Fella didn't walk me home

Ficheall

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118874309#Comment_118874309

I would imagine he offered to walk her for 5 minutes because she said she didn't him to walk her for 20. She made the situation weird (after what sounds like a perfectly nice date) by asking for the opposite of what she wanted, and then starting a thread on boards complaining she got what she asked for.

To use your dinner analogy again - if you were asked if you wanted Chinese or Indian, and you wanted Chinese but said Indian, so you went for Indian, would you then come on here complaining that you'd not gotten Chinese?

marilynrr

@Ficheall

That's not how she said the conversation went.

He asked how she was getting home, she said taxi and he said ""well I could walk you as far as the pitch".

SteM

He asked how I was getting home. I said taxi, hoping he'd offer to walk me, which is what every other man has done in the past.

Why didn't you just ask him to walk you home or say you didn't know when he asked you? You told him taxi so he took you at your word. If you want something then tell the person, don't say one thing and complain when there's a different outcome. That's just unfair.

Ficheall

Yes, it sounded like at that point he wanted to spend more time with her. I don't know where the OP is based, granted, but in this neck of the woods you can call a taxi pretty much anywhere. She then says he did agree to walk her home (after he may have sussed that she wanted the opposite of what she was asking for) and he agreed, but somehow she has decided "he very clearly didn't want to". I'm afraid I have less confidence in the OP's ability to read his mind than she had in him to read hers.

If this pointless messing/dishonesty looked set to become the norm for the relationship, I'd be gently advising the young fella to look elsewhere, for his sanity's sake.

bucketybuck

I've been there, I had a first date and didn't walk the girl home, later on she told me she had been really surprised by it.

Why didn't I walk her home? For the same reason lots of girls prefer to meet for a first date in a public place, I was respecting the fact that she didn't really know me and may not want somewhat of a stranger to know where she lives. I was respecting her boundaries, if there was going to be a second date then we could be more sure about what each other wanted, until then its better to err on the side of caution.

This lad sounds perfectly normal, you said you were getting a taxi and he didn't pressure you to let him bring you home, isn't that what the Metoo crowd wanted? If you wanted him to walk you home then just say that, god help the lad if he has to navigate silly games like this.

marilynrr

I don't think it's games.

She said she said taxi *hoping* he'd walk her home.

People often hope for stuff on dates, hope for a kiss, hope to be walked home, hope that the other person shows them a sign they'd love to see them again. Most people don't say things like that straight out, and that's just normal early dating behaviour, not games.

Now if this was a relationship or a good few dates down the line and she was saying one thing while hoping he'd read her mind that's different, but this was their first proper date!

I really think if she said taxi and he said "cool" and walked her over to the ramp then she would not be on here now with this thread, it's just they had a weird interaction afterwards which sounded like it got awkward!

Thelonious Monk

been on a silly amount of dates and I've never walked anyone home

Ficheall

And by that token, if a girl were hoping for a kiss and told a guy she didn't want one, should he go in for one anyway? Or would that be deemed massively inappropriate? "No" means "no", remember. This dishonest nonsense makes dating more difficult for everyone, and should be discouraged.

wotzgoingon

Reminds me of the time I was in Dublin after meeting a girl. I live in Cork and I'm still shocked she didn't offer to walk me home. I had visions in my head of the two of us on an adventure together walking along and stopping at different places. Sadly that wasn't the case. I told her my oul lad was a diamond expert and we were loaded and that I was told to live like a normal person for two years but I will inherit billions in two years.

Katgurl

Hi OP,

I'd have a question mark over this too.

On one hand, maybe he didn't think you were worth the forty minute round trip, he wanted to get back to the bar, he needed another drink, some other girl caught his eye etc.

On the other, he could have not wanted to make you uncomfortable, he may have been really nervous about how to say goodbye, he very reasonably may not have wanted to walk back through the football pitch alone.

I would veer on the latter explanation as everything about the date was good and he messaged you afterwards. Also, manners are nice but they are not a replacement for character. I had an ex who charmed everyone I introduced him to while beating me black and blue behind closed doors.

Give him a chance, get to know him before forming any firm opinions. It's tempting to try to figure a person out early. We look for red flags early to protect ourselves or not waste time with the wrong person. But if you relax and take your time getting to know him, all will be revealed.

ted1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118873358#Comment_118873358

40 minutes? Pretty sure she was looking for more than a walk home.

Big Bag of Chips

If you wanted him to walk you home, why didn't you say "walking" when he asked how you were getting home?

If I wanted to get a taxi home, and someone insisted that I walk instead I'd be a bit annoyed.

He's not a mindreader. Next time you want something particular, say it.

marilynrr

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118874732#Comment_118874732

Obviously it's massively inappropriate. Obviously no means no.

You're using analogies that don't make sense to the topic by talking about breaching consent.

It would be more like hoping for a kiss and getting a hug and a pat on the back instead, then you're left wondering hmm this person must not be that into me!

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118872740#Comment_118872740

Duh. She obviously wanted him to get his lad out for a few seconds so she could have a look to see whether it was worth her while putting in any effort

More seriously OP, maybe he didn't want to walk home with you as he's a bit awkward or something or didn't want to give you the impression that he was only walking you home expecting you to invite him in?

wotzgoingon

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118875323#Comment_118875323

There are lots of reasons why he didn't walk her home. And she also told him she was getting a taxi.

You don't want to be that guy she asked me to walk her home got to the door and she fúcked off inside and left me outside. I was full sure she was going to bring me inside and get it on.

bottlebrush

OP- You mentioned at the top of your post that he seemed 'quite keen' followed by the details of who paid for what etc. It was all going according to plan up until the taxi bit. Is the question you are really asking us here is do we think he might not be that in to you because he didn't walk you home?

Ficheall

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118875305#Comment_118875305

You brought kissing into it: "People often hope for stuff on dates, hope for a kiss... Most people don't say things like that straight out,"

Of course, in this instance, she didn't just not say she wanted something, she said she didn't want it. So I was just wondering if, as per your example aligning the two, you'd apply the same unnecessarily difficult approach, i.e., pretending you didn't want something when you did, and then complaining when you didn't get it.

SunnySundays

What happened to all the men who walked you home in the past? None of them lasted!!

Also you told him you were getting a taxi. He believed you. He's not a mind reader.

If the date hadn't gone well, you would have had to get a taxi anyway.

I know your young but being honest I think you are ridiculous.

marilynrr

@Ficheall

I only brought kissing into it as I was talking about how people hope for things, and listed a few things as examples...to show that it's normal on dates and not game playing behaviour to hope for something but not ask for it straight out!!

She said she didn't want him to walk her home, as she thought he only offered to walk her home reluctantly....as first he offered to walk her part way and she said that after she questioned that he said he would but that he "clearly didn't want to". I wasn't there, you weren't there..so I'm going by the OPs version of events!

If you want or hope that someone wants to do something for you or with you........and then they offer (but only reluctantly) then that is not what the person initially wanted.

Surely you can see the difference.

A lot of women want a man to do chivalrous stuff, no women want a man to reluctantly do it while making it obvious they'd rather not. Surely you can see the difference. It's not the action, it's the intent behind it!

It's like with absolutely anything, if you ask for a favour or gesture, say a lift for example you hear "yea no problem at all" or "of course, i'd love to"....you don't want to hear "fine, I suppose 🙄"

You still get the lift but then it's awkward as ****!

KieferFan69

Always so many vultures in these threads waiting to cut a young lady down.

op what I think is he maybe is either a) a little gormless or b) he didn’t want you to think he expected sex or C) he wishes not to currently perform

I think all of these are okay and you can pursue a little longer and see what happens

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118875530#Comment_118875530

Option B I think

But she said she was getting a taxi home - he couldnt say any more really !

riffmongous

I think a key point is he asked you first how you were getting home, probably hoping you'd say walking... you didn't, so he offered to 'go as far as the pitch', which to my mind means let's go somewhere away from everyone to say goodbye a bit more privately.. and again you kinda unknowingly turned him down.

These things are always awkward when you're in the middle of it and trying to second guess what the other wants and really means, and then it ends up with you thinking there is something up with him and he's probably thinking there's something up with you.

Slutmonkey57b

I am confused why you needed to have somebody walk you to a taxi. There's this thing about taxis, not sure if you've heard, but the taxi can pick you up from somewhere? You use this thing called a phone, and either call the taxi using your words, or else use this app thing and tell it where you need picking up from! Magic.

Anyway, I've no idea why you're blaming this guy for not realising that when you said you had a plan to get yourself home, that you expected him to make a gesture to get you a specific percentage of the way home, but no more and no less. Say what you mean next time.

Buddy Bubs

Either way, don't be too hard on the guy and don't take some of the harsh responses here to heart either. It was first date, if all else went well and you like him then don't overrhink it and give him another shot. It's not a big issue or any kind of red flag really. You barely know each other and alcohol was on board too. He could have been nervous, shy or just a little bit inexperienced in dating. Forget about this one aspect and think of the date as a whole.

fevertrees

Sorry not replying till now guys!

I mostly asked this because I was scared this meant he wasn't interested. That I wasn't worth the effort of walking that far. Or that it was a "bad sign".

I'm pretty sure all is well. We were texting back and forth all day and we went for coffee as we were both in town around the same time. He walked the full way home with me for no real reason. Very sweet of him. Will probably go for a proper date again this week.

Diemos

I'm glad you have a positive update, but for the love of Pete, quit the games. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you do, it will put you streets ahead of most girls he's interacted with, he will appreciate it more than you know.

But the fact that you did not even address the issue most people brought up, it doesn't fill me with hope.

Yoshimi79

When you told him you were getting a taxi, he was probably thinking ahh no clunge for me tonight, so didn't bother walking you back and went home for a quick one

RabbleRouser2k

Considering your statements, and the whole 'other guys have walked me home'... you're already setting yourself up for failure by comparing him to other dates.

He'd just met you, he probably doesn't want to come across as creepy or dangerous. (Trust is more important than hurting people's feelings. Gotta let people know you're not a creep).

If you go for a date, and he messages you or honks his car-horn instead of knocking on your front door (no euphemisms, I mean literally), then he may not be relationship material. (I just find it classless to not knock on the front door when showing up for a date.) But as is, he genuinely seems like he didn't want to create an issue. If he had done the 'don't bother with a cab, I'll walk you home'... wouldn't that have been far more dodgy? It would have made any woman I know run in fear, or send out an SOS.

notAMember

He should have waited for the taxi or walked to the taxi rank alright. The last impression is important, as we can see by you being put off by it.

Also safety… two people are always safer than one, I walk friends / colleagues to taxi ranks or home after a night out (and then get a taxi myself) and that’s as a woman. A lad with a potential girlfriend should also do that.

Katgurl

I agree with this and also the remark about if he comes to the door or not.