Neice univited me to her Hen

mindlet · 02-08-2018 04:32PM #1

In January last year. I decided to go to my neices Hen as I found out some of my other sister in laws were going and I was offered a lift.I was originally invited but changed mind 3.months beforehand as i found out some of my sistersinlaw were going. I contacted the bride's maids via email and Facebook and they both ignored my emails,so I asked my mother what should I do and she said to text neice and ask for bride's maid's contact number. So it sounded like sound advice so I texted neice and I received a very upsetting text back telling me not to go to Hen that it was all organised. The Hen was not intil April and I was only going one night. After this I decided that there was little point in going to the wedding so I didn't. I wasn't going to be two faced. Now just over a year after the wedding she gave birth and organised a family gathering to see her new child and I wasn't invited. Another stab through my heart. I always love my family but this hurts like hell. I still have not received an apology and probably never will. Not sure what to do. Advice needed.

Zaph · 02-08-2018 07:35PM

Moved from D15

P_1 · 02-08-2018 07:37PM

OP this is going to sound harsh but the best thing to do is get on with your life. Your niece isn't obligated to invite you things just because you're related.

strandroad · 02-08-2018 07:42PM

mindlet wrote: »

I decided to go to my neices Hen

That's not how it works? You need to be invited...

Peatys · 02-08-2018 07:43PM

Why are you so concerned with what your niece is doing?
Not going to a hen night is no reason not to go to a wedding. There were hundreds at the wedding that weren't at the hen.

Scraggs · 02-08-2018 07:54PM

This is one of those "cutting off your nose to spite your face" scenarios. Your niece was probably put out that you kicked up a fuss over the hen by trying to invite yourself and then didn't even turn up to the wedding! If you feel you are actually missing her and not just missing out on news/gossip/drama you should get in touch congratulate her on the birth and try to build bridges.
This whole situation sounds like miscommunication/unnecessary drama so you need to decide if you want to be a bitter person about it or whether to try and resolve it.

zapper55 · 02-08-2018 08:45PM

My aunts on my mam's side are really lovely but would hate a hen so I probably wouldn't invite them. It would be absolutely no reflection of my relationship with them. I'd imagine the bridesmaids were horrified to receive a request for you to attend, it's only be invite only. Sounds like your sister didn't have the guts to say it mightnt be your thing and gave you the bm details instead. It just made things more awkward.

You not attending the wedding would have been a huge slap in the face to her (assuming you got on grand before this).

Honestly my advice would be that you should be the one making an apology, not expecting to receive one. Apologise for your complete overreaction and for not being at the wedding. That you miss her and would love to see her. If possible you'd love to see the baby too but of course that's completely up to her.

The reason I say that is that it comes across as if you didn't care about the lack of contact with her until you didn't get to see the baby. I'd be gracious and apologetic and see what happens. Admit your embarrassment. I hope this thread makes you realise that you should be mortified for how you acted.

LegacyUser · 02-08-2018 08:53PM

You can’t be uninvited if you weren’t invited in the first place. You can’t invite yourself, no offence but that’s a strange thing to have done, it’s just not your place to do so.

Chances are, your neice found that course of action very strange and presumptuous on your part and therein lies the source of this estrangement, maybe the key to this is you offering her an apology for inviting yourself along to her hen?

Pa8301 · 02-08-2018 08:54PM

I have no experience of how Hens work but with Stags you need to be actually invited. They're not something you can just decide to rock up at. I presume Hens are probably similar.

iamwhoiam · 02-08-2018 08:57PM

Your niece didn't uninvite to her Hens , you were not invited in the first place . I think you might owe her an apology actually .

alan partridge aha · 02-08-2018 09:14PM

It's all organised you're not wanted ffs horrible

Pa8301 · 02-08-2018 09:22PM

alan partridge aha wrote: »

It's all organised you're not wanted ffs horrible

I can understand where the Niece is coming from. You don't just invite yourself to a Hen. And then cause extra stress to the bride and groom(who were probably under enough stress as it was trying to orgainise the wedding) with the drama of refusing to go to the wedding.

alan partridge aha · 02-08-2018 09:27PM

Pa8301 wrote: »

I can understand where the Niece is coming from. You don't just invite yourself to a Hen. And then cause extra stress to the bride and groom(who were probably under enough stress as it was trying to orgainise the wedding) with the drama of refusing to go to the wedding.

No don't agree if other similar age women are going and the niece was on ok terms with aunt it's no biggy to bring her along.

Try_harder · 02-08-2018 09:35PM

It annoys me when when people invite themselves to things!

NinetyTwoTeam · 02-08-2018 09:38PM

It doesn't sound like she invited you, so how did she uninvite you?

Sounds like she didn't want you to go, so didn't invite you, then you tried to force your way in, and she had to figure out how to make clear what should have been clear already.

I had a relative do something similar, actually flew over to an overseas wedding that she was deliberately not invited to, and had to be told to stay the hell away. No one in the family likes her, but she's oblivious to it.

02-08-2018 09:39PM

alan partridge aha wrote: »

No don't agree if other similar age women are going and the niece was on ok terms with aunt it's no biggy to bring her along.

But that isn't her decision to make.

We don't know the relative ages and we don't know who else exactly was going.

dudara · 02-08-2018 09:48PM

@alan partridge aha - I have deleted one of your posts as it was uncivil and did not offer helpful, constructive advice to the OP.

I strongly advise you to read the forum charter before posting again

dudara

rainbowtrout · 02-08-2018 10:07PM

You weren't invited OP for whatever reason and you tried to force your way in. Hens are invite only. You made it awkward for your niece, and then decided to cut your nose off to spite your face by not attending the wedding. This is all on you and you probably owe your niece an apology.

Wellyd · 02-08-2018 10:45PM

mindlet wrote: »

In January last year. I decided to go to my neices Hen as I found out some of my other sister in laws were going and I was offered a lift. I contacted the bride's maids via email and Facebook and they both ignored my emails,so I asked my mother what should I do and she said to text neice and ask for bride's maid's contact number. So it sounded like sound advice so I texted neice and I received a very upsetting text back telling me not to go to Hen that it was all organised. The Hen was not intil April and I was only going one night. After this I decided that there was little point in going to the wedding so I didn't. I wasn't going to be two faced. Now just over a year after the wedding she gave birth and organised a family gathering to see her new child and I wasn't invited. Another stab through my heart. I always love my family but this hurts like hell. I still have not received an apology and probably never will. Not sure what to do. Advice needed.

Sorry OP but you weren’t actually invited to the hen, so it’s impossible to be uninvited to something you were never invited to in the first place. Hen parties are invite only from my experience. Don’t expect an apology because you won’t get one.

lulu1 · 03-08-2018 12:06AM

OP Forget about hen's and wedding's. There is a new baby to celebrate, buy a present for the baby and even you weren't invited to the get together send it with someone or just ring your niece when things cool down a bit and say you would love to come and see the baby

smelly sock · 03-08-2018 12:10AM

mindlet wrote: »

In January last year. I decided to go to my neices Hen as I found out some of my other sister in laws were going and I was offered a lift. I contacted the bride's maids via email and Facebook and they both ignored my emails,so I asked my mother what should I do and she said to text neice and ask for bride's maid's contact number. So it sounded like sound advice so I texted neice and I received a very upsetting text back telling me not to go to Hen that it was all organised. The Hen was not intil April and I was only going one night. After this I decided that there was little point in going to the wedding so I didn't. I wasn't going to be two faced. Now just over a year after the wedding she gave birth and organised a family gathering to see her new child and I wasn't invited. Another stab through my heart. I always love my family but this hurts like hell. I still have not received an apology and probably never will. Not sure what to do. Advice needed.

Forget about her. Shes a <SNIP>. And your family are sh1theads for letting it happen. What did her mother/father say?

Two sides to every story though i suppose.

LegacyUser · 03-08-2018 05:05AM

Hens aren’t for all female wedding guests and family members it’d be for a small close circle. And you certainly can’t invite yourself to one. You say sisters in law went, do you mean the bride’s mam and her sisters. Are you an aunt by marriage?

Cash_Q · 03-08-2018 05:35AM

alan partridge aha wrote:

No don't agree if other similar age women are going and the niece was on ok terms with aunt it's no biggy to bring her along.

It's not a 'bring along' occasion like an open invitation. Hen parties are invite only, and being of a similar age has nothing to do with it. Maybe the bride has a different relationship with other aunts of a similar age, doesn't mean she should have to invite this aunt along. As others have said, there would have been a tonne of other women at the wedding who weren't at the hen. It's usually reserved for your nearest and dearest.

OP did you congratulate her when the baby was born? If not it's a bit rich expecting to be included in the get together for the baby.

Like others I agree that you should have gone to the wedding regardless.

Send her a text congratulating her on baby's arrival and go from there.

dudara · 03-08-2018 05:58AM

@smelly sock - watch the language. You should be able to make a point without abusive insults.

dudara

lunamoon · 03-08-2018 06:57AM

I think the OP needs to confirm whether she was invited or not. It looks like she just presumed she was invited and if that's the case then she really has no reason to be annoyed at the niece.

LegacyUser · 03-08-2018 07:47AM

OP you need to confirm wither you were actually invited to the hen or not? Was it a case of being invited and saying no because you thought it would be all young people but then you heard some of your sister in laws were going and changed your mind or was it a case that you weren't invited and just decided to go anyway? Where was the hen taking place? Had they rented somewhere with a set attendance number?

Regardless of the details of the hen not going to the wedding over the whole thing was super childish. Not surprised they aren't including you in other family events now if thats how you carry on when you don't get your way.

woodchuck · 03-08-2018 08:44AM

OP it's not clear whether or not you were actually invited to the hen? Even if you weren't, I can understand that it would hurt to be told not to come after expressing an interest. However hen parties are invite only. Maybe see could have been more sensitive about it, but it was a bit extreme not going to the wedding because of it. She has probably picked up on this hostility, which is why she hasn't invited you to any events since.

It sounds like there is blame on both sides here. If you want to be involved in her life again, you should extend an olive branch yourself.

elbyrneo · 03-08-2018 08:53AM

OP - you can't just look at this indicent in isolation. Is the attitude you displayed after not being invited to the Hen (inviting yourself, not going to the wedding, missing out on baby etc) a behaviour or attitude you have displayed in the past?

Ask yourself- are you demanding, hard work, or self centred? Ask yourself if that's why you weren't invited to the Hen in the first place? Would you have brought fun and lightness to the Hen?

We only see the facts as you laid out in your post, but it's not painting a pretty picture, so maybe you need to take a long hard look at why you think you weren't invited, and judge yourself first.

Then consider approaching your niece with humility.

smelly sock · 03-08-2018 09:03AM

When you showed an interest in going to the hen she should hsve facilitated you.

She escalated this. Not you.

alan partridge aha · 03-08-2018 09:04AM

elbyrneo wrote: »

OP - you can't just look at this indicent in isolation. Is the attitude you displayed after not being invited to the Hen (inviting yourself, not going to the wedding, missing out on baby etc) a behaviour or attitude you have displayed in the past?

Ask yourself- are you demanding, hard work, or self centred? Ask yourself if that's why you weren't invited to the Hen in the first place? Would you have brought fun and lightness to the Hen?

We only see the facts as you laid out in your post, but it's not painting a pretty picture, so maybe you need to take a long hard look at why you think you weren't invited, and judge yourself first.

Then consider approaching your niece with humility.

After you ask all these questions and if the answer is no then avoid your niece.

iamwhoiam · 03-08-2018 09:07AM

smelly sock wrote: »

When you showed an interest in going to the hen she should hsve facilitated you.

She escalated this. Not you.

Sorry but why should she ? Should she facilitate anyone then who expresses an interest ? A HENS is a private party for those the bride wishes to invite .

Neice univited me to her Hen

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