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Do you think men can be close friends with women?

  • 07-10-2020 07:08PM
    #1
    mr_fegelien
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,483 ✭✭✭


    Without anything more going on? I used to hear someone in school say that unless a man is gay or finds his female friend really unattractive, a male-female friendship is bound to have romantic/sexual attraction develop between the two.

    But that seems very naive and childish. I'm sure there are married men that have close female friends as they do with lads.

    What I find interesting in Ireland (as pointed out to me by continental European friends and Australian, American friends) is that in Ireland, there's this weird gender segregation that goes on past secondary school. In many other countries, boys and girls are self conscious and immature so they tend to avoid each other up until they become adults and enter college. In college, this usually disappears but for the Irish, it seems that men and women are very cliquey. Men stay with men and women stay with women. If you look at the Facebook posts of Irish guys and girls you see it's mainly guys in a group of guys and girls in a group of girls even in college gaffes.

    Why do you think that is?


«1

Comments

  • #2
    Notmything
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,359 ✭✭✭Notmything


    Fair play for your environmentalism and recycling topics:

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=112067072


  • #3
    440Hertz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 651 ✭✭✭440Hertz


    That hasn't really been my experience. My college friends were most definitely mixed.


  • #4
    simongurnick
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,919 ✭✭✭simongurnick


    I had friends that were girls but deep down I wanted to bang them all.


  • #5
    Insidious
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 80 ✭✭Insidious


    It's possible of course! It's just you need to have slept with them first.... Once that's out of the system it can be great! ðŸ˜


  • #6
    440Hertz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 651 ✭✭✭440Hertz


    As a bi guy, in that case, I'd be doomed to friendlessness!

    I can actually manage to differentiate between friends & sex and I'm sure straight men can too.


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  • #7
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,946 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    At last year's Christmas work party (remember those?) I was talking to by far the best looking girl all night.

    She looked stunning, you know the way the plain enough girl during office hours makes a huge effort for the Xmas staff party and suddenly looks smoking. We randomly sat alongside each other for the meal and hadn't really chatted much to each other at the office for the last couple of years and had loads to talk about, especially about who to bitch about.

    We went out to the smoking shed and other men from different companies sharing our venue tried chatting her up, but she had no interest in them and we continued our conversation in our own little bubble.

    But here's the thing OP, there was no awkward sexual attraction getting in the way of our conversation. Just a good old chin wag. So, yeah, it's possible.

    Incidentally, we're marking the third year of our divorce next week.


  • #8
    Skill Magill
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,344 ✭✭✭Skill Magill


    Deleted User wrote: »
    At last year's Christmas work party (remember those?)
    Why wouldn't we remember last years Christmas work party?


  • #9
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,946 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Skill Magill wrote: »
    Why wouldn't we remember last years Christmas work party?


    If you can remember it were you even really there, eh? :pac: But, meant work events in general.


  • #10
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,046 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I shared a bed with a beautiful Swedish woman for like six months while we both dated other people. We were plutonic best friends and it just felt normal somehow.


  • #11
    Regis779
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34 ✭Regis779


    I think there can be, I have a guy that is a friend and don't feel any sexual attraction. Just purely enjoying his company and liking him as a person


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  • #12
    dubbrin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 168 ✭✭dubbrin


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I shared a bed with a beautiful Swedish woman for like six months while we both dated other people. We were plutonic best friends and it just felt normal somehow.

    Did it ever get awkward when one of you would bring the other half around to stay?


  • #13
    stoneill
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,607 ✭✭✭stoneill


    440Hertz wrote: »
    As a bi guy

    That's just greedy.


  • #14
    UI_Paddy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 150 ✭✭UI_Paddy


    mr_fegelien wrote: »
    I used to hear someone in school say that unless a man is gay or finds his female friend really unattractive, a male-female friendship is bound to have romantic/sexual attraction develop between the two.

    But that seems very naive and childish. I'm sure there are married men that have close female friends as they do with lads.

    Very naive and childish. I've been with my girlfriend/ now fiance for 6 years and still have good female friends that I bond with having no ulterior motives.


  • #15
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,810 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    simongurnick wrote: »
    I had friends that were girls but deep down I wanted to bang them all.


    I've had plenty of female friends i didn't have sex with - but i would have done without a doubt if it ever came up (pardon the pun;)). I've only had 1 in all my years who i genuinely had no real interest in banging, she was a really lovely girl but she looked like an ewok god love her.......and i probably still would have.


    I'm the sort of person who can't help but find some attractive feature in practically everyone. I once fancied the pants off this one girl because she had a slightly hooked nose, countless others because of their eyes and if you have red hair, proceed to the top of the line.


    So in short, it may work for some people but there's practically always some sort of a sexual element to it for me.


  • #16
    Gruffalux
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,023 ✭✭✭Gruffalux


    Friends, yes. Good solid real friends. Friends who can chat easily over a whole life time about mutual interests and have a good laugh, and talk about life's problems in a general and supporting way. Friends who genuinely care about the other, admire them as a good human being and who you would mourn for if they died.
    But "close" suggests very confiding, emotionally intimate, exclusive of others. Maybe I am misinterpreting the word. I don't think that it is healthy for a person with a partner to have a different person of the opposite sex (if heterosexual, same sex if homosexual) to whom they are excessively close and emotionally intimate. There is something emasculating for the man about a woman stringing along a man friend in that way, close but never all the way. I don't know what the word is if a man maintains a woman in that kind of place but it is the same. Maybe if the close friend has really subsumed or embodied a maternal/paternal/sibling role it would be possible...


  • #17
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 32,420 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    stoneill wrote:
    That's just greedy.


    Or maybe they're just bi


  • #18
    greenspurs
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,991 ✭✭✭✭greenspurs


    mr_fegelien wrote: »
    Without anything more going on? I used to hear someone in school say that unless a man is gay or finds his female friend really unattractive, a male-female friendship is bound to have romantic/sexual attraction develop between the two.

    But that seems very naive and childish. I'm sure there are married men that have close female friends as they do with lads.

    What I find interesting in Ireland (as pointed out to me by continental European friends and Australian, American friends) is that in Ireland, there's this weird gender segregation that goes on past secondary school. In many other countries, boys and girls are self conscious and immature so they tend to avoid each other up until they become adults and enter college. In college, this usually disappears but for the Irish, it seems that men and women are very cliquey. Men stay with men and women stay with women. If you look at the Facebook posts of Irish guys and girls you see it's mainly guys in a group of guys and girls in a group of girls even in college gaffes.

    Why do you think that is?
    Notmything wrote: »
    Fair play for your environmentalism and recycling topics:

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=112067072

    Thats 3 threads since "he" returned that he has just rehashed ... same topic, just a little difference in phrasing !!

    How the f*** is this sh1t allowed go on unchecked !!
    THis kind of fcukery is ruining boards.....
    247469249_2017413731748359_7675802031635703098_n.jpg

    "Bright lights and Thunder .................... " #NoPopcorn



  • #19
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,946 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    greenspurs wrote: »
    Thats 3 threads since "he" returned that he has just rehashed ... same topic, just a little difference in phrasing !!

    How the f*** is this sh1t allowed go on unchecked !!
    THis kind of fcukery is ruining boards.....


    I assumed I was in After Hours, hence the joke. :o With that said, others have responded with genuine answers and the thread, if not the OP, has merit.


  • #20
    440Hertz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 651 ✭✭✭440Hertz


    Wanderer78 wrote: »
    Or maybe they're just bi

    Ah! sure at this stage, I’m well used to snide comments about being bi, both from people who think they’re utterly hilarious and those with an axe to grind from either side of the fence.

    Meh!


  • #21
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    I think you can be friends but not really close friends TBH.

    A lot of men who are friends with women want to be a lot more than friends, let's be honest here, the other way around not so much.


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  • #22
    Fuascailteoir
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 863 ✭✭✭Fuascailteoir


    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    I think you can be friends but not really close friends TBH.

    A lot of men who are friends with women want to be a lot more than friends, let's be honest here, the other way around not so much.

    When you get past your 20s it is possible. I think around then you realise that having more than one woman on the go really just means more than one woman to nag you to death


  • #23
    99nsr125
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,200 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    440Hertz wrote: »
    As a bi guy, in that case, I'd be doomed to friendlessness!

    I can actually manage to differentiate between friends & sex and I'm sure straight men can too.

    We can't


  • #24
    99nsr125
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,200 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    Fuascailteoir wrote: »
    When you get past your 20s it is possible. I think around then you realise that having more than one woman on the go really just means more than one woman to nag you to death

    You're right about the nagging part


  • #25
    99nsr125
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,200 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    Gruffalux wrote: »
    Friends, yes. Good solid real friends. Friends who can chat easily over a whole life time about mutual interests and have a good laugh, and talk about life's problems in a general and supporting way. Friends who genuinely care about the other, admire them as a good human being and who you would mourn for if they died.
    But "close" suggests very confiding, emotionally intimate, exclusive of others. Maybe I am misinterpreting the word. I don't think that it is healthy for a person with a partner to have a different person of the opposite sex (if heterosexual, same sex if homosexual) to whom they are excessively close and emotionally intimate. There is something emasculating for the man about a woman stringing along a man friend in that way, close but never all the way. I don't know what the word is if a man maintains a woman in that kind of place but it is the same. Maybe if the close friend has really subsumed or embodied a maternal/paternal/sibling role it would be possible...

    Yeah but no that's impossible for guys, eventually the temptation of titties and a her mouth on your cock is too much


  • #26
    99nsr125
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,200 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    Regis779 wrote: »
    I think there can be, I have a guy that is a friend and don't feel any sexual attraction. Just purely enjoying his company and liking him as a person

    He's just softening you up for when you get his hard on in your hands


  • #27
    jay1988
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 633 ✭✭✭jay1988


    stoneill wrote: »
    That's just greedy.

    That's a dick comment right there, grow up.


  • #28
    Kimbot
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 19,068 Mod ✭✭✭✭Kimbot


    Most of my closest friends for the last 20 odd years are women so yes men can be close friends with women without anything going on.


  • #29
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,810 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    jay1988 wrote: »
    That's a dick comment right there, grow up.


    Does being bi preclude a sense of humour or what - it was clearly meant as a joke!


  • #30
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,946 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    sbsquarepants wrote: »
    Does being bi preclude a sense of humour or what - it was clearly meant as a joke!

    A joke should have some element of originality, not just a repeated trope. Example, you could have picked up on their use of dick and suggested. 'That's a dick/vag comment right there, grow up.' ;)


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  • #31
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,810 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Shít. Another opportunity missed :D


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