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LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

DeVore

I suffer from depression.

I was spurred to write this by a few things, but what put me over the top was the recent handling of Kate Fitzgerald's suicide by the Irish Times and The Communications Clinic along with SineadW's terrific photographical artwork for WhatStigma.

I'm lucky. I don't get it as badly as other people I know. I want to explain about it though because either you suffer from it too and I want to share, or you don't and I want to explain a few things.

Now, it's not traditionally the the lightest of topics but hey, I'm game let's see if I can't raise a few giggles along the way? I'm going to break this up into three sections. Firstly for people who dont have a full understanding of depression and its effects. Secondly for those who may get it. Thirdly my own personal experiences and things I wish people knew.

SO IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND DEPRESSION, HERES SOMETHINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW

Depression is not sadness.
One of the biggest misunderstandings about depression is that its like being really sad. It's not. It's like being *nothing*. Not sad, not happy, nothing. No joy, no sorrow. Flat line. Sure it can be triggered, exacerbated or deepened by bad, sad news... But the feeling is not one of sadness, it's more a flat feeling of inertia.
To give you an idea, there was a day, not years ago, I got up and made myself a coffee and discovered I had no milk and thought: Why do I even bother, the world is ****ed and I can't fix it and went back to bed for the rest of the day. Two days later I couldn't figure out why someone had left a cup of black coffee go cold in my kitchen...

Walk it off!!
Frequently I will look back on a period, weeks even months and notice the signs. Believe it or not it's not always easy to spot when you are depressed, it's an amazingly insidious thing. And worse, when someone has it bad, they won't even care they have it. Nothing seems worth bothering about, even getting themselves help seems fncking pointless.
Depression isn't something you can just "snap out of". Vitamin C and a kick in the arse is, curiously, not a solution. :rolleyes:

Mental health issues = keep him away from sharp things.
Believe me, if I'm depressed the very last thing I could be bothered doing is chasing your dumb ass around with a carving knife. Mental health has this ludicrous perception in Ireland that somehow sufferers are a danger to themselves and others. Ok, in very severe cases the person might self harm either through omission of care or deliberately. Ironically if we didn't have this stigma many of those people would get help and that wouldn't become an issue and feed the stigma in the first place. Like so many things about depression, its ironically self-referential.

The number of cases where someone hurts others due to mental health issues (particularly depression) is a tiny tiny fraction. Tiny. We aren't Norman Bates and people need to stop hearing that shower music when someone shares their mental health issues.

People with mental health issues are intellectually sub-optimal

Wrong. Just plain wrong. In fact, I would hazard a guess that it has some correlation with high intelligence myself.
For my own part, last time I had it checked I had an iq above 150. (when I practised the tests I got that up to 180... so I wouldnt put too much stock in those tests

).
I'm 41 and pretty much retired. By any possible yardstick I've been successful and I'm bright. I have 7 honours in the leaving cert, a degree in pure mathematics, I studied 6 languages and have 11 honours in O-Levels which I sat in a single year (my "gap" year). Dumb, I aint. Lots of the people I know who have depression have it because they see TOO clearly rather than that they have poor intellects.

So, Wtf have you got to be depressed about??
I have absolutely nothing to be depressed about. By anyone's standards I have lived a life less ordinary. With thanks to everyone on boards, I will probably never have to do a ****ty menial job again. My family are all thankfully healthy and I'm at the top of my game.
If only depression worked that way. It doesn't, it's not rational, it's insidious, it's illogical. Rather bizarrely I'm much more susceptible to it when things are going really well for me. When everything is in chaos and banjaxed I'm like a pig in ****e! Don't think that because someone's life looks great that they can't suffer from this. Don't think that only losers or people down on their luck can be depressed.

Instead my depression manifests as my own criticism of me. While I'll cut lots of people lots of slack, I get none. Nothing I ever do is good enough and when the black dog is barking hard I can take every achievement I've notched up and trash it. Boards? I rode on Clouds coat tails. Gaelcon? The rest of the team carried me. SSF, I can do more. My degree? Should have been good enough to be a post grad.

I'm available for bar mitzvahs and parties you know. Just sayin'...

How can I help
If you suffer from depression you can help yourself by talking about it. You can also be honest with yourself and try to see what might be a trigger for you. For me, exercise seems to help. If I allow myself to mope about things like the economy or exactly how ****ing retarded our government is, I can feel the downward spiral coming on and I have learned to head that off at the pass. Diet I'm told, is important. My diet is a wreck but I'm working on it. (Yesterday's dinner was made entirely by Rowntrees I noticed... bold DeV!)

If you dont suffer from it then you can help by understanding it better. You can help by not making a big deal out of something that probably wouldnt be a big deal if we didn't make one out of it.

Be supportive, listen and for God's sake dont say something like "yeah, when my cat died I was totally bummed out". I know you mean it well, but its like consoling a cancer suffer with the tale of how you once cut your finger.

TO ANYONE OUT THERE WHO GETS THIS NASTY LITTLE CURSE:

"I'm a basketcase, ****ed up and if I tell people they will try to kill me with fire."
1 in 4 suffer depression. At those odds if you tell two people, you are almost 50/50 to be talking to another sufferer. It's means almost every family has a member who is hit by it. It means everyone knows someone who has a mental health problem, probably several people.
You aren't frankenstein's monster, they aren't going to chase you out of the village with torches.
You aren't a freak. Ok maybe you ARE a freak, I dunno.

but if you are, its not because of your mental health issue.

What should you do?
Talk to someone. Anyone. Either in person or on the phone/email if you feel you can't face someone just yet. It wasn't easy for me either. Some people find it easier to talk to a complete stranger, others find it easier to talk to a family member or best mate.
Me? Well people have this strange image of me and who I am because of Boards and other things I do and telling people that I am not perfect was really hard at first. I'm a ridiculous over achiever. I wanted to preserve that public image because I thought people will treat me like a leper. Worse, they'll pity me. I don't need anyone's ****ing pity!

Talking really helped. REALLY helped. Waay more than I thought it would. In fact once I started, I couldnt stop and you know what, it felt goooooooooood.

MY STORY

My breakthrough came when my sister (a pharmacist) once said to me, "Tom, you know it sounds like you might have a touch of depression". She said it like it was nothing, like I might have a bit of a head cold. A touch of depression?? WTF?? To me that was like saying "Hey, you might have a touch of Ebola!". How could she be so nonchalant about this huge massive overwhelming secret I've been hiding?!

For some reason we find it perfectly fine to talk about physical illness. People will more then readily tell you they are dying from flu or that they sprained their ankle but a touch of depression and it's like the third secret of Fatima. Why? Because the belief is that mental health means you aren't rational, reasonable, predictable.

The vast majority of people with mental health issues are not "mad". They haven't lost their moral compass. When I'm depressed I'm the same person I always am, indeed on many many occasions since I was 9 I have successfully fooled people perfectly well that I'm "normal", whatever that is. Well, normal for me. Ok maybe I'm not a great example

but lots and lots of people do it, they maintain a facade of normality while being depressed. If someone tells you they suffer from depression, don't start backing away. You've probably met them a dozen times when they *actually* were depressed, now isnt the time to stop believing they are who they are.

Depression isnt a joke. Untreated it can lead people to very dark places. But its not a death sentence either. I've lived with it all my life and it hasnt held me back because I deal with it as best I can. If you suffer from it, please please please, from someone who knows where you are, talk. You wont believe how much better you will feel, its ****ing awesome. Talking about things put it in perspective for me, made me see that I *could* cope, that life could be good. I listed the top ten most important things about me, in my opinion. I was shocked when I reaslised I hadnt listed depression.

Talk to someone.

Anyone.

(just not the Irish Times).

DeV.

Edit: Other resources online:
Our own Long Term Illness forum has a thread on it: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055828992
Pieta House has been mentioned a few times on the site: http://www.pieta.ie/
The Clearsil & Hormones forum has a thread on it specifically for younger people (teens and 20s I guess): http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055801504

Reading Material:
Royal College of Psychiatrist: Readable info on all mental health topics aimed at patients and caregivers.

Psychology Today on Mindfulness: Readable and essential non-medication treatment ideas. All stuff that can improve your life with no side effects. Does not negate the need for meds in many cases but it can improve your quality of life.

NIMH booklets on mental health topics: Good reading. Again aimed at patients.

Over the Xmas 2011, there is a Twitter account named: @121depression which will be manned by some cool peeps. You can talk to them or you can just have a natter.

This video was released by the people behind #depressionhurts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP7DIIcgkzs&context=C31d1892ADOEgsToPDskLkwkiEZMmlX12oYXVB3euR

FAMILY SUPPORT: Aware run relatives groups, twice a month in Cork anyway, for peer support and similar. Console have a helpline for people bereaved by suicide. The Samaritans accept calls (as far as I know) from people whose source of stress and worry is the mental illness of a loved one or friend.

Group support: https://www.turn2me.org/index.php/group-support.html?gclid=COrkxZbC160CFQIm3godbS4mmQ

DepressionHurts Ireland: http://www.depressionhurtsireland.com/ great website and a great read for sufferers and supporters alike!

Blog about Mental health and dealing with it from a personal point of view. http://beautyfrompainblog.wordpress.com/

Aware run meetings, with trained facilitators.

http://www.aware.ie//help/support/aware_support_services/

http://www.aware.ie/help/support_groups_map/

They also run separate support groups for family and partner of people living with depression.

GROW is a group therapy org for mental health... more about them here: http://www.grow.ie/about.html

I'll edit in any more that people post, if you think of any, please let me know.

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baboo800

DeVore wrote: »

Good. Don't stop typing. Don't stop telling people you trust. Don't stop letting it out. Because that's the start of fighting back.

So you are 21.. your life is just starting. I know people say school days are the best days of your life but frankly, that's bull. Your 20s and 30s are!
Yes, to my untrained ear you sound like you have occasionally had depression. The good news, you don't sound clinically depressed, it seems like its more low-mood and anxiety/lack of confidence. Don't get me wrong those can be crippling (and you ABSOLUTELY sound like my twin brother btw), but the truth is you can fight back and you can have everything you want in life.

So, you are in college. Lots of colleges have a counsellor, many free! Find them, book an appointment. Do it tomorrow.
Oh, you don't want to? You feel weird about that? You aren't sure? Do it. Stop over thinking this and do it. You are definitely not ok right now but you definitely can get ok and counselling can definitely help. Book an appointment and welcome to the resistance. There are a lot of us in here.

Thank you so much Dev, that really means a lot to me. I really despise talking about this as I feel I come across as needy. I also feel bad for having these feelings as I realise the vast majority of people don't have most of the things that I have and are more than happy with their lives.

I will definitely make an appointment with a counsellor tomorrow.

Drumpot

baboo800 wrote: »

Thank you so much Dev, that really means a lot to me. I really despise talking about this as I feel I come across as needy. I also feel bad for having these feelings as I realise the vast majority of people don't have most of the things that I have and are more than happy with their lives.

I will definitely make an appointment with a counsellor tomorrow.

I remember I used to feel like this. I didn't want to be a cloud in the room when I was in the company or friends or family so I bottled up my feelings and either stayed quiet in their company or just pretended to be ok.

I only started to learn to deal with my internal struggles when I reached out to forums like this, medical professions (my doctor, therapy) and discussed it with select people in my lives. I didn't find it easy getting over that first hurdle, particularly letting people know I wasn't as "happy" as they thought I was. Most people reacted either positively (support, concern) or just a bit uncomfortably (genuinely not sure what to say/do but not negative).

When I build things up in my head I can make mountains out of molehills quite quickly. Taking action in most cases help. By that, I usually mean getting support or help which may simply be running something by a trusted confident of what is going on internally.

The great thing about sharing in forums or groups that have similar issues or struggles, is that they straight away get it. Not just that, there is a good chance your posts could help another person open up or reach out. You are not dumping your problems here, you are sharing your pain and as such you are helping others.

As Devore said, if you are feeling better after posting here, then keep it up. You might help somebody while in the process give yourself a boost and support.

baboo800

Drumpot wrote: »

I remember I used to feel like this. I didn't want to be a cloud in the room when I was in the company or friends or family so I bottled up my feelings and either stayed quiet in their company or just pretended to be ok.

I only started to learn to deal with my internal struggles when I reached out to forums like this, medical professions (my doctor, therapy) and discussed it with select people in my lives. I didn't find it easy getting over that first hurdle, particularly letting people know I wasn't as "happy" as they thought I was. Most people reacted either positively (support, concern) or just a bit uncomfortably (genuinely not sure what to say/do but not negative).

When I build things up in my head I can make mountains out of molehills quite quickly. Taking action in most cases help. By that, I usually mean getting support or help which may simply be running something by a trusted confident of what is going on internally.

The great thing about sharing in forums or groups that have similar issues or struggles, is that they straight away get it. Not just that, there is a good chance your posts could help another person open up or reach out. You are not dumping your problems here, you are sharing your pain and as such you are helping others.

As Devore said, if you are feeling better after posting here, then keep it up. You might help somebody while in the process give yourself a boost and support.

I also have a problem with making mountains out of molehills or taking something completely out of context and then driving myself insane thinking about it.

Makapakka

I can't stop the "there's something wrong with me for having anxiety" and "I'm a bad person for having anxiety" thoughts. I know they're just thoughts but they're constant. How do I move past these?

L.Jenkins

baboo800 wrote: »

Thank you so much Dev, that really means a lot to me. I really despise talking about this as I feel I come across as needy. I also feel bad for having these feelings as I realise the vast majority of people don't have most of the things that I have and are more than happy with their lives.

I will definitely make an appointment with a counsellor tomorrow.

Makapakka wrote: »

I can't stop the "there's something wrong with me for having anxiety" and "I'm a bad person for having anxiety" thoughts. I know they're just thoughts but they're constant. How do I move past these?

A great place to start, is by discussing these feeling with a Counsellor. Most importantly, they will listen regardless. Secondly, they may be able to help pointing your in the right direction.

Makapakka

Feeling so much worse today. These are the worst two days I've had in a while and are causing me to panic. I hate bad days and when they come around, I start thinking I'll be like this forever even when the rational part of my brain is telling me that I've come through it before, I've come through worse. I know I should accept this, that it's part of me, but I don't want to. And obviously this reluctance to accept it is not helping. I feel bad for feeling like this, I don't like myself when I'm like this. I don't like myself BECAUSE of this, and I think that is the root. If I can accept that it's ok to have anxiety (and I feel sometimes I don't even have anxiety, I just convince myself I do by manifesting it in my head), that it doesn't make me a bad person or unworthy, then maybe things will get easier.

I ate well for a while early on in the month. Less sugar, more natural foods. I was feeling great. And then I had a binge. And I started feeling anxious almost instantly. And I continued to binge to get rid of the bad feelings. I know if I can just get back to eating well, I will start to feel better again. This causes self hatred thoughts because I think "You know what to do Maka, so why don't you do it? You're so weak/stupid/lazy etc".

I've started CBT. It was helping a little because I wasn't doing it all the time but I have been doing it EVERY day this last week, writing down my thoughts, and it's getting me focusing on them, on all my worries, it's bringing them to the forefront, and I think that's why I'm feeling a bit worse. I am so impatient (another negative thought about myself) in that I just want to be ok, NOW! I am trying to remember I have come through worse, it's just temporary, and that it will get better.

Makapakka

Still feeling bad, and I'm scared. The fear is adding to the anxiety. The anxiety is adding to the depression. I an so scared I'm going back to where I was, so scared I'll keep having worse days, I'm so scared I'll get so bad that I won't want to carry on, and that is creating a new anxiety. How can I go from being ok this morning to feeling completely helpless now. I feel so helpless.. I don't know how to make things better. I don't talk because I don't want any one to worry. I feel sick to my stomach all day. I diagnosed myself with MS and that's how it started.. I just can't live like this any more. I am just so scared.

donkeykong5

Makapakka wrote: »

Still feeling bad, and I'm scared. The fear is adding to the anxiety. The anxiety is adding to the depression. I an so scared I'm going back to where I was, so scared I'll keep having worse days, I'm so scared I'll get so bad that I won't want to carry on, and that is creating a new anxiety. How can I go from being ok this morning to feeling completely helpless now. I feel so helpless.. I don't know how to make things better. I don't talk because I don't want any one to worry. I feel sick to my stomach all day. I diagnosed myself with MS and that's how it started.. I just can't live like this any more. I am just so scared.

You really need to either ring pieta house or teenline ireland. ( teenline talk to all ages ). Trained counsellors will talk to you. Have you any family or friends you could meet up with . I know it's cold but maybe wrap up well and go for a short walk. Also just try and remember a recent happy thing that happened to you. Maybe over xmas or new year. Even a tv programme that made you laugh. Think of the happy memory and breath in and hold breath fir 3 seconds and then breath out. Do this for 5 or so minutes. You will be fine. This will pass.

[Deleted User]

So after changing my meds a few months ago and everything being wonderful for ages, something is amiss. I don't know what it is but something in my head is not right lately. I remember exactly when it started, on Jan 30th I was on a flight home and for no reason I suddenly felt this massive hole and tears started flowing. It was a huge effort to keep control of myself for the rest of the flight.
Had a very restless night last night, arrived in work at 8:30 this morning, stared at my computer for 2 hours and just got up and walked out. It must be over 10 years since I did that, if I ever have done it at all. Went home and had a restless day as well. Tried to sleep but could not keep my eyes closed, just stared at the ceiling. I must be in a depressive episode. I have the "don't give a sh1t about anything" mindset and just want to lie down and do nothing. I am having very negative thoughts about people so trying not to engage unless absolutely necessary. Not that that is at all possible in my situation.
I wish the depression would just p1ss off and leave me alone. I am sitting here knowing all this is going on inside me but am totally powerless against it. Just keep telling myself it's temporary. Keep taking the meds and it will hopefully go away and not get much worse.

Kerryman93

Hi lads hows it going,

I am new to this and I am writing it a) just to write it down b) hoping it will help someone else and c) hoping someone can offer me abit more advice. Il try keep it short, basically about 4 or 5 years ago my family suffered a tragic loss. I suppose at the time I was completely numb to it and it wasn't until a month or two after it when I started to notice I wasnt the same as I was prior to the event. Just felt more anxious about things and a small bit down in myself. I was in the middle of my second year in college when it happened just after doing Christmas exams. Just abit about myself I used be mad into playing GAA and soccer, used be fairly fit, and used love socializing and traveling.

Back to college in January and I just found I didnt really want to be there or had much motivation, (It was a 4 year honors degree course). I suppose after that around Feb March I turned to going out to the local maybe 2-3 times a week with my friends on weeknights just for 4-5 pints and to talk away to them and try and feel someway normal again and maybe once a week In college (Normally a heavy drinking session).

Looking back on it now I know it was alot of drinking but at the time I suppose It was my only way to relax and feel normal and forget problems ect ect. I was late getting back into sports that year but I did and cut back on the beer and got fit again and everything seemed to be going fine again. I still didnt have much motivation for college tho and only really went in for mandatory classes and tests ect. I remember then that winter after all the sport had finished I just got abit down again and really started feeling more anxious and found it hard to concentrate and focus in college.

That Christmas I remember going in for one of my exams and just felt wrecked, the hall was packed and the heating was on full blast and of course I was assigned to sit right on top of the radiator haha, anyway about 10 mins into my exam I just didnt feel right, all of a sudden I had ringing in my ear and I just felt weak and abit dizzy, then I just felt my heart pounding (I didnt know what was going on). I asked to be excused but normal rules in colleges dont let you leave the hall before 30mins (Because people can still come in 30 mins late). Anyway after been refused to leave I tried to ride it out but it wasnt working and I knew I had to go out into the fresh air. I just got up and walked out I really didnt care if they failed me. Anyway that was what I now know my first Panic attack, I went to the doctor that day and he put it down to exhaustion ect and I agreed. After that day I found it harder going into future exams than how hard the exams were themselves (Trust me they were hard our course started with 46 and only 16 of us graduated haha).

Anyway role on a few months and I suppose going to college got even harder so I avoided it even more and along with that absolutely hated exams. (I suppose I developed a technique to get 2 exam booklets 1 for rough work and in the rough work book Just write about the last match I played or attended or something anytime I felt Iffy to take my mind off). I was fine in exams when I was flying through questions and that but anytime I stopped to think abit about the next Question I could feel my mind drifting and worring about what happened me before and what if it happens again today in the exam ect. Anyway I got through the third year and went for a summer job. My second milder panic attack happened the day of my final exam that summer (Not in the exam itself this time thank god haha) but in my job interview that day, I suppose I was wrecked after been up since 4am studying for an exam at 2pm which lasted 3 hours and then had to race out to a job interview (Where they were absolute ####s), however I got the job and was fine for the rest of that year.

In my final year I suppose the stress increased which is natural and is the case with everyone. I felt myself getting more and more anxious for stupid reasons like been stuck in traffic ect. Im not sure if I became claustrophobic because I never really was. Anyway I found I had a few panic attacks that year and I just said when Im done college im doing something about this because its not right. I graduated that year with a 1st class Honours degree in a Construction discipline. I finished my final exam in May and we were graduating in November, I worked away that summer part time, went on holidays and enjoyed the sport ect it was a good Summer and feeling to be done college.

Next thing to do was find a job, when we started in first year we were all told there would be plenty of jobs in our discipline ect but when we came out they were as scarce as hens teeth. Most of my class mates have emigrated and I suppose I never really wanted to as Im more of a homebird and love where Im from ect. I wouldnt have minded moving somewhere In Ireland but there was nothing around really. Anyway graduation was coming around and I just felt I had to find a job, anything at all I was prepared to do just to have enough money to pay to have a car on the road ect. Anyway graduation came and as usual I was anxious about having to go in and sit there with hunderds of people for a few hours (To make it worse it was in the exact same place where I experienced my first panic attack haha). I got through that anyway and it was great meeting up with my classmates some of whom I havent seen since as theyve gone to America, Oz, Canada and London ect. At the time of writing this I think theres 3 of us in Ireland right now and one of them is only back for a wedding.

Anyway I got a job which was pure crap (agri sector thats all Il say), nothing to do with my degree but it was money and I wasnt going to earn it anywhere else. I started that job in Novmember and the boss where I was was one of the nicest men youd ever meet, I had a great relationship with him, the problem was he was never really there and there was 3 other Irish lads that were there with a few years that had made themselves self appointed bosses of any foreign lads or anyone new. I was just told to listen to them for the first few weeks from the boss and I did but I knew when I was been made a fool out of too, doing the worst jobs, worst hours, minimum wages with a first class honors degree.

During the fist few weeks I had a few run ins with them over not doing their work too for them while they sat above in an office watching videos on youtube. I started applying for a few more jobs in manufacturing and got two interviews, the first was for a trainee supervisory/management position with a fairly big company here in Ireland, The interview itself went brilliant, the three lads interviewing me were dead on and big Gaa man and had the Craic ect, Unfortunately I didn't get the job as there was a lad with a masters going for it (mad I know), but they did offer me an internship, they give out a small number of them a year but I couldnt take it due to the low pay was offered with it and the cost of relocating.

A month later I got called for another interview for a job I that was actually related to my degree. It was on a Wednesday but I couldnt get time off work so I was devastated, I was going to pull a sick day but the boss told me just do your hours at any time that day. My interview was at 4.30pm 2 and a half hours away. Stupidly I went in to work that night and clocked in at 1am and worked until 1pm, hopped in the car, home, shower, suit and a flask of coffey for the drive. I got up there for 4.15pm and went in. Felt exhausted and boiling in the suit, knew this wasnt the best idea in the world.

Anyway I didnt have time to think, I was called in, 3 lads were interviewing me and I knew everything about them, the company, owners, projects, number of staff, turnover ect ect. The first thing that they went through was my CV and critized every small detail on it (A CV I paid to get done and have been told by numerous Job agencies and people who own different companies is excellent), They then went on to criticize my current job as I wouldnt obtain any experience related to my degree ect ( I said to myself will I ask him am I better off unemployed and also wanted to ask him how any graduate is meant to get experience when 99% of grad roles require atleast a years experience). Anyway I knew this interview wasnt going well, so in the end I suffered another panic attack and excused myself to the bathroom, I went back in and said lads this isnt for me best of luck and left. I had a match that evening at 8pm so had to rush home. Went home played the game, exhausted after went for a few pints with my team mates.

I went in home that night been up nearly 24 hours and broke down. I just had enough of the crap job I was working and Ireland In general I suppose. Id be better off on the dole. What I was earning where I was barely paid for fuel and my insurance to keep the car on the road. I seen people who have never worked a day in their lives and with no education getting paid better off the dole. I was due back in work the next morning at 6am so I went to bed. I was worked Thursday and Friday then was off that weekend. I was sick of the job and didnt want to go back. I went back anyway and ended up working 14 days straight due to other lads taking time off and been sick. Overtime didnt exist they just said youd get a day owed when you built up enough hours. Anyway the final day of my 14 day in a row working and doing the work of three men I said to myself this is my last day here its just not worth it, I was there on my own on a Sunday and had made my decision. I rang the boss the next day (Monday) and quit.

That was March 11 months ago and I havent worked since. After I quit that job I began to experience anxiety attacks and I think developed social anxiety. I began to stay in alot more and packed in sport completely last year. I gave up going out drinking too fully as I thought this was leading to me feeling awful (even tho I wasnt drinking much at the time). Due to me having no job I couldnt pay the insurance so relied on other family members to get around. Slowly though (even tho I didnt notice it at the time) I was isolating myself and subsequently developed social anxiety and Agoraphobia. I missed out on so much last year over it. I began to realize I needed help and this was just building and building with years from what had happened and I tried to deal with it myself and eventually it became too much.

Eventually against my will a few months ago I talked to my GP about it, I didn't know what to expect (If your in a similar situation trust me they're great and dont worry about it). He wanted me to think about taking medicine for a while just to give me a lift, it was entirely my decision. I rang him after a week and agreed to (Scared out of my mind because ive never ever taken anti-depressants or anxiety medication). Anyway I got someone to collect the prescription on a Monday and he told me to trow away the leaflet and of course I read it all and googled every single side effect possible and scared the crap out of myself even more haha. Its not really funny and any doctor will tell you not to look into side effects when you have high anxiety. The drug in question is Citalopram and It took me until Friday night to take it, I spent every other night looking at the box worried sick about taking it (due to all my research).

Anyway I took 10mg late Friday night and fell asleep, and honestly the only side effect I had was a bit of an upset stomach for a day or two along with a dry mouth, they will pass. The 10mg was only to get used to it and your moved upto 20mg after two weeks, then After 4 weeks I had another chat with my GP and moved up to 30mg then again another assessment after 4 weeks and am now currently on 40mg. I defiantly feel a whole lot better in relation to my anxiety and havent really had any anxiety or panic attacks since.

On the Agoraphobia and social anxiety side of things im currently trying to work on them as I want to get back to normal this year. Ive recently got back on the road but I find it hard to go too far away from my house at the moment. If anyone has any tips on this it would be greatly appreciated. I know the tablets are only a short term solution to be able to travel and see a CBH therapist, thats the next step.

Sorry for it been so long I really tried to keep it as short as possible haha, If anyone wants to share their stories or has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Also If anyone is going through a crap period talk to someone, it will get better & dont make the same mistakes ive made and bottle it up and try to self diagnose off the internet, also feel free to drop me a private message if you dont want to reply on this.

Cheers lads,
Tim

candycock

U just read my lifestory back to me it's uncanny how accurate it seem to me,football,drinking,exams,crappy jobs.my anxiety is effecting my sleep a lot and they won't give me a sleeping tablet.mylow self esteem is really getting me down,I've very few friends and lately I can't stand myself or my appearance.hopefully things improve for me.

DeVore

(I edited Kerrymans post just for readability)

I think Kerryman and Candy have hit something. Its been my experience that one very very key moment for me was looking at myself in the mirror on a pretty bad morning and deciding that I wasn't a bad guy really and deciding to give myself a break and accept some flaws and also accept some positives about me. I would talk to myself so harshly, in a way I would *never* talk to someone else and in a sense I decided that that wasn't fair cos I'm an alright guy

That really made a difference for me, accepting that I'm a bit broken but generally I try to be a good guy.

Kerryman93

Lads has anyone ever taken Beta Blockers along with SSRI's? If so what side effects if any have you experienced? The ones in question are Half Beta Prograne 80MG Modified Release Capsules. The purpose of taking them is to do with the physical symptoms of anxiety eg Heart racing, Tremors ect ect.

Thanks in advance,

Tim

PMBC

candycock wrote: »

U just read my lifestory back to me it's uncanny how accurate it seem to me,football,drinking,exams,crappy jobs.my anxiety is effecting my sleep a lot and they won't give me a sleeping tablet.mylow self esteem is really getting me down,I've very few friends and lately I can't stand myself or my appearance.hopefully things improve for me.

Two of the three people closest to me suffer sleep, and other, problems. They use Melissa Dreams - and no I don't work for the company or have any connection. It might be worth a try.

TheSegal

I just finished my PhD 2 weeks ago and since the day I finished I have felt like utter, utter crap. I have absolutely no idea why, it should be one of the highlights of my life finally finishing in education but for some reason I just can't enjoy it. I can't sleep, having trouble eating, and my performance at training has completely stalled.

This is the first time i've had guilt-free free time in years with no pressure for a thesis or publications. I can't understand why I can't enjoy it, i've tried all of the techniques I learned from my old counsellor but none of them are working.

Has anybody else here gone through this and can they give me any advice?

DeVore

I haven't had that experience precisely but it wouldn't surprise me if after a very pressure filled time and lots of stress, you kinda came out of it a bit deer-in-the-headlights. Its a pretty serious change to your lifestyle ... my only counsel would be , don't try to force yourself to "enjoy" it , just give yourself time and maybe use the spare time you have to do something you KNOW you enjoy, a sort of treat for yourself but without any pressure or expectation on yourself to "have a good time".

Hopefully this will pass but I wouldn't be surprised by it personally...

IvyTheTerrible

TheSegal wrote: »

I just finished my PhD 2 weeks ago and since the day I finished I have felt like utter, utter crap. I have absolutely no idea why, it should be one of the highlights of my life finally finishing in education but for some reason I just can't enjoy it. I can't sleep, having trouble eating, and my performance at training has completely stalled.

This is the first time i've had guilt-free free time in years with no pressure for a thesis or publications. I can't understand why I can't enjoy it, i've tried all of the techniques I learned from my old counsellor but none of them are working.

Has anybody else here gone through this and can they give me any advice?

Yeah it's the post thesis slump, lots of people get it (I had a bit of it, and a few people I know. It's like, its over, it's a let down. I was very panicky too). Can you take a short break from work? Try to do some of the things you didn't have time to do during the thesis. Sleep, if you can.

PTH2009

Im 27 and i starting to feel a bit scared for my future

I have not had a girlfriend or date since 2013 and when i look at family/older peers etc and by the time they were my age they had steady relationships, married, kids etc and here i am no major qualifcation, part time job and loveless. My last relationship ended badly in Jan 2013 and i wanted to take a break from it all but when i tried to find someone it didnt happen, My mam passed away in Jan 2014 so i spend that whole year struggling coming to terms with that thus i didnt want to find a GF around that time. I was on tablets in 2014-middle of 2015 for anxiety and i didnt like them tbh and they brought out a lot of negative things for me eg weight gain, felt uneasy, tired etc, around that time i drank a lot of alcohol and would sometimes head out to the pubs alone 2/3 times a week and. Again 2015/2016 remained loveless for me but they were a little bit more postive as i worked in my job a bit more, cut down on drinking a bit, went too concerts, travelled abroad for the first time etc. Although not much my weight has dropped a bit, changed hairstyle etc. I was diagnoised with very slight aspergers which reading up about some of the symthoms i can relate to some of them, few symthoms i dont suffer from etc.

I want 2017 to be different ,i want too find a girlfriend. Im a bit anxious at joining dating sites/apps such as Tinder, POF etc and ive heard bad things about them and i didnt do quite well in the past. I dont take a great picture so thats a - for me when i consider these sites. Theres very little in ways of groups in Waterford that i could join and meeting hours might not suite etc. If i do get into a relationship i have to manage some of the asperger symthoms i suffer from

One thing i dont want to ever have to do in my life again is take sociological medication, it works for some people doesnt for others.

wish me luck

Hugo Stiglitz

PTH2009 wrote: »

Im 27 and i starting to feel a bit scared for my future

I have not had a girlfriend or date since 2013 and when i look at family/older peers etc and by the time they were my age they had steady relationships, married, kids etc and here i am no major qualifcation, part time job and loveless. My last relationship ended badly in Jan 2013 and i wanted to take a break from it all but when i tried to find someone it didnt happen, My mam passed away in Jan 2014 so i spend that whole year struggling coming to terms with that thus i didnt want to find a GF around that time. I was on tablets in 2014-middle of 2015 for anxiety and i didnt like them tbh and they brought out a lot of negative things for me eg weight gain, felt uneasy, tired etc, around that time i drank a lot of alcohol and would sometimes head out to the pubs alone 2/3 times a week and. Again 2015/2016 remained loveless for me but they were a little bit more postive as i worked in my job a bit more, cut down on drinking a bit, went too concerts, travelled abroad for the first time etc. Although not much my weight has dropped a bit, changed hairstyle etc. I was diagnoised with very slight aspergers which reading up about some of the symthoms i can relate to some of them, few symthoms i dont suffer from etc.

I want 2017 to be different ,i want too find a girlfriend. Im a bit anxious at joining dating sites/apps such as Tinder, POF etc and ive heard bad things about them and i didnt do quite well in the past. I dont take a great picture so thats a - for me when i consider these sites. Theres very little in ways of groups in Waterford that i could join and meeting hours might not suite etc. If i do get into a relationship i have to manage some of the asperger symthoms i suffer from

One thing i dont want to ever have to do in my life again is take sociological medication, it works for some people doesnt for others.

wish me luck

Have you looked at meetup.com? There are a good few groups on that.

Some Yoke

Reading through these posts is really helpful and reassuring, thanks to everyone for sharing

wonderfullife

PTH2009 wrote: »

Im 27 and i starting to feel a bit scared for my future

I have not had a girlfriend or date since 2013 and when i look at family/older peers etc and by the time they were my age they had steady relationships, married, kids etc and here i am no major qualifcation, part time job and loveless. My last relationship ended badly in Jan 2013 and i wanted to take a break from it all but when i tried to find someone it didnt happen, My mam passed away in Jan 2014 so i spend that whole year struggling coming to terms with that thus i didnt want to find a GF around that time. I was on tablets in 2014-middle of 2015 for anxiety and i didnt like them tbh and they brought out a lot of negative things for me eg weight gain, felt uneasy, tired etc, around that time i drank a lot of alcohol and would sometimes head out to the pubs alone 2/3 times a week and. Again 2015/2016 remained loveless for me but they were a little bit more postive as i worked in my job a bit more, cut down on drinking a bit, went too concerts, travelled abroad for the first time etc. Although not much my weight has dropped a bit, changed hairstyle etc. I was diagnoised with very slight aspergers which reading up about some of the symthoms i can relate to some of them, few symthoms i dont suffer from etc.

I want 2017 to be different ,i want too find a girlfriend. Im a bit anxious at joining dating sites/apps such as Tinder, POF etc and ive heard bad things about them and i didnt do quite well in the past. I dont take a great picture so thats a - for me when i consider these sites. Theres very little in ways of groups in Waterford that i could join and meeting hours might not suite etc. If i do get into a relationship i have to manage some of the asperger symthoms i suffer from

One thing i dont want to ever have to do in my life again is take sociological medication, it works for some people doesnt for others.

wish me luck

It's easy to relate to much of what you've said. My dad died roughly around the same time as your mam (condolences), I lost over 3 stone in weight at the time, I've literally nobody in my life I would consider a "friend", the closest thing to friends I have are some of the great people of Boards.

It was all so different when I was younger but I suppose it's very easy with chronic social anxiety, panic disorder and depression to burn bridges with friends. There comes a point where even the most devoted friend has enough of someone always being depressed or too anxious to leave the house to actually do anything. There comes a point where they don't want to hear about your problems with Sertaline, Citalopram, Xanax, counselling etc.

In terms of dating, my advice is go for it! All dating sites have a lot of messers on them, a lot of Catfish, fakes and a lot of people just looking for "fun" aka sexy times. All that being said the likes of POF and Tinder, at the very least, offer a way of talking to people. Even if you never meet anyone, the mundane process of someone else actually being interested in what you like to watch on netflix is a positive one! It's never a negative for a girl to show an interest in you.

POF allows you to message 55 people a day for free! You could message 55 different girls in a day or a week and maybe get only a handful of replies or none at all...or you might be surprised and gets lots

Of course, as in anything, dating sites comes attached with a risk of rejection. That's inherent. You could get on great with a girl, meet her and have no chemistry and that fear of rejection is always there - but always remember it'll be the same fears on her end too and the same rejection if you don't like her!

Just go into it with an open mind and understand that dating is like trying new foods - give it a go, no guarantee you like it, but be glad you tried and never be afraid to keep trying. You might actually make some really solid friends from it too, someone you share a passion with for The Walking Dead (for example) and end up dissecting every episode over long chats.

As for everyone else your age being settled and happy, married with kids - I honestly think 27 is still very young for all that! You've loads of time! I keep telling myself I've loads of time for that and I'm 6 years older than you. The other side of that coin is you never truly know if those married and settled friends with babies in their 20's are actually having the time of their life or stressed to the eyeballs.

Don't be pressured into thinking you're a failure because you haven't achieved your goals (romantic or career) by a certain age. Remember, you could be on this Earth for another 70 years, try not to feel like you're in a race against time to be happy. Set off down the right road, time is on your side

benny79

HELP NEEDED

Hi Lads and ladies

Can anyone point me in the direction of a good counselor in the Kildare Area around or near Athy, Carlow, even Kildare town area.. Its for a good friend of mine who is suffering with Depression. She isnt working at the moment so funds are tight. I know in Dublin we have Kairos which I have used when my dad passed away and found great! but this service isn't available in Kildare.

I tried google but its a mind field most are paid counselors at €70/80 per hour! Just looking for something similar to kairos as with them you give a donation. I told her I would even pay for her or help towards it. If she will go..

Help here would be really much appreciated!

Thanks
B

ciaradx

benny79 wrote: »

HELP NEEDED

Hi Lads and ladies

Can anyone point me in the direction of a good counselor in the Kildare Area around or near Athy, Carlow, even Kildare town area.. Its for a good friend of mine who is suffering with Depression. She isnt working at the moment so funds are tight. I know in Dublin we have Kairos which I have used when my dad passed away and found great! but this service isn't available in Kildare.

I tried google but its a mind field most are paid counselors at €70/80 per hour! Just looking for something similar to kairos as with them you give a donation. I told her I would even pay for her or help towards it. If she will go..

Help here would be really much appreciated!

Thanks
B

Would they be open to online counselling over skype/phone? Mymind do this and they charge a discounted rate for unemployed people: https://mymind.org/about/mymind-online/

benny79

No I'm afraid this wouldn't be possible but thanks anyway..

wonderfullife

benny79 wrote: »

HELP NEEDED

Hi Lads and ladies

Can anyone point me in the direction of a good counselor in the Kildare Area around or near Athy, Carlow, even Kildare town area.. Its for a good friend of mine who is suffering with Depression. She isnt working at the moment so funds are tight. I know in Dublin we have Kairos which I have used when my dad passed away and found great! but this service isn't available in Kildare.

I tried google but its a mind field most are paid counselors at €70/80 per hour! Just looking for something similar to kairos as with them you give a donation. I told her I would even pay for her or help towards it. If she will go..

Help here would be really much appreciated!

Thanks
B

Presuming she has a medical card? If so, going to the GP might not be the worst route. Granted, I've bad experiences of referrals from GP to psychologists myself but the one thing is the first appointment will be relatively quick (within 4 weeks) and it will be free.

In the absence of a medical card, it'll cost the GP's fee.

Pieta House is great and first appointment is much quicker (will be around a week) and the service is completely free. I know it's is in Lucan and not completely ideal for your friend but the train from Kildare Town to Celbridge is 9 quid, then the bus to lucan is 10 mins and another 3 euro (decent little walk from train to bus). If someone is willing to drive her there directly it can be done in a half hour from Kildare Town.

As I said, not ideal but worth considering all the same when financial concerns are in place.

In fact, I'd recommend giving them a shout (01-6010000) either way. They'll likely be able to give you some very good advice.

benny79

Thanks very much wonderfullife! Yeah she has a medical card has been to gp who referred her to the local health centre in the town. Lets just say the head specialist or whatever there is not very good and the counselor there although she liked, is under him.. One of his quotes to her is "If you were my daughter you would be on prozac for life" He has a bad Rep and is very high up..

The thing is she slowly wants to come of her meds.. Has cut her mood stabilizer tab by half had a few rough nights/bad days but seems to be coming out the other side now. She is getting some advise from the girls in the chemist who might I add are excellent and she knows very well. I just think shes needs a counselor to help with her issues as I found myself that they give you exercises/tips/techniques to help deal with the bad days..

I talked to my mom about it as she suffered really bad with depression all her life. I still have mental scars as to what I witnessed as a kid.. But she is doing great the last few years and she told me that she's not on any meds for depression and that she slowly weaned herself off them although not easy and she still has bad days. I said was that through doctors advise? and she say kind of in a angry tone answered, NO if doctors had there way they would have you on meds for life! :shock:

Depression as you can imagine is a very touchy subject between me and my mum but Im learning

DeVore

This a useful directory and its where I found my counsellor... http://www.counsellingdirectory.ie/

benny79

Thanks Devore I was on that website before its a minefield and most of them are private as in €70/80 per hour..

But thanks all the same.

[Deleted User]

benny79 wrote: »

Thanks Devore I was on that website before its a minefield and most of them are private as in €70/80 per hour..

But thanks all the same.

Some will offer a reduced rate depending on circumstances. Also My Mind offer low cost counselling if you are unemployed.

DeVore

This is really quite funny but also very accurate and uhh... yeah, I've found them all to be true

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO1mTELoj6o