Family home after separation

smokingman · 05-05-2019 8:42pm #1

Hi all,

Freshly separated and waiting for mediation service date but does anyone know what usually happens regarding the family home? Being the dad, I'm the one moving out as usual, but I've paid the mortgage on it (it's in both our names) for the last 10 years and there's about 140,000 left on it. She works and has a decent wage but I want to buy a house of my own but obviously cant afford two mortgages and probably won't get one while my name is on the family home.
Does mediation allow me to be taken off the mortgage on a family home so I can get my own one? Is there any way she can be forced to buy me out. What options do I have? I want to buy a house as it's cheaper than renting and I don't want to end up renting a hovel where there's not enough room for my three young kids to stay over.

Any advice much appreciated!

LastStop · 06-05-2019 7:23am

smokingman wrote: »

Hi all,

Freshly separated and waiting for mediation service date but does anyone know what usually happens regarding the family home? Being the dad, I'm the one moving out as usual, but I've paid the mortgage on it (it's in both our names) for the last 10 years and there's about 140,000 left on it. She works and has a decent wage but I want to buy a house of my own but obviously cant afford two mortgages and probably won't get one while my name is on the family home.
Does mediation allow me to be taken off the mortgage on a family home so I can get my own one? Is there any way she can be forced to buy me out. What options do I have? I want to buy a house as it's cheaper than renting and I don't want to end up renting a hovel where there's not enough room for my three young kids to stay over.

Any advice much appreciated!

Get a good solicitor, with Kids involved you've got little hope of a judge forcing her to sell. Mediation is like a feeling out process, neither can be legally held to any suggestions that come from it, you don't need to go through it if it appears to be a futile exercise.

The fact that you've paid the mortgage also means nothing. Her and her legal representative will claim that she's fed, clothed the kids while contributing to the upkeep of the house.

If your lucky she will be in a position to buy you out and make agreement at mediation regarding, the house, access to the kids, paying her maintenance. If your unlucky it will turn nasty, you'll be renting a dog box for 2 years trying to get it to court, while paying at least half the mortgage and support for her and the kids.

Don't forget to vote in the referendum this month, it could save you two years of emotional distress.

Just to reiterate, get a good solicitor on board. Make sure they communicate properly with you and explain all possible outcomes.

judeboy101 · 06-05-2019 7:30am

Don't move out

SeaFields · 06-05-2019 7:38am

OP, a mediated agreement can be made a rule of the court. You raised some issues around the home and these are ones you'll bring to the mediation sessions. You might have to make concessions as will your ex. That's the nature of mediation. It'll save plenty of legal fees of ye can see the process through.

myshirt · 06-05-2019 7:41am

judeboy101 wrote: »

Don't move out

Agreed. Don't move out but also don't engage in any acrimonious behaviour, or bite when she does.

On your question, the bank are unlikely to release you from the mortgage voluntarily. Why would they? Better for them to have two people on the hook for the money owed.

tony1980 · 06-05-2019 11:40am

Can she apply for a Judicial Seperation which might mean you have to move out?

bazermc · 06-05-2019 11:41am

Don’t move out and call solicitor.

Susiepringle · 06-05-2019 11:47am

Use mediation where you can both come to a solution with help. The house can be sold when the last child is either 23 or finished college but if your ex is agreeable she could take on the mortgage and you can start again. A solicitor will advise you to stay in the house until an agreement is made but this can cause a lot of stress for everyone involved, particularly any children. There are a few options, your ex can take sole ownership and you walk away with nothing but can mediate a solution where you pay less maintenance or she could buy your half out but that depends on whether she can raise a lump some or not. Honestly, mediation is brilliant for a long term solution. You could try the citizens information centre and get an appointment with flac which will give you a clearer picture of your options while waiting for mediation

Charles Ingles · 06-05-2019 11:57am

Don't do anything drastic after a recent separation you never know hopefully you and your wife can work things out.
Definitely agree with mediation, ive personal experience with accord marriage counseling highly recommend.

LegacyUser · 08-05-2019 1:55am

I'm in a house valued between €650k and €700k, with a mortgage of €500k on it. Could a court not order that it be sold and each partner can buy their own home? There are kids (under 5) involved. As the man I would fear my post-marriage life if I have to live in a hovel while paying off that €500k. It seems deeply unfair to allow one partner to live in luxury when two good homes could be bought for €300k each and everybody wins.

mitresize5 · 09-05-2019 1:21pm

its your family home as much as your wifes.

Dont leave it until you have a deal that works for you, or more likely equally as bad for both of you.

If you move out you will still have to pay most of the cost and you wont have a leg to stand on. Your ex will have everything (house, custody, maintenance) and no reason to engage with you in a constructive way if she doesn't want to

Get the best solicitor you can afford

good luck with it

Henry Ford III · 13-05-2019 3:05pm

Give the mediation a chance I'd say. Avoid solicitors as far as possible.

Markcheese · 16-05-2019 8:28am

Henry Ford III wrote: »

Give the mediation a chance I'd say. Avoid solicitors as far as possible.

A little from column a, a little from column b,
Go with mediation, if it works, it works well, let it do the heavy lifting... but get your legal advice too...

bored reader · 04-06-2019 3:56am

Plus 1 on the mediation. You would be surprised how much can be achieved in this process.
Keep away from tge solicitors for as long as possible. They make a handsome living from this. Where possible they should be only used to sign up a mediation agreement for court.
And stay in your family home as long as possible too.
Are things anyway good between yourself and your ex at present?

D13exile · 07-06-2019 4:20pm

I'm divorced three years now. However my family law case dragged on for 4 years from 2012-2016. Tried mediation but the ex refused to compromise on anything. She wanted everything (house, maintenance and custody of our children - in that order!) and for me to move out but still pay the mortgage. I suggested we share the childcare 50:50 and sell the house and split proceeds equally. She refused. Four years of legal hell later and €50,000 in legal fees between us, what was the outcome? Children split their time 50:50 between us and the house was sold and proceeds split equally. So we ended up with the outcome that I had suggested at mediation four years earlier but the legal eagles got fifty thousand in fees out of us. How that money would have come in handy for us both since then:(

As others have said, do not move out of the family home as you will be effectively conceding this to her. Put separate living arrangements in place such as separate bedrooms, a separate fridge for food, washing clothes separately, agreed rota for childcare etc. You'll need to state all this in Court to prove that the marriage has been over and that you are "living separate lives under the one roof" which was my case.

My suggestions to you in order of preference:
1. Try counselling to see if the marriage can be saved.
2. If not, try mediation to see if a satisfactory solution can be worked out between willing individuals and thus avoiding enormous legal fees
3. Think about representing yourself in Court if you feel capable as you know the case inside out whereas your wife's legal team is relying upon her for information (which in my case worked in my favour as she lied through her teeth to her legal team and I constantly tripped them up with the facts). There is a group near Dublin who advise people on how to represent themselves in Court.
4. Final option is to get a Solicitor. Just make sure that they are capable as there are a lot of eejits out there who's only real expertise is charging you costs. I went through three before I settled on number four. However I eventually dispensed with number four too when I saw that she had no real appetite for a fight and was too eager to concede.

Marriage breakdown is a horrible nightmarish event, made much worse by the trauma of the family law system in this country. Look after your mental health by confiding in close relatives and friends as you'll need to be strong to get through this.

Best of luck.

Diabolik · 11-06-2019 3:19pm

I'm glad, and it's very refreshing to hear, that I am not the only one who went through at least 3 solicitors withouth finding any valuable help.
I would quote verbatim D13exile, although I didn't know there is some help available for people wanting to represent themselves, which is what I have been considering lately.

AndrewJRenko · 11-06-2019 9:25pm

D13exile wrote: »

what was the outcome? Children split their time 50:50 between us and the house was sold and proceeds split equally.

Can I ask what age the kids were? I thought the Courts generally defaulted to leaving one parent in the family home until the kids left school. Good to hear there was a more equitable solution in this case.

smokingman · 12-06-2019 3:12pm

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

Can I ask what age the kids were? I thought the Courts generally defaulted to leaving one parent in the family home until the kids left school. Good to hear there was a more equitable solution in this case.

I'm curious about this too. Also, what is the name of the self representation advisors? Think I'm going down that route myself

gar32 · 12-06-2019 3:33pm

Just some advice as I split from 1st wife and found out a few things.

You can live in the same house and live separate lives.

1st and foremost. Think long and hard if maybe there is hope to get back together. I have seen family split and buy new houses ect only to get back together.
Try a few books to help your thinking as I am sure the stress levels are high.

(the 5 love languages review) A book that would have helped me but I read it too late.

Try sort things out without paying a solicitor. If you can say 66% her & 33% you as there are children involved maybe you will not need one.

If you do go different ways know that You may be considered a 1st time buyer again. Yes I got it a 2nd time as the family home was bought out by my wife. This saved me a few €€€ & I found it out myself with no help from Solicitor.

I also did my own divorce a few years later at a cost mostly in Postage for €200. €10 for the Solicitor to sign it was good as he quoted me €5k.

I am into my 2nd marriage this time with kids and I know that they should help you want to be together.

Compromise and understanding can bring a lot to help couple work things out.

Good luck and I hope you have happiness which ever way things go.

smokingman · 12-06-2019 3:50pm

gar32 wrote: »

If you do go different ways know that You may be considered a 1st time buyer again. Yes I got it a 2nd time as the family home was bought out by my wife. This saved me a few €€€ & I found it out myself with no help from Solicitor.

I also did my own divorce a few years later at a cost mostly in Postage for €200. €10 for the Solicitor to sign it was good as he quoted me €5k.

I don't suppose I could ask you how you wrangle that? I'm looking to hand over house to her entirely as part of lower maintenance payments but the 10% deposit savings on a new house for myself would be ideal for me.

Paul_Mc1988 · 12-06-2019 4:03pm

smokingman wrote:

I don't suppose I could ask you how you wrangle that? I'm looking to hand over house to her entirely as part of lower maintenance payments but the 10% deposit savings on a new house for myself would be ideal for me.

I see you're not taking anyones advice so going by the above post. You're rolling over. Don't just give up the house for a marginal reduction in maintenance. You will come off worse. Stay in the house and split everything 50/50 with a maintenance payment from you to her. It's the best option financially.

smokingman · 12-06-2019 5:09pm

Paul_Mc1988 wrote: »

I see you're not taking anyones advice so going by the above post. You're rolling over. Don't just give up the house for a marginal reduction in maintenance. You will come off worse. Stay in the house and split everything 50/50 with a maintenance payment from you to her. It's the best option financially.

Theres been a lot happen since my first post. I could go into the details but they're a bit gruesome. The deal is for very reduced maintenance, not much at all. I'll be free to get another mortgage and I'll be able to bring half a tracker with me into my new mortgage.

AulWan · 12-06-2019 6:21pm

Paul_Mc1988 wrote: »

I see you're not taking anyones advice so going by the above post. You're rolling over. Don't just give up the house for a marginal reduction in maintenance. You will come off worse. Stay in the house and split everything 50/50 with a maintenance payment from you to her. It's the best option financially.

Please don't agree to reduced maintenance in lieu of your share of the family home. I have a family member who niavely agreed this with his ex wife, thinking it would be legally binding. She played him like a fiddle. Within a few months of the agreement being made, she applied to the Court for more maintenance and was granted it and he ended up with no house, and paying through his teeth anyway.Those type of agreements don't stand up in court.

Does you wife earn enough to take over the balance owed on the mortgage on her own? If not, the bank won't let her take on the mortgage by herself anyway, or release you from it.

If there is decent equity in the house, you can seek an order for the property to be sold and the equity split. Don't get caught up in the idea that "its the kids home". Its only bricks and mortar the kids will adjust, and it would give you both a fresh start on an equal footing.

AulWan · 12-06-2019 6:59pm

gandóchas wrote: »

I'm in a house valued between €650k and €700k, with a mortgage of €500k on it. Could a court not order that it be sold and each partner can buy their own home?

You'd probably have to push for it, but yes, it is possible, all being equal. The court would consider other factors too, like are both spouses working and in the position to qualify for another mortgage.

Stheno · 12-06-2019 7:04pm

gar32 wrote: »

If you do go different ways know that You may be considered a 1st time buyer again. Yes I got it a 2nd time as the family home was bought out by my wife. This saved me a few €€€ & I found it out myself with no help from Solicitor.
o.

Do you have a link or more info on how this works please?

D13exile · 13-06-2019 1:31pm

Diabolik wrote: »

I'm glad, and it's very refreshing to hear, that I am not the only one who went through at least 3 solicitors withouth finding any valuable help.
I would quote verbatim D13exile, although I didn't know there is some help available for people wanting to represent themselves, which is what I have been considering lately.

There is/was a group set up near Dublin who provided advice on how to represent yourself in family law cases. I can't find the link now but they were around when I was going through my divorce and I found them quite good. However at that point, I'd sacked the last of my Solicitors and was a fast learner when it came to filling out legal forms and how to conduct myself in Court.

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

Can I ask what age the kids were? I thought the Courts generally defaulted to leaving one parent in the family home until the kids left school. Good to hear there was a more equitable solution in this case.

My 4 children ranged in aged from 6 to 10 when I was divorced. They now split their time equally between their mum and I.

smokingman wrote: »

I'm curious about this too. Also, what is the name of the self representation advisors? Think I'm going down that route myself

See my first response above. They may have gone away now but they were in existence when I was in the Courts.

Finally, as another poster stated, making an "agreement" now to hand over the house to your soon to be ex in lieu of lower maintenance is crazy. For a start, there is no "full and final" divorce in this country as your ex can reenter proceedings if their circumstances change. I agreed to let my ex keep all the child benefit (€600 a month) despite the fact that I have my children half the time but she is now demanding that I pay her maintenance on top of this, despite the fact that she spends the child benefit on herself with shopping trips to New York, spa breaks with the girlfriends etc, while I buy their clothes, pay for school expenses etc. I've got to account for all of this and keep receipts etc despite being divorced three years now. This will only stop when the children are finished full time education. You may give your ex the house now but she can come back later saying she needs more money for the kids, bills etc etc. Go for joint and equal custody where you both have the kids half the time and thus share the financial cost equally for raising them. This will lessen her case for seeking money from you in the future but you'll never be truly free of her while your children are still in education, something that the legal eagles don't tell you when they are trying to get you to compromise so a deal can be struck.

Finally, finally, please remember that your Solicitor and Barrister are NOT on your side. They will drag this case out as long as possible to bump up their fees. They will antagonise and irritate your ex, and her legal team will do the same to you in order to get respective tempers raging and thus more and more legal paperwork (that you pay for) flying back and forth. The only thing the legal eagles are interested in is your money. As I said previously, my case cost fifty thousand in legal fees as my ex wouldn't compromise on anything and dragged it out for four years. Every phone call, email and letter to and from your Solicitor will be billed for. You will be shocked at how the fees rack up.

AulWan · 13-06-2019 1:59pm

D13exile wrote: »

There is/was a group set up near Dublin who provided advice on how to represent yourself in family law cases. I can't find the link now but they were around when I was going through my divorce and I found them quite good.

Could it have been USPI? They are disbanded now, but there is still some good content on their website.

www.uspi.ie

BronsonTB · 13-06-2019 2:37pm

Are you both on talking terms & wanting to come to agreement?

Yes,
Go to mediation & get that rubber stamped with a court order
Mediation itself is not legally binding

No,
Get a good solicitor before doing anything else.

In terms of the Mortgage.
The bank will only take you off the deeds if the other party prove they can carry the mortgage on their own.
You may have to pay a lump sum to bring it down to an acceptable balance before they take you off.
This will also depend on your Bank.

You probably won't be able to get your own mortgage in the short term.
Been there & understand the difficulty you now face.
Good luck with it all.

Another day · 15-06-2019 9:54pm

Do not sign the house over in return for reduced maintenance! Reasons given already by other posters. Your own circumstances may change, hers may change and you'll be in and out of court like a yo-yo.

LegacyUser · 25-06-2019 2:15pm

What happens to the family home when there's adult offspring living at home? They are over 23 so they are not classified as dependants. They work but mortgages are out of reach for them and they would struggle with renting. The help at home with bills and the maintenance of the property.

Would a judge order the selling of the family home is a situation like that? Would a judge take the housing crisis into consideration? What's the point of making a family homeless?

AndrewJRenko · 30-06-2019 9:47am

Neverapple wrote: »

What happens to the family home when there's adult offspring living at home? They are over 23 so they are not classified as dependants. They work but mortgages are out of reach for them and they would struggle with renting. The help at home with bills and the maintenance of the property.

Would a judge order the selling of the family home is a situation like that? Would a judge take the housing crisis into consideration? What's the point of making a family homeless?

If the judge didn't make an order to sell the family home in those circumstances, they would be making one of the parents homeless.

I've no direct experience, but surely it would be up to the parents to make whatever arrangements they choose for the adult children.

LegacyUser · 07-07-2019 5:56pm

Thanks for the reply AndrewJRenko. I see the point that you're trying to make in that if a judge doesn't put in an order for the selling of the family home, one parent would be at a loss, and that would be the parent who left the family home. However, if a judge does order the selling of the house, the judge would be chucking one parent and two adult offspring out from the home and making three people homeless in favour of one. Does that make sense?

LegacyUser · 20-08-2019 3:10am

What happens if house is in negative equity. He wants to sign house to me but mortgage has been extended to reduce payments as he stopped making payments 7 yrs ago. Is the negative equity split 50/50?

07-01-2022 8:38pm

This was a highly informative thread, and for the first time (in D13Exile's post) I see a bit of hope. Like Gar32, I've been reading relevant self-help books extensively and Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages was mind-opening, as was John Gottman's 'Four Horsemen' as were so many articles on "attachment styles", which ultimately were central in my decision to end this.

I've recently been refused legal aid because my net income is above €18,000. The problem was that despite having verifiable annual mortgage repayments of c. €18,000 the Legal Aid Board (LAB) only take into account a maximum of €8000 for accommodation. So, I'm over the €18000 limit, even though in reality I'm very firmly under it. Crazily, it appears that everybody who has a net income of more than €18,000 must find €30,000-plus (minimum) legal fees (which I've been quoted) to seek a separation/divorce in the circuit court, or else represent themselves.

In the meantime, we are (correctly) advised by everybody not to leave the family home as you lose rights to your children and your property, and your not-so-soon-to-be-ex can stonewall mediation for years knowing you don't have the financial resources to free yourself from that control. What are the options then?

As noted above, Éamonn Quinn's Unmarried and Separated Parents in Ireland group (in Phibsboro) is, very unfortunately, no longer active [http://www.uspi.ie/], although the website still has very helpful information. In short, there's a massive paucity of support for anybody - any man? - who needs to get out of a marriage. I actually cannot find any support in Ireland for people who need to separate/divorce. Am I missing something? I also don't personally know anybody who has ever been divorced or separated to get any experiences. On the worst days I have contacted Men's Aid and One Parent and the women in both organisations were incredibly sympathetic but they couldn't, as policy, recommend anybody who might be able to offer legal advice or help me solve things (another thing I've learnt recently, I think from John Gray; apparently men need to find solutions, while women want to verbalise things without necessarily getting a solution). I thought they might have some panel of legal experts to draw on.

Ultimately I paid over €300 net (I had to earn c. €600) to meet a family lawyer who told me it would cost over €30,000 net (i.e. €60,000 plus of my gross income) at least to bring a case to the Circuit Court. I could get a loan for €10k and I'd happily do that to get out of this. However, having legal fees of €30k plus net, with no guarantee of a max, is absolutely crazy in a state-controlled legal system. People just accept this as "normal". Ethically, how can elected legislators in Dáil Éireann permit the private legal industry to hyjack Irish citizens' rights to justice in public courts of this republic? People don't even question this private interest group's strangehold on our justice system.

The fact that 1) the Irish State refuses to issue statistics regarding the success of each gender in family law court cases, and 2) existing evidence strongly indicates men are generally denied 50% of shared parenting and 50% of the family home means that it's more likely than not that for a man to bring a case to the court he will be saddled with a massive legal bill which would take many years to pay off, on top of not having 50% of parenting and 50% of the family home, and having to pay maintenance. People talk about mediation to avoid courts. They are right. But when, in full knowledge of how the legal system is so extortionately expensive and favours women, your not-so-soon-to-be-ex stonewalls mediation, just what realistically are the options for men given the enormous financial cost? The person who wants to keep the status quo continues to control.

I wish more people with experience of separation/divorce contributed to this forum as there's just nothing online in terms of shared experience of the Irish family law system (loads of experiences of the US and UK system shared online). The whole process in Ireland is so secretive and esoteric, on top of the extortionate closed shop that is the legal industry. Are Boards.ie ever going to bring back anonymous posting? Maybe that would help to get people posting their experiences here?

Kintarō Hattori · 21-01-2022 11:58am

How is somone expected to pay for these legal fees? Most people don't have 50K lying around. I presume you get billed before they do anything for you?

2lazytogetup · 22-01-2022 11:37pm

Can I ask why some posters are recommending not moving out till mediation or solicitor agreement??? I'm in same position myself where ex wants me out.

Paul_Mc1988 · 23-01-2022 5:29pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118519287#Comment_118519287

As soon as you leave the house is hers until the kids are 18 or until they are finished education could be 21. The judges will sign the house over to her for sole use and you'll have to find somewhere else.

When that's over you force her to sell the house and the proceeds are split 50/50.

Hold your ground and move into a spare room if you have it. Get her to agree to sell the house and split it 50/50 and until then you are staying there. Hold your ground or you'll come out of this fucked over.

Family Courts only care about the women!!

2lazytogetup · 24-01-2022 10:16am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118521666#Comment_118521666

Thanks Paul. Much appreciated. i probably want the kids to stay in family home as they have their routine and friends on the road. but ill try and stay in the spare room until mediation so i know how much money i can have to spend on my new accommodation.

i hope your separation went, is going as well as can be.

Paul_Mc1988 · 24-01-2022 10:29am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118524241#Comment_118524241

Im not separated :D. I just know the ins and outs and that in general men get screwed over. Hope it works out for you :)

RIRI · 24-01-2022 1:14pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118521666#Comment_118521666

As a woman currently trying to navigate the mindfield that is family law in this country I'd like to give another perspective. Ex refuses to move out yet does not now nor has he ever paid any contribution towards the mortgage. Family court is most certainly not "siding" with me in this situation, he cannot be forced to go and I am forced to fund his accommodation expenses. I am living in an extremely toxic environment, which is having an negative effect on our child's as well as my own mental health and paying a hefty mortgage for the privilage.

JimmyMW · 24-01-2022 1:36pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118525086#Comment_118525086

I think this is a fair point, from my experience once one party is irrational/awkward the law is very much on their side irrespective of if your male or female, if your dealing with an awkward wife or husband its an uphill battle.

elizunia87 · 24-01-2022 2:10pm

I am on my way to be separated. Got legal aid for separation. I live in family home with baby and all bills incl mortgage and debst by myslef. Daddy does not contribute anything. He left to rent a room.

Hopefully this will be resolved soon. I also cant imagine to live with my ex. Must be very stressful

RIRI · 24-01-2022 2:53pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118525187#Comment_118525187

Coupled with the fact that he gets free legal aid, as he chooses not to work. I am left spending the funds I had saved to buy him out on legal fees as well as private counselling for our child (free services have 1yr plus waiting lists). I’m between a rock & a hard place here and the advice given to him to remain in the family home is nothing short of criminal to be perfectly honest

Paul_Mc1988 · 24-01-2022 5:47pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118525086#Comment_118525086

So what. Many women are stay at home mothers and as you say it "do not nor have they ever contributed towards the mortgage" and yet they are entitled to half of the house.

So if a Man breaks up with a women should he get the whole house if he was the one paying the mortgage.... NO is the answer. Your point in mute.

Why should he move out and if he should should all th stay at home mothers move out too?

Paul_Mc1988 · 24-01-2022 5:49pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118525187#Comment_118525187

See my above post on why it's not a fair point!

Paul_Mc1988 · 24-01-2022 6:17pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118525366#Comment_118525366

Your living there on your own and have the house to yourself. Why shouldn't you be paying the bills and mortgage?

JimmyMW · 24-01-2022 6:47pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118526729#Comment_118526729

I agree with you, but two wrongs don't make a right, no one man or woman should automatically have a right to something in a separation based on their sex, be it primary carer, property, or money. What i was agreeing with above is if your have an awkward man who wont pay for his child and doesn't give a **** the woman has a long and drawn out procedure to go through in order to make him own up to his responsibilities, however if you have an awkward woman who will not even agree to discussions only straight for court and wants the skin an all off of your back you have a long and drawn out procedure to go through also. I was basically saying if one party plays dirty by intentionally not working or hiding funds or assets or coercing the kids or whatever and drags court and solicitors into it at every opportunity, then for the reasonable person in the situation its a hard battle ahead.

elizunia87 · 24-01-2022 6:47pm

I am not saying that he should have pay. I live on my own I pay but still waiting for final word about house

Paul_Mc1988 · 24-01-2022 6:54pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118527056#Comment_118527056

Well said and great post.

The only fair way in my eyes is sell the assets and split it even both ways or one party buy the other parts out In an out of court agreement so that the solicitors adont take half of everything.

JimmyMW · 24-01-2022 7:17pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118527096#Comment_118527096

I honestly cant see how a persons contribution to a family unit, outside of child maintenance, cannot be assessed and given a % contribution, then everything valued by a professional and divided or bought out accordingly. Then on a completely separate item maintenance for the children to be agreed accounting for a 50/50 split in costs and again it proportioned to the parent who is the primary carer. Ie if primary carer has children 70% of the time the other parent pays 20% of the costs to the primary carer along with the 30% of the costs when they have the child themselves. I cannot see how that is not fair.

24-01-2022 7:33pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118526722#Comment_118526722

Stay at home mothers have a value. Employ a maid and Nanny and see how much it costs.

Family home after separation

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