn, chances are he's a little ashamed about it, so he dosen't want to upset you or let you down, or make you think less of him - so he covers it up. It's not healthy, but throwing a hissy fit will only bury it futher.

metrovelvet

Zulu wrote:

I was wondering how long it would take. You did well this time 3rd post was it?

Can I get a gin and bitter over here please?

Do you take a slice of lemon with that?

My point was Zulu, is that you can be attracted to using these devices because there is less risk involved, thats all. Not only can you be attracted to them, but you can get reliant on them to the point where actual contact with another person becomes terrifying. Holy christ give me a break.

The Corinthian

Inneedofadvice wrote:

Im not sure if this post has already appeared but I was on my bfs laptop last night when he was out and discovered that he has been looking at porn, I have had my suspicions for a while and have asked him over and over and he promised me he wouldnt ever look at porn because he thought it was disgusting... Then I see what he was looking, Iwent mad and as soon as he came home went for him, I probably should have left to cool down but i didnt, he apologised and said he wouldnt do it again,

You looked through his laptop? Presumably without his consent? Any he apologised?

The way I read it, you should have done the apologising. You betrayed his trust and privacy.

Ok..I know blokes watch porn but when he promises he doesnt then I believe him, in the last few weeks he has got more "adventurous" suggesting different things that are to me PORN and nothing but..if you know what I mean

Now he’s at fault for suggesting something more adventurous in the bedroom? And apparently you define something more adventurous in the bedroom as porn too? If it involved photography / filming then I can understand - otherwise WTF?

He knows that pron makes me feel inadequate and unattractive because there is no way I could ever compete...I just want some advice as to what do next? Am I being unfair? Does this mean he doesnt love me!?

TBH, it means he must love you, as that is the only explanation I can think of why he puts up with your shìt.

Please see a professional, you seem to have serious issues with sex and trust and if you don’t deal with them now, they’ll cause you increasing levels of heartache as you grow older as you discover that people do look at porn, get adventurous in the bedroom and resent having their privacy invaded.

Zulu

metrovelvet wrote:

Do you take a slice of lemon with that?

Holy christ give me a break.

Apologies - just taught we were going down, old, well worn tracks...

Kiera

Inneedofadvice wrote:

Keira, what age do u think i am?? JUst because Im not keen on porn doesnt mean im thick....

I wasn’t insinuating you were young, just that you maybe lead a sheltered life if porn is the only thing you have to worry about. Never said anything about you being thick either.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Tar.Aldarion

So OP, understand that you are being irrational yet?
Let us know how you handle it...

Over. Reaction.
You should be apologising to him.
Looking through his laptop eh?

Nevyn

Look not everyone likes porn , not everyone likes anal sex.

Op you need to have a talk with your bf about this and explore what it is you find objectionaible and how to come to a comprimise in your relationship about this.

LegacyUser

To the OP. I am a male on the other end of a story very similar to this. A few months after I met my GF she found some of my pron. I lied and said it was not mine (the circumstances around the find meant me saying it was not mine was a believable story) which after much arguing and tears she believed me. this was a long slippery slope and I wish I had told the truth. The only reason I didn't was because I loved her and didn't want to loose her.

Several "indiscretions" have happened since and I have denied other "finds" because it's almost like I'm in too deep if you know what I mean. How can I reverse the lies now without it being the biggest row ever and probable split up because of the lies.

My partners take on porn is that it is disgusting and degrading but moreso it is more to do with her insecurities about me looking at another women. I wish I could discuss this with her but I keep this part of my life secret and we are now married!!!!

To close from the other side of the fence is does not mean he does not love you or finds you any less attractive. This is just a male thing. It is the way god made us. You have to accept it.

The best thing you could ever do is give him a hug, tell him you know he looks at it but that your ok with it. If you don't want to be involved by watching it that's ok. You need to give him the space to do this.

Marksie

Inneedofadvice wrote:

possible but just lately he sounds like a pornstar with things he says, wants to do and yes when Im uncomfortable he knows it and doesnt push. It really isnt the porn thats the major problem ok i dont like it and as u say i have the problem with my insecurities ect but he lied about it.

Well it seems that apart from the fact you dont like it it is not the pron tha is the issue.
I take it from what you say he is making the lingo of a porn star? Perhaps you should openly and honestly smile and say have you heard yourself.

In fact the issue is around communication here. He lied, but it was something he enjoys watching and he felt he couldnt express himself that way.
Your reaction was an overreaction
i thikn you should just sit down in a nice relaxed atmosphere..dont make judgements or get offended
and just talk about your fantasies and what he finds so attarctive about porn and why he wants to do some of the things.
I am actually not talking out of the top of my head here.
Have you ever heard of margot anand?
She has workbooks covering a lot of this and i have had a look at a section here: Opening to trust
"hiding gives strength to negative feelings; sharing in an atmoshpere of trust and intimacy dissipates their power."

she describes some exercsies for you to perfrom with your partner:
"sexual fears" whre you both openly and honestly talk about them
"Describing sexual fantasies": again you take time to talk about them.
"describing a peak sexual experience:"

the aim is to get you to openly comminucate and get a greater understanding of your partner

it doesnt happen immediately and you have to have several sessions.. and inded if something upsets you you walk away and think about it before discussing it.
But even if it hurts it gets it into the open and then you both can move on.

Metrovelvet: I haven't been on boards long so didn't know about any past. I was responding from what i feel within myslef. Yes, I have been hurt and badly. But we can move in two directions, outward or inward. OUtward will in fact promote more healing than becoming inward looking. Using vibratoprs or watching porn for that matter can become a sole obsession because all you have to worry about is the batteries running out or the dvd getting scratched. But you are essentially closing down from experiences, someone posted somehwere: not all good experiences are nice. If you have been hurt it IS important to heal. But also important to try and understand why it happened and learn from it. It may sound facetiuos but believe me i AM talking from experience

LegacyUser

nhaofwn - I would really appreciate if you could pm I would really love to talk further with you..THanks

Anti

Inneedofadvice wrote:

Im not sure if this post has already appeared but I was on my bfs laptop last night when he was out and discovered that he has been looking at porn, I have had my suspicions for a while and have asked him over and over and he promised me he wouldnt ever look at porn because he thought it was disgusting...Then I see what he was looking, Iwent mad and as soon as he came home went for him, I probably should have left to cool down but i didnt, he apologised and said he wouldnt do it again, He knows that pron makes me feel inadequate and unattractive because there is no way I could ever compete...I just want some advice as to what do next? Am I being unfair? Does this mean he doesnt love me!?

You sound exactally like my girlfriend, im having suspicions that she is secretely here aswell. in case your not ill break it down for you. He watchs porn because he enjoys it. He probably enjoys masturbating while watching it too. It does not mean he finds you unattractive or that he dosent love you. He dosent give out to you for watching to much corrie or eastenders. And to a fella its the same thing kinda.

Just let him be ffs.

kizzyr

Thaedydal wrote:

Look not everyone likes porn , not everyone likes anal sex.

Op you need to have a talk with your bf about this and explore what it is you find objectionaible and how to come to a comprimise in your relationship about this.

This is the best answer the OP has received. If she is upset about her boyfriend looking at porn then she is upset about it. Telling her she has issues and needs professional advice because she isn't jumping over the moon that her boyfriend looks at porn isn't abnormal. If I were her the biggest issue with this for me would be the lies that surround any conversations about the porn. I wonder how adequate and great he'd feel is she took herself off the Anne Summers and bought a Rampant Rabbit or two and used that for herself as often as he looks at porn:rolleyes:
OP however you may feel about this my advice to you would to think this through yourself and understand exactly what it is about porn and your boyfriend using it that makes you feel bad. Then sit down with him and discuss this rationally. I do think you owe him an apology for looking through his laptop. I'd start off like this and then say that you'd like to talk about your reaction to it with him. Men (and a lot of women too) look at porn and thats never going to change. Provided its general enough stuff there really isn't anything to be worried about. The whole scene is so fake, if any man touched me like those women supposedly like to be touched he'd never get near me again. There are certain places you are meant to take it slow. Maybe he could hide the user history which is easily done and that way unless you really go looking you're not going to find it.
Good luck with this, I do think its something you are going to have to accomodate in your relationship but as with all relationships this topic should be up for discussion.