Ghosted after a few good dates

Ted_YNWA · 01-05-2021 5:50am

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Let's see.

- You say you have better things to be doing like "in excess of 1000 acres of tillage crops with spraying and fertilising them at the minute" - and people still think this is a real thread? :pac: he's taking the piss as he tells me off :pac:
To be fair, he is living the gimmick with a name like JohnnyTractors. Fair play.

Mod

You obviously have no interest in taking the thread seriously.

So don't post here again.

JoChervil · 01-05-2021 1:29pm

JoChervil wrote: »

I more and more doubt it

What I wanted to say was, that I don't believe it is a whole story. It might be 100% true what has been revealed. But it is not the whole truth.

And that made a lot of people here saying awful things about the girl. While the whole story might have been completely different.

For example: what text from him wold cause the answer "You are fine..."? What if she wanted to finish it and he didn't take "no" for the answer and kept texting her. Would your perception of her be different then?

Why they met by accident near HER place? So who might have been a stalker then? I simply have doubts...

She didn't apologised. Maybe she had a reason for it because fault was not on her side?

We don't know the whole story to judge her so harshly and give the whole credit to OP.

But irrespectively OP sounds like a nice genuine guy. So maybe the whole story is a simple misunderstanding and too big eagerness from his side...

raclle · 01-05-2021 3:41pm

JoChervil wrote: »

Why they met by accident near HER place? So who might have been a stalker then? I simply have doubts...

She lives in Clare not Limerick which is why I questioned it

Fuzzyduzzy · 01-05-2021 3:41pm

From what I remember with online dating, you treat it like a game of tennis. You send a message, they send one back. You reply at a similar time ratio, no fast replies or long messages. Send a max of 10 messages before you suggest a meet-up in a public place. NEVER double text, no matter how hard you want to convince yourself they've forgot to text you or been captured by pirates. No emojis (guys). Pretend you're not really attracted to them yet, you can take them or leave them. Any rule breaking and then you get ghosted or pen pal zoned. Just my 2 cents but I learned the hard way!

O'Neill · 01-05-2021 3:47pm

Fuzzyduzzy wrote: »

From what I remember with online dating, you treat it like a game of tennis. You send a message, they send one back. You reply at a similar time ratio, no fast replies or long messages. Send a max of 10 messages before you suggest a meet-up in a public place. NEVER double text, no matter how hard you want to convince yourself they've forgot to text you or been captured by pirates. No emojis (guys). Pretend you're not really attracted to them yet, you can take them or leave them. Any rule breaking and then you get ghosted or pen pal zoned. Just my 2 cents but I learned the hard way!

I find online dating exhausting. Just last week, I matched with a guy, he sent a message straight away
Them:'Hi'
Me: 'Hi how are you?'
I got 2 notifications back from them but was busy with work and literally not even 5 mins since their reply, I was about to respond and they unmatched me!

01-05-2021 4:06pm

Fuzzyduzzy wrote: »

From what I remember with online dating, you treat it like a game of tennis. You send a message, they send one back. You reply at a similar time ratio, no fast replies or long messages. Send a max of 10 messages before you suggest a meet-up in a public place. NEVER double text, no matter how hard you want to convince yourself they've forgot to text you or been captured by pirates. No emojis (guys). Pretend you're not really attracted to them yet, you can take them or leave them. Any rule breaking and then you get ghosted or pen pal zoned. Just my 2 cents but I learned the hard way!

Emojii is handy when you're being cheeky.

01-05-2021 4:07pm

O'Neill wrote: »

I find online dating exhausting. Just last week, I matched with a guy, he sent a message straight away
Them:'Hi'
Me: 'Hi how are you?'
I got 2 notifications back from them but was busy with work and literally not even 5 mins since their reply, I was about to respond and they unmatched me!

I don't take any of it personally. It's like a video game to me.

OMM 0000 · 01-05-2021 4:09pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

So, I recently matched with the one on tinder who was very cute, charming a funny. Within a few weeks we exchanged numbers and started chatting on WhatsApp. After a while we agreed to meet up in person and we clicked like a house on fire. We met the following week again and had a ball of time together. The following two weeks were Easter Sunday and the following Sunday I was tied the following Sunday helping a friend. We stayed in contact every day and night and shared messages and Snap chatting each other every day. Met her last Sunday and we had a brilliant time together. We chatted Sunday night when I got home and I fell asleep then. Monday morning I texted her and I got the following message back “ You're fine, sooo tired this morning getting up for work how's you? xx “ this is the last message I have got as I have been blocked on WhatsApp and on Snapchat. I’m still a match on tinder with her and friends on Instagram with her. I have reached out to her and asked her what is going on but I have been ghosted!!! To be honest I didn’t think she was like this and if she was to message me again later in life I would accept her back into my life.

How do people cope when someone ghosts you? To be honest I’m a nervous wreck, not sleeping properly, not eating much and can’t focus at work. I’m stressed out and I would love to hear from her is all

My initial thought is she has a boyfriend or recently broke up and he's back in town so you're dumped. It was a panic block so there will be no surprise messages on her phone.

Surreptitious · 01-05-2021 4:16pm

There are no rules to dating. Online or in the real world. If you both get on, it will work. Until it doesn't anymore

Ubbquittious · 01-05-2021 4:18pm

Surreptitious wrote: »

There are no rules to dating. Online or in the real world. If you both get on, it will work. Until it doesn't anymore

They are loads. Just unwritten social ones that they're constantly updating and changing to keep the socially inept fellas out

Surreptitious · 01-05-2021 4:19pm

Ubbquittious wrote: »

They are loads. Just unwritten social ones that they're constantly updating and changing to keep the socially inept fellas out

Don't know but I suppose it's different for women. I'm not going on them anymore anyway. Too time consuming

Lesalare · 01-05-2021 4:20pm

Fuzzyduzzy wrote: »

From what I remember with online dating, you treat it like a game of tennis. You send a message, they send one back. You reply at a similar time ratio, no fast replies or long messages. Send a max of 10 messages before you suggest a meet-up in a public place. NEVER double text, no matter how hard you want to convince yourself they've forgot to text you or been captured by pirates. No emojis (guys). Pretend you're not really attracted to them yet, you can take them or leave them. Any rule breaking and then you get ghosted or pen pal zoned. Just my 2 cents but I learned the hard way!

My God. This is exhausting even just to read. This is not 'dating' it sounds like torture.

"You reply at a similar time ratio, no fast replies or long messages" Jesus.

Ubbquittious · 01-05-2021 4:26pm

Surreptitious wrote: »

Don't know but I suppose it's different for women. I'm not going on them anymore anyway. Too time consuming

You mean there is no masonic lodge style building overgrown with ivy in the countryside beside an old Protestant church where all the popular girls meet to ballot on what rules they're going to impose on the dating public? Followed by rice krispy buns and red lemonade in a white plastic cup laced with rum

monkeysnapper · 01-05-2021 4:31pm

Dtp1979 wrote: »

Why in the name of Jaysus did you post this on after hours OP?

He has had a lot of good solid advice .... seems like as good a place as any .....

Fuzzyduzzy · 01-05-2021 6:37pm

Lesalare wrote: »

My God. This is exhausting even just to read. This is not 'dating' it sounds like torture.

"You reply at a similar time ratio, no fast replies or long messages" Jesus.

I felt the same way writing it, let alone experiencing it! It is what it is unfortunately. Any hint of neediness and it's game over. I don't miss online dating one bit..

20Wheel · 01-05-2021 7:15pm

85603 wrote: »

i lost contact with one girl, a platonic friend, due to her having a miscarriage, she had stopped contact abruptly. got back in contact a year, and managed to do so because i had been upfront enough to send a message of concern to a friend of hers.

another time after an abrupt cease in communications i later discovered it was a religious parent, she lived in n.africa and her father just put the kaibosh down on her flirting - not her fault.

both times i reconnected due to a simple message of concern through mutual contacts.

why the hell would you not just leave a simple message saying 'hey havent heard from you, hope theres nothing wrong'.

Absolutely. If youre an adult then you will communicate directly. Pointless childlike games of text message tennis just lead to confusion and frustration.
In any case most normal people stop that nonsense during adulthood. If you have to say something important just say it. Dont be so delicate, dont worry about weirdos gossiping that oooh you texted her twice, stalker.

Direct no bull**** communication probably would have helped the author of this thread some hassle.
The whole thread brought this to mind, from 01:27. (from Gladwells 'outliers')

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KYPcHv78tk

Austria! · 02-05-2021 1:04pm

pgj2015 wrote: »

some women in their 30's will settle with absolutely anyone.

which women? where?

YellowLead · 02-05-2021 1:11pm

Austria! wrote: »

which women? where?

I’ve seen this happen. Some want kids so badly it gets to an age where they stop looking for mr perfect and go with whoever is ready and willing. They don’t really fancy this guy so are a little resentful and end up treating him like crap. Sex is off the cards once marriage and kids have been sorted and he settles into a life of no sex and being bullied.
But more fool him he married her in the first place

Note - this is only a tiny percentage of women - most women are awesome!

raclle · 02-05-2021 3:01pm

YellowLead wrote: »

But more fool him he married her in the first place

The same could be said for those types of guys too and will happily settle for anything even if it means getting treated like crap. Some need that security of just been with someone

Fuzzyduzzy · 02-05-2021 4:02pm

20Wheel wrote: »

Absolutely. If youre an adult then you will communicate directly. Pointless childlike games of text message tennis just lead to confusion and frustration.
In any case most normal people stop that nonsense during adulthood. If you have to say something important just say it. Dont be so delicate, dont worry about weirdos gossiping that oooh you texted her twice, stalker.

Direct no bull**** communication probably would have helped the author of this thread some hassle.
The whole thread brought this to mind, from 01:27. (from Gladwells 'outliers')

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KYPcHv78tk

It's never been easier for someone to show the decency of replying to a message. A lot of people spend at least 10 minutes scrolling aimlessly on their phones each day. If a person is this flaky then you are doing yourself a favour by not double texting them as (a) you look needy to them and (b) you've avoided finding out what other horrible traits they have. Resist the urge and never double text.

This is the reality of the online dating world unfortunately and people are constantly getting disappointed expecting more decency on it.

02-05-2021 7:52pm

Fuzzyduzzy wrote: »

It's never been easier for someone to show the decency of replying to a message. A lot of people spend at least 10 minutes scrolling aimlessly on their phones each day. If a person is this flaky then you are doing yourself a favour by not double texting them as (a) you look needy to them and (b) you've avoided finding out what other horrible traits they have. Resist the urge and never double text.

This is the reality of the online dating world unfortunately and people are constantly getting disappointed expecting more decency on it.

not double texting them as (a) you look needy to them

ah stop. this isn't secondary school any more.

if sending two texts without a reply in between is the filter which removes me from someone's interactions then great. please break off contact, as im not looking for some head wrecker who will be taking careful metrics on who opened the door, who arrived first, who sent a double text. fck that.

such nonsense and hyperbole in this thread. and such an exaggerated fear of rejection.

maybe its an age difference thing. maybe some here are still in their 20's when theres still such foolishness going on.

Galwayguy35 · 02-05-2021 8:38pm

Sometimes I think a paid dating site might be better, it would cut out the timewasters of both sexes I think.

YellowLead · 02-05-2021 9:23pm

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Sometimes I think a paid dating site might be better, it would cut out the timewasters of both sexes I think.

I think it depends - I think if you are going to pay then a match maker might be better. I’m not sure that by using a paid site you are going to get what you are looking for. The usual apps are annoying yes but the paid apps are full of people who can’t get a date on the regular ones...and you got to wonder why...

02-05-2021 9:47pm

YellowLead wrote: »

The usual apps are annoying yes but the paid apps are full of people who can’t get a date on the regular ones...and you got to wonder why...

how would you know whether they can get a date or not?

As for why; maybe they just wanted to use a paid app to avoid the kind of conceited bollocks you seem hung up on.

YellowLead · 02-05-2021 9:52pm

85603 wrote: »

how would you know whether they can get a date or not?

As for why; maybe they just wanted to use a paid app to avoid the kind of conceited bollocks you seem hung up on.

Actually you are right - I wrote that the wrong way! But a friend of mine who joined elite singles was very disappointed as she saw a lot of the same faces as the other apps but the less attractive (not physically just overall) ones.
I mean you are obviously going to pay if you are a bit desperate.
Some of the sites through might be different - the really expensive ones where it’s more of a match maker service and they match people on personalities etc. They might be worth it for sure. I’d consider that.

ulster · 02-05-2021 10:06pm

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Sometimes I think a paid dating site might be better, it would cut out the timewasters of both sexes I think.

Yeah but avoid match, there's loads of washed up women on that.

raclle · 02-05-2021 10:10pm

Don't you have to pay on Tinder to see who liked you? or just get a lucky match by swiping for hours on end

YellowLead · 02-05-2021 10:12pm

raclle wrote: »

Don't you have to pay on Tinder to see who liked you? or just get a lucky match by swiping for hours on end

I definitely think it’s more worth men’s while than women’s to use paid versions. With women pretty much everyone they swipe on likes them as men are typically swipe happy yet women are more selective.
Hinge you can see who liked you without paying.

02-05-2021 10:31pm

raclle wrote: »

Don't you have to pay on Tinder to see who liked you? or just get a lucky match by swiping for hours on end

When I use tinder I set up my account and let the "likes" accumulate, while using the app just enough to stop the account from closing. Once I get around 200 likes, I pay for a single month to access the likes.

Fuzzyduzzy · 02-05-2021 11:04pm

85603 wrote: »

ah stop. this isn't secondary school any more.

if sending two texts without a reply in between is the filter which removes me from someone's interactions then great. please break off contact, as im not looking for some head wrecker who will be taking careful metrics on who opened the door, who arrived first, who sent a double text. fck that.

such nonsense and hyperbole in this thread. and such an exaggerated fear of rejection.

maybe its an age difference thing. maybe some here are still in their 20's when theres still such foolishness going on.

So what's your solution to someone messaging/meeting up with you and then just abruptly ceasing contact? This is the reality of what a lot of people are doing.

Ghosted after a few good dates

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