Am I being irrational??

El_Duderino 09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119136755#Comment_119136755

Its nothing to do with thought. If it was to do with thought, then coming to the celebration would be enough. Spending time with the child throughout the year would be enough. Being interested in the child would be enough. "Thought" seems to be measured in money...

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119137025#Comment_119137025

I don't overly agree with this.

When you notice one of your children being treated differently to the other it raises your hackles.

While I understand spoiling your godchild and buying the bigger present etc to totally leave out a sibling especially when the sibling is your niece/nephew is not very nice.

Also it could be argued that they are not really spending time with the child but with their godchild....and the other child just happens to be there.

Now if neither child got presents etc I would totally agree with you as people giving up their time and being "present" is far more valuable.

Bobblehats

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119137481#Comment_119137481

As a man of limited means what I tend to do, is I ration all out equally that way if everybody’s equally disappointed then so be it but at least they got their share of the spoils.

penny piper

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127367#Comment_119127367

Why show you are bothered??? you don't have to be the same......

El_Duderino 09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119137481#Comment_119137481

Ah. But you're into splitting hairs here. You're suggesting it's obvious they will treat one better than the other but then being surprised that they've treated one better than the other.

If it was about the 'thought', as I was responding to, then thoughts wouldn't be measured in € inside a card. Thoughts would be measured in spending time with the child and giving up free time to show up to the event. This has nothing to do with thought.

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119139823#Comment_119139823

Well the OP says that they are really good to the other child, as the SIL is the godmother but they never give so much as a birthday card to the communion child....so that's fairly obviously treating them differently.

It would have been a nice gesture for the day that's in it to give a card.

They didn't and life moves on but I can understand the momma bear instinct surfacing and the OP being miffed over it.

walshb

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119137025#Comment_119137025

That’s pure bull…and deflection

would you post the same bull if it was for the child’s birthday as well?

not even a card for his niece’s communion. Oh, but he thinks about her, spends time blah blah blah

stick a few Bob in a card for the child..

ffs.

Jequ0n

This is the most money centric thread I have read here in a whole. Well done OP.

walshb

Btw, forgetting about the money. Chap didn’t even bother to buy a card!!

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141108#Comment_119141108

To be fair communions and confirmations are all about the money.

It was the same when I made mine which is not yesterday.

The hot topic of conversation will be how much you made and what are you buying.

You will hear the expression when referring to anyone who is tight/stingy with money "they still have their communion money"

It is completely the norm to give money or a gift , so when a member of your immediate family who you are close to doesn't do that it will make you wonder.

I remember getting 50p off an elderly couple, back when 50p was enough to induce a diabetic coma, just because they saw me prancing about in the dress.

The whole thing is money centric.

walshb

Some a the nonsense here from folks trying to paint this as being about money/capitalism/greed.

They’re young children for chrissske, and it’s a few little Euro that puts smiles on their faces. Their own few Bob to go the shops and buy their toys or sweets or whatever young children like. We were all children once.

I wouldn’t dare dream of not getting a card and putting few Bob in it for my nieces or nephews, no matter how much time I spent with them.

and if my siblings came to a communion or birthday for my child and didn’t bother to get a card and put a few Bob in it, I’d be disappointed. Nothing to do with money. All to do with children and thought.

the nonsense argument about spending time with them and it shouldn’t be about money is what you’d expect a tight arse to say.

do people think the young children are like “oh, uncle Bill does spend time with me and talks to me. I don’t need any gifts or presents or a few Bob for my birthday/communion.”

you can do both: spend time with children and be good with them, as well as sticking a few fooking quid in a card once in a while for their little special occasions.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141154#Comment_119141154

I don’t have an issue with it being all about the money. I just find it irritating if it needs to masked as anything but, which is exactly what is happening here.

Xidu

Agree.

kids all getting money for communion n confirmation.

and kids talk about to their friends about it. It’s exciting for them coz they don’t own money.

my kids got 50 from grandparents, 20-25 from relatives, neighbors.

but they were too young to use them.

so I put in Revolut junior for them.

my daughter got over 500 for confirmation and she is delighted.

and it’s good to see herself planning her little budget on stuff she wants to buy. 😁

El_Duderino 09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141081#Comment_119141081

Well, I was responding to the poster who said it wasn't about money, it was about the "thought". It's not about the "thought". Unless thought is measures in euros. In which case it is about the money.

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141624#Comment_119141624

I think it's more the op is wondering if others would be miffed if their sibling didn't give their child something on their communion.

I can honestly say I would be hurt. I've given to all their kids, there's a big age gap between my siblings and me so I've been buying presents for my nieces and nephews since I was 9 years old....so yeah I'd be bloody fuming. (That said mine won't be making communion/confirmation)

While you don't give with the expectation of getting back....to have your child slighted in any way will cause many a parent to step back and reevaluate.

walshb

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141668#Comment_119141668

It’s all about thought..

I am saying it as well. I couldn’t give a fook about the money. It’s not like parents need their children’s communion money. It’s the knowing that your family put in the thought to buy a card and put a little treat in the card to make a child’s day, your child’s day that little nicer.

you need to get away from seeing this as a simple monetary/transaction type thing. It’s in your head that it’s about the physical money.

no different than Christmas time. You spend a few Bob to make children happy. It’s money, but it’s the little enjoyment children get that is the key…

I don’t spend time with my nieces and nephews to then think it’s ok to then use that to not spend a few quid on them for whatever the special occasion.

it’s what the children are expecting that you are missing. The children live for the little gift in the card (the money). Parents know this, and hence, when no card/money, it is a let down…parents will rightly feel a little disappointed because their children are!!!

El_Duderino 09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141198#Comment_119141198

Ugh. Ffs, you're the second or third poster to make this mistake so I'll spell it out for you.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119136755#Comment_119136755

This poster said it has nothing to do with money, apparently its all to do with "thought"

How can you say it's not about money and then imply I'm a tightarse so saying it shouldn't be about money?

Ypu seem to see thought and money as the same thing. Is thought measured in money, to you? In that case, how is it not about money?

walshb

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141717#Comment_119141717

You’re the one hung up on the monetary aspect…money is simply the gift the children expect. You haven’t a fooking clue!

El_Duderino 09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141707#Comment_119141707

Is money the only way you can make a child's day a bit nicer? Because if not is, then I thinknots you who has this idea about money in your head.

walshb

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141733#Comment_119141733

Who said money is the only way you can make a child’s day?

communions and birthdays for children are where young children thrive on and get such joy from gifts/money: How you cannot see this is odd..

so tell us how these young children on their birthdays and communions are made happier?

Eire Go Brach

He is your brother and your close to him. Just ring him and say it to him?

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141706#Comment_119141706

The OP’s stance is clear from the start. They want to be reinforced in their belief that they were wronged because they clearly had a set of expectations.

But then I also don’t know what it feels like if you are being slighted (by extension via your child). Maybe it depends on the viewpoint.

El_Duderino 09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141745#Comment_119141745

I asked you of you think money is the only way to "make a child's day a bit happier". You seem to imply it is. So I asked you to clear it up.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141732#Comment_119141732

I'm not hung up on the monetary aspect. You're insisting the monetary aspect is essential.

walshb

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141863#Comment_119141863

Children historically in Ireland making their communion : big part their day is making some money.

A close family member gives nothing. No card and no money on a child’s big day.

Any Irish parent saying that this wouldn’t bother them at all is talking gick.

same for child’s birthday. Close family member no card/gift. Same: parents will be naturally disappointed.

why? Because their children naturally expect that gift/acknowledgement on these special occasions. Parents will naturally be bothered because their children are.

it’s very easy to get this and understand this.

hence poster is being nothing but normal, and not at all irrational

Jequ0n

“parents will be naturally disappointed.

why? Because their children naturally expect that gift/acknowledgement on these special occasions. Parents will naturally be bothered because their children are.”

says it all really.

walshb

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141918#Comment_119141918

Yes, it’s called nature. When your child is unhappy for whatever reason, sometimes parents will be as well.

and something like a close family member not giving the thought and kindness to mark a special occasion in a child’s life will naturally see a wee bit disappointment

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141960#Comment_119141960

That’s not nature but societal expectation

walshb

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141971#Comment_119141971

Whatever it is, it happens. And society and experiences influence how we feel naturally.

I can only speak for myself: I see nothing irrational from a parent feeling disappointed here.

sporina

I don't think your being irrational at all... esp as you took them all out for a meal.. its the same as being asked to a wedding.. you give a gift/card with cash - what ever...

Not saying that this is right or wrong.. its just the norm...

But I don't think you can do anything about it OP?

Q - are they frugal or? like, do they spend money on loved ones in general? (I know you said they spoil your other daughter)

Would be great if you could somehow find out if they usually give cards to the kids who's Birthday parties that they have been invited to.

If they do, then perhaps this was just a mishap... as the wife could not go..

You just have to ask yourself - would this be normal of them or not? In any event I am sure its not personal..

Duwek

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141780#Comment_119141780

I know how petty it would sound if I said it to him. I'm not that close to him that I'd be so comfortable to spill all my thoughts out to him.

If I did say it, I'd be the bad guy at the end of that conversation!!

I'm curious to know why they thought my daughter wasn't worthy of a little treat for her Communion when they know very well it is the done thing and I'm sure if it was someone else's Communion they would have given a card.