Being called love in a senior position - Mod warning post 1; read if you posted here

BBFAN

Hi All,

I've recently started a position in a very senior position and there's a person who is on the same level as me who calls me love.

Pisses me right off, I'm not his love, a lot older and a lot more qualified.

I've told him and he keeps correcting himself and throwing the eyes up to heaven like "ah you're making a big deal". Really pissing me off.

What do you all think?

Updated warning wrote:

Mod:

Update: Thank you to the posters who updated their posts; the amount of cards and deleted posts were greatly reduced from what I expected to have to deal with. I've unlocked the thread and multiple users have been carded (some which you may not see due to their posts being deleted as well). I remind everyone that your posts should help the OP and focus more on the situation rather than OP's personality/position per say even though they may have brought it up in context.

smelly sock

BBFAN wrote: »

Hi All,

I've recently started a position in a very senior position and there's a person who is on the same level as me who calls me love.

Pisses me right off, I'm not his love, a lot older and a lot more qualified.

I've told him and he keeps correcting himself and throwing the eyes up to heaven like "ah you're making a big deal". Really pissing me off.

What do you all think?

Get over it. Nothing to get worked up about.

duffman13

If you've only started in a senior position I'd focus more on your job and making an impact. You can make a stand against this twat but establish yourself first

Avatar MIA

BBFAN wrote: »

Hi All,

I've recently started a position in a very senior position and there's a person who is on the same level as me who calls me love.

Pisses me right off, I'm not his love, a lot older and a lot more qualified.

I've told him and he keeps correcting himself and throwing the eyes up to heaven like "ah you're making a big deal". Really pissing me off.

What do you all think?

I'd not respond when addresses as such. Wait until he addresses you by your first name. He'll eventually get tired of it. Don't give him any other reaction.

db

.

splinter65

Each and every time he calls you love you say “sure Dickie””good idea Dickie” “not today Dickie” heavy emphasis on the Dickie. As loud as you like.

rob316

I don't think hes trying to annoy ya it just comes out naturally. My boss would call most females "girl" after talking to them like "alrite girl no problem". That's just a cork thing

limnam

splinter65 wrote: »

Each and every time he calls you love you say “sure Dickie””good idea Dickie” “not today Dickie” heavy emphasis on the Dickie. As loud as you like.

You'd make a very odd senior...

punisher5112

Hey sugar would that be better or worse ...

dartboardio

punisher5112 wrote: »

Hey sugar would that be better or worse ...

Better.
It’s on an equal level. Love is something you generally say to someone younger and less experienced.

punisher5112

dartboardio wrote: »

Better.
It’s on an equal level. Love is something you generally say to someone younger and less experienced.

Not necessarily....

I get called son by peythe same age so can be just a saying.....

blindside88

BBFAN wrote: »

A lot senior than you will ever reach son.

You believe someone is talking down to you by calling you love yet see no issue in clearly speaking down to someone in a derogatory manner (who may well be at a much higher level than you in their career) and calling them “son”.

Fair enough

dartboardio

dartboardio wrote: »

Better.
It’s on an equal level. Love is something you generally say to someone younger and less experienced.

youre projecting this tbh

its not exactly appropriate language, but that doesnt mean that you can just decide it means whatever you want it to either

that said, if youve asked him to stop he should be checking himself. maybe a slightly patronising nickname for him in response isnt an awful idea.

BBFAN

blindside88 wrote: »

You believe someone is talking down to you by calling you love yet see no issue in clearly speaking down to someone in a derogatory manner (who may well be at a much higher level than you in their career) and calling them “son”.

Fair enough

I'm trying to be ironic, sorry if that went over your head.

But let m explain simply.

If someone who thinks that that it's okay to call someone who is equal to or above them on a professional level "love", then they shouldn't have any problem whatsoever with being called "son"". Am I right?

punisher5112

BBFAN wrote: »

I'm trying to be ironic, sorry if that went over your head.

But let m explain simply.

If someone who thinks that that it's okay to call someone who is equal to or above them on a professional level "love", then they shouldn't have any problem whatsoever with being called "son"". Am I right?

Makes you sound old

BBFAN

punisher5112 wrote: »

Makes you sound old

That's fine by me, rather be considered as old rather than unprofessional.

punisher5112

What makes one professional though as I see many that have qualifications and believe they are professional but far from it ...



If you don't like it pull him to one side and say it's not on.

Give him a chance and tell him you are willing to let it go for now but you aren't that type and won't put up with it.

BBFAN

punisher5112 wrote: »

What makes one professional though as I see many that have qualifications and believe they are professional but far from it ...



If you don't like it pull him to one side and say it's not on.

Give him a chance and tell him you are willing to let it go for now but you aren't that type and won't put up with it.

I've already done that as stated in the OP and he continues to say it and throw his eyes up to heaven.

Peter Denham

Why is it only relevant to being in a senior position? You shouldn't speak down to people either.

punisher5112

BBFAN wrote: »

I've already done that as stated in the OP and he continues to say it and throw his eyes up to heaven.

Possible he is doing it for kicks.

Why not play the game.

Be condescending towards him but maybe you already are and he is getting back at you.

If you continue the way you are it will only get worse.

splinter65

limnam wrote: »

You'd make a very odd senior...

Not really. I’ve had this before. If I’m love or pet or sweetheart and I’ve asked you nicely to call me by my name or not add any moniker at all, and you ignore my polite request, then I can in return call you Dickie or Mickie or whatever I fancy. Lots of men still think that women should be making the coffee quietly. There’s no need to go running to make a complaint to HR. Just deal with it yourself.

johnayo

Some of the replies here should be reserved for After Hours.
If some asshole is calling you Love during the course of your work, then you should definitely give him the opportunity of explaining himself to HR. You have already requested him to stop and he has ignored you.

Tell me how

BBFAN wrote: »

Hi All,

I've recently started a position in a very senior position and there's a person who is on the same level as me who calls me love.

Pisses me right off, I'm not his love, a lot older and a lot more qualified.

I've told him and he keeps correcting himself and throwing the eyes up to heaven like "ah you're making a big deal". Really pissing me off.

What do you all think?

I'd echo the poster from the other thread that said that in today's world, if this is the extent of what is bothering you, it is not a bad thing.

ardinn

Op you sound so far up your own arse in both threads I really hope it catches on in your work space!

I presume this is your 1st "VERY senior" position, I'd expect it to be your last either way, your sense of self importance is stinking!


Try making a positive work environment and pushing towards goals and targets rather than spending half your day making snarky faces at a colleague, there is already one person in your work place who thinks your a knob and you only just started (your VERY senior position)

AndrewJRenko

punisher5112 wrote: »

Possible he is doing it for kicks.

Why not play the game.

Be condescending towards him but maybe you already are and he is getting back at you.

If you continue the way you are it will only get worse.

I don't think this is great advice. There is a good chance that a third party is going to be involved in this issue at some stage - perhaps HR or perhaps your mutual manager.

Being condescending in return will not do you much good.

Better to address it face on - call him out on the eyes up to heaven stuff firmly and calmly. Keep an eye out to see if he treats others like this.

Nody

Mod:
Currently about half the posters on this thread are about to be carded / banned for thinking we're in AH; I'll give you all about 8h to sort out your posts and anything left at that time will be dealt with accordingly. Oh and any one posting after this post in anything close to what's above it will be banned.

B0jangles

You've told this person that you do not want to addressed in this manner - to me, that's acting in a perfectly reasonable, direct and straightforward manner.

He is still doing it, but now he's theatrically correcting himself and rolling his eyes?

How very childish and unprofessional! - he needs a short chat from H.R. about how people are expected to behave like adults in the working environment.

Edit: it's kind of funny how the tone of the thread has changed so abruptly since it was moved into Work Problems - almost as if there's are different standards of behaviour expected in different places and speaking in a way which is unremarkable in one place is grounds for disiplinary action in another!

Teyla Emmagan

Just keep correcting him. Calmly and consistently. And in front of other people. And if he rolls the eyes again throw in an old 'there's no need to be unprofessional'.

He's just a dinosaur, thankfully they are on their way out.

And congratulations on your new job.

Avatar MIA

Nody wrote: »

Mod:
Currently about half the posters on this thread are about to be carded / banned for thinking we're in AH; I'll give you all about 8h to sort out your posts and anything left at that time will be dealt with accordingly. Oh and any one posting after this post in anything close to what's above it will be banned.

It should also be noted the OP seems only interested in engaging with the more AHs responses and either intentionally or unintentionally derailing their own thread

AndrewJRenko

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Just keep correcting him. Calmly and consistently. And in front of other people. And if he rolls the eyes again throw in an old 'there's no need to be unprofessional'.

He's just a dinosaur, thankfully they are on their way out.

And congratulations on your new job.

I agree with most of your post, but I'd suggest changing your response to 'there's no need to throw your eyes up to heaven'. Be painfully accurate, clear and specific. Don't give him any ammunition to throw back at you.

Muscles Schultz

db wrote: »

If you're that senior you should be able to handle it yourself.

I’m not sure you’re cut out for this position is something so minuscule gets you so worked up and you are unable to make a decision what to do without the aid of an anonymous message board.