Caught teenage son 16 and girlfriend having sex

susieball wrote: »

Hi! All, thanks for replies. Yes, I did tell the girl to leave. Her dad is involved but lives on the other side of the city. She seems to be always conveniently missing the bus. Her mother seems to be always out and never able to collect her. I am currently sick with flu, so didn't have the energy to drop her home, and asked my son to give her money for a taxi. I have dropped her home on several occasions before this. Every time I get home from work, she's either leaving or arriving to my house, and 80% of the time conveniently missing the bus, though I keep reminding her of the bus times. I doubt she is taking precautions. I have spoken to my son about this a lot - about the importance of using condoms, especially if he is mad enough to engage in underage sex. I have always said I don't approve of underage sex, and he should wait until age of consent at 17. My son was so annoyed and mad at me this morning that he refused to a private careers guidance counsellor I had paid for for him, and had an appointment with, to help him choose subjects for 5th year. Feel he is going down the tubes fast! Re parenting - I am a single parent. Re the other parents - I don't have the girl's father's details. I doubt she will give them to me. I don't have her mother's details either, and as she won't let me drop her directly to her house when I drop her home, I don't know exactly where she lives, but I do know the school she goes to, when she goes to school!

Have you anyone to support you ?

I know its not your duty or responsibility but this girl is underage and by the sounds of it she is being neglected by her parents/guardians. I actually feel sorry for her from what you have said.

Jumping over a wall so you dont see her house. There is something not right about all of this. If it was me I would approach her school and tell them this. This situation surely needs to be reported to Tusla?

It is your house, your rules but he really is just being a teenager. Its not exceptionally strange behaviour. I would not take too much notice of it. He will grow out of it. Most do.

Nikolai Vast Rat wrote: »

I don't think it's really fair to say 'he's just being a teenager' and excusing the behaviour.

Yes, it's a difficult age and teens like to push boundaries but he's making his mother uncomfortable in her own home and his sister feeling unsafe/in danger.

He's abusive, drinking, having sex and him and his mates are trashing his mother's home.

I'm sorry but it should not be acceptable and is not standard for most teen behaviour.

Oh dont get me wrong its despicable behaviour and shouldnt be tolerated in her house at all. I was just telling this (wonderful) single mother that she as a parent is not doing anything wrong rearing him. As I said the behaviour is typical of lots of teens but I wouldnt be over thinking it as a reflection on her parenting skills.

Both under the age of consent.

If he turns 17 before her, it is a crime.

Hi OP, a lot of conflicting opinions here.

On the issue of consent when do they both turn 17? Any difference in age that leaves your son turning 17 before his girlfriend & continuing to have sex with her could land him in murky waters.

To be blunt, they are going to continue having sex, that’s a given. Consent & safe sex are the core issues here.

Is there possibly a male figure in your sons life that could support you in having a conversation with him about his behaviour has overall. I’d advise you’re realistic & flexible about the rules you set.

Once the core issue of consent becomes a non-issue it would be my advice that you accept that teenagers are going to explore & have fun. This is the reality & acknowledging that is important.

Consider telling this girls Father as she’s currently living with him. I’d do so in a way that acknowledges that your teenagers are going to continue sleeping together.

My parents didn’t trust me & had a totally different set of rules for me whilst my older sibling had her boyfriends stay in a ‘separate’ room! My reaction? I had as much damn fun as possible every time my parents left the house! My mother found a used condom once that we hadn’t properly disposed of so that forced an unpleasant conversation, she was disappointed & disgusted but she accepted it however the “Not in my home”, typical ‘Irish Mammy’ reaction was there too, to be fair at least she didn’t tell my Dad, I would’ve been packing a bag had she done so!

As for your son drinking, honestly I don’t know one Irish teen that didn’t/doesn’t! Not to excuse it but to demonise it will have an adverse effect. Addressing this should be part of a conversation you have with him with the support of someone that you believe may be able to get through to him. With respect, Parents aren’t always best placed to navigate these waters & a mediator (Uncle, Aunt, family friend etc) may really be able to help you here.

Andrew00 wrote: »

How on earth could you be riding in ur parents house? At any age?

The most embarrassing thing ever. Sure talking about sex to them is embarrassing enough

Are you joking?! Honestly I’m not being sarcastic! Teenagers are full of curiosity & hormones. A potent mix.

Andrew00 wrote: »

Im not joking..why would you bring a woman back to your parents house and ride them whilst ur mum and dad are there?

Because lust and logic are not good bedding partners (no pun intended!)

KiKi III wrote: »

I’m not a parent, but surely it’s better that they’re doing it at your place rather than down an alley somewhere?

What age did you lose your virginity OP?

Have to agree with this, safer under your roof then in a town park or who knows where, boys will be boys and your son will continue no matter what

OP, I am texting the following with the greatest of respect. I have 4 teenage children 14-20

First off....wtf.
Sex in your house?
Drinking?

He needs his arse handed to him.
You sound like a very nice woman, mother, doing her best, with the makings of an abusive thug on her hands.

Under any circumstances would I NOT be accepting this disrespect from someone under my roof.

Oh and I am most certainly not alone. I live in a very MC area with a lot of similar families and I can tell you they would most certainly not be putting up with this bull**** and disrespect from their children in school or college.

Your son's behaviour is not acceptable.

He needs it spelt out to him that he either follows your rules in your house and treats you with courtesy and respect, or he makes other arrangements.

Harsh perhaps, but this will not get better for you with the attitude and behaviour that he feels comfortable displaying.

Under NO circumstances should YOU be made to feel uncomfortable in YOUR home by your son.

As for that poor girl! Well early pregnancy is an obvious possibility. Spell it out to your son, otherwise you have the moniker of Grandmother looming.

I repeat...to those thinking this bull**** is tolerated in most homes... you are wrong. It is not.

It most certainly isn't in the many, many families of which I am familiar.

Good luck OP, it isn't easy. But you do NOT have to accept this BS.

Everyone on here saying how normal it, geez I dunno about that. I can imagine he's been watching porn since he was 9, 10, 11?
It's far from normal the way teenagers grow up today, compared to say even before the age of smartphones. I see it with my own niece and nephew, both have smartphones, and both have adult material on them. It's far from normal, it's indeed pretty darn nuts what the majority of kids ages 8-15 are watching on their smartphones. Monkey see Monkey do

susieball wrote: »

Hi! All, thanks for replies. Yes, I did tell the girl to leave. Her dad is involved but lives on the other side of the city. She seems to be always conveniently missing the bus. Her mother seems to be always out and never able to collect her. I am currently sick with flu, so didn't have the energy to drop her home, and asked my son to give her money for a taxi. I have dropped her home on several occasions before this. Every time I get home from work, she's either leaving or arriving to my house, and 80% of the time conveniently missing the bus, though I keep reminding her of the bus times. I doubt she is taking precautions. I have spoken to my son about this a lot - about the importance of using condoms, especially if he is mad enough to engage in underage sex. I have always said I don't approve of underage sex, and he should wait until age of consent at 17. My son was so annoyed and mad at me this morning that he refused to a private careers guidance counsellor I had paid for for him, and had an appointment with, to help him choose subjects for 5th year. Feel he is going down the tubes fast! Re parenting - I am a single parent. Re the other parents - I don't have the girl's father's details. I doubt she will give them to me. I don't have her mother's details either, and as she won't let me drop her directly to her house when I drop her home, I don't know exactly where she lives, but I do know the school she goes to, when she goes to school!

Seems the parents are too busy to take notice of where she is, it is going to end with her getting in trouble if they don't take time to watch her, you are caught between a rock and a hard place, It is funny that she will not let you drop her to the house, she must be lying to her mother, I guess she needs to know what is going on , but since you don't know her, There is nothing you can do,

Billyo66 wrote: »

I repeat...to those thinking this bull**** is tolerated in most homes... you are wrong. It is not.

It most certainly isn't in the many, many families of which I am familiar.

Correct.

It is not normal to be having sex at 16.

Indeed, it may be illegal?

Nobody I know had sex at 16-17.

You may see it it on soap operas, etc.

Note that these are children, and as such should be focussed on sport and study, etc.

goat2 wrote: »

When you asked her to leave the house, did she get a drive home, did someone call for her, or did she just walk out the door without an adult for safety, I would have escorted her home in the name of safety, she is someones daughter

100 %

KiKi III wrote: »

I’m not a parent, but surely it’s better that they’re doing it at your place rather than down an alley somewhere?

What age did you lose your virginity OP?

The age that the OP lost her virginity is none of your business and irrelevant to the rules that the op sets in her house. I hope that the op does not attemp to answer it.

Cheap shot Kiki