What's the etiquette here??

Bobson Dugnutt

Hopefully it was just a piss

Bobson Dugnutt

Was out enjoying the festivities yesterday. The stout on offer was a craft jobbie. Turned out to be absolutely delicious and I indulged in it very enthusiastically.

Was sent out to one of the spare bedrooms around 6am this morning. Was doing the 1812 Overture on it by all accounts. Absolutely horrific fent off the room. You could clad a cathedral with it.

Going to be a long day.

Hoop66

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121902606#Comment_121902606

It wasn't me; I have an alibi.

Baba Yaga

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121900522#Comment_121900522

read a bit of that just now....how the actual fook?

spacetweek

I got sucked into that phantom sh1tter thread and am still reading it.... 11 pages in now.

dulpit

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121914691#Comment_121914691

You might like this podcast so...

https://www.whoshatontheflooratmywedding.com/

Grouptherapy

Was about town yesterday and had to delay logging out as I had more pressing matters to attend to. Wasn't riding the clutch or anything, more of a slow roast. Anyways, I ended up going in to The Westbury. Unsurprisingly the facilities were excellent. Clean, well appointed, nice napkin fold on the decent 2-ply etc. I can definitely recommend. Nod & a smile to the doorman on the way out. Thinking I must leave them a review on Tripadvisor actually.

Bobson Dugnutt

Great advice.

Had to use the facilities in Junction 14 just there as I’d had unwisely decided to drink Circle K coffee an hour earlier.

Made my way at pace to the cubicles, picked the one at the end, closed door, lifted seat which had been put down. A massive **** boerewors staring up at me. No attempt had been made to flush or to even wipe his hole. What sort of animals are out there?

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121946259#Comment_121946259

Serves you right,pal.

You left many a ‘farmhouse platter’ in Hayden’s of Ballinasloe back in the day .Fcuking Parish Priest went in there for his lunch after early Mass and entered his favourite cubicle only to find a pan full of arse muck like a butchers offal bin.

Lad had to unload the arse mince in the middle cube with the local solicitor blowing out his guts in the adjoining trap.

The ‘Big Brush ‘ lads had to be brought in to clear the carnage.

Awesome waft of Cap’n Morgan Rum from the legal eagles trap.

Grouptherapy

As part of my soft start strategy after the bank holiday I was having some me-time in trap 2. I could hear that big unit from logistics coming down the corridor greeting some of his buddies with 'well horsebox!'. In he arrives to adjoining trap, huffing, snorting, belt buckle etc. Settled and rips out a fart like Ireland's Call and dropped what sounded like a fire log - followed by more grunting.

I'd say the sweaty fcuker went hard at it over the Pascal Weekend. Guinness & takeaways from Good Friday right through.

Floppybits

Just back from a trip stateside and while there I was watching tv and an ad came on for a product call "Dude wipes" and immediately thought of this thread. Not sure what the difference is between these and other wipes except they are aimed at fellas.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpT30gVy6do

Bobson Dugnutt

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121965965#Comment_121965965

The Yanks have never really solved going for a shïte.

I flooded the jacks in a well known South Carolina golf complex after taking on approximately 8 pints of pale ale and a kilo of chicken wings the night before.

Stark

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121946259#Comment_121946259

To be fair, sometimes the big turds can come back up for air after all the tissue paper has been flushed down.

Bobson Dugnutt

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121966304#Comment_121966304

A Rasputin.

blade1

For some reason this story sprung to mind so I think this is the right place to share.

A good few years back a lad from my local town was out on the piss with his mates.

End of the night comes, and said lad, thinking he's a right funny man, decides it would be great fun when he got home, to wake the Mrs up by farting into her face.

So he assumes the position and goes for it, no holding back.

Splat!!!! Face full of scutter she got!

Floppybits

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121966298#Comment_121966298

The high water mark is a concern in the American toilet. Not nice things floating that close. However the flush on those toilets is something else. While there dropped a fair sized log one day that would have resulted in a battle to get rid of it here but there flushed or sucked straight away not a sign left.

Grouptherapy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121967493#Comment_121967493

Agreed on the flush. But always feel a bit nervous about tea bagging the the nut purse.

Brendan Bendar

Not correct, had to pay a dude 10 bucks to clear a pan full of porridgy discharge in the Sheraton MacArthur on Long Island.

Fcukking nuggets of midden were nudging the chicken skin handbag and the flush wouldn’t shift the load.

Floppybits

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121970705#Comment_121970705

Shocked at that. Am afraid with that flush and suck system they use of getting sucked down the toilet myself.

The nuts hanging millimetres from the water is not a comfortable experience.😀

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121970774#Comment_121970774

Certainly not, no chance to spread the legs and apply ‘take off thrust’ and have the stones semi submerged in cold water.

Those bad boys are very susceptible to temperature changes which is why the are ‘outside the body’.

In the States I always fire from ‘the shotgun’ i.e cheeks about two feet from the bowl and blow a wide footprint of arse custard towards the bowl…….not always a precise operation I’m afraid …

interlocked

When a proper thunder box is required to handle the aftermath of pints of Imperial Stouts and cold pork pies….. and not alone that, it was a unisex toilet. No discrimination here. Civil Service take note,

You might note the beseeching written plea, to pull gently……

TomSweeney

Wow !! this thread is still going !!!

I've been off boards for a bit, but this thread would woo me back … in pain laughing here!!

Hotblack Desiato

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121965912#Comment_121965912

Well when you choose trap 2 you are guaranteed a neighbour eventually. Often in the male space there's no more than 3, so this is the sit-down equivalent of vile urinal etiquette. Have you no shame. If you are the first to arrive you must choose an odd number.

Hotblack Desiato

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121967493#Comment_121967493

Perhaps your last visit was before the introduction of the "Federal Eco-Flush™" a.k.a. press and hope

I used to frequent an American forum where talk of blockages was common, some searched far and wide to find a secondhand pre-'low flow' cistern for their home.

Hotblack Desiato

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121982343#Comment_121982343

Pull what gently? 😃

No bueno. Any hydraulic engineer worth his salt would take into question the unneccessary 90 degree bend there, right at the end of the discharge pipe too, it'll cut the flow to ribbons. Should have bricked up the window and put the cistern in the proper place.

An Ri rua

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121970836#Comment_121970836

Indeed Brendan, shortly after the American log dispatcher became de rigeur them Yanks also invented a gun and, in honour of this Hail Mary style fecal disowning which was oft prone to a miss as much as a hit , they named her the blunder-buss.

Some would say its where the grain concept emanated from too, due to the speckled effect on the porcelain ceiling and walls but I'd take that with a pinch of salt..not literally, mind.

An Ri rua

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121946407#Comment_121946407

Its well for the cityfolk having the sewerage suction to carry away their worries and leave them safe in the holding tank in the shitbrown sky where log souls gather amidst their earthly husks.

Down in the sticks, the big brush men are none other than the chimney sweeps. With their trusty extendable rods; giving pipes a good bit of length as required. The apprenticeships start with the chimneys of course, moving on to the sludge rivers when fully trained in the art and finally, at 10th degree initiation, they get seconded onto medical teams in the local healthboards where they can rod out a chocolate speedway and nip the selfish panblockers in the bud. A few on this thread were mentioned in the HSE data breach but thats for another thread as I've no desire to make enemas.

If Eamonn Ryan succeeds in ending chimneys though, we'll have a sh1tstorm building beneath us when the art of rodding pipes is gone.

JupiterKid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121786834#Comment_121786834

The Dutch are also rather fond of these platform toilets, found often in tiny cubicles in Amsterdam coffee shops in days of yore when one would be very under the influence of strong wacky baccy and feeling a tad paranoid when having to use these tiny WCs with someone banging on the door to get in...

When my big sister moved to Holland in 2001 and was house hunting with her Dutch partner, the key deal-breaker for her was a place with a platform toilet. 🚻 🚾 🚽

In fairness, they are - thankfully - becoming less and less common there these days. 😁

An Ri rua

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121982432#Comment_121982432

Very much hybrid toilets those Dutch installs (no pun intended). In the ready position, they are a platform toilet and after use and pre-flush, they are very much a chemical toilet. Its where the idea for chemical toilets came from. Jan Vander Flusch had a eureka moment when squathinking one summer many many flushes ago.

Hotblack Desiato

JK I don't think one would need the assistance of a substance to feel paranoid in a public jacks when someone is banging on the door to get in!