Were you bullied at any stage of your life?
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Yeah I was, primary school had a few run ins with a lad in my class. Secondary school was a diffeernt story, from 1st to third year used to get alot of verbal crap, went a school mostly with people from one side of the town and I was from the other. Was very quiet and shy until I was 16, was befriended by what you would call the rough crowd in the school, while alot weren't my cup of tea at the time they made it bearable, still friends with alot of them still. From 4th to 6th kinda broke out of my shell a bit.
Few of the friends I made then started to organize a feud with me and another and managed to get us to start fighting, blew over after a few days and a few black eyes.
Another one of the group on a night out then punched me for no reason and got some abuse names for last yr in school which affected me and my LC, ended up repeating and learnt alot about myself, that year made me cop on alot. College was grand as I was alot more confident, made great friends but was brought to my attention I used to always pick on one of the group, looking back now completely ashamed of it and have apologized so many times and thankful to say 20 years later we are still good friends.
Never brought it home but I have kids now and my god I will not tolerate them being picked on which a neighbours kid tries to do, any crap and he's sent packing. Been teaching them how to box and told them while it shouldn't happen if they are being picked on they must defend themselves, older kid very like me when I was young and youngest won't take any crap thankfully
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Bit of bullying in primary school, always a wanker in every classroom.
Secondary the bullying got worse, snide remarks just because you display differences different to theirs.
All started when I started getting into rock and metal music, came into school wearing a band t-shirt one day. Jesus they made a big deal of it, just slagging and ridicule. They were a bunch of rave/Trance heads. Also, I wasn't the sporty lad in school, didn't do me any favours, cycled a lot to keep fit, but generally hated team sports because team mates for me weren't as inclusive, if I wasn't getting the ball passed to me, then f**k it I'm not playing, it was always the players that played for local teams dominated the PE class, and if you weren't in that circle, forget being properly included in the game. And if you weren't the sporty kid, you're in the firing line for bullying and exclusion.
In or around 5th year, Another lad who got expelled from another school in town and moved to our school, singled me out for bullying also, stole from my locker and my bag numerous times. Really nasty s**t said to be even during class, a right c**t, absolutely hated this lad, waste of space, He was just one of those people who was going to go nowhere after school. Monumental bellend.
After the Leaving Cert he was drink driving and crashed a car, killed himself. I did think to myself "f**k" when it happened, but no, I didn't shed any tears for him. Natural selection.
Some of my bullies are bottom of the food chain in the army, working as binmen or janitors in shopping centres or on the dole with 2 and 3 kids from 2 or 3 different ex girlfriends and I carved out a career in I.T so who's laughing now.
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So much insidious bullying in the workplace. And online.
When I think of aspects of my last job, it shocks me how appalling it was. At the time I just accepted that it's how things had to be, and it was up to me to do better. Gas-lighted as fu*k.
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No, nothing that I would consider bullying.
It’s awful to think of anyone suffering bullying. And yet it’s such a natural human condition and trait. It’s part of our development, albeit not a nice part.
and of course, defining it with words doesn’t always explain it in actual action. Huge amount subjectivity depending on the persons and the situations.
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Was in Limerick but out in Castleconnel. Was her name Darcy by any chance?
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Yes that's her. A big bouffant black bubble perm hairstyle and dark glasses. She was a sadistic cnut! I wonder is she still alive.
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Never at school- I dealt with things pretty quick when a few situations arose. Got on with most people. Work was a different matter. I left a great job rather than put up with the harassment of my boss at the time.
Post edited by Fishdoodle on3 -
"Low level" as another user put it for me too. Mostly executed through wilful exclusion and verbal. Very little physical. But even that lent a lot towards the lack of self confidence and - while not being suicidal certainly going to bed some nights hoping I would simply not wake up the next morning. Which plagued me until the end of - or shortly after - my College years when I finally decided consciously to turn myself around in a lot of ways.
So those who have been subjected to a sustained campaign way beyond the "Low Level" I can only imagine their head space. And I can understand why some harbour ill effects even 40 years later - or finding gratification in the early death of their bully as one user above did. However at the same time I think I understand that such feelings suggest the bully is still "winning" in a sense. If you're finding yourself taking pleasure in the accidental death of your once bully - then there are issues still lying with you that may be worth resolving. Not to exonerate the bully or their actions in any way - quite the opposite given my low level opinion of bullies when I encounter them.
I have been training my kids - and then enrolling them - in BJJ for much the same reason actually. From an extremely early age too. There are certain movements and positions and reactions I - through games and fun rather than drilling - have instilled in them since they were pretty much toddlers. So that when their training in BJJ started they already had instincts that when they were grabbed in way X - they would respond in way Y and so on. Some of these instincts and muscle memories and reactions have really given them an edge over kids who came to it later and have to learn it from scratch.
I would heartily recommend the "Warrior Kid" books from Jocko Willink too if you are looking for kids books for them ever. They are written about a kid who has a lot of the issues many kids have - including bullying. And the kid learns to over come them through many things including discipline and BJJ and learning about leadership. My kids have been very inspired by the books. Even as an adult I and some of the adult friends I have shared the books with have been inspired by them too. And the author even has a "Warrior kid podcast" where kids wrote in questions like an "Agony Aunt" for the author to answer (He is a retired and well decorated US Navy Seal) which I caught my kids listening to off their own bat.
Bummer that all happened to you. I only agree with the last sentence about 75% though. I think a better way to put it is that the effects on the psyche very often never go away. Not because they never do or never can though. It is not something that simply does not happen. Rather I think they never go away because many or most of us who experience any level of bullying never find a way to let them go away.
We are not taught as kids anything about how to deal with bullying beyond merely being told to report it. And we are never taught as adults either. And we certainly do not get any education on how to process or deal with bullying after the fact when it is not even happening any more.
Worse - the path to letting go I think is going to be variable on a person to person basis. What absolutely allowed one person to divest themselves of the effects on their psyche will entirely fail for the next person. So those of us who have suffered any level of bullying have to - mostly by trial and effort - seek out ways and methods to try. Until one finally works.
What that will be in the end will mostly be guess work. Educated guesses maybe since we know ourselves. But quite often not as the final working solution might surprise even ourselves. For some people it is drug therapy like going on a week long Ayahuasca retreat. For other people it might be seeking out the bully(s) and simply sit down and talk it out with them. For others (like myself) it is personal empowerment through things like BJJ and meditation.
For one person I know - just to give an example of how diverse it can be - it was the feeling of power and freedom and control they felt when they learned how to ride horses! The bully left a life long feeling of disempowernment and low personal confidence and feelings of being constantly trapped for no obvious reason or source. And suddenly learning how to control and ride a powerful large animal almost over night cut through that like butter and it fell away entirely.
So I can recommend no distinct path or solution for you other than to say - my personal belief and faith is that there is a solution and "cure" there somewhere. But it is a life path and vocation to set out to try and find it for many. I got lucky. I found mine early enough on that path. BJJ is very empowering and humbling at the same time. It has worked psychological and emotional well being wonders for me. Certainly the feeling of being intimidated by larger or louder or "alpha" people was cured entirely by it. Though in the first days being folded up like a puppet as a grown adult male by a small teen girl was extremely humbling :) I once heard BJJ reffered jokingly to as "The art of folding clothes - while the owner is still wearing them".
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