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There will be a rise in incel related terror attacks

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  • To a degree certainly but it's also wise to be realistic ,a very attractive woman has a lot of options and you need to offer more than with a plain woman





  • I can offer an opinion and give a bit of advice but there's not much I can do about your reading comprehension.





  • That was the implications of what you said, that's why I asked.

    Do you suggest that incels practice attracting unattractive women before attractive women?





  • I'd suggest that Incels are doing little to make themselves appeal to the women they're trying to be with. Getting angry over not being handsome enough, not rich enough, not <whatever>. Choosing women whose interests/desires don't match where the incel is in life. Becoming frustrated that they're not being accepted for "who they are".. except all dating is marketing, and if you want someone, you have to cater to her desires (appearance, fashion, education, social status. profession etc) ... not your own. Unless you already meet her desires, but I suspect few Incels actually do.





  • If that's the case there would have been a lot of incels during the pandemic. I'd say its more like 6 years. Even at that you could argue its just a dry spell, albeit a long one.



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  • These so called incels need to stop obsessing over sex and reconnect to the joy of life. Being alive is the gift, their obsession blocks that connection to joy that every human being has inside them.





  • Mod - a number of off topic bickering posts have been removed. Stop with the personal remarks


    @Alberta64 don't post in this thread again



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  • I could be a burley man bear though, the magic of the internet. If nothing else it just demonstrates that the internet is not really a great place to learn how to be authentic, or meet genuine people, which is sort of where the original poster was going.


    *hug





  • Would you consider a single mother if its just a friend with benefits you want? Kids wouldn't bother me if the relationship wasn't serious. I feel like I'm in the same situation as yourself. Same age, hate small talk, cannot flirt to save my life. Only the one fleshlight though. 😁 I wouldn't be using Escort Ireland BTW. Not worth getting a criminal record for the sake of shag.





  • I came home just before covid hit Europe, and I haven't had sex since then. Even before I hadn't been with someone for sex for over a year. Honestly, I couldn't be bothered, because I was waiting for something meaningful. Not sex for its own sake, but some kind of connection where the sex would be a foundation for a better relationship with someone else. Sounds easy, but I've found that it's not.

    Until I was 30, my experience with sex was few and far between. I was relatively shy, uncomfortable with my shaking disorder, and always seemed to enter the friends zone too quickly. I'm a good listener, which makes people trust me quickly.

    Past 30, and after I left Ireland, the world of sex opened up. I roamed. I'm bisexual, so I had a grand vista of choices, and I made use of that. Heading to Asia, added to that, due to the way white people are elevated (sexually), and the huge populations in the cities, which made casual sex so easy to obtain. And I had a lot of sex. A lot of really really bad sex, irrespective of how much effort and interest I put into the experiences to make it better. I learned how to pleasure both men and women, but for myself, most sexual encounters were basic, superficial, and lacking any real value. Oh, I got the physical needs sorted. Mostly. But my needs for intimacy rarely matched with my sexual partners. And so, invariably I got bored.

    As time has gone by, I've ticked off all my fantasies. My bucket lists of sexual experiences has been revised a few times, and I've done everything I wanted to try. Which is good, but at the same time, not so good. Which left the areas of intimacy and love... and love has always been difficult for me. I've loved a few partners, and I still do... but I've found that love is no impediment to boredom. Not that I've ever cheated, or wanted to cheat, but that boredom just makes me break up with my partners and move on.

    I'm not a Volcel, or any other term people want to apply to themselves or others. I'm simply me. I feel no urge to have sex again, although if I meet someone who floats my boat, I know that sex will be part of it.. but sex, in general, has very little importance to me. Oh, I get the wet dreams, the hardons when I see/imagine someone, the desire to jerk off, etc.. but that's not about sex. That's just the testosterone/biological impulses, and the social conditioning that we were all exposed to.

    Incels need to get their own heads out of their asses. I know how easy it is to get sex, and I know just how difficult it is to get sex. Once Incels understand the same, they will stop being incels.

    .





  • Morning there. Sorry for the delay in replying. I became a dad again (4th time) and decided to dedicate 100% of my time to that as the 3rd kid caused some issues for mammy the last time. So we were being hyper vigilant over the last couple of weeks here. Everyone good here - no issues this time - and all is good.

    At the time I made changes in my life I did not really have the language to describe or understand what I was doing. Looking back I do now. So I guess the biggest change was moving away from what would be called "external locus of evaluation". Which is just a fancy smancy way of saying I stopped getting my well being and self worth from external sources - or comparing myself to others such as my siblings or peers. Over night I pretty much decided that I would consider myself no better or worse than anyone else except the person I was yesterday. And my goal in life then became to somehow - mentally physically or emotionally - better myself even a tiny bit over the person I was yesterday.

    I then moved to implement incremental and very slow improvements in my life which built up over the long term. So rather than try to over night suddenly start taking up running or exercising - for example - I got up one day and literally went for a 1 minute run. I spent much longer just getting ready fro the run than I did the run. I ran down the road 30 seconds and 30 seconds back up the road!

    But on day 2 I did 2 minutes. Day 3 - 3. And so on. And by the time 2 months had passed I was running an hour every day. And the main benefit of this incremental method was that I fixed the routine early - and met my goals early given the goals were so small - which tend to be the two main difficulties people face when trying to better themselves. I applied this incremental approach to many many things in my life. Running is only an example. Meditation would be another example. There are many.

    Other than that I also aimed to turn into hobbies things that so far in my life had seemed to be inconveniences. For example many people rush through the process of obtaining - preparing - and eating food. And I found that unhealthy. So I started to grow or hunt my own. Cooking has become a very serious hobby for me to the point I would now consider myself approaching as professional a chef as an amateur can be. And I make time to eat and see eating as being an end in itself rather than just a thing that gets in the way of the rest of my day. Mindful eating if you like :)

    Similarly doing things with / for my kids. A lot of parents I observe seem to treat the upbringing of their children as a chore or something they have to struggle through before they get to "me" time. I focus on a lot of my time with them as being "me" time too and I delight in finding new ways to do things with them and educate them and foster their sense of wonder and awe and joy in their lives. I have written a lot about that too on this forum in the past if you search my user name for words like "windowing" for example.

    The hobbies and pursuits in my life have been the main source of my meaning and well being though. Meditation and cooking and running I have mentioned. There is also Jujitsu and Capoeira and weaponised go kart racing and more. And most recently the "Jedi Academy" I created for some local "problem kids" here where I live has brought me so much joy and pride and well being and focus too.

    Finally I focus on making time (which clearly I do not have much left of after all the above!) for communication and introspection. I check in with myself a lot. And I make time to communicate with the people important to me which is something we often forget to do in our rush to get on with the rest of our lives.





  • I am a little slow this morning sorry :) Lack of sleeps! But I am not seeing the link you are drawing between the two posts?





  • I doubt it. They tend to be right wing and the right wing tend to invent these groups to be afraid of.

    But I genuinely think these lads main problem is they have gotten the wrong end of the stick in social situations. They think it's all about them and never think about the mundane too and fro in a relationship. The things that actually bind people aren't just the headline things like supermodel looks and wild sex, it's the hundreds of tiny interactions throughout the day. These fellas never seem to get that and I presume that is one of the reasons they can't form strong relationships with women.

    And I really agree that they tend to set their expectations way too high. It's like they're living in social media land where everyone puts on an ideal front on their lives.





  • I'd also add that in the past these guys existed, but expectations were lower overall, the point and click of online dating didn't exist, the filtered BS of online "standards" and lives was much less a thing and more importantly they didn't have a social outlet for themselves or their feelings. By nature they would tend to be loners, by choice or circumstance, or both. The world of the internet changed all that. Suddenly they could find like minded people and do it through a text based, largely non visual, usually anonymous medium, which makes things easier for anyone who feels socially excluded. They could have a community, a tribe, a social outlet, one that gave them social contact, a good thing, but which also gave succour and enlarged the negative aspects until it became a culture of that, a bad thing. And one with a much larger voice than it would otherwise have. A thousand "incel" voices can sound like a large minority on the interwebs.

    This goes for pretty much all otherwise marginalised groups in society(though levels of negativity varies). We can see that with things like anorexia and other self harming groups online. They build a culture, a community that builds an echo chamber and catechism of the faith which elevates the faithful over the voices of measured debate and crowds them out. We see the same with political arenas online too and it doesn't matter whether it's the conveniently if woefully simplistic right or left either.

    I've long believed one of the main reasons old style forums like Boards are fading away is because generalised discussion where you can read different opinions was a temporary blip in society and that people are far more drawn to arenas where their existing views are believed, reinforced and deviation from the local script is downvoted, blocked or never invited in the first place. Add in that I have found in life that people in general would much rather be proven "right" than be happy and marginalised groups and echo chambers of all stripes including incels are not going away anytime soon. Like I say I reckon that this tribal partisanship is the natural state of humanity, not open debate that might ask questions.

    Few enough were innocent in the past, few enough are innocent in the present, we just don’t know why yet.





  • That sounds similar to my approach to life with a minor difference. I consider myself to be no better or worse than anyone else, and no better or worse than my past self. In effect, on day 1 when I was born I was "Good enough". The purpose of my life is to experience the full richness of being alive and enjoy life as much as I can. I was not born to justify my existence, I was born to enjoy life.

    Accomplishments are irrelevant and a waste of time if they don't add to the enjoyment of my life.



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  • Yeah as much as I'm extremely unhappy in life right now I look at mates in relationships (literally going back to my teens) and in every single case I think "No thanks". The effort, the nagging, the digging, the next thing, the lack of appreciation. I really just don't think it's for me. I'm sure my mates can be and are arseholes at times but I wouldn't be going out with one of them. :P





  • Indeed. Maybe "better than" is not the right words to use. Improved upon maybe?

    Basically I am trying to indicate an improvement - but without a "value judgement". So "better than" is not really the words I am looking for but also not wrong either.

    For example if I learn a new fact - then I know something that the yesterday me did not know. If I run 10km in 34 minutes rather than 35 minutes then I am a little faster than yesterday. If I pull off a move in Capoeira or BJJ that I could not before - then I am a little more flexible than I was before. If I make a new dish or pull off a new close up magic or mentalism trick - then I have a new skill I did not have yesterday.

    So the only person I want to compare myself against on any given day - is the person I was the day before.





  • You focus too much on negative aspects of your personality - what are the positives?

    Typically, a guy has to tick a few of those boxes, sure, but not all. If they don't tick any of them, then they need to work on themselves or ask themselves: what DO they offer?





  • Are you replying to the right person there? I think you may have misunderstood the tongue in cheek nature of my post where I was derisively translating the INCEL language structure to read between the lines of their negativity and doomsaying.





  • Yeah, sorry - thought you were the OP for some reason...

    But the general gist of my post holds true: incels tend to blame women for having high standards that must women don't actually have. If they did, the human race world be in decline.





  • Agreed. I put it less eloquently than that. But what I keep saying is that the Incels are so intent on Navel gazing they are forgetting to look out the window to see if their theories hold true in the real world. And in the real world people are pairing up in all kinds of shapes and sizes and economic backgrounds and genital size and fashions and more.

    They are so intent on decreeing who is and is not mating material - they are failing to notice the sheer variety in mating behaviour that simply does not even remotely map onto their musings.

    Nothing wrong with navel gazing or imagination of course. All good stuff. But such people should stop and look around and reality check every so often.





  • Of all your mates, not one of them is in a healthy, happy enough relationship that would even tempt you? Fair enough if that's the case but it sounds extreme.

    I think most people i know in relationships are in mutually beneficial situations. Some are less happy than others and in some cases I think they'd be better off ending the relationship. But that's where I think you have completely discounted a crucial factor in relationships. The factor that binds people together and makes a poor relationship tolerable and a normal, good relationship great, is love.

    I think the point you're missing (and lots of the incels miss) is that love makes the whole thing work. I think your post above seems oblivious to the fact that most of those couples you know, probably love each other (even if it doesn't last forever). And people express and accept love differently which is why most people aren't compatible with each other but are compatible with some people.

    I wonder if the INCELs have a bigger problem understanding giving love or accepting love. The way they go on about themselves seems to suggest they don't like themselves and struggle to imagine anyone else falling in love with them.





  • Is incel a sufficiently nuanced term, that’s now occurring to me. You have the guys who can’t find a sechs but could make some attitudinal changes and tidy off their appearance then find themselves out banging (not something I’d necessarily advocate actually but that appears to be their goal). They’d be incels, but they ain’t full on, legit, straight up, no fcuking around incels.

    Then you have what I’d term “the heavy hitters”. The morbidly obese, nocturnal, sociopathic, porn addicted, internet addict piss drinkers who are a woman’s nightmare. The jizz tissue tyrants who can’t look you in the eye, but propagate alt right propaganda online and subsist on energy drinks, greasy take away food and wee wee. Who’d date the likes of that? They have an irrevocable stank of no box 4 life. The no box life. They also represent a terroristic threat. They are the real incels, the others just need a life coach!





  • Yea it is a vague term. It basically means anyone who wants to be having sex - but is not. That could mean anyone at any time really including the two ends of the continuum you describe above. Men or women. Young or old. A husband or wife in what has turned into a sexless marriage. Anyone really could potentially fit the term "incel". It just means "Involuntary Celebate" right?

    So I wonder who I mean when I use the term? I think when I use it I almost entirely mean men. But I mean men specifically who are not having sex - want to be having sex - but are specifically blaming this reality on some attribute or concept that they deem to be out of their control.

    The most common one I see on Boards.ie is height. Guys who are convinced their lack of sex is due to their being short. But I see others. Money and Penis size are in the top common group too. Or another common one is something like "irish women are just stuck up" or some other generalisation about irish women.

    But the list goes on.

    But for me the term "incel" is one I only use for the guys engaged in this excuse making. Blaming their absolute lack of effort at self improvement on something out of their control. It is basically this "I am doomed before I try - because I am not <insert here> - so I am simply not going to try in the first place." attitude that really defines the term "incel" for me.

    So the basement dwellers you describe may or might not fit how I use the word. Some of those basement dwellers probably acknowledge the reality their life style does not get them women. I would not call them incels. It is the basement dwellers who think their lack of women is because of women or something like height or wallet or penis or some other nonsense that deserve the term.



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  • It's not that simple anymore. Many of the MTGOW crowd have merged with the Incel category, as have a number of other internet type groups which have some kind of bitterness about women, as a gender (or women having bitterness about men, as a gender).

    As with most things that started on the internet, it's morphed over time.



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