Rubbish corporate talk

thelad95

What stupid corporate talk do you hate? The following phrases are meaningless rubbish:

I’ll revert back to you in due course...
Going forward....
Touch base with you on that....
Explore new avenues.....
Really exciting space....
By close of play.....
Take this offline....
Briefing/Debriefing....

All just said to make corporate middlemen feel vaguely important.

emo72

getgo. start was perfectly adequate.

Annasopra

Due dilligence
Blue sky thinking
Personell to Human Resources to People Operations

Pinch Flat

Going forward.

Oldtree

Let's park that for now.

Chrongen

I'll pencil you in

James will lead the charge on this one.

I don't have the bandwidth for that right now

Omackeral

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl4QMS0Zh_w

OP I think you'll enjoy this.

Andrewf20

All hands on deck.

tupenny

Vis-a-vis
Stfu. Even just say 'regarding".
Knobs

B.A._Baracus

thelad95 wrote: »

What stupid corporate talk do you hate? The following phrases are meaningless rubbish:

I’ll revert back to you in due course...
Going forward....
Touch base with you on that....
Explore new avenues.....
Really exciting space....
By close of play.....
Take this offline....
Briefing/Debriefing....

All just said to make corporate middlemen feel vaguely important.

Briefing and Debriefly really stands out as sad. It's a military, government agency or what not term. I mean what next? Take the shot on this? we gotta get to the chopper? :pac:

pleas advice

reach out and touch base

cumulonimbus

Referring to people as 'resources'

_Brian

cumulonimbus wrote: »

Referring to people as 'resources'

My wife is a department manager in a hospital, a new senior manager was brought in to save money, he stopped the first meeting he chiselled and asked people to stop using the term “patient” and to refer to them as “service users” as it was a less emotional term.

_Brian

Run it up the flagpole
Referring to some new as being “helicoptered in”

super_furry

Inappropriate touching
Don't sit there
The police have been called
Sir you need to come with us

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

BillyBobBS

Downsizing. F u ck off. You are sacking people you knobs.

myshirt

Jimmy, I feel I'm drinking from the fire hose.
Paudie, relax, we're at risk of getting bogged down in the weeds.
I know, I know... anyway, balls out of the bath here, what do you think of this new initiative?

Wanderer78

'streamlining', jesus, how much do i hate that term! actual meaning, we re gonna cut the bollocks out of this and you re gonna be doing more work for less!

suicide_circus

Helicopter view = overview

"I'll revert back to you" means that the person will literally morph back into being YOU. As in, they were you and will shortly return to that state of being you. What they mean to say is that they will respond/reply to you at a later date.

smurgen

Seen a new one the other day,someone refered to a presentation as a stack.as in the powerpoint presentation slides. There was person after person on LinkedIn asking for a copy of this one guys stack.

wexandproud

PROJECT MANAGER .
i know sometimes it may be appropriate but most times its plain wrong .I blame the series''the apprentice'' . full of mostly gobshytes who could do fcuk all except talk corporate shyte ..
3 of them have to go and sell krap in a shopping center , oh oh can i be PROJECT MANAGER on this one , you can be advertising and the third , you can be head of sales

colm_mcm

Thread needs some blue sky thinking
Please cascade this information

Allinall

_Brian wrote: »

My wife is a department manager in a hospital, a new senior manager was brought in to save money, he stopped the first meeting he chiselled and asked people to stop using the term “patient” and to refer to them as “service users” as it was a less emotional term.

How the f*ck do you chisel a meeting?

Franz Von Peppercorn

When did revert back replace reply? Seems recent enough.

suicide_circus

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

When did revert back replace reply? Seems recent enough.

Don't know when exactly but as with all this office speak it's designed to make dim people sound more import and intelligent than they really are. Obviously it ends up having the exact opposite impact. Pathetic stuff.

Roger Hassenforder

Actually has someone say to me in a meeting that they would "need to drill down into the granularity, a helicopter view wouldnt give the detail in this instance"


Whenever someone says (wrapping up a meeting) "i'm concious of time" i want to slap them in their fcukng face. What are they, a Time Lord?

Hector Savage

Christ, what must it be like in Google, Facebook or Apple ... any big American company - it must be absolute f*cking hell in there with all the bull**** red tape speak getting in the way of doing real work.

Aglomerado

"Vision"

Just fúck off.

Anyone who says it deserves to be deprived of said sense by having their eyeballs ripped out and shoved up their arses. :mad:

Hector Savage

"In retrospective" .... **** OFF!!!

Wanderer78

Hector Savage wrote: »

Christ, what must it be like in Google, Facebook or Apple ... any big American company - it must be absolute f*cking hell in there with all the bull**** red tape speak getting in the way of doing real work.

its kinna funny actually but pathetic at the same time, its amazing to watch people fall over themselves trying to use these phrases, humans are odd

Creme fraiche

Talent - when talking about people.
Coming to my desk to check that I got that email you literally just pressed send on before you got up to come to my desk.
I’ll put something in your diary - it’s a calendar.

As long as you understand what's being said it doesn't really matter if people use these or other phrases.

And, while overuse or a constant retreat to blithe catchphrases can come across as mere cant, excessive denigration of what may be termed business speak usually comes across as people being ..... a little salty tbh

suicide_circus

suicide_circus wrote: »

Helicopter view = overview

"I'll revert back to you" means that the person will literally morph back into being YOU. As in, they were you and will shortly return to that state of being you. What they mean to say is that they will respond/reply to you at a later date.

Came here to say this one. Definitely top of my list

myshirt

Ending every sentence with the phrase "According to the prophecy"

Mongfinder General

Creme fraiche wrote: »

Talent - when talking about people.
Coming to my desk to check that I got that email you literally just pressed send on before you got up to come to my desk.
I’ll put something in your diary - it’s a calendar.

I saw this happening just before xmas. A colleague trying to dump work on another colleague. She sent the email and then went to his desk a while later. He basically told her to fcuk off and do it herself. Great stuff particularly as she's a bone idle twat.

Wanderer78

Deleted User wrote: »

As long as you understand what's being said it doesn't really matter if people use these or other phrases.

And, while overuse or a constant retreat to blithe catchphrases can come across as mere cant, excessive denigration of what may be termed business speak usually comes across as people being ..... a little salty tbh

i disagree, its bull**** speak, used for multiple reasons, many of which are not for positive reasons.

Drumpot

“Meeting Consumer needs” roughly translated as “how can we sell our crap to as many people as possible”.

buried

Gravelly

Ping me an email by close of play so we can bluesky some joined up thinking as a gameplan.

Get up the fücking yard ya twät. You were atin' hang sangidges in a bog 3 years ago.

jayobray

It's all apple pie and motherhood until you poke the bear....

Alf Veedersane

'Diarise', 'guesstimate' and 'judgement call'.

professore

Annual leave.

Alf Veedersane

Deleted User wrote: »

As long as you understand what's being said it doesn't really matter if people use these or other phrases.

And, while overuse or a constant retreat to blithe catchphrases can come across as mere cant, excessive denigration of what may be termed business speak usually comes across as people being ..... a little salty tbh

A lot of people that rely on 'business speak' are usually bluffers, incapable of anything meaningful.

And a lot of it doesn't really mean anything and can be said more concisely with existing language.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Deleted User wrote: »

As long as you understand what's being said it doesn't really matter if people use these or other phrases.

And, while overuse or a constant retreat to blithe catchphrases can come across as mere cant, excessive denigration of what may be termed business speak usually comes across as people being ..... a little salty tbh

STFU :rolleyes: Is that unsalted enough for you?

CruelCoin

"Synergistic Competencies"

aidoh

I've noticed an increase in the amount of people saying "go ahead" to refer to making a plan. Sounds like the jerk boss from Office Space.

e.g. "so I'm gonna go ahead and arrange to touch base on the 17th...",

How about you go ahead and trip in front of a bus, you b@st@rds

begbysback

[Deleted User] wrote: »

As long as you understand what's being said it doesn't really matter if people use these or other phrases.

And, while overuse or a constant retreat to blithe catchphrases can come across as mere cant, excessive denigration of what may be termed business speak usually comes across as people being ..... a little salty tbh

So true - the meaning to those outside of corporations is not fully understood

Going forward = you've been making a dogs dinner of this up to now, so from here onwards you're gonna do it right

Take that offline = this isn't the pub you're in now so don't talk sh1te

Franz Von Peppercorn

Hector Savage wrote: »

Christ, what must it be like in Google, Facebook or Apple ... any big American company - it must be absolute f*cking hell in there with all the bull**** red tape speak getting in the way of doing real work.

Not the Apple run by Steve Jobs. He didn’t do corporate.

Tim Cook seems corporate.

Gravelly

begbysback wrote: »

So true - the meaning to those outside of corporations is not fully understood

Going forward = you've been making a dogs dinner of this up to now, so from here onwards you're gonna do it right

Take that offline = this isn't the pub you're in now so don't talk sh1te

Gameplan = you're obviously not able to figure out this yourself so we need to give you idiot-proof instructions

At the end of the day = I've forgotten what I was talking about, so ignore everything up until now

Give you a heads up = you're fücked and we've hid it from you until now

Gravelly

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

Not the Apple run by Steve Jobs. He didn’t do corporate.

No, he just did psychopathic.