Rubbish corporate talk

Creme fraiche

Talent - when talking about people.
Coming to my desk to check that I got that email you literally just pressed send on before you got up to come to my desk.
I’ll put something in your diary - it’s a calendar.

As long as you understand what's being said it doesn't really matter if people use these or other phrases.

And, while overuse or a constant retreat to blithe catchphrases can come across as mere cant, excessive denigration of what may be termed business speak usually comes across as people being ..... a little salty tbh

coffee_cake

suicide_circus wrote: »

Helicopter view = overview

"I'll revert back to you" means that the person will literally morph back into being YOU. As in, they were you and will shortly return to that state of being you. What they mean to say is that they will respond/reply to you at a later date.

Came here to say this one. Definitely top of my list

myshirt

Ending every sentence with the phrase "According to the prophecy"

Mongfinder General

Creme fraiche wrote: »

Talent - when talking about people.
Coming to my desk to check that I got that email you literally just pressed send on before you got up to come to my desk.
I’ll put something in your diary - it’s a calendar.

I saw this happening just before xmas. A colleague trying to dump work on another colleague. She sent the email and then went to his desk a while later. He basically told her to fcuk off and do it herself. Great stuff particularly as she's a bone idle twat.

Wanderer78

Deleted User wrote: »

As long as you understand what's being said it doesn't really matter if people use these or other phrases.

And, while overuse or a constant retreat to blithe catchphrases can come across as mere cant, excessive denigration of what may be termed business speak usually comes across as people being ..... a little salty tbh

i disagree, its bull**** speak, used for multiple reasons, many of which are not for positive reasons.

Drumpot

“Meeting Consumer needs” roughly translated as “how can we sell our crap to as many people as possible”.

buried

Gravelly

Ping me an email by close of play so we can bluesky some joined up thinking as a gameplan.

Get up the fücking yard ya twät. You were atin' hang sangidges in a bog 3 years ago.

jayobray

It's all apple pie and motherhood until you poke the bear....

Alf Veedersane

'Diarise', 'guesstimate' and 'judgement call'.

professore

Annual leave.

Alf Veedersane

Deleted User wrote: »

As long as you understand what's being said it doesn't really matter if people use these or other phrases.

And, while overuse or a constant retreat to blithe catchphrases can come across as mere cant, excessive denigration of what may be termed business speak usually comes across as people being ..... a little salty tbh

A lot of people that rely on 'business speak' are usually bluffers, incapable of anything meaningful.

And a lot of it doesn't really mean anything and can be said more concisely with existing language.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Deleted User wrote: »

As long as you understand what's being said it doesn't really matter if people use these or other phrases.

And, while overuse or a constant retreat to blithe catchphrases can come across as mere cant, excessive denigration of what may be termed business speak usually comes across as people being ..... a little salty tbh

STFU :rolleyes: Is that unsalted enough for you?

CruelCoin

"Synergistic Competencies"

aidoh

I've noticed an increase in the amount of people saying "go ahead" to refer to making a plan. Sounds like the jerk boss from Office Space.

e.g. "so I'm gonna go ahead and arrange to touch base on the 17th...",

How about you go ahead and trip in front of a bus, you b@st@rds

begbysback

[Deleted User] wrote: »

As long as you understand what's being said it doesn't really matter if people use these or other phrases.

And, while overuse or a constant retreat to blithe catchphrases can come across as mere cant, excessive denigration of what may be termed business speak usually comes across as people being ..... a little salty tbh

So true - the meaning to those outside of corporations is not fully understood

Going forward = you've been making a dogs dinner of this up to now, so from here onwards you're gonna do it right

Take that offline = this isn't the pub you're in now so don't talk sh1te

Franz Von Peppercorn

Hector Savage wrote: »

Christ, what must it be like in Google, Facebook or Apple ... any big American company - it must be absolute f*cking hell in there with all the bull**** red tape speak getting in the way of doing real work.

Not the Apple run by Steve Jobs. He didn’t do corporate.

Tim Cook seems corporate.

Gravelly

begbysback wrote: »

So true - the meaning to those outside of corporations is not fully understood

Going forward = you've been making a dogs dinner of this up to now, so from here onwards you're gonna do it right

Take that offline = this isn't the pub you're in now so don't talk sh1te

Gameplan = you're obviously not able to figure out this yourself so we need to give you idiot-proof instructions

At the end of the day = I've forgotten what I was talking about, so ignore everything up until now

Give you a heads up = you're fücked and we've hid it from you until now

Gravelly

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

Not the Apple run by Steve Jobs. He didn’t do corporate.

No, he just did psychopathic.

Going forward I'm working under the assumption that a lot of people missed out on interviews and are attributing their inability to adopt the Lingua Franca of the corporate sphere as the root cause.

Diddums.

Jawgap

"Granularity" especially when combined with "drill down"

"close the delta"

"circle back"

"reach out"

"moon shot"

"pain point"

Any noun turned into a verb! - "actioning" "quarterbacking"

the_pen_turner

indispensable team member or any kind of we couldn't do with out them kind of crap

if they died in the morning they would be replaced straight away with no problems finding a replacment

Franz Von Peppercorn

Gravelly wrote: »

No, he just did psychopathic.

He wasn’t really. Not anymore than most CEOs.

Franz Von Peppercorn

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Going forward I'm working under the assumption that a lot of people missed out on interviews and are attributing their inability to adopt the Lingua Franca of the corporate sphere as the root cause.

Diddums.

You sound like a man who uses this language.

One group of people who do use it a lot are recruiters. Who are spoofers.

evosteo

"Non compliance"

Pi*s off

Gravelly

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

He wasn’t really. Not anymore than most CEOs.

Having read two biographies of him recently, I'd disagree. I've worked with a few slightly crazy CEO's but not as bad as him. His treatment of his first child confirms it even if you ignore how he treated most of the people he worked with.

Gravelly

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

You sound like a man who uses this language.

One group of people who do use it a lot are recruiters. Who are spoofers.

Truest statement ever. The recruitment industry seems to be heavily populated with charlatans, chancers, and scumbags.

pgj2015

I don't know how anyone can work in a corporate job, I lasted for a month and had to get away from it, id rather be in prison than an office listening to knobs in suits talk like that.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fgEK-Ksis4

Franz Von Peppercorn

Gravelly wrote: »

Having read two biographies of him recently, I'd disagree. I've worked with a few slightly crazy CEO's but not as bad as him. His treatment of his first child confirms it even if you ignore how he treated most of the people he worked with.

I worked in Apple (in the US) during his reign. It wasn’t a fearful place. He was sh1t when young admittedly.