How important is a man's job when it comes to dating?

Chris_5339762 · 18-11-2021 03:13PM

I have a reasonably well paying job but I don't show it - I also live in the family home so cashflow isn't a big issue at the moment. But I don't advertise that fact to anyone I am dating.

In my experience they perk up once I mention my job, and in the past when they have found out about the family home and the wages they dig their claws in very, very deeply. I've lost more than one relationship due to rampant gold-digging.

givyjoe · 18-11-2021 03:20PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118185764#Comment_118185764

Crazy.. that's also contagious.

D3V!L · 18-11-2021 03:25PM

I got talking to two lovely ladies in a rock bar in Dublin I frequented about 8 years ago. They were friends and we all hit it off. Neither asked me what I did for a living. One was more interested in me and got chatting, while her friend took the back seat.

Fast forward a week and we all meet up again for drinks. Myself and the lady that was into me had met up a couple of times before this and had a proper chat about lives, work etc. Her friend joins us and work came up in the conversation as I was all dressed up in a suit this time. She asked me what I did for a living, I said "IT manager". Her face drops and the two of the ladies start arguing in their native tongue. Turns out the friend took me at face value originally and presumed the man dressed in black with tattoos and piercings must have a lowly job like a piercer or something.

Another week later and something similar happened. Lady and her friend not talking now and arguing when they do. In the end I left them to it. Couldn't be bothered with the drama.

So yes, money and job status are very important to some. Not all though. Nice face and rack and I'm happy :)

Donald Trump · 18-11-2021 03:30PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118186449#Comment_118186449

I'm sorry, but I have to pull you up on your very very shallow last line

Nice face and rack and I'm happy :)

That is completely unacceptable to trot that line out in these modern times...........far too simplistic......surely one would need to also include a decent arse as well as not being too chunky?

Although I don't quite get the point of your story. One lady interested and the other wasn't because she thought you were a waster? When the latter found out you had a job she was now interested/jealous? Is that the story?

Could it not also have been that she was happy to have her friend going out with a tattoo artist but didn't want her to risk ending up with an IT nerd? 😋

maestroamado · 18-11-2021 03:36PM

I know a couple that got married about 10 years ago after about 6 months or so romance... Met at some hi-flying event in Galway and wined/dined/holiday... Both had nice cars and lived in pretty ok places.

Marriage lasted about 3 months... it turned out that each thought the other loaded and both were living on the gold card....

maestroamado · 18-11-2021 03:36PM

Loafing Oaf · 18-11-2021 03:50PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118186491#Comment_118186491

Yes if a modern man is complimenting a woman it surely be along these lines

Sky King · 18-11-2021 04:04PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118183866#Comment_118183866

Ah here, go back to maths class.

Sonics2k · 18-11-2021 04:08PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118186717#Comment_118186717

I believe they meant in a more metaphorical way. Trying to live on between €13k and €30k is vastly different than someone who's earning anywhere between 50k and €150k. Either way, odds are the person earning €50k+ is going to be living quite comfortably.

Obviously this very much depends on location, family etc, but the point makes sense.

Amirani · 18-11-2021 04:30PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118186717#Comment_118186717

If you do university-level Maths and Stats (or even Economics), then you'll encounter Bernoulli and Von Neumann and realise that the value and utility of money isn't anywhere close to being linear.

Donald Trump · 18-11-2021 04:55PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118186820#Comment_118186820

Well the difference between earning 13k and 30k can be somewhat blurred by social supports to be fair. I am not saying they are equal but that the difference is lessened from what it would otherwise be.

Sky King · 18-11-2021 05:01PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118186820#Comment_118186820

So €120,000 is a lot less than €17,000 yeah? OK. Cool.

Damocles2 · 18-11-2021 05:22PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058218491/how-important-is-a-mans-job-when-it-comes-to-dating

Depends. If out for fun. No. If at university pursuing a degree. No. If looking for commitment. Perhaps. If single with children. A good chance it may factor. Then again, we can be PC and answer accordingly.

wotzgoingon · 18-11-2021 06:07PM

I'm still waiting to be swept off my feet by some hot good looking billionaire woman. 🤣

growleaves · 18-11-2021 06:08PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118187240#Comment_118187240

Well even if that's so, what the job is and how the man feels about his job can influence women even without them knowing the salary.

Some men believe that having more money than other men makes them the top dog. Other high-status men, like actors and artists, do not necessarily believe that.

Most men are in the large fluid middle area of ordinary jobs and incomes. They get ordinary women as wives and girlfriends.

18-11-2021 06:33PM

Speaking as a (heterosexual) woman in a reasonably ok financial position with my own roof etc, money would would never be a factor for me. What would be a factor is that he would have to distinguish himself somewhere (in a good way) especially being intelligent, interesting or engaging company. I just don’t get gold-digging, except for financial security when raising a family and having a roof over your head.

Mister Vain · 18-11-2021 06:39PM

If the woman has half your salary plus 7 you should be ok.

Thelonious Monk · 18-11-2021 06:42PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118187240#Comment_118187240

So how long do you think I have with my partner who earns a lot more than me and is way more qualified and successful then? I'm sure she could get someone with more money if she wanted, but I think you'll find that isn't the most important thing to most reasonable people.

18-11-2021 11:02PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118184081#Comment_118184081

How does that even make sense? What if she doesn't marry a richer man? What if she meets a man she likes for other reasons?

Been a while though since there was one of these threads, about how women full stop - not certain women, just women overall - are only ever after a guy's money. Supported by individual anecdotes. Because of course every man in the world ever who isn't wealthy is single. You're all from rich families because your mothers would only be with wealthy men because that's exclusively whom women seek.

Try to put the resentment aside briefly: many women don't care if a man isn't rich. This is evidential so instead of wanting it not to be true, instead of going on about that hypergamy stuff (the term used a lot in the most grubbily misogynistic quarters of the Internet) just look around you. Gold diggers do exist - nobody is saying they don't - but for the rest of us, there are other qualities we look for: personality, physical attractiveness to us (no, doesn't have to be a model), compatibility. As long as he's not a longterm dole head (which I'm assuming a man wouldn't find attractive in a woman either) or as long as he's not constantly scrounging (which again isn't attractive from a woman, but there are guys who entertain it if she's hot) there are numerous other important things. That's how I feel, that's how my friends feel. One friend of a friend used to be a gold digger all right (I just couldn't understand how she could have sex with someone whom she wasn't physically attracted to) but I don't know anyone else with that attitude.

Women have careers now - they don't need to be kept women (although you could put money on it that some of the same people who decide women are all just chasing wealthy men, also have a problem with career women).

18-11-2021 11:31PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118185828#Comment_118185828

People are usually the same age as their partner.

Donald Trump · 18-11-2021 11:58PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118188896#Comment_118188896

Don't tell Melania.

SunnySundays · 18-11-2021 11:59PM

What a man earns or what job doesn't bother me but it is important he works and does something.

I have my own money, I don't need to spend his.

Donald Trump · 19-11-2021 12:00AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118187412#Comment_118187412

You might not be ok if she ends up with half your salary plus 7 😉

19-11-2021 02:24AM

Women who earn more than their husbands have a way higher divorce level. Multiple studies have proven this time and again.

There is no speculation.

There is no point in lying.

Women marry, at least in part, for the money a man earns.

Markus Antonius · 19-11-2021 02:30AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118183794#Comment_118183794

Money holds very, very little interest for you but if they can't afford to take you for dinner or a weekend away then you are out the door?

Makes sense...

19-11-2021 03:10AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118189381#Comment_118189381

Absolutely zero in my post said I only want a wealthy man - and plenty supports that that's not how I feel yet you just say I do anyway. That's nuts. Where in my post indicates that I only want a wealthy man? Be honest - don't lie like you've done above. Highlight where. And obviously someone saying they don't want a partner bumming money off them all the time (male or female) does not equate to only wanting a wealthy partner. I mean that's just an extremely dishonest way to present what I said.

You won't even acknowledge the reality of all those women who aren't with wealthy men. What is it that makes you want to believe it so badly? Does your daughter know you consider her to be only interested in wealth when it comes to relationships because she is female?

In a relationship, both pay for things obviously. Sometimes they treat each other. That last bit is deranged - if a woman doesn't boast about paying for everything, doesn't gloat about it etc... that can only mean she's looking for no man but a wealthy man? Have you lost the plot?

It really shouldn't be difficult to believe that there are women who don't solely look for a wealthy man. And nobody really thinks that either - especially when there is so much evidence to the contrary (which you ignored in your misrepresentation of what I said). Those who insist it's true though (knowing that it's not) well that's just indicative of an issue.

It's really straightforward - a man being wealthy is not what all women look for. Otherwise there would be many many men single.

19-11-2021 03:11AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118189396#Comment_118189396

How do you explain all those women who marry men not earning great money?

19-11-2021 03:13AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118189403#Comment_118189403

Where did she say he has to pay for both himself and her?

Burt Renaults · 19-11-2021 03:29AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118189403#Comment_118189403

It makes total sense to anyone who is capable of understanding context and can read a two-paragraph post beyond its first sentence. Not being crippled by debt, and being able to eat out and get away for the odd weekend, etc, are relatively basic things that you don't need to be rolling-in-cash to be in a position to do.

19-11-2021 03:37AM

Not wanting to be in a relationship with someone who's a total freeloader (not including job seekers or students because they are not freeloaders) means only wanting to be in a relationship with a wealthy person because there's no in between.

And if you pay for yourself most of the time but don't pay for absolutely every single thing (which would be an unreasonable demand in any relationship, of a man or woman)... that also means you only want to be in a relationship with a wealthy person.

Bonkers.

It's like a guy saying he isn't attracted to very overweight women being told that that means he is only attracted to super skinny women, as if there's no in between. And then insistence that he only likes skinny women even if he says he likes curvy slim women.

How important is a man's job when it comes to dating?

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