Advertisement
Help Keep Boards Alive. Support us by going ad free today. See here: https://subscriptions.boards.ie/.
If we do not hit our goal we will be forced to close the site.

Current status: https://keepboardsalive.com/

Annual subs are best for most impact. If you are still undecided on going Ad Free - you can also donate using the Paypal Donate option. All contribution helps. Thank you.
https://www.boards.ie/group/1878-subscribers-forum

Private Group for paid up members of Boards.ie. Join the club.

Hen Weekends?

  • 12-03-2020 11:57AM
    #1
    LuasSimon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,208 ✭✭✭


    My wife was at a hen weekend in Killarney last weekend. The hen as it turns out is getting married to a good friend of mine. My wife tells me the Hen slept with different men both nights they were there and according to the noise from the room didnt get much sleep!
    Makes me feel a bit awkward for my mate, should i just forget i ever heard anything and treat this as normal behavior these days or have a word with him. im leaning towards the former.


«134

Comments

  • #2
    Father Hernandez
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,469 ✭✭✭✭Father Hernandez


    LuasSimon wrote: »
    My wife was at a hen weekend in Killarney last weekend. The hen as it turns out is getting married to a good friend of mine. My wife tells me the Hen slept with different men both nights they were there and according to the noise from the room didnt get much sleep!
    Makes me feel a bit awkward for my mate, should i just forget i ever heard anything and treat this as normal behavior these days or have a word with him. im leaning towards the former.

    If he's your friend, you tell him.

    Simple.

    The above is not normal behaviour.


  • #3
    J. Marston
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,408 ✭✭✭✭J. Marston


    If he's a good friend, tell him.


  • #4
    DaeryssaOne
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 443 ✭✭DaeryssaOne


    That is absolutely not normal behaviour, I wouldn't want to be friends with somebody who does that to her fiance :(


  • #5
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    Well if this is actually genuine then do tell your friend, it's better he knows now what he's really getting himself in for.

    If anything he'll thank you for saving him the stress and bull**** and heartache which is inevitably coming down the line with this one.


  • #6
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,442 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    No you should not tell him. If you tell him then you grass your Mrs up for telling you in the first place. If your Mrs wants to tell him then she can tell him. If she doesn't want to tell him then that's her decision.

    OP, you weren't there so you don't have any first hand information, so what do you actually know?


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,442 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    Church on Tuesday wrote: »
    If anything he'll thank you for saving him the stress and bull**** and heartache which is inevitably coming down the line with this one.

    Rationally that's right but its absolutely the opposite to how people actually behave. The expression "don't shoot the messenger" is so prevalent because people's first instinct is to shoot the messenger.

    In the is case he messenger will be telling them information that is embarrassing, insulting towards his Mrs and deeply, deeply hurtful. They won't thank the person who delivers that information.


  • #8
    silver2020
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,045 ✭✭✭silver2020


    I'd find some way of telling him.

    Divorce / separation is not easy in Ireland. It's a long road and very very expensive.

    For this behaviour on a hen night, it will always be an issue.


  • #9
    pjdarcy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 450 ✭✭pjdarcy


    Are you willing to lose him as a friend because there's a high possibility of blow back after telling him?


  • #10
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,852 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    pjdarcy wrote: »
    Are you willing to lose him as a friend because there's a high possibility of blow back after telling him?

    That’s what being a real friend is.


  • #11
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,442 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    silver2020 wrote: »
    I'd find some way of telling him.

    Divorce / separation is not easy in Ireland. It's a long road and very very expensive.

    For this behaviour on a hen night, it will always be an issue.

    Maybe they had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy on the hen and stag. Who knows? Ultimately it's not the OP's business to interfere, particularly since they don't have any first hand information. Only second hand information about what their Mrs heard through the wall. Not enough evidence to get involved, in my opinion


  • Advertisement
  • #12
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 24,690 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    New anonymous email account and pass the info along that way.

    Boards.ie need your help to survive, subscribe here



  • #13
    PARlance
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,263 ✭✭✭✭PARlance


    Anonymous letter. Let him act then.


  • #14
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,852 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    El_Duderino 09 wrote: »
    They don't know that. They have second hand info from their Mrs. Not enough info to tell the friend his Mrs is a slag.

    Let him ask her once he’s been told then. And also get himself tested.


  • #15
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,442 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    ReginaldSmythV wrote: »
    Let him ask her once he’s been told then. And also get himself tested.

    Let who ask who? Let the friend ask his Mrs or ask the OP's Mrs? Because the OP knows nothing for sure. The OP's Mrs claims to know something so the friend should talk to her (if he should talk to anyone). The OP knows nothing and shouldn't pretend to know anything.


  • #16
    Seamai
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,250 ✭✭✭Seamai


    pjdarcy wrote: »
    Are you willing to lose him as a friend because there's a high possibility of blow back after telling him?

    The alternative is covering something up which may surface at a later date causing a lot more heartache.

    I have a friend who married someone 20 years ago, I won't go into the specific details but a lot of people on both side advised them against it (myself included).
    They had a rocky start but things settled down, now with three teenage kids they are going through the mother of all messy divorces with neither of them prepared to take any responsibility, two of the three kids are seeing councillors, one has developed an eating disorder and is self harming. I feel really sorry for these kids. Both of these people knew what they were getting into 20 years ago but would they listen, no they wouldn't. There was a time when I would have considered him a close friend but have lost all respect for him, ruining your own life is one thing but dragging your innocent kids in this case is morally wrong.


  • #17
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,278 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Obviously the hen should not have cheated of course, but I think your wife is actually out of order here. She should not have squelt on her friend.
    People who are not part of the couple should not get involved in matters relating to cheating. It is none of their or anyone elses business.
    If it comes out and they break up and it becomes known that it was your wife that couldn't resist blabbering her mouth off, then she could be shunned by the group.


  • #18
    bucketybuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,192 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    El_Duderino 09 wrote: »
    OP, you weren't there so you don't have any first hand information, so what do you actually know?

    Are you telling the OP he can't trust his own wife and what she says?

    If it was my close friend I would absolutely tell him, and I'd be disgusted with my own friends if they didn't tell me.


  • #19
    AndyBoBandy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,140 ✭✭✭✭AndyBoBandy


    MOD: Thread moved to RI - Please read and understand the Charter before posting. You are no longer in AH


  • #20
    KaneToad
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,900 ✭✭✭KaneToad


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    Obviously the hen should not have cheated of course, but I think your wife is actually out of order here. She should not have squelt on her friend.
    People who are not part of the couple should not get involved in matters relating to cheating. It is none of their or anyone elses business.
    If it comes out and they break up and it becomes known that it was your wife that couldn't resist blabbering her mouth off, then she could be shunned by the group.

    My angle on it is that it may not be cheating. Who knows what arrangements the couple have?

    Maybe they have an understanding that they can ride who they want up until they're married?
    Maybe they've agreed they can ride whoever after they're married?

    Having said that, letting him know anonymously is the best bet. He can act, if he wants to. Also there's no embarrassment if he has to 'confess' to being ok with it.


  • #21
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,278 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Yes, who knows what arrangements are in place. It is potentially possible that they have an open relationship. For all we know, maybe he gets off on being a cuck.


  • Advertisement
  • #22
    woodchuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Mod note:

    As this has come from AH, I've done a clean up to remove posts that fall below the standard expected in PI/RI and/or off topic posts.

    The PI/RI charter now applies. A much higher standing of posting is expected here. Off topic posting is not allowed.

    Please only post if you have advice to direct to the OP in a civil manner.


  • #23
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,442 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    bucketybuck wrote: »
    Are you telling the OP he can't trust his own wife and what she says?

    No. I'm saying the OP doesn't know anything first hand. So he has absolutely no business relaying information. But isn't it funny that the information he's supposes to relay is that his friend can't trust his own mrs.

    The OP's wife could be mistaken. The hen might have swapped rooms with another woman so she could bang lads in the room. There are other possibilities than the wife is completely 100% correct or is 100% lying.
    bucketybuck wrote: »
    If it was my close friend I would absolutely tell him, and I'd be disgusted with my own friends if they didn't tell me.

    If anyone has to tell him, it's the OP's Mrs - the person with the closest thing to first hand information. Only she can answer follow up questions.

    Is she prepared to grass up her friend, the hen?


  • #24
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,278 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    She'd be a pretty crap friend if she squelt. If she does that she needs to understand that she will probably be dropped by that group of friends. I'm not a woman but I'd imagine there is a certain unspoken girl code around hen parties and the like. A bit like lad culture.


  • #25
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,442 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    She'd be a pretty crap friend if she squelt. If she does that she needs to understand that she will probably be dropped by that group of friends. I'm not a woman but I'd imagine there is a certain unspoken girl code around hen parties and the like. A bit like lad culture.

    This is what I'm thinking. If I was on a stag and someone cheated, I would just mind my own business and just wouldn't tell my Mrs (definitely wouldn't tell my Mrs if she's connected to the group). And if I did tell my Mrs and she went behind my back and betrayed me by telling the bloke's Mrs, I'd be furious.

    I wonder if the OP has told his Mrs that he's thinking of going behind her back and telling his mate. Or does she want to tell the groom? In which case, she should tell him.


  • #26
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,852 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    So long as the groom finds out that’s the main thing really.


  • #27
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,442 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    Ultimately, there's a lot to be said for minding your own business. If the OP's Mrs wants to tell the bloke, she should really tell the hen that she intends to betray her - because that's exactly what she would be doing.


  • #28
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,278 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Even with an anonymous tip off the chances are the groom won't believe it and the bride would deny it and come up with some story like she swapped rooms with someone. She could easily get someone single to give her an alibi.


  • #29
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,442 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    Even with an anonymous tip off the chances are the groom won't believe it and the bride would deny it and come up with some story like she swapped rooms with someone. She could easily get someone single to give her an alibi.

    And then the OP, and particularly his mrs, are sh1t stirring d1ckheads as far as everyone is concerned.so many reasons to say now't.


  • #30
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,278 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Exactly. Say nothing and keep saying it.
    If she has any interest in keeping in with that group she should resist flapping her mouth about it.
    Loose lips sink ships.

    Both of ye would keep yer mouths shut if ye knew what was good for ye.

    Has she told anybody else about this?


  • Advertisement
  • #31
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,852 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    El_Duderino 09 wrote: »
    Ultimately, there's a lot to be said for minding your own business. If the OP's Mrs wants to tell the bloke, she should really tell the hen that she intends to betray her - because that's exactly what she would be doing.

    Small betrayal is still better than the massive betrayal the bride did. He deserves to know and it’s the right thing to tell him.


This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement