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Having baby alone now that dad has taken a hike

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    #62
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    This post has been deleted.


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    #63
    afkasurfjunkie
    Registered Users Posts: 772 ✭✭✭afkasurfjunkie


    Nor that somebody would be happy to pay €800 per month to live in a house with a woman and her kids?


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    #64
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,382 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    OldNotWIse wrote: »
    I'll be honest, I am struggling with the figure of €1700. it seems so high but is not that high relative to his earnings which until recently were €4000 after tax. Also, from this €1700, she is paying the mortgage of €2200, which they took out jointly, and if they are in agreement, he will benefit from this in a couple of years when the house is sold, assuming the property goes up in value.

    To be honest I'd be wondering about the payment in total. You said earlier in the thread that she is not working. He gives her €2500 maintenance a month. I was quite surprised when you said the mortgage is €2200. That means she is living on €300 a month for herself and two teenagers. Granted she gets a children's allowance which is €280 a month.

    I don't buy how an adult and two teenagers could be living on €580 per month considering that she could easily spend €100 a week at the supermarket. Even being extremely frugal and limiting herself to €50 a week and cooking absolutely everything, I don't buy how she could pay electricity, heating, tv subscription (most likely), broadband, most likely three mobile phones, school costs etc out of that money.


    EDIT: I just went back and read your OP. You said she clears €1000 in benefits. If they've never actually legally separated where is she getting her benefits from aside from children's allowance???? To the best of my knowledge she doesn't qualify for One Parent Allowance as neither of her children are under 7.


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    #65
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,382 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    She doesn't need any legal aid. My sister-in-law went through the separation process herself. Went to her solicitor, got an agreement drawn up, got it sent to him and he was told to sign it! He refused to get any legal representation himself because he wouldn't pay for it.

    Very true. I also had a friend who represented herself and did all the paperwork for her divorce as she couldn't afford legal fees.

    There's nothing to stop this guy going to his solicitor getting an agreement drawn up, including all the conditions that he has outlined to you (if they are indeed true) and sending it to her and getting her to sign it. She can choose to get legal advice or otherwise. If she has agreed to all of these conditions and it is also true that she has no interest in contesting the divorce then it should be straightforward enough.


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    #66
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    rainbowtrout wrote: »
    To be honest I'd be wondering about the payment in total. You said earlier in the thread that she is not working. He gives her €2500 maintenance a month. I was quite surprised when you said the mortgage is €2200. That means she is living on €300 a month for herself and two teenagers. Granted she gets a children's allowance which is €280 a month.

    I don't buy how an adult and two teenagers could be living on €580 per month considering that she could easily spend €100 a week at the supermarket. Even being extremely frugal and limiting herself to €50 a week and cooking absolutely everything, I don't buy how she could pay electricity, heating, tv subscription (most likely), broadband, most likely three mobile phones, school costs etc out of that money.


    EDIT: I just went back and read your OP. You said she clears €1000 in benefits. If they've never actually legally separated where is she getting her benefits from aside from children's allowance???? To the best of my knowledge she doesn't qualify for One Parent Allowance as neither of her children are under 7.

    She is a carer for her child who has ASD so presumably this is the basis of her welfare income


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    #67
    tara73
    Registered Users Posts: 2,341 ✭✭✭tara73


    I thought about this to write for a while, but it has to be said, not tuning in in all the congratulations as I find them inapprobriate in this case:

    I really can't believe you willingly got pregnant and bringing a baby into all this mess.

    You were very aware of all this difficulties and becoming pregnant was an irresponsible, selfish act.

    This baby is under stress from day one. From the day it was conceived so to say. Unborn Babies are already influenced by the mood of their mother.
    Not to mention in what kind of instable athmosphere it will grow up when born. Parents fighting, father most probably sometimes there sometimes gone, constant trouble with the other family, most probably money issues etc.

    You can only hope this child will be born with a strong personality so it won't be effected that much but I guarantee you, almost every child/adult will be damaged by this for their whole life.
    Not being able to hold a proper, stable relationship themselves, anxiety issues of being abandoned and possible so much more crap.

    So with this post I would not only address the OP, I would warn or make every other women aware, who might be reading here, being in a similar messy situation with their relationship, but nevertheless pondering about the idea of becoming pregnant because her biological clock is ticking, 'saving the relationship with bringing a child in', or for whatever other horrible or selfish reasons. If you do it, you are responsible for messing up your own child.


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    #68
    strandroad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    OldNotWIse wrote: »
    She is a carer for her child who has ASD so presumably this is the basis of her welfare income

    So when you say "she won't work" you really mean that she is a carer to an autistic child? That changes things quite a bit in terms of your OH's responsibility and his wife's options.


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    #69
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    tara73 wrote: »
    I really can't believe you willingly got pregnant and bringing a baby into all this mess.

    While I agree that this was a poor decision, what's done is done and it'll do no good to kick the OP while she's down :rolleyes: All she can do is look to the future now.

    OP if the baby wasn't in the picture, would you really want to stay with him in the long term? If the answer is no, then you should break up with him - baby or not. This is an unmitigated mess of a situation to be in. You will always play 2nd fiddle to his first wife from the sounds of it. That's no way to live.


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    #70
    bilbot79
    Registered Users Posts: 1,989 ✭✭✭bilbot79


    tara73 wrote: »
    I thought about this to write for a while, but it has to be said, not tuning in in all the congratulations as I find them inapprobriate in this case:

    I really can't believe you willingly got pregnant and bringing a baby into all this mess.

    You were very aware of all this difficulties and becoming pregnant was an irresponsible, selfish act.

    This baby is under stress from day one. From the day it was conceived so to say. Unborn Babies are already influenced by the mood of their mother.
    Not to mention in what kind of instable athmosphere it will grow up when born. Parents fighting, father most probably sometimes there sometimes gone, constant trouble with the other family, most probably money issues etc.

    You can only hope this child will be born with a strong personality so it won't be effected that much but I guarantee you, almost every child/adult will be damaged by this for their whole life.
    Not being able to hold a proper, stable relationship themselves, anxiety issues of being abandoned and possible so much more crap.

    So with this post I would not only address the OP, I would warn or make every other women aware, who might be reading here, being in a similar messy situation with their relationship, but nevertheless pondering about the idea of becoming pregnant because her biological clock is ticking, 'saving the relationship with bringing a child in', or for whatever other horrible or selfish reasons. If you do it, you are responsible for messing up your own child.

    Ouch...harsh.

    And this?? Pfft

    'This baby is under stress from day one. From the day it was conceived so to say. Unborn Babies are already influenced by the mood of their mother.'

    And the bit about the biological clock. You think genuine maternal instinct and fear is no excuse?

    Couple of years and this will all be settled down, if they are decent people the child will have a fine life


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    #71
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    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


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    #72
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    tara73 wrote: »
    I thought about this to write for a while, but it has to be said, not tuning in in all the congratulations as I find them inapprobriate in this case:

    I really can't believe you willingly got pregnant and bringing a baby into all this mess.

    You were very aware of all this difficulties and becoming pregnant was an irresponsible, selfish act.

    This baby is under stress from day one. From the day it was conceived so to say. Unborn Babies are already influenced by the mood of their mother.
    Not to mention in what kind of instable athmosphere it will grow up when born. Parents fighting, father most probably sometimes there sometimes gone, constant trouble with the other family, most probably money issues etc.

    You can only hope this child will be born with a strong personality so it won't be effected that much but I guarantee you, almost every child/adult will be damaged by this for their whole life.
    Not being able to hold a proper, stable relationship themselves, anxiety issues of being abandoned and possible so much more crap.

    So with this post I would not only address the OP, I would warn or make every other women aware, who might be reading here, being in a similar messy situation with their relationship, but nevertheless pondering about the idea of becoming pregnant because her biological clock is ticking, 'saving the relationship with bringing a child in', or for whatever other horrible or selfish reasons. If you do it, you are responsible for messing up your own child.

    Where have I said I did this to save our relationship or because of my biological clock? And why are you preaching to me about being a selfish parent? You seem very angry but I think your anger is misdirected.


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    #73
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    bilbot79 wrote: »
    Ouch...harsh.

    And this?? Pfft

    'This baby is under stress from day one. From the day it was conceived so to say. Unborn Babies are already influenced by the mood of their mother.'

    And the bit about the biological clock. You think genuine maternal instinct and fear is no excuse?

    Couple of years and this will all be settled down, if they are decent people the child will have a fine life

    Thank you. I feel bad enough as is and stressed out trying to make proper provision for the child's future without heaping on extra guilt about how my stress levels now are affecting my child in utero


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    #74
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,382 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    OldNotWIse wrote: »
    She is a carer for her child who has ASD so presumably this is the basis of her welfare income

    That certainly puts a different slant on the work aspect. I don't know the ins and outs of carer's allowances, but if it is the older child, it might explain the agreement to sell up in 2.5 years - maybe she won't be eligible for an allowance when that child turns 18? If it is the younger child, she will be caring for them for longer than that, so I can't imagine her situation will change. And again while I'm not a legal expert, I would imagine that her solicitor (when she gets around to getting one) would advise her to ensure of a provision of a home for herself and her children, particularly when one has special needs.


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    #75
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,860 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    tara73, there's a lot of whataboutery in your post that was more soap boxing and less advice giving. Same advice stands in this thread as any others... Offer mature, constructive, civil advice or don't post.


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    #76
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,860 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Without proper legal advice they are going at this blind. If the child has special needs, then depending on the severity there may be a provision that the family home always has to be available to him.

    ONW, at this stage I think YOU need to get your own legal advice. You are caught up in a very very messy separation, that doesn't look like its going anywhere. You are going to have a child by this man who may need to continue provide a roof over the head of his adult child for the rest of his life. And if the mother is the child's carer then he will need to provide a roof over her head too.

    Everything you say he says can be very easily picked apart. Forget him, forget her, forget him going to a solicitor, go yourself and see where you stand.

    As an unmarried mother to an already married man I'd say your position is very weak.


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    #77
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    Without proper legal advice they are going at this blind. If the child has special needs, then depending on the severity there may be a provision that the family home always has to be available to him.

    ONW, at this stage I think YOU need to get your own legal advice. You are caught up in a very very messy separation, that doesn't look like its going anywhere. You are going to have a child by this man who may need to continue provide a roof over the head of his adult child for the rest of his life. And if the mother is the child's carer then he will need to provide a roof over her head too.

    Everything you say he says can be very easily picked apart. Forget him, forget her, forget him going to a solicitor, go yourself and see where you stand.

    As an unmarried mother to an already married man I'd say your position is very weak.

    Thank you

    This is a really good idea. Rather than trying to ascertain information second hand. I think I will do this. It seems that everyone involved is looking out for their own interests so I need to start looking out for mine and my child's.

    I do know that when he talked to his solicitor about his child with ASD, he was told that the threshold for requiring the family home to be made available indefinitely was very high i.e. he would essentially have to require 24 hour care or be incapable of independent living. So, I do not think that is a concern for us. He has had appropriate interventions and is still in mainstream education etc.


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    #78
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,382 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    OldNotWIse wrote: »
    Thank you

    This is a really good idea. Rather than trying to ascertain information second hand. I think I will do this. It seems that everyone involved is looking out for their own interests so I need to start looking out for mine and my child's.

    I do know that when he talked to his solicitor about his child with ASD, he was told that the threshold for requiring the family home to be made available indefinitely was very high i.e. he would essentially have to require 24 hour care or be incapable of independent living. So, I do not think that is a concern for us. He has had appropriate interventions and is still in mainstream education etc.

    Certainly look after yourself and your baby OP. That is your main concern right now.

    Just on the provision for the child with ASD. I teach in a school with an ASD unit. The students in the unit attend mainstream classes where possible (some get one to one tuition where mainstream is not suitable), some of them were still with us when they reached 18, and I'm aware of where some of them went after that. None of them are living independently. Just to be aware that attending a mainstream school doesn't mean that they don't need a carer.


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    #79
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,860 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    If the child does not need full-time care then she is unlikely to be in receipt of carers allowance. Carers allowance won't make anybody rich, anyway! She might be receiving Domicillary Care Allowance, which isn't much.

    Who told you she's getting €1000 in benefits? Your partner? It doesn't make sense. Like a lot of what he says.


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    #80
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,382 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    If the child does not need full-time care then she is unlikely to be in receipt of carers allowance. Carers allowance won't make anybody rich, anyway! She might be receiving Domicillary Care Allowance, which isn't much.

    Who told you she's getting €1000 in benefits? Your partner? It doesn't make sense. Like a lot of what he says.


    Well it is feasible. 1000 minus 280 child benefit leaves 720 per month. That would be 180 per week or thereabouts. OP said that 'she clears 1000 per month in benefits', and the carer's allowance is in the region of €200 per week.

    But all of this information would have to be documented and put into the divorce agreement. No solicitor would advise either party to sign a divorce agreement without having documentation outlining the income on both sides. There isn't a hope that this will be settled in 6 months.


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    #81
    MouseTail
    Registered Users Posts: 1,663 ✭✭✭MouseTail


    I'm not sure what legal advice will tell you that you don't already know. You can't get blood from a stone, this man has no financial resources to support you or a child.

    Demonising his ex-wife is not helping your situation, they are in a joint financial mess, huge mortgage (refinanced - so little equity?), dependent children one with special needs, wife unable to work - he legally and morally cannot wash his hands of that.


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    #82
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,860 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    rainbowtrout wrote: »
    There isn't a hope that this will be settled in 6 months.

    Not if they're not yet legally separated. And if the first time he went to a solicitor was after Christmas, then they are not legally separated.

    Also the mother would only be getting carers allowance if the child needed full time care. And if he needs full-time care then it is likely that the house will have to be provided for him.

    Your partner is giving you lots of contradictory information, ONW. I'd say he's ducking and diving hoping to just keep everyone sweet. But make no mistake, you will not come out of this as an equal to his wife and other children.


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    #83
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,860 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I'm sorry to keep coming back to you OP, but your partner is obviously filling you with lies. As far as I remember the kids are 12 and 15?
    Carer's Allowance is only given when the "patient" is over 16 years old. And the max rate is just over €200 per week. For under 16s you can receive Domiciliary Allowance which is just over €309 per month. So still it's difficult to see where she's getting €1000 in benefits + the money your partner gives her, and also expects someone to pay her €800 to rent a room in a house with a family with a special needs child?

    I still don't know whether your partner is absolutely clueless, or if he's actually very calculating.
    Either way it's not going to end well for you.

    Your last thread you said probably 60-70% of your time you are sad and miserable in your relationship. You know that's not the way it's supposed to be, don't you? I'm not sure there's much more to offer you. You've been given all the advice. You know yourself your situation is less than ideal. You also know (even if you're trying really hard not to believe it) that this is not going to end "happily ever after" for you. I suppose it's just a question of how much you personally are willing to put up with and sacrifice, and for how long.


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    #84
    Blazer
    Registered Users Posts: 17,426 ✭✭✭✭Blazer


    DCA is approx €309 a month along with €250 for children’s allowance.
    Add in carers allowance and she could easily hit 700 a month.
    Also with an ASD child you’re entitled to yearly tax credit of €3800 per child in the high bracket (because it’s cheaper to do this rather than provide a proper support system) to whom ever is the main tax payer.
    Op make sure he’s claiming for this and if not he can get it backdated 4 years.
    Also it’s dependent on stating that the child will remain in the family home after the age of 18 which is always the case with an ASD child so there’s no way the woman or the child will be leaving the family home when the child is 18.

    Just to clarify I’m a father of 2 ASD children so I know what I’m talking about.


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    #85
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Blazer wrote: »
    DCA is approx €309 a month along with €250 for children’s allowance.
    Add in carers allowance and she could easily hit 700 a month.
    Also with an ASD child you’re entitled to yearly tax credit of €3800 per child in the high bracket (because it’s cheaper to do this rather than provide a proper support system) to whom ever is the main tax payer.
    Op make sure he’s claiming for this and if not he can get it backdated 4 years.
    Also it’s dependent on stating that the child will remain in the family home after the age of 18 which is always the case with an ASD child so there’s no way the woman or the child will be leaving the family home when the child is 18.

    Just to clarify I’m a father of 2 ASD children so I know what I’m talking about.

    Thank you (and all) for your very helpful advice. I really wanted this to work out, now more than ever because there is more than me involved. But, I can see this is not likely. Just feeling very sad (and stupid tbh).


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    #86
    LirW
    Registered Users Posts: 4,825 ✭✭✭LirW


    ONW I have to agree with everything BBOC says.
    Coming from a really messy situation as single mother with my son years ago, I have an idea how this is going to go on and what mistakes you're going to make.
    I think you indeed should have a stern talk with him and boot him out. You need to make clear how you need to focus on the baby and a healthy and happy pregnancy and with the baggage he brings into it you'd prefer to be alone for a while. If he wants a future, he needs to be open and honest and he should have started yesterday with it.

    Then you need to get legal advice yourself. You're in a crappy position, an unmarried woman getting pregnant with a married man's child. How does he want to continue on? Moving together and splitting bills? If he lets you down and decides to pull a runner (been there myself) you're in a pretty bad situation. You need to finally talk facts with him: how will he support his child financially, does he want a relationship and why do you always get the feeling he strings you along? I'd also talk numbers with him because things aren't adding up for you. In my opinion if he wants you as future partner you need to know.

    I'd seriously take a break from him and get him to sort out his stuff and priorities. If he won't, you at least know where you stand. Start planning your future and don't include him for now. It spares you and the child a huge and bitter disappointment.
    Get legal advice and talk facts.

    And please don't listen to people telling you how awful you are. These things happen, it's important now that you as the mother sort it out. I hope you take this role very seriously now because the baby comes first.


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    #87
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,516 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    I'm going to say something that's going to sound harsh, ONW, but I feel it has to be said.

    Based on your previous posting history (not just about this guy) I just don't think you're equipped to be in a relationship, any relationship at the moment. I think you have issues of your own that need to be addressed before you can have any semblance of a balanced, healthy relationship. You're prepared to accept any scrap this man - who has led you up and down the garden path from the very start, let us not forget - throws your way because you are so desperate to be with him, or anyone.

    I feel for you, I really do, you're in a horrible position now because of your circumstances. But I honestly, genuinely don't believe this man is ever going to give you what you want and need from him. You are not his first priority. From everything I've heard, his priorities are himself first, his kids second and his wife third.

    Are you really prepared to accept whatever scraps are leftover from all of that for you and your baby???


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    #88
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Dial Hard wrote: »
    I'm going to say something that's going to sound harsh, ONW, but I feel it has to be said.

    Based on your previous posting history (not just about this guy) I just don't think you're equipped to be in a relationship, any relationship at the moment. I think you have issues of your own that need to be addressed before you can have any semblance of a balanced, healthy relationship. You're prepared to accept any scrap this man - who has led you up and down the garden path from the very start, let us not forget - throws your way because you are so desperate to be with him, or anyone.

    I feel for you, I really do, you're in a horrible position now because of your circumstances. But I honestly, genuinely don't believe this man is ever going to give you what you want and need from him. You are not his first priority. From everything I've heard, his priorities are himself first, his kids second and his wife third.

    Are you really prepared to accept whatever scraps are leftover from all of that for you and your baby???

    I got myself into the situation I find myself in, and moreover I have no right to feel sorry for myself - as he likes to throw at me when we fight - I "knew what I was getting into!" :( And now I have even less cause for self pity, as I have inflicted this mess on an innocent baby who had no hand or part in any of it. The whole thing stinks and I look at myself and wonder how someone who was given so many opportunities and at one time had so much self worth could have ended up in this mess. But, nothing for it but to step up now! He might not, but I will.


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    #89
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,860 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Absolutely agree with Colser. It's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world. It'll work out. Either he'll step up and be a proper father to all his children, or you'll step up and be enough of a parent for both of you. I would imagine every family in the country has close experience of separated couples with children. Not all children of single mothers/separated parents end up as screw ups! It's not the deciding factor.

    I do think though, to give yourself space and time to figure everything out, you need to ask him to leave. You said yourself that he didn't think you were serious, that you were just bluffing. And then you took him back to prove him right. I think you should ask him to give you space. To prove to you that he is capable of removing himself from his wife. I think you should ask him to move out for a while (but not back in with her). He needs to learn how to budget. He needs to learn to live within his means. She needs to learn that he cannot continue being the magic porridge pot with a never ending supply going her way. He's even out of work now and continuing huge payments?

    It's a mess ONW, and it's a mess that you can continue to embroil yourself in, or that you can step away from. It is sapping your energy, your happiness. It is adding nothing to your life except stress and misery. And it is unlikely to magically change. So step away. He will still be the father of your child in 6 months, 1 year, 5 years etc. So there's no rush to get back in to everything and be ok with all his promises. Let him make his promises, and then let him prove himself... From a distance.

    So far he has proven nothing to you other than you don't feature on his priority list. It must be so upsetting to sit watching him being at her beck and call. Watching him give her every penny and then turn to you with his hand out. And you have proven time and time again that he doesn't need to actually DO a whole lot to keep you sweet. He just has to make a few vague promises and tell you that after years of being an immovable bitch, his wife has suddenly decided to be completely reasonable and agree to everything he suggests.

    You don't need to be listening to his waffle at the moment. And the longer you tolerate it the less likely he is to change anything. Sure he doesn't need to... Plenty of men manage to separate from their wives. Of course money is tighter than if they remained together, but they come to an agreement and stick to it... Because they have no choice. But for as long as you are propping him up, he has no incentive to change anything.


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    #90
    Senature
    Registered Users Posts: 340 ✭✭Senature


    I agree on you getting legal advice for yourself ONW. His wife and children have good protection financially due to the marriage, but your child is his child as much as they are and is equally deserving and in need of his support, financial and otherwise. As others have said, focus on you and your baby, and get advice from people who know what they're talking about. Friends and family can be great for support but despite being well intentioned, they are often inexperienced in these situations, and that includes posters on boards like me!
    As an aside, the proposed arrangements between himself and the ex don't add up to me. If he is going to pay 1700 per month, he should pay it directly off the mortgage, and she can pay the remaining 500. Otherwise he is leaving himself wide open to her not paying the mortgage at all and then having to pick up the pieces himself later anyway.


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    #91
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,382 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    Senature wrote: »
    As an aside, the proposed arrangements between himself and the ex don't add up to me. If he is going to pay 1700 per month, he should pay it directly off the mortgage, and she can pay the remaining 500. Otherwise he is leaving himself wide open to her not paying the mortgage at all and then having to pick up the pieces himself later anyway.

    Yes, I don't understand why he doesn't have a direct debit from his own bank account to pay the mortgage each month, to guarantee that it's paid.


    OP, you have about 6 months (I presume). Start making a plan.
    • Can you continue to afford to live where you are right now on your own income, without anything from him?
    • If not, are you going to find somewhere else to live?
    • Will you have support, financially or otherwise from family?
    • Start looking at your maternity leave from work: will you be on full pay or will you only be on the social welfare benefit? If so, can you afford to live on that alone - it's €240 a week from the social welfare.
    • Have you thought about buying any baby gear yet? Do you have anyone you can get stuff from for free/cheap/secondhand.
    • It's a year off yet, but if you are working, who will mind your child and at what cost while you are working?

    All these things will need to be considered whether he is on board with you, financially or relationship wise.


This discussion has been closed.
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