Am I being irrational??

sam t smith

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127731#Comment_119127731

Backstards. Hope you have written them out of your will. 😂

Xidu

Honestly I don’t think it was on purpose.

his wife was sick must be a lot of things at home for your brother to mind small kids by himself.

i do think you are being petty in this case.

if I were you, I would not put it in my head. And next year I will still give his daughter a card and €50.

standardg60

What are they like for birthdays?

Duwek

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127811#Comment_119127811

They are very good to my other girl as she is sister in laws God daughter but they would never give my Communion girl even a card for her Birthday. I found that odd initially but presumed its because she's not God child. I know every year now not to expect a Birthday card for this daughter even if their girls are coming to her party. Because of that, I'm guessing this is not an oversight but a decision they've made for some reason.

XsApollo

Well that is not on doing one for the other and nothing for the other child.

i would refuse for the next gift gotten for the god child and say your other one is noticing she doesn’t get anything and its not nice.

that’s an easy way to broach the subject without causing offence.

standardg60

Wow, well then you have your answer

Imagine your sibling's children have been treated similarly so, but as i said hardly worth taking it out on their children.

Be the better person, mean people are never happy

El_Duderino 09

50 jaysus quid for communion? I'm so out of touch.

I'd resent giving that much to a child who doesnt need it, for absolutely nothing.

I'd value my in-laws spending time with the child through the year. Caring for her, giving her a different perspective on life and teaching her things. Giving cash is fine if they're relatives who don't give anything important like care or don't spend time with the child.

OP, you mentioned the word "petty" several times in your post. You did that because you know you're being petty. So stop being petty and appreciate your in-laws for giving your child care through the year - something far more valuable than money she doesn't need.

mrslancaster

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127896#Comment_119127896

Bad form of your brother to treat his two young nieces so differently, even if one is his godchild. Young children can be easily hurt, I can see why you'd be upset for your daughter OP. It's hard to bite your tongue when something like this happens but you have to. Remember what goes around and all that...

YellowLead

You say it’s not about the money then complain about the lack of effort - which you equate to giving money. Your brother still showed up despite the fact his wife was sick. As most posters have said it was likely an oversight rather than a deliberate diss.

High expectations and over sensitivity can cause needless life long issues within extended families...

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127896#Comment_119127896

Some couples have a rule for stuff like this - you look after your nieces and nephews from your side of the family, and I'll look after mine on my side. She remembers her godchild's birthday because its her godchild - my godmother used to send me a card on my birthday, but not my brothers' on theirs.

Given what you've said about the birthday card, this might explain what happened here. Your child's aunt probably expected her uncle (your brother) to sort out the card for the communion girl. And he probably forgot.

She will probably be mortified if she finds out. I very much doubt it was deliberate. I wouldn't mention it, or act any differently then you would when their child's communion comes around. Take the high road.

Ficheall

Did you send the wife a get-well-soon card, OP?

kowloon

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127678#Comment_119127678

I probably fared similarly.

cj maxx

I'd tend to think that being such good friends, and the wife who looks after those things being sick that it was an oversight and the card is in his house waiting to be delivered.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119128918#Comment_119128918

Probably tucked away in a bag somewhere, and when it's found there will be a big "oh, fcuk!" moment.

cj maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119128929#Comment_119128929

Exactly. In his wife's handbag

Comer1

I got seven punts, I can take a picture of them if you'd like to see.

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127479#Comment_119127479

€50 may be your norn but it's certainly not THE norm.

Jim2007

• Don’t let others dictate your behavior - it’s immature to say the least.
• You have no idea of the events that led to this situation, give people the benefit of the doubt
• Doing the same thing to their kid is sad and immature: punishing a kid for their parents behavior is petty in the extreme
• Part of being a kid is learning to deal with life: people don’t live up to your expectations, they let you down… kids need to learn to deal with it. You do them no favors by shielding them from these situations nor exaggerating the situation.

Duwek

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119129325#Comment_119129325

Well, I am talking about my situation, how it is among my family and friends. I'm not talking about anyone else

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119129468#Comment_119129468

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119128418#Comment_119128418

This is it ...common sense prevailing

I note the emphasis is all on the OP with the money being given but there is very little mention of how sick the sister in law was or as to how she might be doing. Its better to let things like the lack of card slide. My dad can be petty like that (hes a great bloke but that pettiness drives me mad). The two posts above are great advice.

Duwek

She had a cold and was being cautious due to covid. She was out and about again the day after, she just didn't want to be indoors with a big group. I'm not so cold hearted as to not have feeling for someone who is sick.

dublin49

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127630#Comment_119127630

are you sayin this is a wind up?

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119130369#Comment_119130369

I would have included that in your original post (I mean that in a nice way). Maybe let it slide.

BurgerFace

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127679#Comment_119127679

It's one of two things. Either the lack of card was intentional or unintentional. if it was unintentional then they forgot or got their wires crossed. if it was intentional then the reasons can only be that they dont believe in such gestures, they couldnt afford it or they hate your guts...oh or they are scabby bastards. Now we can probably rule out that they hate your guts since you assert that you are close. if theyve bought xmas and birthday gifts for you kid in the past then they are not scabby bastards. That just leaves that they couldn't afford it and if this was the case your bro would have said "listen, homey, I'm a bit squeezed at the moment. ". After that we just have (a) they dont agree with such things or (b) it was an oversight.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119130369#Comment_119130369

Hmm. Maybe I'm cynical but I suspect she and your brother had a disagreement over the card and she said "well, if you're not giving the child a card I'm not going to be embarrassed, so I'm not going!"

Is your brother a bit tight?

standardg60

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119131537#Comment_119131537

A possibility, some posters declaring it an oversight don't seem to have read the thread, said daughter has never received a birthday card either

I would find it hard to believe that any brother would not give one based on their wife's instruction to their own niece, so personally i would have no issue having a quiet word with him and asking wtf?

Princess Calla

I think by asking the question you know there are bigger issues in the world.

However, that said, when you feel it's your child being slighted rationality goes out the window.

We're one of those couples that I look after my side he does his (or rather doesn't) I'm not his mother/secretary/personal assistant so if he shows up with his arms swinging that's on him.

Personally I think it's bad form to show up to any party without something for host or the person of honour.

Even if the card was a total oversight he could have slipped her some cash when he got there and the penny dropped.

I think because they don't give this particular child a birthday card/present you are probably already in a state of hyper awareness of any slight that they may do (to the child) even if it's completely innocent.

Personally I wouldn't say anything to them, there's really no way you can frame it where you don't come out looking bad.

Once your child had a good day that's all that matters. Don't let it be tarnished over a few quid.

Duwek

Thanks for replies, I needed to rant and it was great to get your views.

I think you're right, my sister in law probably just left it up to my brother and he is a man and just not overly clued in to whats right and wrong when attending occasions like that as his wife probably normally looks after things like that.

They're both good people, I suppose I was curious as much as anything as to what they're thinking was and yes, I probably was hyper sensitive about the whole thing as they've never given anything to this daughter but do spoil my other girl.

Xidu

Really? Thought 50 for close family and 20 for normal friends and relatives are norm.

walshb

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058247851/am-i-being-irrational

Not remotely irrational to think as you are, and as you say, it has nothing to do with money. It’s all to do with thought!!