2020 Bride/Groom

Teach30

Neyite wrote: »

You are right, on one hand everyone will be mad for a session but would probably still think carefully about attending and end up regretfully declining.

I'm not sure if I personally would be even comfortable with a government cap on numbers. None of us want our weddings to be a disaster. I certainly don't want my wedding to be remembered because that was the one where half of the people brought Covid 19 home from it. So I think I'd wait until the risk is really over - which I'd say is next year at least?

I know but our plan b isn’t as good. None of the band, flowers, makeup etc I booked are free so we are left with the dregs. For us it’s all about the party and ensuring our guests have the best day. I’m too old to wait around another two years. We’ll probably go with plan B but we won’t have half the enjoyment in knowing it’s all second best and the leftovers if that makes sense.

Pen Rua

We have two sets of friends (one USA based, one Ireland based) and both have taken the decision to get married regardless and livestream their wedding for friends & family. Their intent is to have a party on their anniversaries in 2021.

SozBbz

Teach30 wrote: »

I know but our plan b isn’t as good. None of the band, flowers, makeup etc I booked are free so we are left with the dregs. For us it’s all about the party and ensuring our guests have the best day. I’m too old to wait around another two years. We’ll probably go with plan B but we won’t have half the enjoyment in knowing it’s all second best and the leftovers if that makes sense.

Hardly the dregs.... I'm sure with everything changing, people who previously werent available now are so I don't doubt that there will be good options available.

It sounds like you're determined to think of both options as negitive, but its actually your perogotive to have some perspective here and get over yourself. So many people have had their lives fundamentally altered so surely you can see that if your biggest issue is either delaying your wedding or using your 2nd choice hairdresser...... seriously?

woodchuck

Teach30 wrote: »

I know but our plan b isn’t as good. None of the band, flowers, makeup etc I booked are free so we are left with the dregs. For us it’s all about the party and ensuring our guests have the best day. I’m too old to wait around another two years. We’ll probably go with plan B but we won’t have half the enjoyment in knowing it’s all second best and the leftovers if that makes sense.

Some compromise will be needed. For example, we were dead set that we wanted a Saturday for the convenience of our guests. We're still waiting (days...) for our venue to get back to us with alternative dates, but we know we'll probably have to settle for something midweek now instead. And if you go midweek, it's more likely that your other suppliers will still be available.

The only way you're going to have your wedding exactly as you originally planned it is if you wait ~2 years. So it's up to you... have a not so perfect wedding sooner, or your perfect wedding later. It's not a great choice, but it's still a choice.

I know the wedding planning has become so incredibly stressful at this time. But I keep reminding myself that we're relatively lucky; we're healthy, so are our families and we still have our jobs. That's much more than a lot of people at the moment. In the grand scheme of things, the wedding day itself isn't all that important. It's the marriage that counts.

Teach30

SozBbz wrote: »

Hardly the dregs.... I'm sure with everything changing, people who previously werent available now are so I don't doubt that there will be good options available.

It sounds like you're determined to think of both options as negitive, but its actually your perogotive to have some perspective here and get over yourself. So many people have had their lives fundamentally altered so surely you can see that if your biggest issue is either delaying your wedding or using your 2nd choice hairdresser...... seriously?

Yes seriously So what if they are my biggest issues Everyone is different. It means a lot me to get it right. I think it’s quite obvious I’m not too bothered by other people situations.

God I wish 2nd choices were even available but they’re not. The bands that are left are dire.

We can’t do midweek the bar would close too early. Certain months don’t suit us because of work. And yes I know it’s about the marriage that’s incredible important to us but I’d never again go to a wedding if we can’t have the big party too. That’s just the kind of person I am.

SozBbz

Teach30 wrote: »

Yes seriously So what if they are my biggest issues Everyone is different. It means a lot me to get it right. I think it’s quite obvious I’m not too bothered by other people situations.

.

I've come to the conclusion that you're either a troll or completely devoid of emotional intelligence or both.

Between this exchange and your other interactions with posters on this forum where you constantly humble brag about how much money you're spending. This is beyond tacky by the way.

We're in the midst of a once in a lifetime public health emergency. Many people will lose their parents and other loved ones. Countless others have had their livelihoods decimated. And all you care about is your big fat culchie wedding.

Wake up, no one cares.

Neyite

woodchuck wrote: »

But I keep reminding myself that we're relatively lucky; we're healthy, so are our families and we still have our jobs. That's much more than a lot of people at the moment. In the grand scheme of things, the wedding day itself isn't all that important. It's the marriage that counts.

Me too.
All of us are disappointed about the careful planning we put into our weddings all gone kaput.

But it is essentially a party to celebrate a marriage. I plan on having a hell of a party next year to celebrate it (maybe on our 1 year anniversary?) I think it might even be all the more special of a celebration because we will be celebrating the wedding but also us and our loved ones coming through something akin to a movie. Well, that's what I'm determined to take from it.

SozBbz

woodchuck wrote: »

Some compromise will be needed. For example, we were dead set that we wanted a Saturday for the convenience of our guests. We're still waiting (days...) for our venue to get back to us with alternative dates, but we know we'll probably have to settle for something midweek now instead. And if you go midweek, it's more likely that your other suppliers will still be available.

On the plus side, with so many people taking fewer holidays, taking a day or two midweek is probably a non issue this year.

I know its something that I've struggled with in the past (shout out to my friend and her Tuesday wedding last year!) but we've already had 2 holidays cancelled, so my full annual leave entitlement is still intact, so it hardly matters

Father Hernandez

Pen Rua wrote: »

We have two sets of friends (one USA based, one Ireland based) and both have taken the decision to get married regardless and livestream their wedding for friends & family. Their intent is to have a party on their anniversaries in 2021.

Due to get married next month but waiting HSE advice.

This is a great idea I'm going to steal, thank you for sharing

Faith

Mod note: I know this is an unbelievably stressful time and tempers are easily flared, but personal abuse will not be tolerated. SozBbz infracted, and this is the one and only warning to everyone else to report posts you have a problem with rather than making personal attacks against other posters on-thread.

Pen Rua

Father Hernandez wrote: »

Due to get married next month but waiting HSE advice.

This is a great idea I'm going to steal, thank you for sharing

You're welcome. The Ireland-based couple also intend to renew their vows on their one year anniversary so people have a religious ceremony to attend in addition to the big party.

---

So far, we have not contacted hotel or suppliers (DJ, photographer, hair/make up have been booked). We are just sitting tight. It is becoming more and more clear an October wedding may not be as safe as we thought it was.

Teach30

Lads we all deal with things differently. I’m coming from a situation where I’m not living with my fiancé until we are married. It’s weird yes I know that but it’s out of respect for our elders.

We are both devastated we have to wait another year so if I come across as being emotionless well it’s prob because I am. This wedding has been the most stressful thing I have ever endured, my family are not emotionally supportive they couldn’t care less about the day. I have no one to talk to about it apart from my fiancé. There is zero excitement surrounding the day or the lead up to it.

Having to endure another year of this where no one at home will talk about it, no one asks me questions about it and there is no joy or love in it. My anxiety about the way my family will behave the fact there will be no hugs - I’ve never had a hug from a family member - is all consuming. we want a day for his family and our friends. A day that I can hopefully look back on with happiness because there is no other happiness in my life right now.

I hope this explains why I want the best for my guests and why I come across the way I do.

Faith

Here's the thing I don't understand, Teach: Your "elders" treat you like shït, so why are you pandering to them? They provide no love, no warmth, no emotional support and yet you're letting them dictate your life. Just move in with your fiancé if that's what you want to do, and fück your "elders", tbh.

D_D

Faith wrote: »

Here's the thing I don't understand, Teach: Your "elders" treat you like shït, so why are you pandering to them? They provide no love, no warmth, no emotional support and yet you're letting them dictate your life. Just move in with your fiancé if that's what you want to do, and fück your "elders", tbh.

Was going to say the same thing...

Neyite

Teach30 wrote: »

Lads we all deal with things differently. I’m coming from a situation where I’m not living with my fiancé until we are married. It’s weird yes I know that but it’s out of respect for our elders.

We are both devastated we have to wait another year so if I come across as being emotionless well it’s prob because I am. This wedding has been the most stressful thing I have ever endured, my family are not emotionally supportive they couldn’t care less about the day. I have no one to talk to about it apart from my fiancé. There is zero excitement surrounding the day or the lead up to it.

Having to endure another year of this where no one at home will talk about it, no one asks me questions about it and there is no joy or love in it. My anxiety about the way my family will behave the fact there will be no hugs - I’ve never had a hug from a family member - is all consuming. we want a day for his family and our friends. A day that I can hopefully look back on with happiness because there is no other happiness in my life right now.

I hope this explains why I want the best for my guests and why I come across the way I do.

Us making the decision to do the marriage with the priest on our original date and a big hoolie the following year actually took a lot of the stress of planning (and thinking of the stress on the day itself) off for me. Now I can deal with the Big Deal of getting married without a big audience, then I can fully relax and enjoy the party we will throw because I won't have the stress of getting married the same day.

For you, there's a large part of your life that you are pleasing others and putting their morals, wishes and demands ahead of what you want in life. And from the outside, it looks like it's all building up for you in a way that's not healthy for you. It's never a happy life when you are living it for other people.

You want to be married sooner rather than later. You also want to throw a brilliant party. You can actually do both if you want. It sounds to me that your family may find fault with whatever you do or don't do anyway so you might as well please your partner and yourself? Anyone giving out, just say the pandemic forced it out of your hands.

Pen Rua

"Who is the wedding for?" is a very interesting conversation to have. In our situation, our wedding is about making our vows before God and receiving the sacrament of marriage and the grace that comes with it. As you probably have guessed, both she and I are Catholic. The party element is, ultimately, secondary to us but it has become our focus in the planning and our thoughts. Another element that is important to the Mrs-to-be is getting dolled up with her bridesmaids and making the most of her wedding dress.

Pope Francis wrote about this in a letter (encyclical, possibly) he published some years ago. A lot of couples get bogged down in the little details and forget the bigger picture. The wedding day is the starting point of a married life and preparation needs to be put in for that married life and less distractions around "the big day" itself. Really interesting stuff to think about in our circumstances we are in today.

Now we are beginning to accept the party might be smaller or not at all and we can take it as an opportunity to take it easy on "the [unusual] big day." We are also opting not to live together till marriage. We rent a place together, so I am paying double rent to live elsewhere so postponing long term is not too financially viable.

As another poster pointed out, it is a silver lining that we can take the foot off the pedal and savour THE wedding day and come back another time to celebrate big time, please God.

Neyite

Maybe the pandemic can be advantageous to many couples to throw out the rule book of what's expected of them or overturn decisions based on pressure from relatives to add elements to their wedding that they didn't want and just use the current anarchy of the moment to change things back to what YOU both want.

You don't want the big crowd your parents insisted 'had' to be invited? Pandemic.
You don't want vile Auntie Margie there? Pandemic.
You don't want to have that band you aren't keen on but the oldies love because they did your sisters wedding? Pandemic.

folks, the possiblities are endless

Shelli2

Neyite wrote: »

Maybe the pandemic can be advantageous to many couples to throw out the rule book of what's expected of them or overturn decisions based on pressure from relatives to add elements to their wedding that they didn't want and just use the current anarchy of the moment to change things back to what YOU both want.

You don't want the big crowd your parents insisted 'had' to be invited? Pandemic.
You don't want vile Auntie Margie there? Pandemic.
You don't want to have that band you aren't keen on but the oldies love because they did your sisters wedding? Pandemic.

folks, the possiblities are endless

This is exactly the what we are doing, we've cancelled our big quite traditional wedding and are starting from scratch, with a more uniquely tailored day for our personalities.
We're still hoping to go ahead in October, but won't actually book anything till venues reopen properly. If we have to wait until next year then so be it. Just going with a Dublin city ceremony at sundown and an after party in a funky venue. No sit down meal, transport or hotel to organise.

Our baby is due December, so we're focusing on that ray of sunshine right now.

Teach30

Faith wrote: »

Here's the thing I don't understand, Teach: Your "elders" treat you like shït, so why are you pandering to them? They provide no love, no warmth, no emotional support and yet you're letting them dictate your life. Just move in with your fiancé if that's what you want to do, and fück your "elders", tbh.

Life isn’t always that simple. I can’t explain why but I would hate to fall out with anyone. They don’t dictate, we are just going with what’s normal for us and our friends and what feels right for us as a couple. I’m the type of person who worries a lot about what other people think about me so that’s a lot of my problems. Apparently I “humble brag“ I didn’t know that was a thing, I talk like that in real life too. No one ever has a problem with it and I have similar friends.

As handy as it would be to do the marriage part this year my fiancé wants it all together and have the big party. It would be a bit deflating for us the have it split up.

Lovely suggestion though.
We’ve picked a peak date again so that’s why it’s hard to get any decent suppliers. It’s just a pain looking things up again and so time consuming. I wish I was someone who enjoyed this sort of thing.

woodchuck

Teach30 wrote: »

We’ve picked a peak date again so that’s why it’s hard to get any decent suppliers.

Why don't you consider an off-peak date instead? You'll be much more likely to secure your original suppliers.

Teach30

woodchuck wrote: »

Why don't you consider an off-peak date instead? You'll be much more likely to secure your original suppliers.

Unfortunately we can’t due to work and midweek isn’t suitable as bar would close too early for people. At least I will have another year to get it right and I might enjoy it now and we’re gonna make a few days of it hopefully. Looking forward to picking new outfits now. So there is an upside.

Faith

Teach30 wrote: »

Life isn’t always that simple. I can’t explain why but I would hate to fall out with anyone. They don’t dictate, we are just going with what’s normal for us and our friends and what feels right for us as a couple. I’m the type of person who worries a lot about what other people think about me so that’s a lot of my problems. Apparently I “humble brag“ I didn’t know that was a thing, I talk like that in real life too. No one ever has a problem with it and I have similar friends.

As handy as it would be to do the marriage part this year my fiancé wants it all together and have the big party. It would be a bit deflating for us the have it split up.

Lovely suggestion though.
We’ve picked a peak date again so that’s why it’s hard to get any decent suppliers. It’s just a pain looking things up again and so time consuming. I wish I was someone who enjoyed this sort of thing.

Trust me, I know life isn’t that simple, but do you really not see that the only person suffering in all of this is you? In your effort to make everyone else happy, you’re the one who’s unhappy. Are you really so passive that you’ll martyr yourself for the sake of “it’s what everyone does”? You’re looking at another year, maybe two, of your relationship being on hold. Not living together, not being independent, barely knowing each other tbh. Another year or two of living at home with no love, warm, empathy, support?

Honestly, that’s not normal, it’s really not. And I mean that with kindness. There’s “not wanting to fall out with anyone” and there’s being a complete pushover who’s basically digging her own grave for people who don’t give a damn at the end of the day. It makes me so sad to read your posts

woodchuck

Teach30 wrote: »

Unfortunately we can’t due to work and midweek isn’t suitable as bar would close too early for people.

Out of interest, what's too early? Is it possible to pay extra for a bar extension?

Teach30

woodchuck wrote: »

Out of interest, what's too early? Is it possible to pay extra for a bar extension?

Half 11 extension to half 12. Definitely wouldn’t suit us.

Teach30

Faith wrote: »

Trust me, I know life isn’t that simple, but do you really not see that the only person suffering in all of this is you? In your effort to make everyone else happy, you’re the one who’s unhappy. Are you really so passive that you’ll martyr yourself for the sake of “it’s what everyone does”? You’re looking at another year, maybe two, of your relationship being on hold. Not living together, not being independent, barely knowing each other tbh. Another year or two of living at home with no love, warm, empathy, support?

Honestly, that’s not normal, it’s really not. And I mean that with kindness. There’s “not wanting to fall out with anyone” and there’s being a complete pushover who’s basically digging her own grave for people who don’t give a damn at the end of the day. It makes me so sad to read your posts

Wow wouldn’t want to be sensitive reading that anyways. Look I wouldnt expect people on here to understand my lifestyle.

They do give a damn we just show it in a different way - money. Life isn’t all about warmth and love. People are far too soft nowadays anyway. I’m grand about it now, I’m just disappointed we couldn’t have the day we originally planned and what’s left isn’t really of a very good standard for me. People talk and I’d like them to say it was an unreal day. I’d be one of the first to say if it was a poor day tbh.

Also I know my fiancé very well you don’t have to live together to know a person. I’d hardly marry someone who wasn’t up to standard.

Faith

Fair enough, I need to accept that you know what’s best for you and stop projecting my values on to your life

qwerty13

Teach30 wrote: »

Wow wouldn’t want to be sensitive reading that anyways. Look I wouldnt expect people on here to understand my lifestyle.

They do give a damn we just show it in a different way - money. Life isn’t all about warmth and love. People are far too soft nowadays anyway. I’m grand about it now, I’m just disappointed we couldn’t have the day we originally planned and what’s left isn’t really of a very good standard for me. People talk and I’d like them to say it was an unreal day. I’d be one of the first to say if it was a poor day tbh.

Also I know my fiancé very well you don’t have to live together to know a person. I’d hardly marry someone who wasn’t up to standard.

Are you sure you’re happy to be marrying this man? Saying that you wouldn’t marry someone ‘up to standard’ is a strange thing to say. And I recall you saying that you’ve ‘nothing to lose’ by marrying him. Do you actually love him?

The not living together first is incredibly unusual to me. I literally don’t know anyone who has done that. I don’t understand your reluctance to do so. Is it ‘respect’ for your elders, or are you putting it off, or is this about safeguarding the amount of money you’ll get from your family, ie disapproval = no money or less money given to you towards you wedding and house? And I think you do have to live with someone to truly know them - and know how compatible you really are.

I find it difficult to empathise with you, as I fundamentally do not understand where you’re coming from with your attitude to money and general outlook on life. But you sound either very conflicted or unhappy. Maybe both. Are you sure you love this man and want to be with him? It’s almost like you’re throwing up obstacles to marrying him. Are you sure your life choices are your own, ie what will make you happy? Or are you following a trail of doing what’s ‘expected’ of you? Or are you doing this to get money (I do recall you saying that if you moved out of your parents home without getting married first, there’d be no money given to you).

It all sounds quite sad.

Teach30

qwerty13 wrote: »

Are you sure you’re happy to be marrying this man? Saying that you wouldn’t marry someone ‘up to standard’ is a strange thing to say. And I recall you saying that you’ve ‘nothing to lose’ by marrying him. Do you actually love him?

The not living together first is incredibly unusual to me. I literally don’t know anyone who has done that. I don’t understand your reluctance to do so. Is it ‘respect’ for your elders, or are you putting it off, or is this about safeguarding the amount of money you’ll get from your family, ie disapproval = no money or less money given to you towards you wedding and house? And I think you do have to live with someone to truly know them - and know how compatible you really are.

I find it difficult to empathise with you, as I fundamentally do not understand where you’re coming from with your attitude to money and general outlook on life. But you sound either very conflicted or unhappy. Maybe both. Are you sure you love this man and want to be with him? It’s almost like you’re throwing up obstacles to marrying him. Are you sure your life choices are your own, ie what will make you happy? Or are you following a trail of doing what’s ‘expected’ of you? Or are you doing this to get money (I do recall you saying that if you moved out of your parents home without getting married first, there’d be no money given to you).

It all sounds quite sad.

Just because I’m not very good at verbalising things doesn’t mean I dont love him, of course I do! Is up to standard not a good way of putting it? His parents vetted me to ensure I was good enough for him, do other people not do this, perhaps not but I’m sure some do. I have various personal reason for choosing not to live with him, religious reasons would form part of this, saving money is another. For fear of being further ridiculed I will not go into it here. Also I didn’t say anywhere I was trying to get out of marrying him?

People value different things, one of mine is money and assets. So if you dont get it grand but dont go calling someone sad over that.

Anyways to keep this on topic for the wedding forum we’re gonna have to have the “big fat culchie wedding” as someone here called it - next year bigger and better, which gives me plenty of time to make the most of it.

I’m thinking of my day two dress and getting it made for me. There are some fab up and coming Irish designers who I would like to support. Anyone else do anything like this?

yourdeadwright

Teach30 wrote: »

Just because I’m not very good at verbalising things doesn’t mean I dont love him, of course I do! Is up to standard not a good way of putting it? His parents vetted me to ensure I was good enough for him, do other people not do this, perhaps not but I’m sure some do. I have various personal reason for choosing not to live with him, religious reasons would form part of this, saving money is another. For fear of being further ridiculed I will not go into it here. Also I didn’t say anywhere I was trying to get out of marrying him?

People value different things, one of mine is money and assets. So if you dont get it grand but dont go calling someone sad over that.

Anyways to keep this on topic for the wedding forum we’re gonna have to have the “big fat culchie wedding” as someone here called it - next year bigger and better, which gives me plenty of time to make the most of it.

I’m thinking of my day two dress and getting it made for me. There are some fab up and coming Irish designers who I would like to support. Anyone else do anything like this?

I hope it all works out and you guys have a great day and one to remember ,

Remember its you and your husbands to be's day , No one else's will look back on it or give it a thought a year down the line , But you guys always will,

Its your life but iv no idea how people live life's under other people standards.
Can't live together cause of parents, Partner vetted for you , Fear of being ridiculed by strangers online,

You've one life do what makes you happy and don't be worrying about anyone else, Do you and enjoy your wedding, Fingers crossed it works out for you guys how you want it,

Electric Sheep

Teach30 wrote: »

People talk and I’d like them to say it was an unreal day. I’d be one of the first to say if it was a poor day tbh.

Ireland in a nutshell.