Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Precious parents and their new born kids

Options
1234568

Comments

  • Options
    #212
    Gimme A Pound
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,482 ✭✭✭Gimme A Pound


    Noodles81 wrote: »
    No she does not. That's very unfair.

    By all accounts she is making efforts to spend time with people she likes and cares about but suddenly she is finding her time being wasted and her patience being tested with no mention of any respect for her life and her time.

    Then she started to notice it in others, as is normal once you notice a trend.

    I will say in my experience any new parents I've encountered are in awe of their child while still being thoughtful and kind people.

    So as others have said, if you've already no manners, some feel having a child gives them a free pass to let loose their latent a- holness on the world.
    I think Tickers does come across as too hostile. And I don't have children but plenty of friends and family do. Their lives are absolutely taken over by their children - and of course they would be, I don't understand how anyone could think otherwise. You can't even look away for a matter of seconds when they're toddlers, and yet you've all the other stuff in life you need to do too. When they're babies you're like the walking dead with the lack of sleep - yet you also have all the other stuff you need to do.

    It's extremely hard for parents of young children to have a night out or a meal or just coffee or one or two drinks and when the opportunity does come up they are absolutely out of their minds with excitement. But they're praying that something to do with the child(ren) won't **** it up, because it could well do.

    All the things listed are just standard - it is a big deal, the children do have to come first, this is non negotiable - it's not to shun their friends. Any parent would prefer to be out on Saturday night with friends or just relaxing in front of Netflix with a lovely bottle of wine than having to prepare for being up all night but there's no choice. And it's nothing to do with being an overly zealous parent. Keep plans fluid with friends who have small children instead of thinking they're being inconsiderate if things don't work out, because that's the actual way it is, and they don't like it either.

    Yeah we all know or have heard of parents who are overly zealous but the stuff listed in the OP is standard. I normally don't like when people say "When you're a parent you'll understand" but it seems some have a bizarre lack of cop-on as to the extent of it. It really is all consuming.


  • Options
    #213
    Gimme A Pound
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,482 ✭✭✭Gimme A Pound


    Yeah I see the point about young parents seeming less over-thinky - but I think the advantages to waiting until older outweigh that (increased chances of financial security, relationship security, a long-term home, education completed).


  • Options
    #214
    Muckka
    Registered Users Posts: 498 ✭✭Muckka


    Savannah Gray Laborer wrote: »
    Yeah I see the point about young parents seeming less over-thinky - but I think the advantages to waiting until older outweigh that (increased chances of financial security, relationship security, a long-term home, education completed).

    There's plenty of young parent's who've been very successful and productive.

    I myself graduates when I was 23 walked into a state job, and still there now.
    Working in the area I'm qualified in.
    House nearly paid for and my son's nearly finished school.
    He's thinking of an apprenticeship.
    His mum's married to someone else, she's also in a good state job.

    Granted getting a secure state job was easier back then, and there was less pressure on people.
    Well it feels that way now.
    Correct me if you think I'm wrong.
    If I was 23 now, I'll admit job security and financial security isn't as easy to come by.

    Younger people are earning well, but with the current climate and the advancement of information technology, there's apps and computerized systems which will and already are making people redundant.

    Any job nowadays which are secure are the likes of manual labor, planning, creativity, agriculture/horticulture and social care.

    You could be an IT manager or quality assurance team leader one day, a month later your job's gone to India.

    Grab your lump sum redundecy, and off into the real world.

    This is a big worry to parents, is their kid's future
    Secure ?

    If our population is one million more in ten years time, there's going to be plenty of competition.

    There's no point in saying everybody's a winner then.


  • Options
    #215
    Gimme A Pound
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,482 ✭✭✭Gimme A Pound


    Not seeing how the above refutes what I said.

    You need to have more work experience clocked up, therefore being older is to your advantage.

    Walking into a state job out of college like you did, is nearly like winning the lottery today. It worked out brilliantly for you and fair play, but it'd be disingenuous to suggest this is the norm for those aged 23. Hence the safer option being to wait until older (and late 20s is still grand and young) to have children.


  • Options
    #216
    Muckka
    Registered Users Posts: 498 ✭✭Muckka


    Savannah Gray Laborer wrote: »
    Not seeing how the above refutes what I said.

    You need to have more work experience clocked up, therefore being older is to your advantage.

    Walking into a state job out of college like you did, is nearly like winning the lottery today. It worked out brilliantly for you and fair play, but it'd be disingenuous to suggest this is the norm for those aged 23. Hence the safer option being to wait until older (and late 20s is still grand and young) to have children.

    From corresponding with you I'm starting to move more towards what you're saying.
    I have a habit of not looking at all the variables sometimes.

    So I'll admit that today is different and I will have to open my mind a bit more.

    Thanks for the feedback @gimmie a pound
    :D


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #217
    c68zapdsm5i1ru
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,709 ✭✭✭c68zapdsm5i1ru


    Noodles81 wrote: »
    There's a lot of defensiveness in this thread, on both sides. It's an emotive issue.

    There are those people waxing lyrical about carrying a child for 9 months and the feel of them in their belly as they grow and the fresh new born smell of their offspring etc and the joy and worry etc it brings...and how no one understands unless they've been there.

    And there's others who see it, less verbosely, as you procreated like most mammals do and now you have to rear it. A life choice to get on with as best you can.

    Same narratives, different perspectives.

    Either way a little bit of respect for both is all that is needed.

    This.

    There's a happy medium between thinking the whole world should revolve around you and your child, and unsympathetically telling people they chose to have a child so tough.


  • Options
    #218
    c68zapdsm5i1ru
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,709 ✭✭✭c68zapdsm5i1ru


    Oh and I also agree that there's plusses and minuses to both early and late parenthood. Coming on here and smugly declaring your circumstances as the right ones and jeering at those who travelled a different road to parenthood doesn't really scream 'mature' to me.


  • Options
    #219
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »
    I definitely think there's merit in this. Parents who have kids in their twenties tend to just get on with things, they don't over analyse the baby food or the nappies, or if the baby rolls out of the bed they pick them up and dust them off, the baby gets a bit of temprature and it's a shot of nurofen as opposed a trip to the doctor, when it's time to leave they just pick the kid up stick it in the boogie and hoosh it out the door.

    Parents in their 30's are torturous to watch. The constant negotiating "come on honey, put your shoes on, ok let's go now times up" I think first time parents in their 30's over analyse and "over educate" themselves to such an extent that they are paralysed of making the wrong decision so they do the something worse and make no decision at all. As the old axiom goes, indecision is final and the kids end up in charge because kids aren't stupid and they pick up on their parents insecurities and exploit it.

    How are you so certain that this isn’t just their general parenting style and age has nothing to do with it? Parents of any can be relaxed/anxious/rude/happy/whatever, age doesn’t tend to be the qualifier. I’ve seen anxious twenty year old mothers and anxious 40 year old mothers and everything in between. What you’ve done here is taken two specific types of parents and assumed that age is the reason why they parent in the way they do. There are a multitude of variables involved in why this is the case, but these qualities don’t tend to be age specific.


  • Options
    #220
    Muckka
    Registered Users Posts: 498 ✭✭Muckka


    Ares Hundreds Tuber wrote: »
    Oh and I also agree that there's plusses and minuses to both early and late parenthood. Coming on here and smugly declaring your circumstances as the right ones and jeering at those who travelled a different road to parenthood doesn't really scream 'mature' to me.


    It's not about being right or wrong, it's about which is easier, looking through the post's.
    I see there's a lot of different opinions and nobody's right or wrong.

    At the end of the day once the kid's are rared to a responsible parents best ability.

    What's the problem ?

    There's 18 year old parents who probably have more in common with a baby than someone twice their age, it's nothing to do with maturity it's about being a responsible parent.


  • Options
    #221
    BarryD2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,732 ✭✭✭BarryD2


    Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »
    What is the matter with these people that their kids are so precious where everyone has to tip toe around their timetable and sleeping habits or God forbid that a child might hear a loud voice!?!

    I dunno Blakely Quaint Sand, but wait till you have one or some of your own and then you'll figure it out..


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #222
    Muckka
    Registered Users Posts: 498 ✭✭Muckka


    Poor aul Tickers is getting a right hammering, maybe it's good to see where tickers is coming from too.

    I can put myself in tickers place as well.

    At least they're honest.


  • Options
    #223
    v638sg7k1a92bx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,913 ✭✭✭v638sg7k1a92bx


    Muckka wrote: »
    Poor aul Tickers is getting a right hammering, maybe it's good to see where tickers is coming from too.

    I can put myself in tickers place as well.

    At least they're honest.

    Yes I think some posters are protesting a bit too much which seems to suggest that I may have cut a bit too close to the bone.

    Everything I read contrary to my post is just parents making excuses for their bad behaviour.


  • Options
    #224
    Muckka
    Registered Users Posts: 498 ✭✭Muckka


    Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »
    Yes I think some posters are protesting a bit too much which seems to suggest that I may have cut a bit too close to the bone.

    Everything I read contrary to my post is just parents making excuses for their bad behaviour.

    Lol sure you'll get used to it around here, one day you'll be marched to the guillotine, the next you'd get a thanks.

    I don't take any one's replies or judgements personal, I just think sure they're entitled to their opinion.

    Here's a funny story, I told a member that they're the type who'd more than likely have me banned or infracted, they denied they'ed do anything of the sort.

    They waited for two days, like a dog with a bone...
    Then they had me marked lol two days later can you believe that.
    They're always embroiled in sharp exchanges anyhow.
    And rightly so if they are insulted, fire away it's their right


  • Options
    #225
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    tumblr_n2pg2k3bfq1ql56ddo1_500.gif


  • Options
    #226
    Ilovethe bonesofyou
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,688 ✭✭✭Ilovethe bonesofyou


    Thread's dead baby. Thread's dead.


  • Options
    #227
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Ilovethe bonesofyou wrote: »
    Thread's dead baby. Thread's dead.

    It was kind of entertaining while it lasted :D


  • Options
    #228
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Muckka wrote: »
    Lol sure you'll get used to it around here, one day you'll be marched to the guillotine, the next you'd get a thanks.

    I don't take any one's replies or judgements personal, I just think sure they're entitled to their opinion.

    Here's a funny story, I told a member that they're the type who'd more than likely have me banned or infracted, they denied they'ed do anything of the sort.

    They waited for two days, like a dog with a bone...
    Then they had me marked lol two days later can you believe that.
    They're always embroiled in sharp exchanges anyhow.
    And rightly so if they are insulted, fire away it's their right
    Unless the other poster hacked your account and posted for you, then you got yourself marked


  • Options
    #229
    v638sg7k1a92bx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,913 ✭✭✭v638sg7k1a92bx


    retro:electro wrote: »
    How are you so certain that this isn’t just their general parenting style and age has nothing to do with it? Parents of any can be relaxed/anxious/rude/happy/whatever, age doesn’t tend to be the qualifier. I’ve seen anxious twenty year old mothers and anxious 40 year old mothers and everything in between. What you’ve done here is taken two specific types of parents and assumed that age is the reason why they parent in the way they do. There are a multitude of variables involved in why this is the case, but these qualities and particular styles don’t tend to be age specific.

    How can you be so certain to the contrary. It seems to be the received message nowadays is that new parents cannot be questioned or challenged because they're going through this period in their lives that generations of people have done before them for thousands of years with a fraction of the resources that parents have now, but for some reason we all have to cut them a break be and understanding because they might be itty bit tired.


  • Options
    #230
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »
    How can you be so certain to the contrary. It seems to be the received message nowadays is that new parents cannot be questioned or challenged because they're going through this period in their lives that generations of people have done before them for thousands of years with a fraction of the resources that parents have now, but for some reason we all have to cut them a break be and understanding because they might be itty bit tired.

    Because unless you have statistics to back up your “parents in their 20s and 30s are xyz” claims, I think we can all safely surmise that you are just talking out your jacksie.


  • Options
    #231
    v638sg7k1a92bx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,913 ✭✭✭v638sg7k1a92bx


    retro:electro wrote: »
    Because unless you have statistics to back up your “parents in their 20s and 30s are xyz” claims, I think we can all safely surmise that you are just talking out your jacksie.

    Is there an equivalent of a Godwin's law for when a millennial asks someone to provide statistics for an opinion? It's an opinion not a theory, something you might understand after you have your kids when you're in your 40's.

    FYI, biologically the "best" age for women to have children is in their late teens or early twenties.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #232
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »
    I definitely think there's merit in this. Parents who have kids in their twenties tend to just get on with things, they don't over analyse the baby food or the nappies, or if the baby rolls out of the bed they pick them up and dust them off, the baby gets a bit of temprature and it's a shot of nurofen as opposed a trip to the doctor, when it's time to leave they just pick the kid up stick it in the boogie and hoosh it out the door.
    Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »
    Parents in their 30's say they are giving their kids a routine when in fact it's the kids that are giving the parents a routine which is why you see so many of them running around in a flap with their lives disarray of hand-balling their kids between the creche, the grandparents, back home, cooking dinner, their houses are bits with junk and full of clutter.

    Sound more like statement of facts than opinions to me.. it’s okay to admit you misspoke.


  • Options
    #233
    v638sg7k1a92bx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,913 ✭✭✭v638sg7k1a92bx


    retro:electro wrote: »
    Sound more like statements of fact than opinions to me.. it’s okay to admit you misspoke.

    And you can admit that you tried to put words in my mouth and failed. I witnessed these things for myself which makes them a fact.

    Next.


  • Options
    #234
    Ilovethe bonesofyou
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,688 ✭✭✭Ilovethe bonesofyou


    This kind of reminds me of that angry people in local newspapers thing. I've a picture in my head of the op pointing angrily at a pothole :D


  • Options
    #235
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »
    And you can admit that you tried to put words in my mouth and failed. I witnessed these things for myself which makes them a fact.

    Next.

    No, it just makes them your personal observations, not universal truths.


  • Options
    #236
    Gimme A Pound
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,482 ✭✭✭Gimme A Pound


    Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »
    Yes I think some posters are protesting a bit too much which seems to suggest that I may have cut a bit too close to the bone.

    Everything I read contrary to my post is just parents making excuses for their bad behaviour.
    Well I don't have children so it can't cut too close to the bone for me.

    Fair enough when parents are insufferable (I genuinely don't know any myself but I know they exist) but you just seem to have a problem with parents parenting and children being children full stop. That unavoidable hassles are just a ploy to inconvenience you.


  • Options
    #237
    lawred2
    Registered Users Posts: 24,296 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »
    Is this a recent phenomenon or has it always been the case? I'm beyond this phase in my life but I have friends/colleagues/acquaintances who seem to think that the world revolves around their kids nap or feeding times.

    I was invited to a christening and at 11.30am, the mother a child left the christening to bring the baby home because nap time was between 12 and 2pm. So what was the point in having a Christening if you're just going to go home!

    A friend invited themselves over to the house to introduce their new baby, she turns up 90 minutes late with the explanation that the child was asleep and couldn't be woke!!! So I have to organise my life around when your 6 month old child decides to wake up???

    A new colleague has joined after moving back to Ireland from Australia where the baby was born. She's married with one child and is living in her parents while the house they bought is being renovated for the past year. Anyway, I can hear her chewing the balls off her father and snarking down the phone at the mother if the child isn't asleep at nap time or had it's arse wiped a certain way!

    Another one was when we were INVITED over to a friends house, everybody had to whisper because the baby was having their nap and couldn't be woke. Do they not realise that it's a self fulfilling prophecy, if you tip toe around the house then you are creating an environment where the child will wake up whereas if you proceed as normal the kid will adapt to the noise?

    What is the matter with these people that their kids are so precious where everyone has to tip toe around their timetable and sleeping habits or God forbid that a child might hear a loud voice!?!

    with an attitude like that you're lucky you get inside their house in the first place

    Maybe someone should start a thread about precious adults being upset by children being cared for - maybe it's an attention thing


  • Options
    #238
    mvl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,229 ✭✭✭mvl


    Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »
    FYI, biologically the "best" age for women to have children is in their late teens or early twenties.
    this is only half true :)


  • Options
    #239
    Obvious Desperate Breakfasts
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,474 ✭✭✭Obvious Desperate Breakfasts


    Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »
    Yes I think some posters are protesting a bit too much which seems to suggest that I may have cut a bit too close to the bone.

    Everything I read contrary to my post is just parents making excuses for their bad behaviour.

    Oh really? Well, I’m not a parent and I think you sound like a right moaner. Some of what you said had merit but then you included the co-worker example. It doesn’t sound like that co-worker is a friend so you’re just making a lot of assumptions based off eavesdropping on their phonecalls.


  • Options
    #240
    v638sg7k1a92bx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,913 ✭✭✭v638sg7k1a92bx


    Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »
    Oh really? Well, I’m not a parent and I think you sound like a right moaner. Some of what you said had merit but then you included the co-worker example. It doesn’t sound like that co-worker is a friend so you’re just making a lot of assumptions based off eavesdropping on their phonecalls.

    You're probably still looking for a job after finishing your liberal arts degree but when you eventually enter the workforce you'll find that most offices are open plan and people tend to sit it close quarters.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #241
    v638sg7k1a92bx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,913 ✭✭✭v638sg7k1a92bx


    Candie wrote: »
    No, it just makes them your personal observations, not universal truths.

    I'm speaking my truth, I thought that counts as facts these days no?


Advertisement