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Why do some people take such offence if you don't go to their stag party or wedding?

  • 29-04-2023 12:29pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 8,818 ✭✭✭


    I have seen this a lot over the years, I hate weddings and stag parties so rarely go, but I have had so called friends stop talking to me for not going.

    I still keep in touch with them and meet up with them etc give a good wedding gift but they cant seem to understand that everyone if different and some people just don't like stag parties and weddings and cut contact over it.


    Im not going to change though, life is too short to go to events that you don't want to go to.



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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 14,140 ✭✭✭✭elperello


    It's just a kind of cultural tide thing and you are swimming against it.

    It's never easy swimming against a tide literally or figuratively.

    Just do your own thing and try not to let them bother you.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,256 ✭✭✭BrianD3


    Herd mentality, safety in numbers and "if everyone" logic - they want a big wedding with lots of guests and all the usual wedding clichés.

    But if enough others decide that they won't participate, there will no longer be a big herd to impress. Hence reacting in a strange way to individuals who don't participate.



  • Registered Users Posts: 3,230 ✭✭✭jackofalltrades


    Not going to the Stag party is fine by me.

    Not coming to the wedding is a bit different.

    I understand some people don't like them, they're expensive, there's hassle with getting done up, possible childcare and hotel costs, maybe days off.

    But if a close friend couldn't make it to just the ceremony and leave straight after and it wouldn't be much hassle for them, I'd be a bit disappointed.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,818 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    I think it is selfish of the people getting married to not consider why some people just don't want to go to a wedding.

    I never wanted to or want to get married so I suppose that is why I just have no interest in them.


    Also the same friends would always have an excuse why they can't go on a night out, football trip etc but they expect you to make the effort with an expensive wedding, sometimes in a different country.



  • Registered Users Posts: 18,069 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    I don't mind doing certain things that I don't enjoy, if it makes my friends and family happy. I can handle a bit of hassle on their behalf.

    Its called friendship.

    Some people couldn't be bothered doing anything that they don't want to do. Its all about them, at all times.

    Those are the sort of "friends" you stop talking to.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,818 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    A wedding and stag is just a once off event. Just because you don't want to go doesn't make you a bad friend.



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,895 ✭✭✭eggy81




  • Registered Users Posts: 14,140 ✭✭✭✭elperello


    Maybe it depends on the degree of friendship.

    If you just meet now and again through work or a shared interest it might not be such a big deal to swerve the wedding.

    But if you were best buddies not so easy to miss the whole thing.



  • Registered Users Posts: 2,127 ✭✭✭DBK1


    Were you not on another thread recently complaining about friends who lost contact with you after they got married and blaming their wives/partners?

    We could be seeing the real reason they cut ties with you now!

    Life is all about little sacrifices, we don’t always get to just do or participate in the things we like. Just because you don’t like weddings isn’t a good enough reason to stay away from a close friends wedding. It’s obviously an important day for them and they’ve invited you to join in. For the sake of 1 day you’re better off to go whether you like it or not.

    It’s a sign of respect for your friend and to be honest it’s a massive show of disrespect of you don’t show up and haven’t a genuine reason for it.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,818 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    A massive show of Disrespect, really? I think you are being melodramatic with that statement to be honest.

    Just because they think its some huge important event that everyone needs to go to doesn't mean it is. A real friend would understand that not all people care as much about their wedding as they do.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 20,403 ✭✭✭✭dxhound2005




  • Registered Users Posts: 2,127 ✭✭✭DBK1




  • Registered Users Posts: 9,672 ✭✭✭hynesie08


    A real friend would actually care about something that matters to their friend. Sounds like your just one of those lads who expects everything to be stagnant and gets angry when their friends evolve.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,818 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    I'm talking about meeting them before the wedding.

    Just because someone goes to a friends wedding doesn't mean they are a real friend. Some people just love a piss up.

    The friend who doesn't go to the wedding might be the one to be there later when their friend needs them during a hard time, if the marriage doesn't work out ,depression, a death etc.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,256 ✭✭✭BrianD3


    The wedding industry loves the mentality of some posters here. It is clearly a social faux pas for some if a friend doesn't attend their wedding but nobody can explain why exactly weddings are so special compared to any other event.

    It seems to be people's primitive brains that make them attach such importance to ceremonial bullsh*t like weddings. This normie sheeple weakness is manipulated and exploited by the wedding industry, laughing all the way to the bank.

    If I invite a friend to do some activity and they say they don't want to/don't feel like it, should I ditch them as a result? Or is it ok once they have an excuse that is deemed be ME to be a "genuine reason"?

    And going to a wedding is generally a bigger ordeal and expense than most activities. Inviting others to attend but actually expecting them to do so shows poor social skills and means it was more akin to a summons than an invitation. It shows particularly poor social skills if the friend has previously let it be known that they are not interested in attending weddings, you invite them anyway and then get miffed when they refuse.



  • Registered Users Posts: 20,403 ✭✭✭✭dxhound2005


    17,000 weddings last year in Ireland. Unless there was 100% attendance, a lot of people will have stopped talking.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,818 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    I agree. I always tell them straight away when asked that I wont be going but they always keep asking me to go.

    At least I don't say im going then back out last minute with some bull$hit excuse like some people do.



  • Registered Users Posts: 25,638 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    OP how would you feel if none of your friends could be bothered attending your wedding?



  • Registered Users Posts: 6,037 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    It's something I've seen a lot of people fall out over, especially if the wedding is abroad. People that were good friends for years and then suddenly stop talking to each other. I must admit I do hate them myself. Stags can be good craic though.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,818 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    Furious obviously lol.

    I would never get married to be honest, I have never seen the appeal or advantages of getting married but if I did, I honestly wouldn't care because all that matters is that the 2 people getting married are there, that is what it is supposed to be about? not putting on a show for everyone else.

    And its not every one of a persons friends just 1 or 2 who don't like weddings or have other reasons for not going.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,256 ✭✭✭BrianD3


    This is very true. Going or not going to a wedding is not a measure of real friendship.

    If someone experiences a marriage breakup, death or depression, it is quite likely that their friends will "go missing" regardless of whether they were at the wedding or not. Particularly true for men IME.

    And sometimes it is worse than that, I know several people who were shafted by "friends" who had been at their wedding and vice versa. As they tried to come to terms with what happened, more than once I heard the phrase "But they were at my wedding".



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,818 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    It is so needless as well to fall out over 1 day.



  • Registered Users Posts: 20,403 ✭✭✭✭dxhound2005


    If it was a big wedding with say 200 invitations, it could be more like 10 or 20 not going.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,818 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    Yeah well, that is up to them. not a hanging offence.



  • Registered Users Posts: 20,403 ✭✭✭✭dxhound2005




  • Registered Users Posts: 18,069 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    It literally does.

    A wedding is literally somebody inviting their friends and family to an important event in their lives. Saying that you couldn't be bothered going is literally saying that you don't consider them much of a friend.

    Not going to a wedding doesn't make you a bad friend, because there can be lots of valid reasons why you cannot attend.

    Not going because you just don't want to makes you a bad friend, because you could have gone but the friendship wasn't worth it to you.

    And make no mistake, the lazy shite who couldn't be bothered going to a wedding won't be there for the bad times either, don't fool yourself with that guff.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,818 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    If you don't respect your friends wish not to go to your wedding, you are a bad friend.


    They were talking about weddings the other day on the radio, some woman was on about only inviting friends with serious partners in case they broke up later and that would ruin her wedding pictures 😆 get over yourself like, it's just a wedding.



  • Registered Users Posts: 2,124 ✭✭✭Suckler


    You have "friend" issues. People grow, get married and priorities change. You need to get your head around that.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,818 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    I don't at all. I don't care what they do. I do my own thing.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,718 ✭✭✭Greyfox


    To many people their wedding is the most important day of their lives, far more important than a standard event. A close friend not going because they don't feel like it is saying they don't care all that much about their friend.



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