Why do some people take such offence if you don't go to their stag party or wedding?

elperello

Worst of all are the country house venues.

Middle of nowhere and only maybe 10/12 rooms which are all bagged by the close family.

Everyone else is miles away in b&bs etc.

Mini bus mystery tour at 4am with a bunch of drunks.

All you hear all day is "isn't it a lovely place" but you know what lies ahead.

bucketybuck

Weddings are obviously crap but if my friend asks me to go to his/hers then I will go, because they are my friend. Its part of the deal.

But how do you explain friendship to somebody who thinks its a transaction? You can't.

Jim2007

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058294489/why-do-some-people-take-such-offence-if-you-dont-go-to-their-stag-party-or-wedding

It’s not about you though is it? It’s a celebration of a very big event in their life and they want their friends there. And your response is screw that I’m not willing to put myself out even a little bit for the sake of our friendship! Why would anyone want to bother putting anything into a friendship with you after you deliver that message?

Jim2007

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120535522#Comment_120535522

Why would you want to demonstrate to someone you think of as a friend that you could not be bothered to make the effort to be present on one of the biggest occasions in their life when you were invited?

appledrop

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537320#Comment_120537320

I have to say I agree 100%.

We got married in a hotel for this reason so people would have some where to stay and actually we stayed local enough so some people could get a taxi home if they wanted.

I absolutely hate going to a wedding if I'm in a B& B miles away. I enjoy a good wedding but only if I can walk up to bed at the end of the night.

What's worse is that the type that choose these country house venues often look down their nose at those who host reception in hotel, thinking theirs is far more superior.

Cluedo Monopoly

Weddings are an absolute dose. Most people hate them and most of them are boring. Expensive pretense.

appledrop

If they are a close friend they are right not to talk to you if you won't attend their wedding, we have never missed a close friend/ family wedding and similar no one close to us missed ours.

Now I do think some people don't say no often enough to acquaintances wedding.

You don't need to go to every work colleagues/ friend from college you haven't seen on 10 years etc wedding.

If your not going to them all the time then you enjoy the ones you do more.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537428#Comment_120537428

They are all the same as well in fairness but every couple think theirs was in some way different and better than the rest. lol

niallpatrick

You can only take offense if you want offended.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537357#Comment_120537357

Fair enough if I am planning a wedding myself but im not so why should I go to their wedding? spend a fortune on the whole thing, here is 200 euro in an envelope as well. what the fcuk have I ever got from them? 😂

You dont get a medal for going to them all either and no one respects you for it. They might even respect me more for not bowing down to the whole thing and going along with the whole circus.

Cluedo Monopoly

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537437#Comment_120537437

Yeah in my memory they all melt into one long boring day. It's obscene that people make them two day event now. That's so selfish.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537447#Comment_120537447

Exactly and some people have a stag party in Ibiza as well for 7 days lol ridiculous.

dxhound2005

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537437#Comment_120537437

You don't go to any, so you don't know that. In fairness.

pgj2015

I was on a date a couple of months ago and yer one was telling me about her great wedding that she had in 2018 ffs unbelievable really when you think about it. Even though her marriage lasted only 3 years, she still was going on about the great day they had at it.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537457#Comment_120537457

I go to close family weddings.

dxhound2005

They will be looking for you to give them a day out.

pgj2015

Or secretly thanking me for not putting them through another boring wedding.

Former Former Former

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537455#Comment_120537455

I mean, they don't. You just made that up.

What a bizarre thread.

Former Former Former

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537428#Comment_120537428

Most people enjoy them.

Miserable f**ks hate them. All that fun and music and dancing and chatting.

Unfortunately we all have a certain number of miserable f**ks that we have to invite for various (usually family) reasons. I can assure you that for any wedding you've been invited to, the happy couple were praying you'd decline.

dxhound2005

The only reason he gets invited is for the gifts. He said at the start he always gives a good gift.

downtheroad

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537538#Comment_120537538

Your close family / friends in a room, all catching up over drinks, food and music. What's not to like!

Things that make a wedding less enjoyable:

Kids in attendance

Having to sit through a mass and an auld lad who isn't allowed to get married lecturing a couple on marriage

Having to go early to a church to then drive halfway across the country to a venue

Crap food

Having to travel abroad (for either the stag or the ceremony)

Just keep it simple. Short ceremony, at the venue, good food, lots of drinks, live music. Can't go wrong.

Count Dracula

In fairness the concept of double bluff ignoring a trusted friend over either a wedding or a bland evening out impersonating the antics of over indulged Victorian sociopaths does no more than highlight the very frail etymology of what a modern marriage encapsulates.

I respect that many of you still reading that last definitive statement may still be at a loss as to what the phuck is going on right now. Please try to not let such inadequacy get a grip on your already hallowed existence.

The fact remains that most people who are married,made social and civil the instant they decided to throw 150 odd or more people into a venue and force them to enjoy themselves.

Sanctimony is providing a viable alternative. Marriage has many victims, don't believe the hype either.

Jim2007

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537571#Comment_120537571

But he was not the one making the invite and you do no the person either.

Jim2007

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537442#Comment_120537442

So why do you both making friends with at all then, if you don’t want to be part of their lives? Why not just have acquaintances in stead, from your post it seems it might be more comfortable instead….

Jim2007

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537459#Comment_120537459

You have a lot to learn about people! Most people like to remember the good times, when they were happy, having fun etc… it does not matter that ultimately their dreams did not work out.

lumphammer2

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058294489/why-do-some-people-take-such-offence-if-you-dont-go-to-their-stag-party-or-wedding

I understand 100% ... I hate these events with a passion ... they are messy (stags) ... and boring (weddings) for all but the couple ... I have found a way to avoid 4 weddings in the last 2 years ... I let on I had Covid .... when I actually did have Covid there was unfortunately no wedding invitation ....

cj maxx

To make a long story short, a wedding is all about €€€€€€€

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537571#Comment_120537571

I give a gift even if I don't go to the wedding.

one of my so called friends wouldn't send me on his address when I asked him, I was going to get him and his new wife a really nice expensive gift but he was obviously so insulted I didn't go to the stag or wedding that he wouldn't give me his address, even though I told him I wanted it to send them something. crazy, Like in my eyes he was still the same friend to me as when we were in college together. its a shame but life goes on, I don't let things like this get me down.

kippy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120537741#Comment_120537741

Why do you feel you have to give a gift?

secman

If we were All exactly the same the world would be a boring place. Some people love weddings, some people hate them, then there's people who don't mind either way.

Me, I can't stand them, so I decline the invitation and wish them a great day . Personally I find weddings a long tedious day and usually get bored early on. I generally don't drink, can't dance, eat very quickly so it makes sense for me to decline.