What's the etiquette here??

I definitely wouldn’t use it while I was still sitting. Just in case the maceration action creates a suction effect which could possibly lead to some horrific injuries 😳

wife went to the mercy hospital this morning and rang looking for shampoo and a comb and her dressing gown so rare enough I was over that side of the city and snuck in for a few pints beforehand around twelve. Now here is something new: young lad behind the bar told me he’d sort me out for the jacks after my pint was poured (took the lil bollix about ten minutes) and sure enough when he landed the pint on the counter he gave me a rotten little key like we were both characters out of Treasure Island. Couldn’t help it I was  laughing at this lad the whole time and he realised it. Awful looking yoke about 25 with one of those little moustaches they have these days and curly hair shaved at the sides. Looked like someone had slapped a few ‘tats’ on a calf and then shat on its head. Dunno why but I peered over the counter at one stage and nearly pissed myself when I ‘d seen  the inner platform of the bar was raised about three ft all over so the little brat giving me the hard stare, well in reality the top of his head would have been no higher than my nipples. As I say, he must have seen me laughing because the poor sop reached over the bar and planted his feckin key very firmly and kind of seriously in my hand like he was giving me a precious heirloom to pass on to his daughter. Awful smell off the key, not shite thankfully, but like rotten bandages or some puss and crust from behind an awl fellah’s ear is how I’d describe it.

Anyway I go into the cube, checked the roll for spin, opened my belt, dropped the slacks to the floor, and shot out a plitter platter plitter platter of assorted excrement, looked like floating bits of antique furniture, finials, broken pediments, all wet ebony shapes in slick black bogwater. Strong smell of composted meat and iron, only for the fans so to speak, a little stomach churning even for myself. But then when  I go to wipe it was strange. I noticed instead of getting a stripe down the centre like you expect, my massive skelps of paper were coming back entirely plastered in thick black shite, edge to edge, corner to corner. In fact after twenty huge tamps I never saw a speck of paper, just shite, as if the whole of my bum, I mean the inside cheeks, the outer cheeks, the whole thing, must have been caked in shite. Had to start putting paper into the little bin as I was worried about blocking up the toilet and you start to panic.filled the bin up and had to start packing it down. Anyway, gave your man back his little key and went on my merry way.

Tends to be more of a female issue due to the longer narrower more twisted colon, also a lot of females have adhesions from endometriosis and hormonal variability which drives involuntary muscle from one extreme to the other. Women get more variability from one extreme to the other, sometimes if there is a blockage nature goes into overdrive and pumps it out with high force hosing, known as “overflow diarrhoea”.

I may have done the tiling there. Dead serious. Lot of families around the city have me doing those tiles. On the toilet, I’ve a generous sized arse (wife calls me the snowman when I strip off) and I’d like to sit on that. I often find my arse is creeping over the sides of regular toilets like a damp heavy sponge perched on an egg cup. Do you have me? Did you sit on her?

Could be the photo angle - but looks like the seat is off centre. Wouldn't take much to block that yoke. Bonus points for being clean with decent looking 2-ply though.

looks well enough appointed,be quite happy to take a relaxing dump on that…

Two chances they’re S…. Fcukker is on a diet of carvery’s and warm stout.

He has Mr Big an Tall down in Goatstown on speed dial.

As Christopher said in The Sopranos ‘ Go fchuk yerself you fchukking parade float.

You have promise Con, lads here wouldn’t be ready for any meet-up..

There was one tried in 2023 but three of the 5 attendees blew sludge in the back seat of a taxi to Portobello on the way home.

Took a ‘Go a go fund me’ campaign to take care of the damage.

Good jaysus.

How am I going to raise such a delicate question with my wife of almost twenty years?

Asked the wife to have a look at it?

Freak.

That feeling of terror as the scuttery yellow water just keeps rising and rising… not pleasant.

Although I am told that if the correct cistern and pot combination are used, the latter will accept one full flush without overflowing - just.

I've had it rise to an alarming level on occasion and then a massive sucking noise followed by the detritus heading towards Ringsend at express speed.

Poor woman