Am I being irrational??

Duwek

So, before I begin, I want to really make clear that this is not about money. I know some might read this and think I have my priorities in life all wrong but I promise you its not about the money....

My daughter made her First Holy Communion last week. We invited family from both sides for a meal in a restaurant after the church. My daughter got some Communion cards on the day from grandparents, aunts and uncles and she couldn't get over it. She wasn't aware that Communion cards and money was even a thing so she was over the moon altogether.

One of my brothers came with his 2 kids but his wife didn't come as she was sick. We are particularly close to my brother, his wife and kids as our girls are the same age as his and all get on great together. I am quite close to my sister in law and we have done everything together with our girls since they were born. She sent me a text thst morning apologising for not being there.

Here is the bit that I'm upset about and I've said this to noone else as it sounds so bloody petty. My brother never gave my daughter a card. I didn't think much of it as I said it was probably forgotten about with sister in law being sick. We arranged to met up with them all today for a play and sis in law just told my daughter her Communion photos were lovely but no card or even a 5 euro into her hand as a gesture.

I have attended 11 nieces and nephews Communions and Confirmations over the years and I always put decent money into a card or give a gift of some sort with a card. I am upset that they didn't think my daughter was worthy of a little bit of effort, even if it was just a card with a nice message inside. We are so close, their daughter stays over with us a lot and my girl stays with them. Their girl will gave her Communion next year. I'm feeling so petty now I'm already saying I shouldn't make any effort with her either and let them see how it feels.

I know this sounds petty but we all know the reality is that aunts and uncles make their nieces and nephews feel special on their big occasions and spoil them on the day. I do it all the time.

What do you all think?

sam t smith

Forgive but don’t forget.

corner of hells

No , you're not being irrational, maybe contact the local parish priest and get him to make an announcement from the pulpit about the lack of card and money.

Icsics

I’d be disappointed too, but now you know what to do when it’s their Communions

SuperBowserWorld

First world first communion problem.

893bet

I am guessing the mother normally sorts this and as she was sick it fell through the cracks.

Whats stands out is........"We are particularly close to my brother, his wife and kids as our girls are the same age as his and all get on great together. I am quite close to my sister in law and we have done everything together with our girls since they were born. She sent me a text thst morning apologising for not being there"

Ye are close to these people but You are assuming its intentional, when its more than likely an mix up/oversight.

Forget it entirely! Life is too short to create an argument over a card with 10euro in it! You cannot comeout winning here if you raise it as an issue.

Galwayguy35

So how much did your kid get altogether, the sum total of mine was 20 quid I'm just wondering have things improved.

dublin49

i wouldnt be surprised if this was an oversight ,the sick wife thought the hubbie wud do it and he completely forget,I wud say it to him in private ,without making a big deal about it.

irelandrover

I assume it just fell through the cracks. Are they normally good to your kids? If they are then forget about it and assume it was because the wife was sick. If they aren't then just adjust your expectations. Think about if they are worth keeping in your life or if their lack of cards is something worth falling out over.

kowloon

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127390#Comment_119127390

Euros or Pounds?

Jequ0n

Sorry, this will sound ignorant but what’s the significance of a card here? Is this about the card or the money?

I am not familiar with communions.

sam t smith

Has there been a bit of a ‘reset’ on the gift amounts?

I thought the communion making kids were minting it these days?

Or is that confirmation only?

893bet

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127393#Comment_119127393

No! dont say it. You will taint the relationship forever over nothing.

You then get a card with 10er in it and forever in their minds be remembered as "hungry"

CPTM

What's their story when it comes to money? Any chance there was a misunderstanding between them, each thinking the other person would sort it out? Or any chance she told him to give a card and money and he decided against it?

Victor

There is no entitlement to a gift. Your daughter had no expectation of a gift. Is there a card sitting somewhere? Do you absolutely know all their personal circumstances?

Danzy

You are not petty, If you won't throw a close relationship with your brother and his family away over a tenner and a hall mark card then nothing has meaning.

No, you are not petty, at all.

Is there a lot of people in your life who you have distanced from because they have "wronged" you?

Duwek

Thanks for your thoughts!! I'm not going to say anything as it would ruin the relationship we have.

Shockingly, the norm now for Communions and Confirmations is 50 euro in a card for nieces and nephews. My daughter does not need this money, she didn't expect any money at all. I've done it for all of my nieces and nephews. I'm particularly close to this brother and his wife and it has just upset me that they didn't make any effort for my daughter who is also very close to them. I'd almost say its just bad manners.

Still stihl waters 3

Christ what a miserable way to think

sam t smith

I jokingly said ‘forgive but don’t forget’ but I think it is most likely an oversight / misunderstanding due to the wife being absent on the day.

SuperBowserWorld

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127495#Comment_119127495

Leave Jesus out of this. I don't think swapping money with your relatives was something he mentioned.

Maybe, OP, your brother was being Christian and gave the money to the poor ?

CPTM

If they're not stuck for money, I'm betting on misunderstanding because of her being sick.

SuperBowserWorld

I think this is a very good wind up post 🤠

Duwek

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127458#Comment_119127458

I don't fall out with anyone if I can help it.

chooseusername

Caught a few there @Duwek !!

Prominent_Dawg

How nice of him to show up even though his wife was sick!.. Would it have been an issue if he didn't show up but sent a card & money?

Galwayguy35

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127404#Comment_119127404

pounds

Duwek

No, I was delighted they were there. My daughter would have been upset if they weren't able to be there!

Its good to get perspective from others! As I said, its not something I'd say to anyone🙈

You think that's bad? I spend about 500 euro a year on gifts for my nephews. They both get gifts whenever either of their birthday falls. The little pr*cks have never once sent me a birthday card or a bottle of whiskey to me for for mine.

standardg60

Don't think you're being petty at all Op

Couple of questions though, have any of the previous nieces and nephews been other sibling's children? If so i'd ask them if they've received anything.

Have any of your brother's children had their communions or confirmations yet?

If yes then i'd question your brother as the wife wasn't there, if not then i'd still give their child something as it's not their fault, if they don't say anything then about not giving anything to your child i'd have their card marked

Comer1

Definitely accept that it was surely an oversight and forget about it. I guarantee that if you bring it up with them, you will regret it the moment you see their reaction, no matter what the reason for not sending a card was.

Duwek

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119127739#Comment_119127739

I don't actually know if they have given to other nieces and nephews. We would never ever discuss who gives what.

None of their kids have had Communion yet so possibly unaware that its nice and the done thing (whether we like it or not) to give a card to niece or nephew for a sacrament.