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What's the etiquette here??

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    #4862
    tjdaly
    Registered Users Posts: 85 ✭✭tjdaly


    Fireball81 wrote: »
    Always give it an extra scrub in the morning when there's been a bit of anal action with herself. I'm a clean fella after all.

    Dose of the runs tonight at home, more yellow on the paper - will be tucked up in bed shortly after a final dump to make sure there's no accidents overnight.

    Do you ever spit on your glans head when you're pulling yourself off at work?
    Do you ever leave a piece of rope dangling from your hoop when you're channeling the goop?
    Did you ever find your wife's chite under your hood when you were yanking the chain during office hours?
    Does the smell of another man's excrement turn you on, put you off, or can you just ignore it when you're tugging your junk?


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    #4863
    Fireball81
    Registered Users Posts: 412 ✭✭Fireball81


    tjdaly wrote: »
    Do you ever spit on your glans head when you're pulling yourself off at work?
    Do you ever leave a piece of rope dangling from your hoop when you're channeling the goop?
    Did you ever find your wife's chite under your hood when you were yanking the chain during office hours?
    Does the smell of another man's excrement turn you on, put you off, or can you just ignore it when you're tugging your junk?

    Yes
    No
    No, benefit of being cut
    Err No

    Let's get back on topic...


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    #4864
    Pintman Paddy Losty
    Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Pintman Paddy Losty


    Lots of ill informed and downright stupid posts in here criticising a workwank.

    I go at myself like I'm starting a lawnmower on a cold February morning on a regular basis. One of the few pleasures in work.

    I run a building supply shop so female customers are few and far between. But when you do get the odd bird in buying a few nails or boards I immediately beeline for the staff jack's and tug myself silly. Don't understand what people's objection is. It's a victimless crime - like saddle sniffing or robbing a few knickers when over at a neighbours dinner party.


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    #4865
    mfceiling
    Registered Users Posts: 12,791 ✭✭✭✭mfceiling


    *Update*

    Jacks are now open for use. Polish labourer went in 10 mins ago to road test them. I went in a minute or so after to change 2 ceiling tiles. Well the smell was unnatural...properly foul. Rancid make your eyes water bad.
    Straight out to get skinny Pete.

    "Have you second Pete...just need you check something"

    Lads I'm not joking but he nearly got sick. I blocked the door so he couldn't get back out. The polish lad was still on the pot grunting like a sow pushing out a litter of piglets.
    I pointed at the gap at the top of the cubicle..."not such a great idea when the smell starts it's journey Pete?"

    He's gone off site now and I'd like to think I've given him a few things to ponder.


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    #4866
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,606 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    mfceiling wrote: »
    He's gone off site now and I'd like to think I've given him a few things to ponder.

    You reap what you sow, M.

    You taught him a valuable “lesson” there, if you ask me.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #4867
    Ush1
    Registered Users Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭Ush1


    Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »
    Lots of ill informed and downright stupid posts in here criticising a workwank.

    I go at myself like I'm starting a lawnmower on a cold February morning on a regular basis. One of the few pleasures in work.

    I run a building supply shop so female customers are few and far between. But when you do get the odd bird in buying a few nails or boards I immediately beeline for the staff jack's and tug myself silly. Don't understand what people's objection is. It's a victimless crime - like saddle sniffing or robbing a few knickers when over at a neighbours dinner party.

    So you and JohnnyFlash both run building supply merchants?

    No wonder the tension between ye, direct competition an all that.


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    #4868
    Bullocks
    Registered Users Posts: 5,890 ✭✭✭Bullocks


    Ush1 wrote: »
    So you and JohnnyFlash both run building supply merchants?

    No wonder the tension between ye, direct competition an all that.
    I thought Johnny sold Teflon pans.


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    #4869
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Ush1 wrote: »
    So you and JohnnyFlash both run building supply merchants?

    No wonder the tension between ye, direct competition an all that.

    Nah, pal, not in the building supply game. I’m involved in importing commercial catering equipment and charging a huge margin for installing and commissioning them.

    Met Losty in Toners once after a rugby match. Small heavy set fella - think 28” legs and 40” waist on his Marks chinos. Swears and sweats a lot. Lot of nervous energy. Don’t think I’m insulting the dude by saying he’s a difficult fella to warm to. He was full to the brim with beer and was boasting about how he was off to ride a Brazilian hooker before he headed home to the wife and kids.


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    #4870
    BlaktainPicard
    Registered Users Posts: 60 ✭✭BlaktainPicard


    What is it about colleagues waiting outside traps untill they become available ?
    Just leave and come back in 5-10 mins for fuks sake!!

    Basic stuff


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    #4871
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    BlaktainPicard wrote: »
    What is it about colleagues waiting outside traps untill they become available ?
    Just leave and come back in 5-10 mins for fuks sake!!

    Basic stuff

    It’s the ultimate breach of shítter etiquette. Outrageous behaviour.


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    #4872
    Fireball81
    Registered Users Posts: 412 ✭✭Fireball81


    Thank **** for the new soundproofing- whilst taking a dump let a ripper of gas out that must have lasted 20 seconds- was shocked with the noise of it.


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    #4873
    armaghlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Nah, pal, not in the building supply game. I’m involved in importing commercial catering equipment and charging a huge margin for installing and commissioning them.

    Met Losty in Toners once after a rugby match. Small heavy set fella - think 28” legs and 40” waist on his Marks chinos. Swears and sweats a lot. Lot of nervous energy. Don’t think I’m insulting the dude by saying he’s a difficult fella to warm to. He was full to the brim with beer and was boasting about how he was off to ride a Brazilian hooker before he headed home to the wife and kids.
    I reckon the last time losty got the ride was some time in the mid 80s. A man fondling himself in the workplace is a man who doesn’t get it full stop. I’d say the wife is full flow bouncing on the neighbour’s plonker while losty is busy trying to stay awake après 3 heino down the local watering hole. I dare say any prospective Brazilian hookers would hustle him out of his €90


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    #4874
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Fireball81 wrote: »
    Thank **** for the new soundproofing- whilst taking a dump let a ripper of gas out that must have lasted 20 seconds- was shocked with the noise of it.

    And how was the ****?


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    #4875
    sligojoek
    Registered Users Posts: 25,420 ✭✭✭✭sligojoek


    Lads, do any of ye watch "Curb your Enthusiasm"?

    Even if you don't like it watch the first 10 mins of the latest episode. Larry is opening a coffee shop and has designed a new urinal and potty. Ingenious stuff.


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    #4876
    Utter Consternation
    Registered Users Posts: 926 ✭✭✭Utter Consternation


    sligojoek wrote: »
    Lads, do any of ye watch "Curb your Enthusiasm"?

    Even if you don't like it watch the first 10 mins of the latest episode. Larry is opening a coffee shop and has designed a new urinal and potty. Ingenious stuff.

    I don't like the look of that urinal he has. It has all the fookin hallmarks of a fcuking guillotine. :eek::eek:


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    #4877
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,606 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Not having a great time of it today. All started yesterday when I made myself a “sandwich” after I got home. Said I’d be healthy and throw in cheese, boiled egg, sliced pickled gherkin and some relish. Was pretty nice.

    While I was at the fridge I noticed the jar of “silverskin” pickled onions that I’d bought a couple of weeks ago and forgot about. You know, the little onion balls in vinegar? A delicacy, got them in Lidl or Aldi.

    These things wouldn’t go in the sandwich, obviously. But, while the bread was toasting, I’d decided to “sample” a couple of them. Very nice, very vinegary.

    A couple led to a few and a few led to a few more, you get the picture. There’s still about half a jar of them still there, I’m not a pig like. But the damage was done.

    Wasn’t long after dinner that things started to “bubble”. Long gurgly sounds started emanating from my “gut” region. Figured nothing of it when it reached the blast door so I just let it out. Was very breathy. Very warm and very vinegary. Also quite oniony. Everything else was overpowered.

    My partner was both incensed and disgusted. She got the onion bit first and took a second before the accusation of pickled onion was levelled at me. I couldn’t deny it, or blame the dog. And that wasn’t even the end of it.

    All evening, and all night, the scent of “hot vinegar” hung in the air. I was always of the opinion that a good nights sleep will see off the worst gastrointestinal “issues” but this went on all morning and well after lunch.

    At one point I took “refuge” in the toilets because I couldn’t hold in the farts any longer. The relief when I finally got to vent the gas was immense. One of the guys I work with came over and told me he thinks someone was eating onions in the toilets earlier. I was too mortified to laugh and said it was probably another person in the office known for their “odd” toilet habits. He agreed.

    When I “dropped” one around by the printers someone at a nearby desk enquired as to whether anyone had opened a jar of pickles. I made a quick getaway, taking a longer, roundabout, route so as not to bring the trail of stink directly with me.

    Thankfully, it has eased off completely now but it made my day a lot harder than was needed. I mean, I’ve had the “hot vinegar” before but never like this. It was unrelenting and incredibly strong.

    Covered my tracks well though, wasn’t easy but it’s something positive to take away from the “experience”.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #4878
    Tumbleweed2
    Registered Users Posts: 70 ✭✭Tumbleweed2


    There is some wordsmiths and poets in the thread. Bravo.


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    #4879
    Nevin Parsnipp
    Registered Users Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    Tumbleweed2 wrote: »
    There is some wordsmiths and poets in the thread. Bravo.

    Indeed |Tumbler...some very skuttery holes as well ..although I guess a wordsmith or indeed a poet ...could be blessed with an active anus.

    " Twas on the road to Creeslough I felt me ANUS bulge

    I squatted down behind a bush some ****tery to indulge

    She spurted out like chowder ...the grass she covered thick

    I used a sock to clean me hole .now that's a clever trick !

    Up with the breeks and orf I trot ...ignoring the foul Fent

    And thinking that the locals would say who is that filthy kernt "


    Not great poultry I admit ,,,but hey ..good as that cnunt Heney ?


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    #4880
    Pintman Paddy Losty
    Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Pintman Paddy Losty


    armaghlad wrote: »
    I reckon the last time losty got the ride was some time in the mid 80s. A man fondling himself in the workplace is a man who doesn’t get it full stop. I’d say the wife is full flow bouncing on the neighbour’s plonker while losty is busy trying to stay awake après 3 heino down the local watering hole. I dare say any prospective Brazilian hookers would hustle him out of his €90

    Where the fcuk do you get off posting such utter tosh. Fcking disrespectful little ****.

    I've a todger on me that you could use to crowbar open a metal security door with. It's in perfect working order even after a skinful of pints. It's had many a hooker yelping as she bounced up and down on it.

    Prick.


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    #4881
    Pintman Paddy Losty
    Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Pintman Paddy Losty


    Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »
    Indeed |Tumbler...some very skuttery holes as well ..although I guess a wordsmith or indeed a poet ...could be blessed with an active anus.

    " Twas on the road to Creeslough I felt me ANUS bulge

    I squatted down behind a bush some ****tery to indulge

    She spurted out like chowder ...the grass she covered thick

    I used a sock to clean me hole .now that's a clever trick !

    Up with the breeks and orf I trot ...ignoring the foul Fent

    And thinking that the locals would say who is that filthy kernt "


    Not great poultry I admit ,,,but hey ..good as that cnunt Heney ?

    Very poor effort. Not a patch on what Brendan produces.

    D+ must try harder.


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    #4882
    Fireball81
    Registered Users Posts: 412 ✭✭Fireball81


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    And how was the ****?

    Today was my off day - will sneak one in tomorrow.


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    #4883
    Sober Crappy Chemis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 461 ✭✭Sober Crappy Chemis


    Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »
    I've a todger on me that you could use to crowbar open a metal security door with. It's in perfect working order even after a skinful of pints.

    Would you use it on Maureen before or after the fry?


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    #4884
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,285 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »
    I've a todger on me that you could use to crowbar open a metal security door with. It's in perfect working order even after a skinful of pints. It's had many a hooker yelping as she bounced up and down on it.

    And then afterwards she gave you your money back...

    ..no, wait, she paid YOU... :p

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #4885
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,172 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Hotblack Desiato wrote: »
    And then afterwards she gave you your money back...

    ..no, wait, she paid YOU... :p

    Lad is hung like a sock full of wet cement, they say.

    Compares favorably with a Mexican Burro.


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    #4886
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Like a tube of Pringles Paddy?


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    #4887
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,172 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Two litre can of Pedigree Chum


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    #4888
    Bullocks
    Registered Users Posts: 5,890 ✭✭✭Bullocks


    I heard its big enough to bate an ass up out of a quarry with it


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    #4889
    Slideways
    Registered Users Posts: 2,004 ✭✭✭Slideways


    Beat a family of tinkers out of an off licence with it


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    #4890
    NeinNeinNein
    Registered Users Posts: 5,791 ✭✭✭NeinNeinNein


    Bullocks wrote: »
    I heard its big enough to bate an ass up out of a quarry with it
    The fun he would have explaining that one away.


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    #4891
    mfceiling
    Registered Users Posts: 12,791 ✭✭✭✭mfceiling


    You could turn a donkey in a phone box with it.


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