Being called love in a senior position - Mod warning post 1; read if you posted here

AndrewJRenko

ForestFire wrote: »

BBFAN,

I don't think you have answered or clarified some important questions raised, especially regarding the point:-

- If the persons use of the word "Love" is directed only at you, or just part of the way this person speaks in general.

...
My point is there are many different personality, Culture, Traditions and habits that we encounter and unless this behavior is targeted specifically at you I don't see your issue.

It really doesn't matter hugely whether it is directed at one or at all.


If the OP has a problem with being called 'love', then it is not unreasonable for her to NOT be called this.

callaway92

Haven't really read the thread but the guy could genuinely be as nice as you-can-get, and honestly means no harm in calling you 'love'.

AndrewJRenko

callaway92 wrote: »

Haven't really read the thread but the guy could genuinely be as nice as you-can-get, and honestly means no harm in calling you 'love'.

That could well be true.

But if the OP doesn't want to be called Love, that is her perogative.

ForestFire

ForestFire wrote: »

I don't think you have answered or clarified some important questions raised

Should I be upset?

Asking whether you should personally be upset about a scenario is not an 'important question'. Either you are upset or you aren't.
We're talking about the Op here, not you

B0jangles

I used to work with a bunch of guys who all had the same first name, so they tended to be referred to as Mike D, Mike R, etc., One day I was talking to one of the Mikes, when he interrupted me to tell me his name wasn't actually Mike, it was Michael.

Naturally I was quite annoyed about being interrupted and corrected over something so trivial, so I kept on calling him Mike, then rolling my eyes and saying 'I mean Michael' so he'd know how petty and demanding he was being.

(Actually I said 'oops sorry about that', and called him Michael from then on, because that is how he wanted to be addressed, which is what I would assume most people would do in that situation.)

ForestFire

bluewolf wrote: »

Asking whether you should personally be upset about a scenario is not an 'important question'. Either you are upset or you aren't.
We're talking about the Op here, not you

Why did you quote two lines from my post that are completely unrelated??

I said the unanswered questions was "especially regarding the point" which is singular, and I then highlighted the question in bold.

The rest of my post was examples of other similar situations I simply asked the OP their opinion about.

Change "should I be upset" to "is it appropriate" and it is making the same point.

ForestFire

beauf wrote: »

Senior position is not the same an elderly canteen lady. Just saying....

This thread kinda explains why some people act so inappropriately in interviews.

A canteen lady lady calling anyone love is entirely different context. Is that not obvious?

Well done on taking one point I made from my post and then:-

- Miss-quoting it (Making some ageist assumptions about our canteen lady)
- Completely ignoring the part the followed immediately in brackets, were I said it also happens with other senior people in the office also. And I heard it today again in the office from another woman.

Just Saying....

BBFAN

B0jangles wrote: »

I used to work with a bunch of guys who all had the same first name, so they tended to be referred to as Mike D, Mike R, etc., One day I was talking to one of the Mikes, when he interrupted me to tell me his name wasn't actually Mike, it was Michael.

Naturally I was quite annoyed about being interrupted and corrected over something so trivial, so I kept on calling him Mike, then rolling my eyes and saying 'I mean Michael' so he'd know how petty and demanding he was being.

(Actually I said 'oops sorry about that', and called him Michael from then on, because that is how he wanted to be addressed, which is what I would assume most people would do in that situation.)

This to me sums it up the best. I have a name and it's not a difficult one to pronounce (only has 5 letters) so asking that someone use it is not unreasonable.

BBFAN

ForestFire wrote: »

BBFAN,

I don't think you have answered or clarified some important questions raised, especially regarding the point:-

- If the persons use of the word "Love" is directed only at you, or just part of the way this person speaks in general.

The canteen lady in work calls me, and others, "Love"...Should I report her?
(I believe there is also a more senior lady that also does this, but I cannot place her at the moment)

The Continental and Asian colleagues I work with, have a habit of more physical contact (Men to Men), like hands on shoulder, hands on back, when talking (Part of a affectionate thing that comes naturally to them)...Report?

The Guy from Manchester (I checked, he is okay with "Guy"), always addresses people as "Mate"....Okay Mate, Thanks Mate etc.. Should I be upset?

People from Waterford add "Boy", and Cork "Like" to the end of every sentence....

If someone breaks their sentences with "am" a lot, is this unprofessional?? to be highlighted to them??

My point is there are many different personality, Culture, Traditions and habits that we encounter and unless this behavior is targeted specifically at you I don't see your issue.

Also the rolling eyes might be a nervous reaction now, as maybe he did not realise he did it till now, and is trying to cover this habit now another way (As in, how stupid of me).

I can't actually say too much about who he says it too and who he doesn't because it would give away too much but lets just say he certainly doesn't say it to any man.

beauf

ForestFire wrote: »

... it also happens with other senior people in the office also. And I heard it today again in the office from another woman.......

You having an office full of Australian senior canteen ladies calling each other love, darling or Sheila is entirely irrelevant.

Because your context is entirely different to the OP.

beauf

BBFAN wrote: »

I can't actually say too much about who he says it too and who he doesn't because it would give away too much but lets just say he certainly doesn't say it to any man.

Maybe he calls everyone darling as well.

beauf

BBFAN wrote: »

This to me sums it up the best. I have a name and it's not a difficult one to pronounce (only has 5 letters) so asking that someone use it is not unreasonable.

Not using people name correctly is another thing that ticks people off for sure. Is it a mistake, habit, lazy or deliberate.

Heavy water

My take: Youve just joined, you're more qualified and he knows it. Probably feels threatened by you and in an attempt to elevate himself is putting you down deliberately by calling you love. It's demeaning and actually is bullying as it's not just a once off and is designed to put you down. I would arrange to meet him and explain this clearly to him and say if it doesn't stop you'll have no choice but to escalate it to HR.
Now - go and excel at your job - he'll be ripping. Good luck.

ForestFire

beauf wrote: »

You having an office full of Australian senior canteen ladies calling each other love, darling or Sheila is entirely irrelevant.

Because your context is entirely different to the OP.

You making stuff up, again, and ignoring everything else, to make it seem a different context does not really count you know.

engiweirdo

Heavy water wrote: »

My take: Youve just joined, you're more qualified and he knows it. Probably feels threatened by you and in an attempt to elevate himself is putting you down deliberately by calling you love. It's demeaning and actually is bullying as it's not just a once off and is designed to put you down. I would arrange to meet him and explain this clearly to him and say if it doesn't stop you'll have no choice but to escalate it to HR.
Now - go and excel at your job - he'll be ripping. Good luck.

lol. Exactly the ego massage OP was hoping for with the thread. Bravo.

beauf

engiweirdo wrote: »

lol. Exactly the ego massage OP was hoping for with the thread. Bravo.

It nothing that hasn't been implied multiple times already.
Its one of number of possibilities depending on context.

ANDREWMUFC

Stop moaning and whinging who cares if ur called Love

CalamariFritti

This thread is a bit of an overreaction, no?

I'm not in a very senior position, but maybe the OP is. What is she going to say? 'In a very senior position' may sound a bit 'full of themselves' to some, but some people actually are in senior positions. Could have said 'in a senior position' or 'in a pretty senior position' but beyond that? What would you call it?

Anyway
The position is not really all that important. I'm not in senior position and 'love' implies familiarity or something that isn't really compatible with a somewhat serious workplace imo. Maybe if that familiarity is actually there, but the OP doesnt make it sound like that.
I wouldn't want to be called 'love'. Sounds to me like the female version of being called 'mate' or worse 'son'.

Anyone calling me that is most likely not my 'mate' nor my father.

I would eventually say it like the OP has and if it doesnt stop I wouldn't forget about it either.

shesty

Yeah I get it. I work in a very male environment. Once a guy called me love. I told him do not call me that again. To give him his due, he instantly apologised, never did it again. He was British to be fair, and it was probably kind of a term of endearment from him but I just felt that if I didn't mark his cards on it, it could just grow legs. Means next to nothing when you're a man. But when you're a woman on a site with about 300 men, it's the stupid little things like that that erode respect for you and you have to say it.



It's a tough line to walk OP. I'd keep calling him on it, and work your ass off. He is probably being over-familiar coz sure you're a woman and isn't that how I always address them? He may not be used to having women (particularly younger) at his level however and hasn't copped that that's not appropriate.


Again, it doesn't mean much to most men but unfortunately you have to fight your corner as a woman in certain industries and at certain levels. I'm not man-bashing, I'm simply stating facts as a woman who works in a male environment.By and large, I haven't had too many problems, but it still feels like you have to prove yourself more and demand respect. It's just how the world is.