Are people who have affairs/cheat bad people?

XsApollo · 14-12-2016 07:06PM

Widdershins wrote: »

All I am saying is you can't expect people to think you're not any of the things the poster listed ere as follows: ''Anybody who cheats or has an affair is Disrespectful , weak and self centred''

It's hardly something done out of respect, or strength, or consideration for others, is it? There's no two ways about that, even if the cheater is not a bad person and has tried their best in a relationship and is being treated badly. Even if they're lonely and frustrated.

There are numerous reasons why some cheating is worse than others but it still doesn't change that they're not doing it out of respect, strength or thoughtfulness. Sometimes it's the complete opposite-and sometimes it's desperation and a need for human contact. But never the above qualities.

Do you think that if a person cheats regardless of their situation that they are a disrespectful, weak and a self centred person?
Which is what the post I first quoted said.

Widdershins · 14-12-2016 07:10PM

XsApollo wrote: »

Do you think that if a person cheats regardless of their situation that they are a disrespectful, weak and a self centred person?
Which is what the post I first quoted said.

But you can rarely judge a whole person on one act, mainly because there are different motivations for it.

I think the ACT is disrespectful, weak and self centred.

How could it be anything else?

However, some people have more understandable reasons for doing it.

Some people are 'driven' to very heavy drinking because of an overload of negativity in life. Some people are heavy drinkers because they don't care about moderation and are greedy.

The heavy drinking is no less bad in either case.

(Alcoholics are a separate category as it's an illness.)

XsApollo · 14-12-2016 07:15PM

Widdershins wrote: »

But you can rarely judge a whole person on one act, mainly because there are different motivations for it.

I think the ACT is disrespectful, weak and self centred.

How could it be anything else?

However, some people have more understandable reasons for doing it.

I agree with you the act is what it is.

A lot of acts are bad but the person doing the act can be many things depending on circumstances and can't all be tainted with same brush.

Widdershins · 14-12-2016 07:18PM

XsApollo wrote: »

I agree with you the act is what it is.

A lot of acts are bad but the person doing the act can be many things depending on circumstances and can't all be tainted with same brush.

I don't know though. I think I would see it as having done a bad thing, albeit for a good reason. Or been a bad person -in that moment-good/valid- reason.

I don't think having a good excuse lessens anything.

How many times can a good person do a bad thing and still consider themself a good person? As often as they feel they have an excuse for?

XsApollo · 14-12-2016 07:41PM

Widdershins wrote: »

I don't know though. I think I would see it as having done a bad thing, albeit for a good reason. Or been a bad person -in that moment-good/valid- reason.

I don't think having a good excuse lessens anything.

How many times can a good person do a bad thing and still consider themself a good person? As often as they feel they have an excuse for?

That's the thing tho imo a good person won't do something bad unless there is a valid reason and it doesn't make them a bad person for doing it.
Where as a bad person will do what they want regardless.

Killing someone for example.
Is Padraig Nally a bad person for killing the frog.
Or a father who kills the person that molested there child,
can't be held in the same breath as a thief who killed someone to rob them.
They have all killed someone, but are very different people.

Anyway I sort of agree with you but not totally :-P
Bad people do bad things.
Good people can do bad things if they have reason to.

Trimm Trabb · 14-12-2016 07:46PM

What a corrupt politician or businessman who is devoted to their wife - is that a good man?

Or a a philander who spends his days helping the poor or sick - is that a bad man?

MadDog76 · 14-12-2016 07:55PM

HensVassal wrote: »

Someone implied that cheating can cause the spread of STDs.
I pointed out that you do not have to cheat to spread or contract an STD. You can do so simply by sleeping around as a single person.

Then the original post came back and re-qualified his statement.

Do I have to spell it out for you?

Well, if you don't mind me saying, you're kind of stating the obvious there ......... of course promiscuous single people can cause the spread of STD's but that has zero bearing on the fact that cheating can also cause the spread of STD's ......... they aren't mutually exclusive scenario's.

A couple, who are STD-free and faithful to eachother, won't contract an STD therefore, by default, will not spread STD's.

Widdershins · 14-12-2016 08:01PM

XsApollo wrote: »

That's the thing tho imo a good person won't do something bad unless there is a valid reason and it doesn't make them a bad person for doing it.
Where as a bad person will do what they want regardless.

Killing someone for example.
Is Padraig Nally a bad person for killing the frog.
Or a father who kills the person that molested there child,
can't be held in the same breath as a thief who killed someone to rob them.
They have all killed someone, but are very different people.

Anyway I sort of agree with you but not totally :-P
Bad people do bad things.
Good people can do bad things if they have reason to.

I agree you can remain an essentially good person despite doing bad things for certain reasons.

I think I could easily become a bad person once I started doing bad things that I justified to myself each time, though. I could keep justifying and keep doing bad things. Not necessarily anything that harms others, but I get into bad habits if I *allow myself* to because I have an *excuse*. Sometimes I have to disciplined despite my excuses

XsApollo · 14-12-2016 08:11PM

Widdershins wrote: »

I agree you can remain an essentially good person despite doing bad things for certain reasons.

I think I could easily become a bad person once I started doing bad things that I justified to myself each time, though. I could keep justifying and keep doing bad things. Not necessarily anything that harms others, but I get into bad habits if I *allow myself* to because I have an *excuse*. Sometimes I have to disciplined despite my excuses

Well you need a valid reason obviously :-P
You can't just start doing what you like and use some crap excuse to justify it.
Then you will be a bad person yes :-)

Widdershins · 14-12-2016 08:23PM

XsApollo wrote: »

Well you need a valid reason obviously :-P
You can't just start doing what you like and use some crap excuse to justify it.
Then you will be a bad person yes :-)

My excuses probably would be considered valid..I'm thinking back to times when I was treated badly by others and did things I wouldn't have done if I wasn't under stress.
For a while I took the easier option of taking comfort/relief in making a bad choice.
A lot of people would say I wasn't a bad person even if I had continued to do the same things for as long as I was in a negative situation.

Maybe I'd never have made the right choice if I'd indulged myself and told myself ''it's ok because you're in a bad situation''.

XsApollo · 14-12-2016 08:46PM

Widdershins wrote: »

My excuses probably would be considered valid..I'm thinking back to times when I was treated badly by others and did things I wouldn't have done if I wasn't under stress.
For a while I took the easier option of taking comfort/relief in making a bad choice.
A lot of people would say I wasn't a bad person even if I had continued to do the same things for as long as I was in a negative situation.

Maybe I'd never have made the right choice if I'd indulged myself and told myself ''it's ok because you're in a bad situation''.

Things you wouldn't have done had you been treated properly, which doesn't make you a bad person.
I've been in a similar situation myself as to what this thread is.
After been told like it or lump it for long enough, I think I was fully justified in finally saying you know what " you like it or lump it" .
Doesn't make me weak, disrespectful , or self centred.

Dyr · 14-12-2016 10:32PM

I'd say there's many of us would never have been born if it was'nt for humanities instinct to do a bit milking outside the bucket

Did they ever bring in mandatory testing for parentage? Say that would be interesting

professore · 14-12-2016 10:37PM

HensVassal wrote: »

The women they cheat with are single, for example.

Plenty of single men cheat with married women. And in my view you are pretty much as bad as the cheater if you go with a married person. And most of them know they are married.

tomwaterford · 15-12-2016 12:42AM

professore wrote: »

Plenty of single men cheat with married women. And in my view you are pretty much as bad as the cheater if you go with a married person. And most of them know they are married.

Your not....if your single. ...you owe noone nothing,it's the other person is 100% wrong in this instance

It's not your job to care whether they cheat or not

Goya · 15-12-2016 12:58AM

tomwaterford wrote: »

Your not....if your single. ...you owe noone nothing,it's the other person is 100% wrong in this instance

I disagree with professore that the single person is as bad as the cheater but I also disagree that the single person has no responsibility - they have of course; they are the one enabling the cheating! It wouldn't happen without them. It might not be 50/50 but it can't be 100% the cheater when it takes two to tango.

StudentDad · 15-12-2016 02:08AM

Flimpson wrote: »

I disagree with professore that the single person is as bad as the cheater but I also disagree that the single person has no responsibility - they have of course; they are the one enabling the cheating! It wouldn't happen without them. It might not be 50/50 but it can't be 100% the cheater when it takes two to tango.

I have to agree there. It's that integrity bit again. Playing with married people to my mind is offside. I'd go so far as to call it selfish, predatory behaviour.

SD

tomwaterford · 15-12-2016 02:12AM

Flimpson wrote: »

I disagree with professore that the single person is as bad as the cheater but I also disagree that the single person has no responsibility - they have of course; they are the one enabling the cheating! It wouldn't happen without them. It might not be 50/50 but it can't be 100% the cheater when it takes two to tango.

Nah....il have to disagree tbh

It's not their job to care....if the person cheating not cheating with you...they will be someone else

sbsquarepants · 15-12-2016 09:28AM

Bambi wrote: »

I'd say there's many of us would never have been born if it was'nt for humanities instinct to do a bit milking outside the bucket

Did they ever bring in mandatory testing for parentage? Say that would be interesting

I read a statistic before that worldwide 16% of assumed paternity is actually wrong - that's more than 1 in 7 "fathers" aren't actually the father!
Now that seems alarmingly high to me, but that was the number they quoted (can't remember where it was I read it - i'll try find it)

EDIT - I've tried to find that article but can't, the generally accepted figure seems to around 5%. Still alarmingly high if you ask me.

tomwaterford wrote: »

Nah....il have to disagree tbh

It's not their job to care....if the person cheating not cheating with you...they will be someone else

I'm entirely with Tom. Milfy Milfington promises her hubby she'll lay off the strange, that has absolutely no bearing on me. I don't care if you keep the promises you make or not, unless that is you're making them to me or to someone I care about.

sashafierce · 15-12-2016 03:32PM

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Widdershins · 15-12-2016 03:58PM

tomwaterford wrote: »

Nah....il have to disagree tbh

It's not their job to care....if the person cheating not cheating with you...they will be someone else

You could apply that to a lot of things. If I don't steal this car with the keys left in the ignition, someone else will.

If enough people shared the attitude that the won't get involve with married people, married people won't have anyone to cheat with

Walter H Price · 15-12-2016 04:23PM

sashafierce wrote: »

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What about if all you want is no stings attached sex ?? that's as good with a married person as it is with a singleton in my experience, so no real concern about how it ends. The onus totally isn't on the non married or committed person they have made no commitment or vow to anybody, so why should they care.

sashafierce · 15-12-2016 04:32PM

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Walter H Price · 15-12-2016 04:40PM

sashafierce wrote: »

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what about if the married person comes on to you ? what happens to there marriage family etc is on there head to be honest its their vow to keep or break not the other persons, that's the way i'd have always viewed it.

I was never looking for either of the married people i slept with to leave there family or whatever , i didn't pursue either of them, one i actually met out and didn't even know she was married until we'd already slept together a few times, but i wouldn't knock a gift horse in the mouth either , if they were game i wasn't saying no.

sashafierce · 15-12-2016 05:03PM

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Widdershins · 15-12-2016 05:05PM

Is an affair with a married person not a bit like being an accomplice.

Drumpot · 15-12-2016 05:11PM

Walter H Price wrote: »

What about if all you want is no stings attached sex ?? that's as good with a married person as it is with a singleton in my experience, so no real concern about how it ends. The onus totally isn't on the non married or committed person they have made no commitment or vow to anybody, so why should they care.

Its a dangerously ignorant way to absolve yourself of personal responsibility. The phrase "own your sh*t" comes to mind. Its not a question of why you should care, more a question of taking responsibility for the consequences of your actions.

If you know a person is married and continue to have an affair, you are as much a part of the fallout as the person cheating. Its a total cop out attitude that you suggested. It would be like a soldier killing innocent people saying "well if I didn't do it, somebody else would of" as if they have no accountability for their actions.

If all you want is "no strings attached sex" with a married person you might need to take take a long hard look at your moral compass .

Walter H Price · 15-12-2016 05:11PM

sashafierce wrote: »

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Still wouldn't view that as my responsibility , i never made any commitment to them to be honest i never even met the husbands of one of those two married women ... whatever happens after is on the person who broke their vows etc... they made a commitment , they broke it simple as.

I wouldn't want my OH to cheat on me , i believe the lesson i leaned from the two married women i was with was to be fully involved in the relationship and make sure shes satisfied emotionally and sexually, be open communicate and stay in tune ... if she did cheat, my sense of anger and upset would come more at my own failing then at her infidelity.

professore · 15-12-2016 05:13PM

tomwaterford wrote: »

Nah....il have to disagree tbh

It's not their job to care....if the person cheating not cheating with you...they will be someone else

By that logic people who are drug dealers, or push drink on a recovering alcoholic, or giving a known murderer a gun are doing nothing wrong either. "Sure if I don't do it someone else will"

professore · 15-12-2016 05:14PM

Flimpson wrote: »

I disagree with professore that the single person is as bad as the cheater but I also disagree that the single person has no responsibility - they have of course; they are the one enabling the cheating! It wouldn't happen without them. It might not be 50/50 but it can't be 100% the cheater when it takes two to tango.

Well not as bad as the cheater, but definitely is a bad thing to do.

Drumpot · 15-12-2016 05:16PM

Walter H Price wrote: »

Still wouldn't view that as my responsibility , i never made any commitment to them to be honest i never even met the husbands of one of those two married women ... whatever happens after is on the person who broke their vows etc... they made a commitment , they broke it simple as.

I wouldn't want my OH to cheat on me , i believe the lesson i leaned from the two married women i was with was to be fully involved in the relationship and make sure shes satisfied emotionally and sexually, be open communicate and stay in tune ... if she did cheat, my sense of anger and upset would come more at my own failing then at her infidelity.

Of course you don't view it as your responsibility . . You have already slept with married people, having to face up to the damage you might of caused wouldn't be easy. Self delusion is strong in people who have done things they know deep down are morally corrupt.

If your comments are genuine, nobody will be able to educate you on what you have done wrong. You are already justifying your actions which gives people an idea of your interpretation of whats acceptable and what you feel responsible for.

To be frank, its a desperately selfish, self absorbed attitude, but don't let that get in the way of you taking care of yourself.

Are people who have affairs/cheat bad people?

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