Being called love in a senior position - Mod warning post 1; read if you posted here

BBFAN · 10-11-2018 09:27PM #1

Hi All,

I've recently started a position in a very senior position and there's a person who is on the same level as me who calls me love.

Pisses me right off, I'm not his love, a lot older and a lot more qualified.

I've told him and he keeps correcting himself and throwing the eyes up to heaven like "ah you're making a big deal". Really pissing me off.

What do you all think?

Updated warning wrote:

Mod:

Update: Thank you to the posters who updated their posts; the amount of cards and deleted posts were greatly reduced from what I expected to have to deal with. I've unlocked the thread and multiple users have been carded (some which you may not see due to their posts being deleted as well). I remind everyone that your posts should help the OP and focus more on the situation rather than OP's personality/position per say even though they may have brought it up in context.

smelly sock · 10-11-2018 09:27PM

BBFAN wrote: »

Hi All,

I've recently started a position in a very senior position and there's a person who is on the same level as me who calls me love.

Pisses me right off, I'm not his love, a lot older and a lot more qualified.

I've told him and he keeps correcting himself and throwing the eyes up to heaven like "ah you're making a big deal". Really pissing me off.

What do you all think?

Get over it. Nothing to get worked up about.

duffman13 · 10-11-2018 09:31PM

If you've only started in a senior position I'd focus more on your job and making an impact. You can make a stand against this twat but establish yourself first

Avatar MIA · 10-11-2018 09:32PM

BBFAN wrote: »

Hi All,

I've recently started a position in a very senior position and there's a person who is on the same level as me who calls me love.

Pisses me right off, I'm not his love, a lot older and a lot more qualified.

I've told him and he keeps correcting himself and throwing the eyes up to heaven like "ah you're making a big deal". Really pissing me off.

What do you all think?

I'd not respond when addresses as such. Wait until he addresses you by your first name. He'll eventually get tired of it. Don't give him any other reaction.

db · 10-11-2018 09:33PM

.

splinter65 · 10-11-2018 10:59PM

Each and every time he calls you love you say “sure Dickie””good idea Dickie” “not today Dickie” heavy emphasis on the Dickie. As loud as you like.

rob316 · 10-11-2018 11:02PM

I don't think hes trying to annoy ya it just comes out naturally. My boss would call most females "girl" after talking to them like "alrite girl no problem". That's just a cork thing

limnam · 10-11-2018 11:04PM

splinter65 wrote: »

Each and every time he calls you love you say “sure Dickie””good idea Dickie” “not today Dickie” heavy emphasis on the Dickie. As loud as you like.

You'd make a very odd senior...

punisher5112 · 10-11-2018 11:26PM

Hey sugar would that be better or worse ...

dartboardio · 10-11-2018 11:27PM

punisher5112 wrote: »

Hey sugar would that be better or worse ...

Better.
It’s on an equal level. Love is something you generally say to someone younger and less experienced.

punisher5112 · 10-11-2018 11:28PM

dartboardio wrote: »

Better.
It’s on an equal level. Love is something you generally say to someone younger and less experienced.

Not necessarily....

I get called son by peythe same age so can be just a saying.....

blindside88 · 10-11-2018 11:41PM

BBFAN wrote: »

A lot senior than you will ever reach son.

You believe someone is talking down to you by calling you love yet see no issue in clearly speaking down to someone in a derogatory manner (who may well be at a much higher level than you in their career) and calling them “son”.

Fair enough

10-11-2018 11:41PM

dartboardio wrote: »

Better.
It’s on an equal level. Love is something you generally say to someone younger and less experienced.

youre projecting this tbh

its not exactly appropriate language, but that doesnt mean that you can just decide it means whatever you want it to either

that said, if youve asked him to stop he should be checking himself. maybe a slightly patronising nickname for him in response isnt an awful idea.

BBFAN · 10-11-2018 11:45PM

blindside88 wrote: »

You believe someone is talking down to you by calling you love yet see no issue in clearly speaking down to someone in a derogatory manner (who may well be at a much higher level than you in their career) and calling them “son”.

Fair enough

I'm trying to be ironic, sorry if that went over your head.

But let m explain simply.

If someone who thinks that that it's okay to call someone who is equal to or above them on a professional level "love", then they shouldn't have any problem whatsoever with being called "son"". Am I right?

punisher5112 · 10-11-2018 11:46PM

BBFAN wrote: »

I'm trying to be ironic, sorry if that went over your head.

But let m explain simply.

If someone who thinks that that it's okay to call someone who is equal to or above them on a professional level "love", then they shouldn't have any problem whatsoever with being called "son"". Am I right?

Makes you sound old

BBFAN · 10-11-2018 11:50PM

punisher5112 wrote: »

Makes you sound old

That's fine by me, rather be considered as old rather than unprofessional.

punisher5112 · 10-11-2018 11:56PM

What makes one professional though as I see many that have qualifications and believe they are professional but far from it ...

If you don't like it pull him to one side and say it's not on.

Give him a chance and tell him you are willing to let it go for now but you aren't that type and won't put up with it.

BBFAN · 11-11-2018 12:01AM

punisher5112 wrote: »

What makes one professional though as I see many that have qualifications and believe they are professional but far from it ...

If you don't like it pull him to one side and say it's not on.

Give him a chance and tell him you are willing to let it go for now but you aren't that type and won't put up with it.

I've already done that as stated in the OP and he continues to say it and throw his eyes up to heaven.

Peter Denham · 11-11-2018 12:10AM

Why is it only relevant to being in a senior position? You shouldn't speak down to people either.

punisher5112 · 11-11-2018 12:13AM

BBFAN wrote: »

I've already done that as stated in the OP and he continues to say it and throw his eyes up to heaven.

Possible he is doing it for kicks.

Why not play the game.

Be condescending towards him but maybe you already are and he is getting back at you.

If you continue the way you are it will only get worse.

splinter65 · 11-11-2018 12:58AM

limnam wrote: »

You'd make a very odd senior...

Not really. I’ve had this before. If I’m love or pet or sweetheart and I’ve asked you nicely to call me by my name or not add any moniker at all, and you ignore my polite request, then I can in return call you Dickie or Mickie or whatever I fancy. Lots of men still think that women should be making the coffee quietly. There’s no need to go running to make a complaint to HR. Just deal with it yourself.

johnayo · 11-11-2018 01:23AM

Some of the replies here should be reserved for After Hours.
If some asshole is calling you Love during the course of your work, then you should definitely give him the opportunity of explaining himself to HR. You have already requested him to stop and he has ignored you.

Tell me how · 11-11-2018 01:35AM

BBFAN wrote: »

Hi All,

I've recently started a position in a very senior position and there's a person who is on the same level as me who calls me love.

Pisses me right off, I'm not his love, a lot older and a lot more qualified.

I've told him and he keeps correcting himself and throwing the eyes up to heaven like "ah you're making a big deal". Really pissing me off.

What do you all think?

I'd echo the poster from the other thread that said that in today's world, if this is the extent of what is bothering you, it is not a bad thing.

ardinn · 11-11-2018 04:11AM

Op you sound so far up your own arse in both threads I really hope it catches on in your work space!

I presume this is your 1st "VERY senior" position, I'd expect it to be your last either way, your sense of self importance is stinking!

Try making a positive work environment and pushing towards goals and targets rather than spending half your day making snarky faces at a colleague, there is already one person in your work place who thinks your a knob and you only just started (your VERY senior position)

AndrewJRenko · 11-11-2018 04:40AM

punisher5112 wrote: »

Possible he is doing it for kicks.

Why not play the game.

Be condescending towards him but maybe you already are and he is getting back at you.

If you continue the way you are it will only get worse.

I don't think this is great advice. There is a good chance that a third party is going to be involved in this issue at some stage - perhaps HR or perhaps your mutual manager.

Being condescending in return will not do you much good.

Better to address it face on - call him out on the eyes up to heaven stuff firmly and calmly. Keep an eye out to see if he treats others like this.

Nody · 11-11-2018 07:54AM

Mod:
Currently about half the posters on this thread are about to be carded / banned for thinking we're in AH; I'll give you all about 8h to sort out your posts and anything left at that time will be dealt with accordingly. Oh and any one posting after this post in anything close to what's above it will be banned.

B0jangles · 11-11-2018 08:47AM

You've told this person that you do not want to addressed in this manner - to me, that's acting in a perfectly reasonable, direct and straightforward manner.

He is still doing it, but now he's theatrically correcting himself and rolling his eyes?

How very childish and unprofessional! - he needs a short chat from H.R. about how people are expected to behave like adults in the working environment.

Edit: it's kind of funny how the tone of the thread has changed so abruptly since it was moved into Work Problems - almost as if there's are different standards of behaviour expected in different places and speaking in a way which is unremarkable in one place is grounds for disiplinary action in another!

Teyla Emmagan · 11-11-2018 09:25AM

Just keep correcting him. Calmly and consistently. And in front of other people. And if he rolls the eyes again throw in an old 'there's no need to be unprofessional'.

He's just a dinosaur, thankfully they are on their way out.

And congratulations on your new job.

Avatar MIA · 11-11-2018 10:41AM

Nody wrote: »

Mod:
Currently about half the posters on this thread are about to be carded / banned for thinking we're in AH; I'll give you all about 8h to sort out your posts and anything left at that time will be dealt with accordingly. Oh and any one posting after this post in anything close to what's above it will be banned.

It should also be noted the OP seems only interested in engaging with the more AHs responses and either intentionally or unintentionally derailing their own thread

AndrewJRenko · 11-11-2018 11:24AM

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Just keep correcting him. Calmly and consistently. And in front of other people. And if he rolls the eyes again throw in an old 'there's no need to be unprofessional'.

He's just a dinosaur, thankfully they are on their way out.

And congratulations on your new job.

I agree with most of your post, but I'd suggest changing your response to 'there's no need to throw your eyes up to heaven'. Be painfully accurate, clear and specific. Don't give him any ammunition to throw back at you.

Muscles Schultz · 11-11-2018 11:27AM

db wrote: »

If you're that senior you should be able to handle it yourself.

I’m not sure you’re cut out for this position is something so minuscule gets you so worked up and you are unable to make a decision what to do without the aid of an anonymous message board.

Being called love in a senior position - Mod warning post 1; read if you posted here

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