Were you bullied at any stage of your life?

Graces7

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119546998#Comment_119546998

You are misinterpreting bullying and being unfair to folk who have less strength than others.

Undividual

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119546998#Comment_119546998

So people should "consider why this is happening to them" and then what? Grow a foot taller? Kids from single parent households are more likely to be bullied. That's not something you can exactly fix as a kid.

Anyway...

In my experience there are 'future-psychopaths', there are direct bullies, and there are casual bullies.

I'm a tall guy, but everyone growing up is surrounded by people who are bigger. I wouldn't say I was bullied (it wasnt every day) but I was occasionally picked on. I think it was more like lads trying to get clout by embarrassing other lads. I probably squared up to 10+ lads from my class at one point or another, but nothing really happened from them. You kind of realise even the fake tough lads are also scared of losing a fight.

One of the guys in my class (who was an absolute nightmare to be around for student and teachers, his family were well known to be extremely neglectful) threw a glass bottle randomly into a classroom. He hit a girl in the mouth, chipping her tooth. He also stuck a drill in metalwork into a guy's back. Luckily the guy's jumper just wrapped around the drill bit. That guy is in prison for armed-robbery now. I think he was always a psycho and we were just forced to spend time with him. I wonder should kids be able to vote a kid out of their class / school.

As I've got older though, I noticed that the casual bullies are the ones most likely to be encountered in work. I had a boss who made me feel like I was going crazy. He would ask for things and not show me how to do them, be really sh*tty if things didn't go perfectly, and never address the problems I raised with him. I was there a year and he said "Are we doing the X report?" To which we replied "Uhhhhh... no? Should we be?" And he said "Oh we really need to be doing that..." WTF like?

I eventually took time off, I was emotionally broken by the experience. I left the job shortly after, citing depression, which I never thouht I'd do. Didn't stop him calling me the next day. I think he had a word with the other guys on the team too, basically covering himself in case I went down the legal route. I just wanted to be free of him. I was so hurt and disappointed when the rest of the team never really said goodbye. I understand they had their own careers to think about, but it just felt really cold.

theteal

I completely fluked that part of life. While being a short-arse and a bit of a geek, I was also captain of the school soccer and gaa teams. This meant I skirted two of the major kind of clicks in school during that era. In saying that I can't say I witnessed much in the way of bullying either - everybody got slagged a bit back and forth, maybe the odd one or two a bit more than most (which probably constitutes as bullying when you're on the receiving end).

In fact looking back, I can remember secondary school, we'd go to a lot of gigs in town (D12 is nearly walking distance afterall), the diverse groups that would meet up depending on who was playing I always found funny - FLC in the Point one year, we had goths, footballers, the smartest kid in the school and a few in between sculling early cans in a mates house before we got the bus!

De Bhál

yes in Junior infants in the 80's by a scum bag in 4th class. Still remember him singling me out and him telling me he was going to kill me...which to little innocent me was terrifying. I can still remember the fear of lunchtime and hoping he wouldn't show up outside where I was playing.

Anyway told my parents and they got it sorted with the school.

years later in my 20's I heard he was killed while driving his truck. Delighted with that.

Graces7

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119547211#Comment_119547211

Yes when things get tough very few stay with you. They are scared seeing what is happening to you in case it happens to them. BEen there far too many times not to understand it. And i feel sorry for them, as they inevitably feel uncomfortable

SAMTALK

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119547620#Comment_119547620

A bit harsh to be delighted with what happened to him ?

De Bhál

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119548136#Comment_119548136

maybe 'delighted' was too strong a word. Just glad when I heard.

Greyfox

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119546726#Comment_119546726

So your automatically blaming the victim rather than the bully, if a woman gets raped do you also assume it was the woman's fault?

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119548405#Comment_119548405

That example has nothing to do with what I wrote.

Count Dracula

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119548405#Comment_119548405

By writing that comment you are actually engaging in a form of bullying known as " gaslighting", or a form of it.

I don't recall the poster mentioning any form of sexual violence in his comment, read the op, we are discussing bullying, not rape.

I agree that there are definitely bullies out there who lurk for issues and then try to bully individuals by casting aspersions on something that never happened. I have definitely encountered people who constantly act the victim in the workplace, it is a very common form of manipulation and can be very disruptive. There are people who are obsessed with dealing with bullies and revenge on them.

It is not a good idea to carry feelings or emotions of hatred towards people you interacted with decades ago. It will eat you from the inside. Bullying is a fact of life, the sooner you learn to deal with it the more contentment you will have.

Ronald Binge Redux

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119548136#Comment_119548136

No.

cj maxx

thi thread has reminded me how much I hate bullies. The best ever thing my parents did was to bring me to boxing. Even though I was incredibly skinny I had the skills to defend myself and make a run for it .

PsychoPete

Growing up myself and my friends would slag eachother a lot but nothing malicious but there was one lad who would get really nasty with you if he didn't get his way. No one ever said anything to him, when we were about 15 he started on me on day, I throw him a headbutt and broke his nose which put a stop to it all. To be fair I was just following my brothers advice.

We do have a workplace bully, two staff left because of him last year yet nothing is ever said to him he's just allowed to get away with it. I don't know how many times I've threatened to his head through the computer screen. The only way to get him to stop is physically threaten him but that only lasts a few weeks till he kicks off again

Greyfox

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119549691#Comment_119549691

Your first 2 paragraphs are complete and utter nonsense. Where did I say the poster mentioned sexual violence? I have already posted previously in this thread so I already demonstrated the fact that I understand the subject is bullying, you're just missing the meaning of my question completely.

The post I responded to was a post talking negatively about people who have been bullied not pacifically about people overreacting to a bully. I now reckon that poster meant his comment for people who act the victim.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119550337#Comment_119550337

No. The post you responded to mentioned people who perceive themselves to be victims of bullying in situations which are not necessarily bullying.

Potential-Monke

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119548136#Comment_119548136

A bit harsh to put people through hell through bullying, no? No sympathy for bullies. Some just get better at hiding it as they get older.

SAMTALK

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119551538#Comment_119551538

Yes I agree with you re bullying but to stoop to the level of being delighted he died IMO is sad. Mind you poster then rectified this.

Most people have encountered some form of bullying at some stage in life. I worked with a girl like this and I called her out on it and asked had she a problem working with me. She pulled her horns back in fairly quick then.

Most bullies dont like to be stood up to

Potential-Monke

Nah, there are people I genuinely hate and probably would give a smile if I heard they died. Such is life. I couldn't really care about anyone outside of my circle, just like they really don't care about me. Just not socially acceptable to say it. Same as when some prick dies, and you say they were a prick, and people tell you to not speak ill of the dead... There's a few dead dictators who'd like a chat with you. I prefer honesty. And I honestly would smile if certain people died.

NewbridgeIR

Carlin's way of dealing with bullies was very effective

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDPO9UG_CY4

Scum was shown in my local cinema in 1981. It came out in video in 1983 and as far as I recall, had a Channel 4 broadcast around then.

I know of at least two people in my school who were inspired by the snooker-balls-in-sock method of self-defence.

NewbridgeIR

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119548136#Comment_119548136

I'd consider his reaction "harsh" if the guy hadn't bullied him.

Yeah in first year - she was a pure psycho, but she kept moving from one victim to another, to another... until she had no friends. Her parents were called in too. The thing was, I was actually friends with her beforehand, and then she turned on me. She was very charismatic - it was the same experience for lots of girls whom she was friends with initially.

I heard that her behaviour became like that again in college. She once locked a girl I know out of their student house for the night (and that girl is no timid little mouse). Totally deranged.

A couple of people I know are friendly with her again now - they say she has changed and is lovely these days. I don't buy it though. I don't see how someone as unhinged could ever become a decent person, and I think she's just using her manipulation tactics on them all over again.

Graces7

There is in some areas of life a strong tendency around of bullying old folk.

Sgt Hartman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119546886#Comment_119546886

Was that in CBS Sexton Street Limerick by any chance? I had a similar cnut of a teacher in 3rd class there with dark glasses and knobbly rings on her fingers who was not averse to using corporal punishment. I was terrified of her. Her daughter joined as a teacher also and she was equally as neurotic.

Secondary school was horrible as I was shy and awkward. That was a magnet for the teenage psychopaths in the school. College was much better thankfully. I've seen my share of nasty bullies in work during the years. There was one complete piece of **** in my old department that had no friends and who was unpopular with everyone although he left for some Dept of Education role back in December. Good riddance. There's two other nasty middle aged female bullies in that department, and the staff turnover there has been crazy in the last few years. I'm just so delighted to be out of that department. I'm now working with decent people that will always help you out if you're under pressure, and I'd do the same for them.

Tom Mann Centuria

I was never really bullied at school and I wasn't a bully myself but I was a snidey little sh*t. I was just not nice to kids who probably needed a friend and were being bullied by others.

I'd actually hate if my children had been like me, but thank god my kids are far, far nicer than I was, more considerate to others and just better young human beings. (at least I'm pretty sure they are, every parent thinks the sun shines out of their kids arse I know)

Never bullied in Uni or work either thankfully.

foxsake

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119551538#Comment_119551538

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119547620#Comment_119547620

he was in 4th class at the time - so age 9 or 10 - and you were delighted he subsequently was killed cos of what he did at age 9 or 10.

Age 10 . Not a teenager having passed the age of responsibility or an adult but a 10 year old.

From the post it reads to me by the choice of language it was sorted quick enough and it shouldn't have happened but Age 10. and justice was served by Death.

that weird sh1t

De Bhál

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119557999#Comment_119557999

it is what it is, as I explained 'delighted' was too strong a word. He was an evil little **** and I was 4. I still, 40 years later, have memories of the fear of him.

It was sorted quick enough once i told my parents but had went on for probably a couple of months previous to that.

foxsake

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119558224#Comment_119558224

i don't doubt your version and it is terrible. but he was 10 - totally get you were 4.

and actually it wasn't so much your choice of word which you clarified tbf - it was the others that chimed in and said "yeah totally"

I hope it didn't effect you cos bullying is a terrible thing , seen more of it though in work than I ever did in school

Sunny Disposition

Bullying as a child leaves terrible bitterness, I think bullies, rightly in fairness, say to themselves 'well yeah, but we were kids'. But very often the victims don't think like that, they develop deep hatreds that don't really lift.

I think it's important for people to talk about bullying, you need to learn some perspective. The whole thing is unfair of course, but it's important to deal with it and not let its impact fester.

mojesius

I have been bullied at various points, mostly in early childhood and in secondary school. I have posted at length about it on here before so won't again but will reflect on its impact on me as a nearly 40 year old woman:

I will go at great lengths to avoid confrontation, even if that means hiding information with others close to me (not lying but the next best thing)

Imposter Syndrome: I have a good career but work with lots of 'Alpha' types (both male and female). Anyone with a domineering personality scares the crap out of me and I become awkward, submissive and overcompensate by doing too much work myself to avoid criticism/backlash by such people.

Finally and most importantly, it's very difficult not to project the effects onto my young children. I get very upset by minor playground scuffles etc.

Thankfully, my husband is the total opposite (used to standing up to bullies from a young age) so he has helped with a lot of this. That, and a lot of counselling over the years. However, I believe that the impact of bullying on the psyche never fully goes away.

ChickenDish

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119546270#Comment_119546270

Sounds exactly like something a bully would say, classic victim blaming if ever I've seen it.

Cant abide a bully, I get a real sense of accomplishment when I tear one down.