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Rubbish corporate talk

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  • 20-02-2018 1:29am
    #1
    thelad95
    Registered Users Posts: 7,812 ✭✭✭


    What stupid corporate talk do you hate? The following phrases are meaningless rubbish:

    I’ll revert back to you in due course...
    Going forward....
    Touch base with you on that....
    Explore new avenues.....
    Really exciting space....
    By close of play.....
    Take this offline....
    Briefing/Debriefing....

    All just said to make corporate middlemen feel vaguely important.


«13456

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    #2
    emo72
    Registered Users Posts: 6,246 ✭✭✭emo72


    getgo. start was perfectly adequate.


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    #3
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,022 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Due dilligence
    Blue sky thinking
    Personell to Human Resources to People Operations

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #4
    Pinch Flat
    Registered Users Posts: 7,761 ✭✭✭Pinch Flat


    Going forward.


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    #5
    Oldtree
    Registered Users Posts: 8,104 ✭✭✭Oldtree


    Let's park that for now.


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    #6
    Chrongen
    Registered Users Posts: 1,304 ✭✭✭Chrongen


    I'll pencil you in

    James will lead the charge on this one.

    I don't have the bandwidth for that right now


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    #7
    Omackeral
    Registered Users Posts: 32,956 ✭✭✭✭Omackeral


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl4QMS0Zh_w


    OP I think you'll enjoy this.


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    #8
    Andrewf20
    Registered Users Posts: 3,188 ✭✭✭Andrewf20


    All hands on deck.


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    #9
    tupenny
    Registered Users Posts: 1,439 ✭✭✭tupenny


    Vis-a-vis
    Stfu. Even just say 'regarding".
    Knobs


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    #10
    B.A._Baracus
    Registered Users Posts: 11,187 ✭✭✭✭B.A._Baracus


    thelad95 wrote: »
    What stupid corporate talk do you hate? The following phrases are meaningless rubbish:

    I’ll revert back to you in due course...
    Going forward....
    Touch base with you on that....
    Explore new avenues.....
    Really exciting space....
    By close of play.....
    Take this offline....
    Briefing/Debriefing....

    All just said to make corporate middlemen feel vaguely important.

    Briefing and Debriefly really stands out as sad. It's a military, government agency or what not term. I mean what next? Take the shot on this? we gotta get to the chopper? :pac:


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    #11
    pleas advice
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,492 ✭✭✭pleas advice


    reach out and touch base


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    #12
    cumulonimbus
    Registered Users Posts: 344 ✭✭cumulonimbus


    Referring to people as 'resources'


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    #13
    _Brian
    Registered Users Posts: 18,522 ✭✭✭✭_Brian


    cumulonimbus wrote: »
    Referring to people as 'resources'

    My wife is a department manager in a hospital, a new senior manager was brought in to save money, he stopped the first meeting he chiselled and asked people to stop using the term “patient” and to refer to them as “service users” as it was a less emotional term.


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    #14
    _Brian
    Registered Users Posts: 18,522 ✭✭✭✭_Brian


    Run it up the flagpole
    Referring to some new as being “helicoptered in”


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    #15
    super_furry
    Registered Users Posts: 27,322 ✭✭✭✭super_furry


    Inappropriate touching
    Don't sit there
    The police have been called
    Sir you need to come with us


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    #16
    OldMrBrennan83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26,658 ✭✭✭✭OldMrBrennan83


    This post has been deleted.


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    #17
    BillyBobBS
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,568 ✭✭✭BillyBobBS


    Downsizing. F u ck off. You are sacking people you knobs.


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    #18
    myshirt
    Registered Users Posts: 5,245 ✭✭✭myshirt


    Jimmy, I feel I'm drinking from the fire hose.
    Paudie, relax, we're at risk of getting bogged down in the weeds.
    I know, I know... anyway, balls out of the bath here, what do you think of this new initiative?


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    #19
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 29,010 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    'streamlining', jesus, how much do i hate that term! actual meaning, we re gonna cut the bollocks out of this and you re gonna be doing more work for less!


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    #20
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    Helicopter view = overview

    "I'll revert back to you" means that the person will literally morph back into being YOU. As in, they were you and will shortly return to that state of being you. What they mean to say is that they will respond/reply to you at a later date.


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    #21
    smurgen
    Registered Users Posts: 6,933 ✭✭✭smurgen


    Seen a new one the other day,someone refered to a presentation as a stack.as in the powerpoint presentation slides. There was person after person on LinkedIn asking for a copy of this one guys stack.


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    #22
    wexandproud
    Registered Users Posts: 1,063 ✭✭✭wexandproud


    PROJECT MANAGER .
    i know sometimes it may be appropriate but most times its plain wrong .I blame the series''the apprentice'' . full of mostly gobshytes who could do fcuk all except talk corporate shyte ..
    3 of them have to go and sell krap in a shopping center , oh oh can i be PROJECT MANAGER on this one , you can be advertising and the third , you can be head of sales


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    #23
    colm_mcm
    Registered Users Posts: 73,427 ✭✭✭✭colm_mcm


    Thread needs some blue sky thinking
    Please cascade this information


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    #24
    Allinall
    Registered Users Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭Allinall


    _Brian wrote: »
    My wife is a department manager in a hospital, a new senior manager was brought in to save money, he stopped the first meeting he chiselled and asked people to stop using the term “patient” and to refer to them as “service users” as it was a less emotional term.

    How the f*ck do you chisel a meeting?


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    #25
    Franz Von Peppercorn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,070 ✭✭✭Franz Von Peppercorn


    When did revert back replace reply? Seems recent enough.


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    #26
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »
    When did revert back replace reply? Seems recent enough.
    Don't know when exactly but as with all this office speak it's designed to make dim people sound more import and intelligent than they really are. Obviously it ends up having the exact opposite impact. Pathetic stuff.


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    #27
    Roger Hassenforder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,555 ✭✭✭Roger Hassenforder


    Actually has someone say to me in a meeting that they would "need to drill down into the granularity, a helicopter view wouldnt give the detail in this instance"


    Whenever someone says (wrapping up a meeting) "i'm concious of time" i want to slap them in their fcukng face. What are they, a Time Lord?


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    #28
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    Christ, what must it be like in Google, Facebook or Apple ... any big American company - it must be absolute f*cking hell in there with all the bull**** red tape speak getting in the way of doing real work.


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    #29
    Aglomerado
    Registered Users Posts: 5,763 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    "Vision"

    Just fúck off.

    Anyone who says it deserves to be deprived of said sense by having their eyeballs ripped out and shoved up their arses. :mad:


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    #30
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    "In retrospective" .... **** OFF!!!


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    #31
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 29,010 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    Hector Savage wrote: »
    Christ, what must it be like in Google, Facebook or Apple ... any big American company - it must be absolute f*cking hell in there with all the bull**** red tape speak getting in the way of doing real work.

    its kinna funny actually but pathetic at the same time, its amazing to watch people fall over themselves trying to use these phrases, humans are odd


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