Precious parents and their new born kids

Lefty Bicek

Candie wrote: »

I think lack of sleep makes it tough to stay sane at times when people have new babies.

Self-inflicted.

Lefty Bicek

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

Self-inflicted.

So what? It doesn't make it less real. Is it really that hard to cut people a bit of slack and just show some common kindness?

You might never plan on being a parent but we were definitely all babies once and hopefully people were kind and understanding to our parents when they were tired and overwhelmed.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Candie wrote: »

I don't have kids.

I can make allowances for people who do though, it's unpredictable and difficult and a huge responsibility and it's not hard to just cut people some slack when they're going through a life changing transition in early parenthood.

Be a friend to your friends, try to understand their lives have changed and their priorities are keeping the kid alive and keeping themselves sane first and foremost.

I see where you’re coming from but also where the OP is coming from. Within reason, I wouldn’t be annoyed if I was inconvenienced, look it happens. But in work for example, I once had a lady almost an hour late for an appointment because her child was asleep (leaving aside where I work is supposed to be child free) and then showed up thinking that I’d still be able to take the appointment. She wasted my time and time is money. Don’t make appointments around your kids nap times. If a friend asked me to go somewhere with her and her kid and then left me waiting two hours I’d be pretty pi55ed off. I wouldn’t run my schedule around someone else’s child.
Friends cancelling things last minute or cancelling lunch asking me over to her house instead because the kid is sick/no babysitter then that’s no big deal.

Sorry about that

Op asks, "what's the matter with these people?". Well op, the truth is, nothing at all, unless you consider a state of overwhelming love and protectiveness, mixed with the terror that you're doing it all wrong, to be a bad thing.
Cut them a bit of slack op, it's usually a first child thing, be grand in a year or so.

Muckka

Rootsblower wrote: »

It’s also not hard to pick up the phone to the OP and say your gonna be late. If you can’t act with a few manners how the f*** are you gonna teach them to your kids.

My kids my kids my kid's

Sometimes the kid's control the parents rather than the parents controling the kid's.

It's been going on for year's.
A lot of kid's these days are told they're all winner's, and parents will not entertain any one saying anything about their kid's.

My mum knew I was a messer, so did dad.
But they made sure I had manners and social intelligence.

They never minded neighbors telling them Muckka is a bit ferral and wild.
Mum's always said she'd prefer to see kid's happy out covered in mud or have a few bruises.
I'd say my legs had more bruises than an apple that fell down the stairs.

My runner's didn't last long, as for dry feet
Forget it

Muckka

Jack Gorgeous Fishhook wrote: »

I see where you’re coming from but also where the OP is coming from. Within reason, I wouldn’t be annoyed if I was inconvenienced, look it happens. But in work for example, I once had a lady almost an hour late for an appointment because her child was asleep (leaving aside where I work is supposed to be child free) and then showed up thinking that I’d still be able to take the appointment. She wasted my time and time is money. Don’t make appointments around your kids nap times. If a friend asked me to go somewhere with her and her kid and then left me waiting two hours I’d be pretty pi55ed off. I wouldn’t run my schedule around someone else’s child.
Friends cancelling things last minute or cancelling lunch asking me over to her house instead because the kid is sick/no babysitter then that’s no big deal.

But it was her little Jack

Jack Gorgeous Fishhook

Jack Gorgeous Fishhook wrote: »

I see where you’re coming from but also where the OP is coming from. Within reason, I wouldn’t be annoyed if I was inconvenienced, look it happens. But in work for example, I once had a lady almost an hour late for an appointment because her child was asleep (leaving aside where I work is supposed to be child free) and then showed up thinking that I’d still be able to take the appointment. She wasted my time and time is money. Don’t make appointments around your kids nap times. If a friend asked me to go somewhere with her and her kid and then left me waiting two hours I’d be pretty pi55ed off. I wouldn’t run my schedule around someone else’s child.
Friends cancelling things last minute or cancelling lunch asking me over to her house instead because the kid is sick/no babysitter then that’s no big deal.

That's all reasonable. I'm just making the point that when you're dealing with newborns, there may not be an established nap time, and some kids take a long while to settle into a routine so it might not the just the parents being inconsiderate.

I've twin nephews, they were toddlers and were still unpredictable with sleeping times during the day. And during the night a lot of the time too. My brother and sister in law were like zombies from lack of sleep, and they had live-in help.

Rootsblower

Candie wrote: »

That's all reasonable. I'm just making the point that when you're dealing with newborns, there may not be an established nap time, and some kids take a long while to settle into a routine so it might not the just the parents being inconsiderate.

I've twin nephews, they were toddlers and were still unpredictable with sleeping times during the day. And during the night a lot of the time too. My brother and sister in law were like zombies from lack of sleep, and they had live-in help.

You dip the wick you gotta pay for the oil!!!!

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Jack Gorgeous Fishhook wrote: »

I see where you’re coming from but also where the OP is coming from. Within reason, I wouldn’t be annoyed if I was inconvenienced, look it happens. But in work for example, I once had a lady almost an hour late for an appointment because her child was asleep (leaving aside where I work is supposed to be child free) and then showed up thinking that I’d still be able to take the appointment. She wasted my time and time is money. Don’t make appointments around your kids nap times. If a friend asked me to go somewhere with her and her kid and then left me waiting two hours I’d be pretty pi55ed off. I wouldn’t run my schedule around someone else’s child.
Friends cancelling things last minute or cancelling lunch asking me over to her house instead because the kid is sick/no babysitter then that’s no big deal.

This is sensible.

The friend who left the OP hanging for 90 minutes was in the wrong. She should have called to fill her in or cancel.

And appointments should cancelled if the person can’t make it.

But the OP is also ranting about stuff that isn’t that unreasonable. I’ve been asked to keep my voice low in other people’s houses for various reasons. It’s not that big a deal.

And the mention of her supposedly demanding co-worker. Well, who knows what’s going on there?

Lefty Bicek

Candie wrote: »

So what? It doesn't make it less real. Is it really that hard to cut people a bit of slack and just show some common kindness?

You might never plan on being a parent but we were definitely all babies once and hopefully people were kind and understanding to our parents when they were tired and overwhelmed.

Our parents - mothers, generally - had a fairly close support group around them. And - generally - mothers stayed at home.

If that kind of support is not important, fine. If it is important, then perhaps time to review economics, demographics, and gender roles ? No stomach for that, though.

One way or another, a lot of parents today are as wearing as their children.

AtomicHorror

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

Self-inflicted.

A choice made for many reasons, and not taken lightly. You'll not benefit from other's having kids, will you not? You indicated you consider having children to be "unnecessary" previously- care to explain? We need to have fewer, for sure, but we can't have none. Unless you'd like to retire in a world with no functioning infrastructure?

eviltwin

I'm a parent. I was never like this.

I can see both sides. To a new parent a routine may seem like the most important thing in the world and it might be the only thing keeping them on top of things. It's hard to understand that when you haven't been through it and when you have you forget.

But don't invite people to meet your child or make plans if you are going to discomode them. Their routine is important too.

Muckka

Rootsblower wrote: »

You dip the wick you gotta pay for the oil!!!!

And the price of oil these days..

I remember it well, didn't know my arse from my elbow.

I look back at my work standards when my lad was a ween, and look now...

I'm way more organized and efficient

NSAman

Muckka wrote: »

It was the chalk duster, or 100 lion's

Raised on Safari I see....posh!

McCrack

AtomicHorror wrote: »

Dear Jesus that sounds amazing.

Yes you need to see it to believe it

helicopter parenting I believe it's called - the kid moves - the parent moves with them standing over them all the time- and this was in a back garden at a BBQ with other kids playing about

Muckka

NSAman wrote: »

Raised on Safari I see....posh!

No it was a collesuenm, they gave me one hundred lashes and threw me to the lions..

NSAman

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

Our parents - mothers, generally - had a fairly close support group around them. And - generally - mothers stayed at home.

If that kind of support is not important, fine. If it is important, then perhaps time to review economics, demographics, and gender roles ? No stomach for that, though.

One way or another, a lot of parents today are as wearing as their children.

mother worked and father worked, they each took turns looking after us with no supports... perhaps that is why we were generally grown up pretty quickly by today’s standards.

My own, were brought up the same way. Never inflicted on anyone and certainly wouldn’t discomode someone else due to them having to sleep.

I do blame the parents a lot of the time, treating kids as the prince or the princess will only backfire later in life. Love mine to death, would do anything for them and do, but they also have to know that Dad/Mum/everyone else, has a life too.

Not everyone is interested in the absolute minutia of a new born. If you have ‘em, make sure you look after them ... gawd help my lot when they have their own. Gramps is not gonna be a dumping ground, love kids, but they are best when you hand them back to their parents..;)

How Soon Is Now

eviltwin wrote: »

I'm a parent. I was never like this.

I can see both sides. To a new parent a routine may seem like the most important thing in the world and it might be the only thing keeping them on top of things. It's hard to understand that when you haven't been through it and when you have you forget.

But don't invite people to meet your child or make plans if you are going to discomode them. Their routine is important too.

Excatly what you choose to do as a parent is your business no one else's. Which also means you shouldn't expect people to just fall in line with your routine.

Being honest I don't remember ever having a situation where I had to tell anyone to be quite or I was late etc etc etc. My kids are still alive as far as I know....

It's all about attitudes some people just feel there situation is all that matters and there friends and family should just be okay with that.

I don't put my kids on other people there my responsibility no one else should be put out by them. If there gonna hassle anyone it will be me and there mother we chose to have them we can deal with it!

AtomicHorror

McCrack wrote: »

Yes you need to see it to believe it

helicopter parenting I believe it's called - the kid moves - the parent moves with them standing over them all the time- and this was in a back garden at a BBQ with other kids playing about

I'm sure it happens, and I think it's asinine behavior, but as a parent in my 30s, with lots of 30-something parent friends, I can honestly say I have never witnessed it personally.

I think it's massively overstated by people who start sentences with "in my day..."

Feisar

My wife is pregnant with our first child.

I'll report back in five months, I hope I don't turn into an arsehole!

Lefty Bicek

rgmmg wrote: »

You didn't say that, I did. Responsibility applies whether they are exceptional or not . I think you were trying to paraphrase a Bill Hick's sketch.

You might well think all that.

Mollycoddling, 'helicoptering', and 'pedestalising' are not the opposite of neglect, a term which you threw in.

Neither are they acts of 'responsiblity'.

Which Bill Hicks sketch, by the way ?

freshpopcorn

I get why people can be protective and sometimes it goes over the top but that's there choice.
If you make an appointment or plan and you think your going to be late or won't show up. Let the person know if you remember in advance. I know somebody and they'd plan to meet X at 2 o clock. They know at twelve they won't be able to make it. However they'll let x travel and wait around for them and then send a text at 4 o clock saying sorry.

S_D

Did you Tell your friend you were pissed of they left you waiting 90 minutes???

Peatys

Blakely Quaint Sand wrote: »

Is this a recent phenomenon or has it always been the case? I'm beyond this phase in my life but I have friends/colleagues/acquaintances who seem to think that the world revolves around their kids nap or feeding times.

I was invited to a christening and at 11.30am, the mother a child left the christening to bring the baby home because nap time was between 12 and 2pm. So what was the point in having a Christening if you're just going to go home!

A friend invited themselves over to the house to introduce their new baby, she turns up 90 minutes late with the explanation that the child was asleep and couldn't be woke!!! So I have to organise my life around when your 6 month old child decides to wake up???

A new colleague has joined after moving back to Ireland from Australia where the baby was born. She's married with one child and is living in her parents while the house they bought is being renovated for the past year. Anyway, I can hear her chewing the balls off her father and snarking down the phone at the mother if the child isn't asleep at nap time or had it's arse wiped a certain way!

Another one was when we were INVITED over to a friends house, everybody had to whisper because the baby was having their nap and couldn't be woke. Do they not realise that it's a self fulfilling prophecy, if you tip toe around the house then you are creating an environment where the child will wake up whereas if you proceed as normal the kid will adapt to the noise?

What is the matter with these people that their kids are so precious where everyone has to tip toe around their timetable and sleeping habits or God forbid that a child might hear a loud voice!?!

same as everyone else, they're making it up as they go along. Cut them some slack and make them a lasagne or something.

Peatys

garv123 wrote: »

When I was in school, a decade ago, we were terrified that we'd get a letter home to our parents if we got in trouble, and we'd get in trouble for it at home...

These days Children go home and tell their parents that the teacher gave out to them, and an awful lot of parents give out to the teacher for picking on their little johnny.. Snowflakes!!!

Don't even start on that educate together sh!te!!

Don't even start on that educate together shíte?
Sure no-one started on kids getting letters home from school.. didn't stop you tho.. let it all out. Sharing is caring.

Muckka

Feisar wrote: »

My wife is pregnant with our first child.

I'll report back in five months, I hope I don't turn into an arsehole!

If you're already questioning that, I'm sure you'll be ok
An asshole would never ask themselves that.

Looking forward to hearing your story in 5 months.
It's great, you'll be happy out.
Best year's of your life.
You'll learn to cope with a few hours sleep a night, bonding is good.

retro:electro

Title needs to be changed to “precious OP and newborn kids”

Lefty Bicek

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

One way or another, a lot of parents today are as wearing as their children.

But not as wearing as fully grown adults complaining the world revolves around kids, when they clearly think it should revolve around them instead.

Rootsblower

retro:electro wrote: »

Title needs to be changed to “precious OP and newborn kids”

Thread needs to be renamed “arsehole parents and their spawn who can do no wrong”

Colonel Claptrap

'Why we Sleep', a book by Professor Matthew Walker is in the charts at the moment. I can't recommend it enough.

OP's post reminded me of a chapter he wrote on measuring the effects of sleep disruption on newborn rats, and how that shapes what we know about sleep in infants.

"Sadly, we do not yet fully understand what the long-term effects are of fetal or neo-nate REM-sleep disruption. Only that blocking or reducing REM sleep in newborn animals hinders and distorts brain development, leading to an adult that is socially abnormal."

OP, did you get much sleep as a baby?