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2020 Bride/Groom

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Comments

  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,660 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Mod note: Qwerty13 and Teach30 - enough.

    Qwerty, it’s no business of yours how much someone spends on their own wedding, and it has no impact on whether or not they are entitled to fret at this uncertain time. It’s all relative to circumstances.

    Teach, while I appreciate that you clearly come from an exceptionally privileged family and you are simply posting within your frame of reference, it would be a good idea to stop and reflect on how your posts come across to others, and maybe think twice about the level of financial detail you’re sharing. While it’s not your fault, many people posting here may spend less on their entire wedding than you have on your photographer, so it’s likely to get people’s backs up when you fret about being out €1500 in one post, and in the next you query buying top-of-the-line designer shoes that most of us could only dream of owning.

    Any more bickering between you two will lead to sanctions.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Some serious head wobbles need to happen here. My wedding day was marred by a tragic event the week before, we got on with it and 11 years on I'm just grateful we had a day with the ones who matter. My sincere condolences to the poster who recently lost their father, everyone else try and keep a bit of perspective.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 384 ✭✭dockysher


    Was due to get married on may 29th this year and we moved it yesterday to December 18th. All suppliers and hotel were all so helpful and nearly all moved to new date with no hassle.
    Such a relief now not having to worry about wedding with all this going on.


  • Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭Teach30


    With shops being closed and suppliers not meeting with people just wondering how long would it take to get remaining bits for a wedding sorted. Bridesmaid Dresses, suits, invitations and flowers I think are all we really need.
    Could these be done in say two weeks?
    Really can’t face prospect of moving the date as I hated planning it so far and just want it done with now. Wedding end of June.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 384 ✭✭dockysher


    Teach30 wrote: »
    With shops being closed and suppliers not meeting with people just wondering how long would it take to get remaining bits for a wedding sorted. Bridesmaid Dresses, suits, invitations and flowers I think are all we really need.
    Could these be done in say two weeks?
    Really can’t face prospect of moving the date as I hated planning it so far and just want it done with now. Wedding end of June.
    If you could get them mostly online ya you could have it done in 2 weeks.
    But in shops I dont think so. Most suit shops shut already round my area and likely a lot of clothes shops be shut frm next week on. Not sure about flower shops but probly similar.
    Invitations you will get easy online.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    For flowers, I'd say you could get this done remotely, consultations over skype for example. Maybe not with small local shops, but with suppliers who are still currently functioning online.

    I'd consider artificial flowers too though (I mean good quality custom made silk ones, not the cheap plastic ones you find in the shops :P). If things don't improve by June and you needed to postpone your date, it's one less thing to worry about. You can just keep the flowers for your rearranged date. But if you go with fresh flowers, you could lose your deposit if the supplier isn't available for your new date. Just something to consider.

    Here's hoping things will go back to normal sooner rather than later though.


  • Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 621 ✭✭✭Slim Charles


    Postponed ours for two years over this (couldn't get summer wedding at venue for 2021 and she really wants it), she tells me we now need to do intent to marry again and fork over another 200 quid when the time comes as there is a 6 month window or something. Anyone else who has postponed can confirm/deny ?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 928 ✭✭✭Shelli2


    That's correct. I enquired about ours, it looks like we'll be postponing until October this year. It's 5 months from our original date so we don't have to, but anything over 6 months would have meant doing it again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 384 ✭✭dockysher


    As regards to the 200 euro marriage registration form, we postponed our wedding for over 6 months after our origanal wedding date but due to coronavirus they are just going reissue form for new date free of charge.
    You do have make a new appointment though to call into them and sign new form but no charge.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,882 ✭✭✭lisasimpson


    Our hotel had asked us to hold tight for early may but we are going to move the date now. Willing to go mid wk in a few months time to many elderly aunts and uncles in the family


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 928 ✭✭✭Shelli2


    Our hotel had asked us to hold tight for early may but we are going to move the date now. Willing to go mid wk in a few months time to many elderly aunts and uncles in the family

    We're 2nd May, I'm pretty confident it's not going ahead, and the hotel and most suppliers have reserved us a back up date, we were lucky to get Saturday 3rd October.
    Hotel won't fully cancel May yet though, which is a little frustrating, but by next week we should have definite answers.
    We'll have lost our band and ceremony music though, they weren't available for October, do once I get confirmation I'll start looking for new music and send out 'change the date' notices.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,882 ✭✭✭lisasimpson


    Shelli2 wrote: »
    We're 2nd May, I'm pretty confident it's not going ahead, and the hotel and most suppliers have reserved us a back up date, we were lucky to get Saturday 3rd October.
    Hotel won't fully cancel May yet though, which is a little frustrating, but by next week we should have definite answers.
    We'll have lost our band and ceremony music though, they weren't available for October, do once I get confirmation I'll start looking for new music and send out 'change the date' notices.

    We are the weekend after. We had a few suppliers into us already asking about our postponed date and have no answer for them. So going to try to push the hotel for an update next week. We are willing to go mid week with the new date so we should keep most of our suppliers. Im sure many of them will be delighted with the mid week business when they will be doing their best to recover the losses from this


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 928 ✭✭✭Shelli2


    Rearranging yet again!

    Have just found out I'm pregnant, so our financial priorities have completely changed.

    I'm hoping to go ahead on the same date in October but we are scaling back to a small ceremony and an after party with finger food.

    I'm delighted on all fronts to be honest.
    I got caught up in the big wedding, and it was a little because I know my Dad wanted a big formal wedding. But I also know he'd be thrilled to have a new grandchild, and he would understand our decision.
    This new plan is so much more our style and it'll be a lovely relaxed day.


  • Registered Users Posts: 279 ✭✭ep71


    Hi all,

    so we are planning to get married in October this year, have made contact with hotel and have not had much help from them so far.

    Also, we have not yet managed to get the pre marriage course done or the meeting with the registrar, are these still going ahead?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,208 ✭✭✭Batgurl


    ep71 wrote: »
    Hi all,

    so we are planning to get married in October this year, have made contact with hotel and have not had much help from them so far.

    Also, we have not yet managed to get the pre marriage course done or the meeting with the registrar, are these still going ahead?

    What help do you need from the hotel?

    Pre-marriage can be done right up until a couple of weeks before the wedding. Call your priest and ask what he wants.

    I’ve heard appointments for the green folder can be done via post with meeting done as soon as they reopen. Call the HSE to confirm.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 928 ✭✭✭Shelli2


    We've officially cancelled with the hotel for October and have booked a ceremony in Dublin city centre instead.

    Sat 3rd October should now be available in Summerhill House in case anyone is looking.


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    All the premarriage courses are off for the time being given that they involve gatherings.
    The hotel might be hesitant to give you a date in October because a lot of people are cancelling their Aug & September dates.
    Our priest didn't want us to do the online one as he felt it was just box ticking but I'm going to ring him tomorrow to see if he will accept the online one now. Or if the diocese has an alternative to offer.
    Realistically, restrictions of some sort are likely to remain in place until a vaccine is widely available, so weddings might only be permitted to go ahead in their most basic form and no gathering of more than a certain number. I'm going to be emailing the HSE ( meeting in March got cancelled as well as our marriage course) to find out what options there might be for couples going forward.


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Well, I checked the HSE website and tbh, I'm not happy at all. They are saying that people
    a) can't make an appointment
    b) can only attend the appointment that you can't get, in person
    c) not to plan any weddings until 'after the pandemic' - like, when a vaccine is discovered or what??



    I started a thread about it in legal discussion:


    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=113214731#post113214731


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,935 ✭✭✭✭yourdeadwright


    Just wondering was anyone here due to be married in City Hall ?
    What have they done for you , have the rescheduled for next year or just given your money back or what ?


  • Registered Users Posts: 279 ✭✭ep71


    Neyite wrote: »
    Well, I checked the HSE website and tbh, I'm not happy at all. They are saying that people
    a) can't make an appointment
    b) can only attend the appointment that you can't get, in person
    c) not to plan any weddings until 'after the pandemic' - like, when a vaccine is discovered or what??



    I started a thread about it in legal discussion:


    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=113214731#post113214731

    I just rang births deaths and marriage registration and they emailed me all the documentation to submit by post and said that I would need to attend the office at some stage prior to the wedding ie. before October to sign and present any additional documents.

    They will accept the postal docs as formal notice.

    No reply to call or email from Hotel for past week.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 279 ✭✭ep71


    Batgurl wrote: »
    What help do you need from the hotel?

    Pre-marriage can be done right up until a couple of weeks before the wedding. Call your priest and ask what he wants.

    I’ve heard appointments for the green folder can be done via post with meeting done as soon as they reopen. Call the HSE to confirm.

    Was just hoping for some info on hotel re smaller numbers, assuming family from UK or elsewhere will be less likely to travel, government restrictions may mean smaller numbers anyway.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,014 ✭✭✭Pen Rua


    We are due for October 2020. Herself is from the USA, and therefore we are now extremely concerned her family will not be able to travel. Our provisional guest list was also approx 1/3 USA visitors.

    We are determined to go ahead with our wedding in October - we have zero intent to postpone. We now are beginning to resign ourselves to the thought that it will be a bare minimum wedding & the possibility neither family can attend. Thankfully, we completed our Accord course in February.

    In terms of suppliers etc, the hotel as closed for now and we have paid two tranches of deposit. We have not heard from photographer or DJ. We have not made arrangements for suit, flowers etc (we were due to do these the weekend lockdown-lite was brought in).

    We have friends in the US due to get married this Friday and have opted to livestream. This is echoed by another person we know who brought theirs forward to May and are livestreaming. A third couple we know have opted to postpone to early 2021.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,208 ✭✭✭Batgurl


    ep71 wrote: »
    Was just hoping for some info on hotel re smaller numbers, assuming family from UK or elsewhere will be less likely to travel, government restrictions may mean smaller numbers anyway.

    Hotels are probably working on skeleton staff at the moment as they are closed and are likely working through the weddings most immediately impacted.

    I understand it’s frustrating but just be patient and send your contact an email and I’m sure they can get back to you when they can.

    Also worth remembering they have no more knowledge on numbers that may be permitted etc than you so it’s very possible they won’t be able to answer your questions yet anyway.


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    ep71 wrote: »
    I just rang births deaths and marriage registration and they emailed me all the documentation to submit by post and said that I would need to attend the office at some stage prior to the wedding ie. before October to sign and present any additional documents.

    They will accept the postal docs as formal notice.

    No reply to call or email from Hotel for past week.

    Yes I had a similar conversation about a month ago just before the schools shut - the offices were closing then - after lockdown, when they reopen, they'll finish the process with a face-to-face appointment.

    I suppose my concern is that what if (and I appreciate that everyone is in the dark at the moment) the lockdown drags on, surely they have to come up with some sort of alternative. I wonder if all countries in lockdown have just stopped all marriage licences being granted or are they using video or email to process and approve marriage applications.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,014 ✭✭✭Pen Rua


    https://www.irishtimes.com/news/politics/coronavirus-all-mass-gatherings-in-state-set-to-be-banned-until-august-1.4234326
    All mass gathering will be banned until August at the earliest, under plans set to be announced by the Government due to the ongoing coronavirus crisis.

    It is understood the decision was taken by Ministers at a Cabinet meeting on Tuesday morning.

    As of now, the article does not define "mass gathering." When the March 12 closures were announced (schools etc), mass gatherings indoors of > 100 people were to be cancelled.


  • Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭Teach30


    We have about 300 on list so at moment unsure if it will go ahead. However would people still want to attend? Mixture of age groups a good few elderly including parents.

    Is it worth the risk? If we cancel we lose everything we had booked including hotel deposit and hotel has no good dates left. I think it might be best to cancel. I don’t mind waiting another year but fiancé does. Our heads are wrecked.


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 11,362 ✭✭✭✭Scarinae


    Pen Rua wrote: »
    As of now, the article does not define "mass gathering." When the March 12 closures were announced (schools etc), mass gatherings indoors of > 100 people were to be cancelled.

    It seems to have been updated, as it now says mass gatherings means those with over 5,000 people. However, I wouldn't be surprised if they lower this number closer to the time.


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    I wouldn't bank on the restrictions number as that can go any way.

    I do think that a lot of people will avoid a wedding unless it's a tiny one until a vaccine is widely available.


  • Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭Teach30


    Neyite wrote: »
    I wouldn't bank on the restrictions number as that can go any way.

    I do think that a lot of people will avoid a wedding unless it's a tiny one until a vaccine is widely available.

    Funny anyone I spoke to is only mad for a session and they’d go alright. Parents don’t want it happening though which is fair enough it would be terrible if someone died after it so hopefully government will cap numbers for us.


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  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    You are right, on one hand everyone will be mad for a session but would probably still think carefully about attending and end up regretfully declining.

    I'm not sure if I personally would be even comfortable with a government cap on numbers. None of us want our weddings to be a disaster. I certainly don't want my wedding to be remembered because that was the one where half of the people brought Covid 19 home from it. So I think I'd wait until the risk is really over - which I'd say is next year at least?


  • Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭Teach30


    Neyite wrote: »
    You are right, on one hand everyone will be mad for a session but would probably still think carefully about attending and end up regretfully declining.

    I'm not sure if I personally would be even comfortable with a government cap on numbers. None of us want our weddings to be a disaster. I certainly don't want my wedding to be remembered because that was the one where half of the people brought Covid 19 home from it. So I think I'd wait until the risk is really over - which I'd say is next year at least?

    I know but our plan b isn’t as good. None of the band, flowers, makeup etc I booked are free so we are left with the dregs. For us it’s all about the party and ensuring our guests have the best day. I’m too old to wait around another two years. We’ll probably go with plan B but we won’t have half the enjoyment in knowing it’s all second best and the leftovers if that makes sense.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,014 ✭✭✭Pen Rua


    We have two sets of friends (one USA based, one Ireland based) and both have taken the decision to get married regardless and livestream their wedding for friends & family. Their intent is to have a party on their anniversaries in 2021.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    Teach30 wrote: »
    I know but our plan b isn’t as good. None of the band, flowers, makeup etc I booked are free so we are left with the dregs. For us it’s all about the party and ensuring our guests have the best day. I’m too old to wait around another two years. We’ll probably go with plan B but we won’t have half the enjoyment in knowing it’s all second best and the leftovers if that makes sense.

    Hardly the dregs.... I'm sure with everything changing, people who previously werent available now are so I don't doubt that there will be good options available.

    It sounds like you're determined to think of both options as negitive, but its actually your perogotive to have some perspective here and get over yourself. So many people have had their lives fundamentally altered so surely you can see that if your biggest issue is either delaying your wedding or using your 2nd choice hairdresser...... seriously?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Teach30 wrote: »
    I know but our plan b isn’t as good. None of the band, flowers, makeup etc I booked are free so we are left with the dregs. For us it’s all about the party and ensuring our guests have the best day. I’m too old to wait around another two years. We’ll probably go with plan B but we won’t have half the enjoyment in knowing it’s all second best and the leftovers if that makes sense.

    Some compromise will be needed. For example, we were dead set that we wanted a Saturday for the convenience of our guests. We're still waiting (days...) for our venue to get back to us with alternative dates, but we know we'll probably have to settle for something midweek now instead. And if you go midweek, it's more likely that your other suppliers will still be available.

    The only way you're going to have your wedding exactly as you originally planned it is if you wait ~2 years. So it's up to you... have a not so perfect wedding sooner, or your perfect wedding later. It's not a great choice, but it's still a choice.

    I know the wedding planning has become so incredibly stressful at this time. But I keep reminding myself that we're relatively lucky; we're healthy, so are our families and we still have our jobs. That's much more than a lot of people at the moment. In the grand scheme of things, the wedding day itself isn't all that important. It's the marriage that counts.


  • Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭Teach30


    SozBbz wrote: »
    Hardly the dregs.... I'm sure with everything changing, people who previously werent available now are so I don't doubt that there will be good options available.

    It sounds like you're determined to think of both options as negitive, but its actually your perogotive to have some perspective here and get over yourself. So many people have had their lives fundamentally altered so surely you can see that if your biggest issue is either delaying your wedding or using your 2nd choice hairdresser...... seriously?

    Yes seriously So what if they are my biggest issues Everyone is different. It means a lot me to get it right. I think it’s quite obvious I’m not too bothered by other people situations.

    God I wish 2nd choices were even available but they’re not. The bands that are left are dire.

    We can’t do midweek the bar would close too early. Certain months don’t suit us because of work. And yes I know it’s about the marriage that’s incredible important to us but I’d never again go to a wedding if we can’t have the big party too. That’s just the kind of person I am.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    Teach30 wrote: »
    Yes seriously So what if they are my biggest issues Everyone is different. It means a lot me to get it right. I think it’s quite obvious I’m not too bothered by other people situations.

    .

    I've come to the conclusion that you're either a troll or completely devoid of emotional intelligence or both.

    Between this exchange and your other interactions with posters on this forum where you constantly humble brag about how much money you're spending. This is beyond tacky by the way.

    We're in the midst of a once in a lifetime public health emergency. Many people will lose their parents and other loved ones. Countless others have had their livelihoods decimated. And all you care about is your big fat culchie wedding.

    Wake up, no one cares.


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    woodchuck wrote: »
    But I keep reminding myself that we're relatively lucky; we're healthy, so are our families and we still have our jobs. That's much more than a lot of people at the moment. In the grand scheme of things, the wedding day itself isn't all that important. It's the marriage that counts.

    Me too.
    All of us are disappointed about the careful planning we put into our weddings all gone kaput.

    But it is essentially a party to celebrate a marriage. I plan on having a hell of a party next year to celebrate it (maybe on our 1 year anniversary?) I think it might even be all the more special of a celebration because we will be celebrating the wedding but also us and our loved ones coming through something akin to a movie. Well, that's what I'm determined to take from it. :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    woodchuck wrote: »
    Some compromise will be needed. For example, we were dead set that we wanted a Saturday for the convenience of our guests. We're still waiting (days...) for our venue to get back to us with alternative dates, but we know we'll probably have to settle for something midweek now instead. And if you go midweek, it's more likely that your other suppliers will still be available.

    On the plus side, with so many people taking fewer holidays, taking a day or two midweek is probably a non issue this year.

    I know its something that I've struggled with in the past (shout out to my friend and her Tuesday wedding last year!) but we've already had 2 holidays cancelled, so my full annual leave entitlement is still intact, so it hardly matters :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,333 ✭✭✭✭Father Hernandez


    Pen Rua wrote: »
    We have two sets of friends (one USA based, one Ireland based) and both have taken the decision to get married regardless and livestream their wedding for friends & family. Their intent is to have a party on their anniversaries in 2021.

    Due to get married next month but waiting HSE advice.

    This is a great idea I'm going to steal, thank you for sharing :D


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,660 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Mod note: I know this is an unbelievably stressful time and tempers are easily flared, but personal abuse will not be tolerated. SozBbz infracted, and this is the one and only warning to everyone else to report posts you have a problem with rather than making personal attacks against other posters on-thread.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,014 ✭✭✭Pen Rua


    Due to get married next month but waiting HSE advice.

    This is a great idea I'm going to steal, thank you for sharing :D

    You're welcome. The Ireland-based couple also intend to renew their vows on their one year anniversary so people have a religious ceremony to attend in addition to the big party.


    So far, we have not contacted hotel or suppliers (DJ, photographer, hair/make up have been booked). We are just sitting tight. It is becoming more and more clear an October wedding may not be as safe as we thought it was.


  • Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭Teach30


    Lads we all deal with things differently. I’m coming from a situation where I’m not living with my fiancé until we are married. It’s weird yes I know that but it’s out of respect for our elders.

    We are both devastated we have to wait another year so if I come across as being emotionless well it’s prob because I am. This wedding has been the most stressful thing I have ever endured, my family are not emotionally supportive they couldn’t care less about the day. I have no one to talk to about it apart from my fiancé. There is zero excitement surrounding the day or the lead up to it.

    Having to endure another year of this where no one at home will talk about it, no one asks me questions about it and there is no joy or love in it. My anxiety about the way my family will behave the fact there will be no hugs - I’ve never had a hug from a family member - is all consuming. we want a day for his family and our friends. A day that I can hopefully look back on with happiness because there is no other happiness in my life right now.

    I hope this explains why I want the best for my guests and why I come across the way I do.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,660 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Here's the thing I don't understand, Teach: Your "elders" treat you like shït, so why are you pandering to them? They provide no love, no warmth, no emotional support and yet you're letting them dictate your life. Just move in with your fiancé if that's what you want to do, and fück your "elders", tbh.


  • Registered Users Posts: 313 ✭✭D_D


    Faith wrote: »
    Here's the thing I don't understand, Teach: Your "elders" treat you like shït, so why are you pandering to them? They provide no love, no warmth, no emotional support and yet you're letting them dictate your life. Just move in with your fiancé if that's what you want to do, and fück your "elders", tbh.

    Was going to say the same thing...


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Teach30 wrote: »
    Lads we all deal with things differently. I’m coming from a situation where I’m not living with my fiancé until we are married. It’s weird yes I know that but it’s out of respect for our elders.

    We are both devastated we have to wait another year so if I come across as being emotionless well it’s prob because I am. This wedding has been the most stressful thing I have ever endured, my family are not emotionally supportive they couldn’t care less about the day. I have no one to talk to about it apart from my fiancé. There is zero excitement surrounding the day or the lead up to it.

    Having to endure another year of this where no one at home will talk about it, no one asks me questions about it and there is no joy or love in it. My anxiety about the way my family will behave the fact there will be no hugs - I’ve never had a hug from a family member - is all consuming. we want a day for his family and our friends. A day that I can hopefully look back on with happiness because there is no other happiness in my life right now.

    I hope this explains why I want the best for my guests and why I come across the way I do.

    Us making the decision to do the marriage with the priest on our original date and a big hoolie the following year actually took a lot of the stress of planning (and thinking of the stress on the day itself) off for me. Now I can deal with the Big Deal of getting married without a big audience, then I can fully relax and enjoy the party we will throw because I won't have the stress of getting married the same day.

    For you, there's a large part of your life that you are pleasing others and putting their morals, wishes and demands ahead of what you want in life. And from the outside, it looks like it's all building up for you in a way that's not healthy for you. It's never a happy life when you are living it for other people.

    You want to be married sooner rather than later. You also want to throw a brilliant party. You can actually do both if you want. It sounds to me that your family may find fault with whatever you do or don't do anyway so you might as well please your partner and yourself? Anyone giving out, just say the pandemic forced it out of your hands.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,014 ✭✭✭Pen Rua


    "Who is the wedding for?" is a very interesting conversation to have. In our situation, our wedding is about making our vows before God and receiving the sacrament of marriage and the grace that comes with it. As you probably have guessed, both she and I are Catholic. The party element is, ultimately, secondary to us but it has become our focus in the planning and our thoughts. Another element that is important to the Mrs-to-be is getting dolled up with her bridesmaids and making the most of her wedding dress.

    Pope Francis wrote about this in a letter (encyclical, possibly) he published some years ago. A lot of couples get bogged down in the little details and forget the bigger picture. The wedding day is the starting point of a married life and preparation needs to be put in for that married life and less distractions around "the big day" itself. Really interesting stuff to think about in our circumstances we are in today.

    Now we are beginning to accept the party might be smaller or not at all and we can take it as an opportunity to take it easy on "the [unusual] big day." We are also opting not to live together till marriage. We rent a place together, so I am paying double rent to live elsewhere so postponing long term is not too financially viable.

    As another poster pointed out, it is a silver lining that we can take the foot off the pedal and savour THE wedding day and come back another time to celebrate big time, please God.


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Maybe the pandemic can be advantageous to many couples to throw out the rule book of what's expected of them or overturn decisions based on pressure from relatives to add elements to their wedding that they didn't want and just use the current anarchy of the moment to change things back to what YOU both want.

    You don't want the big crowd your parents insisted 'had' to be invited? Pandemic.
    You don't want vile Auntie Margie there? Pandemic.
    You don't want to have that band you aren't keen on but the oldies love because they did your sisters wedding? Pandemic.

    folks, the possiblities are endless :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 928 ✭✭✭Shelli2


    Neyite wrote: »
    Maybe the pandemic can be advantageous to many couples to throw out the rule book of what's expected of them or overturn decisions based on pressure from relatives to add elements to their wedding that they didn't want and just use the current anarchy of the moment to change things back to what YOU both want.

    You don't want the big crowd your parents insisted 'had' to be invited? Pandemic.
    You don't want vile Auntie Margie there? Pandemic.
    You don't want to have that band you aren't keen on but the oldies love because they did your sisters wedding? Pandemic.

    folks, the possiblities are endless :D

    This is exactly the what we are doing, we've cancelled our big quite traditional wedding and are starting from scratch, with a more uniquely tailored day for our personalities.
    We're still hoping to go ahead in October, but won't actually book anything till venues reopen properly. If we have to wait until next year then so be it. Just going with a Dublin city ceremony at sundown and an after party in a funky venue. No sit down meal, transport or hotel to organise.

    Our baby is due December, so we're focusing on that ray of sunshine right now.


  • Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭Teach30


    Faith wrote: »
    Here's the thing I don't understand, Teach: Your "elders" treat you like shït, so why are you pandering to them? They provide no love, no warmth, no emotional support and yet you're letting them dictate your life. Just move in with your fiancé if that's what you want to do, and fück your "elders", tbh.

    Life isn’t always that simple. I can’t explain why but I would hate to fall out with anyone. They don’t dictate, we are just going with what’s normal for us and our friends and what feels right for us as a couple. I’m the type of person who worries a lot about what other people think about me so that’s a lot of my problems. Apparently I “humble brag“ I didn’t know that was a thing, I talk like that in real life too. No one ever has a problem with it and I have similar friends.

    As handy as it would be to do the marriage part this year my fiancé wants it all together and have the big party. It would be a bit deflating for us the have it split up.

    Lovely suggestion though.
    We’ve picked a peak date again so that’s why it’s hard to get any decent suppliers. It’s just a pain looking things up again and so time consuming. I wish I was someone who enjoyed this sort of thing.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Teach30 wrote: »
    We’ve picked a peak date again so that’s why it’s hard to get any decent suppliers.

    Why don't you consider an off-peak date instead? You'll be much more likely to secure your original suppliers.


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