How important is a man's job when it comes to dating?

Woman hate causes such anger.

Heh some people evaluating the incentives of the INCELs would suggest that "anger causes so much woman hate" :)

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118191402#Comment_118191402

Quote me you coward! I can read your mind and I know why you're doing it. It's for some sinister reason all in my head.

Also, what you're saying is well thought out and nuanced and I don't like that as it shows up the holes in my non argument so it's rambling shyte.

Women are what I say they are, irrespective of all the evidence to the contrary around me, because I don't like them.

That's funny. I wish to subscribe to your news letter.

Fionne

I've been out of the dating scene a long time but someone's income is not something I ever cared about. I'm also not someone who wants or expects the man to pay for everything but someone being stingy is a definite turn off. I was seeing a guy years ago and he suggested going away for a weekend, he said he'd pay for the accommodation the first night if I paid the second. That was grand, he was driving and landed us at a B&B for the first night which he paid for, then we headed off the next day to continue our journey and he drove into a posh hotel for the night I was to pay for. It was early days in the relationship so I let it go but then on the journey home, he pulled in for petrol and informed me that I'd have to pay for that as well. It was a sign to me that we were never gonna be compatible.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118191600#Comment_118191600

I'm laughing at this but only because it's so terrible!!

partyguinness

Women ask as it is a barometer of several different traits: intelligence, education, drive, earning power, stability.

partyguinness

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118191600#Comment_118191600

I have written about my experience of this in another thread. Started going out with this teacher years ago. She had a car and I didnt as I was still training. The one and only time I was actually in her car she dropped me off at the bus station in a neighbouring town. She was passing it anyway on her way home.

The following Sunday she asked me for €5.00 for petrol. You wouldnt mind but the times we went for drinks and food I always paid without question. Anyway, she got her €5.00 and the P45 about a week later.

Markus Antonius

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118190163#Comment_118190163

Well that's not very progressive is it? Don't you think it's time women started supporting their partners for a change, you know for the sake of 'equality' and such like what everyone keeps banging on about these days?

Markus Antonius

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118191600#Comment_118191600

I don't think anyone could hold it against you for leaving such a tight arse. And I don't think anyone would hold it against you either if you expected him to pay for the all meals accommodation etc. because that's the traditional thing for a man to do.

What pisses everyone off is when you have articles like in another thread where people are claiming women are working for free for the rest of the year and all this kind of bullsh!t. Equality when it suits. Thankfully they are just a very vocal minority (yet)

I think it's just how evolution has worked out. In general, men can see women as potential homemakers or fellow breadwinners, but women see men as potential breadwinners. It's just how it is the world over. And women expect that they will do the bulk of the work at home and raising kids, even if it's not necessarily true. But it usually is, so they want someone who can put in equal effort and afford it.

What's more important is being able to provide a good home and life for a wife and children. There's a bizarre notion in the West where your personality trumps all or something, like even if you can't get your act together, someone should love you for who you are. But actions speak louder than words and actually providing comfort and security is important.

My girlfriend is out of town this week and I've spent it buying stuff for the apartment and making improvements. It isn't even expensive but she's delighted and is showing her mum everything I'm doing. Brownie points everywhere. It isn't about my salary or the money. It's about the fact I'm creating a nicer environment for us and that is a big positive in terms of what she imagines having children with me would be like.

I guess salary and job is a shortcut when you're looking for someone. Like certain things on a CV get you in the door for an interview when your actual abilities are greater, but you miss out. That's where other qualities come in, like taking care of yourself physically and having interesting hobbies etc. And some forward planning goes a long way.

Age gaps work because it normally takes men a good few years to work through the mad 20s and then start to actually care about where they live and the state the place is in. Women want a man who lives alone, bought or rented, far earlier than men would care about it. It's just common sense. Otherwise, they're risking taking on a man who can't look after themselves, nevermind her and the children.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118192014#Comment_118192014

Dial Hard didn't bang on about equality.

She's not responsible for other women being gold diggers (whom I despise - not least because some men love using them as a stick to beat the rest of us with). She also hasn't said guys paying for everything is OK.

She is saying the ideal is for each to pay equally in general, one occasionally treating the other. This is the fairest and most egalitarian system, since you bring up equality.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118192106#Comment_118192106

Yeah that wage gap thing is total bollox.

Guys shouldn't feel like they have to pay for everything because it's tradition either.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118192404#Comment_118192404

My girlfriend's toiletries cost a decent whack every month, and she doesn't even wear make up. Iron supplements, pads, haircuts, etc. add up.

I spend almost nothing on that sort of thing. I trim my head and beard and that's it.

I don't agree with the tradition thing, but the mere act of existing is far more expensive for a woman.

Treating one to a meal when they've spent as much preparing for it is ok.

85603

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118191345#Comment_118191345

You interject yourself in a conversation with a long awkward rambling script of twisting mental gymnastics, accuse me of making up figures, decide its my job to do the searching after the other party has been told to go find it themselves, intentionally miss points, call for proof while providing none of your own, and dismiss with words like crass and silly during your entirely subjective unsupported winding hot take. All done in a way that doesn't notify me so that I've no reason to respond.

Then refuse to accept a higher stat of 50% over the requested stat of 30% in an act of cynical pedantry. Then describe a university website as though its a tabloid, insisting that the actual study be linked rather than an excerpt on a university's website, as though anyones going to sit down and read the whole study.

"A woman out earning her husband could even doom the marriage, as the researchers report this “increases the likelihood of divorce by 50 percent.”

This is supporting evidence in relation to OP's question that a man's income is indeed part of the equation when it comes to womens strategy of dating and marriage. Trouble arises at an increased rate, for one reason or another in such set-ups. Part of it could be at the mans end, yet within those divorces there is at least an equal chance that many times it is female nature/the womans preference.

85603

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118191485#Comment_118191485

In relation to OP's question. An excerpt which you may like to consider.

"when you look at the definition of hypergamy on Dictionary.com, it defines the word as “the practice among Hindu women of marrying into a caste at least as high as their own.”

Today, the term is used in anthropological discourse and pertains to all societies and cultures, says Dr. Helen Fisher, chief science advisor at Match. (PhD, Biological Anthropologist, and Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute) 

Marrying someone just because they're rich might seem shallow or unethical, but Fisher says it's evolutionarily adaptive to engage in hypergamy, because it increases the likelihood that you’ll have children who live long enough to reproduce. At the dawn of human history, it was clear why women engaged in hypergamy: “Hundreds of thousands of years ago, you wanted a man who had more resources, land, or his own watering hole. A man with resources is better suited to help you raise your children,” Fisher explains."

https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a32743030/what-is-hypergamy/

85603

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKlrm2IjwQw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2L7IFkRaGhY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiF6-0UTqtc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9uizdKZAGE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrLequ6dUdM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVuSYUNAekc

Juran

When you are dating in your 20's, you don't really think of salaries or jobs, well I never did. I can see that when you are older, late 30's / 40's, that a potential partner's education and job would influence your decision to date them.

I met my partner 20+ years ago, we were both in our 30's, earning close to the same €50k at that time, over the years, we both moved up the career ladder, and now are both senior director levels, and have very good salaries.

A friend of mine, met and married a guy around the same time, 20+ years ago, he had no education or skills, did odd cash jobs. I never saw what she saw in him, she was highly educated, career driven, he could barely read and write. Fast forward to now, she has a good job, around €60k a year I would think, they have kids and a house with a mortage. He minds the kids as he'd earn less than the cost of childminder. I feel she resents him for not contributing to the finances. She often makes comments about how they cant afford holidays, or nicer cars. I feel she is jealous that we have no money worries, or that most of our friends have husbands who earn good salaries. It has def changed her over the years. I often think, 'why did you marry him ? Did you not realise than he was never going to earn more than minimum wage ? '

Irish Praetorian

Never seen a thread that made me so glad to be gay...

mariaalice

It's not about money per se, someone who does not have the education or ability to make something of their life is probably going to be at a disadvantage in the dating world.

seenitall

Just to counter the above story with an anegdote of my own, I have a friend who met her now husband at 17 and they now have 4 kids together and several properties. She is a high-flyer in pharma industry, she works all hours god gives and she is absolutely driven to do that - I’ve never seen such an overwhelming provider instinct, in man or woman. He is a stay at home parent, is a bit sickly with a chronic ailment so needs to be a on a slower life speed anyway, and perfectly happy with that. It all works out. Because they married for love, stay together for love and love is the first thing you feel when you enter that household. I’ve written about them before, I’m so impressed by this couple. The point is it matters not a jot who earns what when two people truly love and support each other.

completedit

Extremely important but not critical. A harsh reality is that as you get older this stuff matters MORE and other things like looks matter less. It's absolutely brutal tbh but it is what it is. Just lol if you didn't find a college romance and stick through it all, that's the only love that matters tbh. After that it becomes too practical, college is when you're both at the same level(more or less) so the best relationships will begin then. Anything else is just a cope.

completedit

OscarMIlde

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118190521#Comment_118190521

It could be that high earning women spend more time catering to their career than their husband wants. Anecdotally when I worked in research I found that women in charge of their own labs were more likely to be divorced than men in such a position. I often wondered if it was because women were more forgiving of work coming first/being a very important part of their husband's life, than men were towards their high achieving wives. I think subconsciously a lot of men still regard the domestic part of a marriage as being the women's job, regardless of what education/career she may have.

Dtp1979

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118183624#Comment_118183624

I know yea, wtf was Michael flatley thinking

Dtp1979

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118184107#Comment_118184107

Got what 🤯?? Good lord, BE CLEAR

85603

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118193834#Comment_118193834

Women traditionally marry/mate across and up the socioeconomic hierarchy. Roughly the words of the dreaded Prof J Peterson.

There's never been a man who said 'you're not doing well in your career so I'm not going to have sex with you tonight' to a woman. Roughly the words of Prof Gad Saad.

We dont give a fck if a bitch is wearing a McDonalds uniform. Roughly the words of Prof Patrice O'Neal.

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118193882#Comment_118193882

And conversely being chancellor of Germany does not Angela Merkel less of an unf**kable lard-arse. Roughly the words of Silvio Berlusconi. Allegedly...

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118193035#Comment_118193035

Firstly no I did not "interject" in a conversation. This is a thread on a public discussion forum. Everyone here is part of the same conversation. You really need to drop this need to tell everyone how to post and when and where and why. You are not the arbiter or moderator of the discussions here. If you want a private conversation - the website has a serviceable and functional private messaging system where no one can interject. Try it sometime. But you would do well to picture threads on this forum as a kind of "town square" where you might speak "towards" one person but you are speaking to everyone.

Secondly I did not "accuse" you of making up figures. I simply asked you the source of your figures because without a source there is no basis for me to A) believe the figure is accurate or representative (you don't have to make it up, you could for example simply be wrong) and B) to answer the question you yourself asked. You asked for an explanation of the 30% figure and once again - without a source of the figure an explanation can not be offered. I accused you of nothing. But I do not automatically "believe" everything I read on face value either. Withholding credulity is not the same as accusing dishonesty.

Third as for me "deciding it is your job" to find the figure - there is a long tradition on boards.ie of asking people to cite their sources and throwing derision on the "go find it yourself" cop out to that. If you can not back up or substantiate your own claims - you will generally be called on that around this website I have noticed. And well should you be.

Fourth you ask me to provide proof of my own? Eh? For what? Which claim did I make? I was querying you about your claim! Why do I need proof to ask you a question? If I make a claim you want the back up or proof for then do what I did to you. Ask me. You will find me a whole ton less unwilling than you have been to answer. If I drop a statistic or truth claim into a thread you can be damn sure I am ready to back it up with citation if asked. I will not run away - throw insults - use throw away phrases like "rambling" - or any other cop out. I will answer the question I am asked. I asked you for a citation - you have not answered. You have not asked me for a citation - so I do not need one. These things are very different to each other. If you ask me to back up something I said directly - and I refuse that request directly - then you can absolutely equate my behavior with yours!

Fifth - yes you are right I will every time go to the source rather than an opinion piece about the source. An article about a study is not the same as a study. And lifting a single quote out of a study does not represent the study well. The study mentioned in your link has a lot of detail and nuance in it. None of which was picked up by the opinion piece you linked to. The study itself was about the issue of relationship breakdown caused by conformity to gender roles. It is a poor representation of the study that was offered by the link you used. And yes many people here do read the origional studies despite your "as if anyone is going to do that". I did for example. And I understood it too. I actually have training which helps me read and interpret studies - which not everyone does - but even much of the study itself is accessible to the lay person. It simply does not say what you appear to think it says. The single line you are quoting is simply not representative of what the study concludes or is about.

Finally - I genuinely do not understand your hostile reaction here. Again - you cited a statistic and asked the user you were talking with to explain that statistic. In order to explain it not one - but two people - asked you for the source of it. Not to attack you. Not to rebut you. Not to fault you. Not to annoy you. Not to trigger you. Not to "deny reality". But simply to do what you asked and explain the statistic! You were treated not unkindly or disrepsectfully - but for reasons that are genuinely beyond my comprehension you have taken this perfectly normal and justifiable request and totally gone off on a series of tirades and not returned that respect in kind. I can not explain a statistic that you have thrown out in limbo. No one can. But I can explain the 50% statistic because you actually cited it and - mainly because the study itself (which you have indicated you have not read and will not bother to) does so. And a huge portion of the explanation lies in "traditional gender roles" and the effect (transitory as the writers of the study suggest) of our recent accelerated deviation from it. Put plainly - the authors do not think that financial differences are the cause of such statistics per se - but that the financial differences are a correlative symptom of a change in gender roles in recent times and these changes in gender roles are causing the frictions and issues that are inhibiting relationship success.

EmmetSpiceland

Real bang of incel off this thread. The, more, aggressive contributors seem to be the ones who have very little to be worrying about, even if they had a “good job”, or money, they still wouldn’t have a partner.

Those things will only get you so far, personality can make up for lacking in “good looks”, even taking care of yourself and dressing well can do that.

But an odious personality will never hang on to anything long enough no matter what job or money is in the bank. That’s where you end up hearing all sort of fantasy “tales” of fictitious wives and children.