LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

tomthetank wrote: »

I think i might be depressed. I have a decent job no money worries an incredible family and noone on the outside would think it possible, but some days I just stay in bed all day. Literally all day. if I have nowhere to be like work and no big commitments and my oh is working and wont be over until later, i will stay in bed until sometimes 6pm and have a big internal argument with myself about being a lazy useless heap of crap for not being able to do anything about it.

I don't think i like myself very much. i live abroad and have few friends here, most of them are back in ireland, and i have pretty much no social life outside of the time i spend with my boyfriend. i am consumed by worries and stresses as i get older too (31) about how i am ever going to move up in life - afford a mortgage, get back to ireland (which has no real job prospects for me), have a family, get my life together. I'm ok financially but basically living the life of a 20 year old, renting a room in some stranger's house and despite saving years away from being able to achieve any of these things.

the problem is there is no room for depression in my life. I have a very mentally unwell sibling 100% dependent on my parents and another sibling who has already gone through depression. i have always been the "Stable" one, the one my ageing parents don't need to worry about, the one who can sort herself out. I've found myself isolating myself from people as a result, it's easier to let people down through lack of contact than to face my issues head on, which i don't feel equipped to do really at the moment. i can't face the reality of being someone with depression. a lot of the time i don't think im depressed and just someone who is excessively selfish and lazy, someone with a victim complex. what's the difference really?

Anyway sorry for the ramble. Today is really the first day I've said (written) it aloud, admitted that there very well may be a problem.

First off all after reading this post I can not believe the posts above this regarding the name this thread. Here is a person that is looking for help yet a name of a thread is more important?


Anyway Hi There,

Well done on what you did here, Realizing there maybe something there is the first step, How your going to change this should be your next.
Material things like money etc do not bring happiness , you could have all the money in the world yet feel like you have nothing. Having Purpose and Self Worth mean , good surroundings i.e family and friends are worth more than any amount of money could ever buy.

You say you argue with yourself about being lazy and useless because you stay in bed. If this is the case then you already know you shouldn't be doing this so why do it? What is physically stopping you ? You have put your self in a position that you know is not right so you have the power to get out of it. Get up go for a walk , take a hobby up... anything that can keep you busy on those boring weekends, I don't know you but from what you have said I can already tell you you are not lazy nor useless.


You also say that your siblings have had mental health problems and that you feel as you are the "stable one" Every person can go through bad patches in their life, Why should you feel you should be stable? Accept the situation you are in and learn from it, You will be a stronger person for it. Talking is a great way to get across how you are feeling, If you feel as if you do not have anyone close enough that may understand what your feeling, There is no shame in seeking help from a professional . You are not the first and will not be the last my friend.

With every negative comes a positive remember that . When a negative thought comes into your head replace it with a positive thought, try meditation it is brilliant for stress and you will feel great off it.


We all go through bad times in our life but you are the only one that can change it. Best of luck and fair play to you.

For anyone who has done cbt for anxiety, did the idea of actually doing the work scare you a little bit?

La.de.da wrote: »

Yes. Very much so. Small steps maka. Smallest obstacle first.

Hope it works out for you :-)

Can I ask why?

I can't stop the "there's something wrong with me for having anxiety" and "I'm a bad person for having anxiety" thoughts. I know they're just thoughts but they're constant. How do I move past these?

Feeling so much worse today. These are the worst two days I've had in a while and are causing me to panic. I hate bad days and when they come around, I start thinking I'll be like this forever even when the rational part of my brain is telling me that I've come through it before, I've come through worse. I know I should accept this, that it's part of me, but I don't want to. And obviously this reluctance to accept it is not helping. I feel bad for feeling like this, I don't like myself when I'm like this. I don't like myself BECAUSE of this, and I think that is the root. If I can accept that it's ok to have anxiety (and I feel sometimes I don't even have anxiety, I just convince myself I do by manifesting it in my head), that it doesn't make me a bad person or unworthy, then maybe things will get easier.

I ate well for a while early on in the month. Less sugar, more natural foods. I was feeling great. And then I had a binge. And I started feeling anxious almost instantly. And I continued to binge to get rid of the bad feelings. I know if I can just get back to eating well, I will start to feel better again. This causes self hatred thoughts because I think "You know what to do Maka, so why don't you do it? You're so weak/stupid/lazy etc".

I've started CBT. It was helping a little because I wasn't doing it all the time but I have been doing it EVERY day this last week, writing down my thoughts, and it's getting me focusing on them, on all my worries, it's bringing them to the forefront, and I think that's why I'm feeling a bit worse. I am so impatient (another negative thought about myself) in that I just want to be ok, NOW! I am trying to remember I have come through worse, it's just temporary, and that it will get better.

Makapakka wrote: »

Still feeling bad, and I'm scared. The fear is adding to the anxiety. The anxiety is adding to the depression. I an so scared I'm going back to where I was, so scared I'll keep having worse days, I'm so scared I'll get so bad that I won't want to carry on, and that is creating a new anxiety. How can I go from being ok this morning to feeling completely helpless now. I feel so helpless.. I don't know how to make things better. I don't talk because I don't want any one to worry. I feel sick to my stomach all day. I diagnosed myself with MS and that's how it started.. I just can't live like this any more. I am just so scared.

You really need to either ring pieta house or teenline ireland. ( teenline talk to all ages ). Trained counsellors will talk to you. Have you any family or friends you could meet up with . I know it's cold but maybe wrap up well and go for a short walk. Also just try and remember a recent happy thing that happened to you. Maybe over xmas or new year. Even a tv programme that made you laugh. Think of the happy memory and breath in and hold breath fir 3 seconds and then breath out. Do this for 5 or so minutes. You will be fine. This will pass.

Hi lads hows it going,

I am new to this and I am writing it a) just to write it down b) hoping it will help someone else and c) hoping someone can offer me abit more advice. Il try keep it short, basically about 4 or 5 years ago my family suffered a tragic loss. I suppose at the time I was completely numb to it and it wasn't until a month or two after it when I started to notice I wasnt the same as I was prior to the event. Just felt more anxious about things and a small bit down in myself. I was in the middle of my second year in college when it happened just after doing Christmas exams. Just abit about myself I used be mad into playing GAA and soccer, used be fairly fit, and used love socializing and traveling.

Back to college in January and I just found I didnt really want to be there or had much motivation, (It was a 4 year honors degree course). I suppose after that around Feb March I turned to going out to the local maybe 2-3 times a week with my friends on weeknights just for 4-5 pints and to talk away to them and try and feel someway normal again and maybe once a week In college (Normally a heavy drinking session).

Looking back on it now I know it was alot of drinking but at the time I suppose It was my only way to relax and feel normal and forget problems ect ect. I was late getting back into sports that year but I did and cut back on the beer and got fit again and everything seemed to be going fine again. I still didnt have much motivation for college tho and only really went in for mandatory classes and tests ect. I remember then that winter after all the sport had finished I just got abit down again and really started feeling more anxious and found it hard to concentrate and focus in college.

That Christmas I remember going in for one of my exams and just felt wrecked, the hall was packed and the heating was on full blast and of course I was assigned to sit right on top of the radiator haha, anyway about 10 mins into my exam I just didnt feel right, all of a sudden I had ringing in my ear and I just felt weak and abit dizzy, then I just felt my heart pounding (I didnt know what was going on). I asked to be excused but normal rules in colleges dont let you leave the hall before 30mins (Because people can still come in 30 mins late). Anyway after been refused to leave I tried to ride it out but it wasnt working and I knew I had to go out into the fresh air. I just got up and walked out I really didnt care if they failed me. Anyway that was what I now know my first Panic attack, I went to the doctor that day and he put it down to exhaustion ect and I agreed. After that day I found it harder going into future exams than how hard the exams were themselves (Trust me they were hard our course started with 46 and only 16 of us graduated haha).

Anyway role on a few months and I suppose going to college got even harder so I avoided it even more and along with that absolutely hated exams. (I suppose I developed a technique to get 2 exam booklets 1 for rough work and in the rough work book Just write about the last match I played or attended or something anytime I felt Iffy to take my mind off). I was fine in exams when I was flying through questions and that but anytime I stopped to think abit about the next Question I could feel my mind drifting and worring about what happened me before and what if it happens again today in the exam ect. Anyway I got through the third year and went for a summer job. My second milder panic attack happened the day of my final exam that summer (Not in the exam itself this time thank god haha) but in my job interview that day, I suppose I was wrecked after been up since 4am studying for an exam at 2pm which lasted 3 hours and then had to race out to a job interview (Where they were absolute ####s), however I got the job and was fine for the rest of that year.

In my final year I suppose the stress increased which is natural and is the case with everyone. I felt myself getting more and more anxious for stupid reasons like been stuck in traffic ect. Im not sure if I became claustrophobic because I never really was. Anyway I found I had a few panic attacks that year and I just said when Im done college im doing something about this because its not right. I graduated that year with a 1st class Honours degree in a Construction discipline. I finished my final exam in May and we were graduating in November, I worked away that summer part time, went on holidays and enjoyed the sport ect it was a good Summer and feeling to be done college.

Next thing to do was find a job, when we started in first year we were all told there would be plenty of jobs in our discipline ect but when we came out they were as scarce as hens teeth. Most of my class mates have emigrated and I suppose I never really wanted to as Im more of a homebird and love where Im from ect. I wouldnt have minded moving somewhere In Ireland but there was nothing around really. Anyway graduation was coming around and I just felt I had to find a job, anything at all I was prepared to do just to have enough money to pay to have a car on the road ect. Anyway graduation came and as usual I was anxious about having to go in and sit there with hunderds of people for a few hours (To make it worse it was in the exact same place where I experienced my first panic attack haha). I got through that anyway and it was great meeting up with my classmates some of whom I havent seen since as theyve gone to America, Oz, Canada and London ect. At the time of writing this I think theres 3 of us in Ireland right now and one of them is only back for a wedding.

Anyway I got a job which was pure crap (agri sector thats all Il say), nothing to do with my degree but it was money and I wasnt going to earn it anywhere else. I started that job in Novmember and the boss where I was was one of the nicest men youd ever meet, I had a great relationship with him, the problem was he was never really there and there was 3 other Irish lads that were there with a few years that had made themselves self appointed bosses of any foreign lads or anyone new. I was just told to listen to them for the first few weeks from the boss and I did but I knew when I was been made a fool out of too, doing the worst jobs, worst hours, minimum wages with a first class honors degree.

During the fist few weeks I had a few run ins with them over not doing their work too for them while they sat above in an office watching videos on youtube. I started applying for a few more jobs in manufacturing and got two interviews, the first was for a trainee supervisory/management position with a fairly big company here in Ireland, The interview itself went brilliant, the three lads interviewing me were dead on and big Gaa man and had the Craic ect, Unfortunately I didn't get the job as there was a lad with a masters going for it (mad I know), but they did offer me an internship, they give out a small number of them a year but I couldnt take it due to the low pay was offered with it and the cost of relocating.

A month later I got called for another interview for a job I that was actually related to my degree. It was on a Wednesday but I couldnt get time off work so I was devastated, I was going to pull a sick day but the boss told me just do your hours at any time that day. My interview was at 4.30pm 2 and a half hours away. Stupidly I went in to work that night and clocked in at 1am and worked until 1pm, hopped in the car, home, shower, suit and a flask of coffey for the drive. I got up there for 4.15pm and went in. Felt exhausted and boiling in the suit, knew this wasnt the best idea in the world.

Anyway I didnt have time to think, I was called in, 3 lads were interviewing me and I knew everything about them, the company, owners, projects, number of staff, turnover ect ect. The first thing that they went through was my CV and critized every small detail on it (A CV I paid to get done and have been told by numerous Job agencies and people who own different companies is excellent), They then went on to criticize my current job as I wouldnt obtain any experience related to my degree ect ( I said to myself will I ask him am I better off unemployed and also wanted to ask him how any graduate is meant to get experience when 99% of grad roles require atleast a years experience). Anyway I knew this interview wasnt going well, so in the end I suffered another panic attack and excused myself to the bathroom, I went back in and said lads this isnt for me best of luck and left. I had a match that evening at 8pm so had to rush home. Went home played the game, exhausted after went for a few pints with my team mates.

I went in home that night been up nearly 24 hours and broke down. I just had enough of the crap job I was working and Ireland In general I suppose. Id be better off on the dole. What I was earning where I was barely paid for fuel and my insurance to keep the car on the road. I seen people who have never worked a day in their lives and with no education getting paid better off the dole. I was due back in work the next morning at 6am so I went to bed. I was worked Thursday and Friday then was off that weekend. I was sick of the job and didnt want to go back. I went back anyway and ended up working 14 days straight due to other lads taking time off and been sick. Overtime didnt exist they just said youd get a day owed when you built up enough hours. Anyway the final day of my 14 day in a row working and doing the work of three men I said to myself this is my last day here its just not worth it, I was there on my own on a Sunday and had made my decision. I rang the boss the next day (Monday) and quit.

That was March 11 months ago and I havent worked since. After I quit that job I began to experience anxiety attacks and I think developed social anxiety. I began to stay in alot more and packed in sport completely last year. I gave up going out drinking too fully as I thought this was leading to me feeling awful (even tho I wasnt drinking much at the time). Due to me having no job I couldnt pay the insurance so relied on other family members to get around. Slowly though (even tho I didnt notice it at the time) I was isolating myself and subsequently developed social anxiety and Agoraphobia. I missed out on so much last year over it. I began to realize I needed help and this was just building and building with years from what had happened and I tried to deal with it myself and eventually it became too much.

Eventually against my will a few months ago I talked to my GP about it, I didn't know what to expect (If your in a similar situation trust me they're great and dont worry about it). He wanted me to think about taking medicine for a while just to give me a lift, it was entirely my decision. I rang him after a week and agreed to (Scared out of my mind because ive never ever taken anti-depressants or anxiety medication). Anyway I got someone to collect the prescription on a Monday and he told me to trow away the leaflet and of course I read it all and googled every single side effect possible and scared the crap out of myself even more haha. Its not really funny and any doctor will tell you not to look into side effects when you have high anxiety. The drug in question is Citalopram and It took me until Friday night to take it, I spent every other night looking at the box worried sick about taking it (due to all my research).

Anyway I took 10mg late Friday night and fell asleep, and honestly the only side effect I had was a bit of an upset stomach for a day or two along with a dry mouth, they will pass. The 10mg was only to get used to it and your moved upto 20mg after two weeks, then After 4 weeks I had another chat with my GP and moved up to 30mg then again another assessment after 4 weeks and am now currently on 40mg. I defiantly feel a whole lot better in relation to my anxiety and havent really had any anxiety or panic attacks since.

On the Agoraphobia and social anxiety side of things im currently trying to work on them as I want to get back to normal this year. Ive recently got back on the road but I find it hard to go too far away from my house at the moment. If anyone has any tips on this it would be greatly appreciated. I know the tablets are only a short term solution to be able to travel and see a CBH therapist, thats the next step.

Sorry for it been so long I really tried to keep it as short as possible haha, If anyone wants to share their stories or has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Also If anyone is going through a crap period talk to someone, it will get better & dont make the same mistakes ive made and bottle it up and try to self diagnose off the internet, also feel free to drop me a private message if you dont want to reply on this.

Cheers lads,
Tim

Reading through these posts is really helpful and reassuring, thanks to everyone for sharing