Fella didn't walk me home

fevertrees · 03-04-2022 1:59am #1

I can't tell if he's just very "modern" or a bit...reckless? I'm 22, he's 24.

He seems quite keen. Tonight was our first proper date, having met on a night out last weekend and exchanging numbers. He was holding my hand guiding me out of places, holding doors etc. Sweet stuff. Paid for the first 2 rounds (I the next 2) and bought me my takeaway. Good stuff. We had a sneaky peck on the way to the takeaway.

He asked how I was getting home. I said taxi, hoping he'd offer to walk me, which is what every other man has done in the past. He said "well I could walk you as far as the pitch". Thing is, it was midnight. The pitch was only 5 minutes away. He knows I live another 10/15 minutes further than that. I said "so you can't walk me home but you'll walk me part of the way?". He said he didn't mind, it was OK and he would walk me home. But he very clearly didn't want to. I felt silly. He walked me to an ATM so I could get cash out for the taxi. The ramp was across the road from the pub. He said he had a great time and to text when I get home? And walked in? Wouldn't even walk me to the ramp? Then texted me a few minutes later to say thanks for a good night and he would love to meet again soon??

I can't tell if I'm just precious. It is 2022. But idk. I'm used to a certain degree of chivalry. He's the first lad to NOT walk me home. Do I need to get out of my own hole? I'm not living in a Regency era Netflix drama.

wotzgoingon · 03-04-2022 2:06am

What's a sneaky peek?

fevertrees · 03-04-2022 2:10am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118872740#Comment_118872740

*peck haha.

Little kiss

Moragle · 03-04-2022 2:39am

Perhaps he didn't offer to walk you home in case you thought he was trying to go back to your place. If you wanted him to walk you home why didn't you just ask him to walk you home instead of saying you were getting a taxi. And when he said he would walk you to the football pitch instead of saying "so you aren't going to walk me home" you could have just asked him to walk you home. Then you were annoyed that he said he would walk you home because he wasn't enthusiastic enough.

I don't think he's in the wrong here in anyway, he sounds like a lovely fella and I'm sure you're lovely too. But in the nicest possible way I think you are coming across as quite high maintenance. If he then walked you to the ATM, you got into the taxi beside the pub which is where I assume is where he "walked in" to, and asked you to text him when you got in AND texted saying he'd love to see you again, you really couldn't ask for more. And Honestly, based on your description of events I think a lot of fellas would have wrote you off as hard work after all that.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 03-04-2022 3:14am

Nah, I think you've a right to be a bit miffed.

I know people in every situation from platonic to full-on-kinky swinger, modern liberal-thinking to prude: and pretty much all of them would have walked you back home, or at least as far as you were comfortable with. And almost all without a hint of expectation other than a smile and hug, if even that.

That said, if he's worth it, gently tell him there were better ways he could have handled it - does he deserve a second date? Probably.

Is it the rock you want to bulid your church on? Doesn't sound like it.

Augme · 03-04-2022 3:21am

Does he live near to you? There's no way in hell I'd be walking someone home that's 20 minutes in the opposite direction of where I lived for example.

And if someone was of the opinion that it was to be expected of me to do that I'd run a mile.

NSAman · 03-04-2022 3:31am

Why didn’t you walk him home?

marilynrr · 03-04-2022 3:36am

I do think it's a bit unusual personally.

I know generalisations are frowned upon on here (or are they banned 😂) but among all men, the good, the bad and the in-between, young and old, I've always thought it was universal male behaviour to offer to walk a woman home after a date if they like her and want to see her again.

These days if I was dating I wouldn't let someone walk me home after a first date as I am cautious about giving out my address anyway but I would find it strange if he didn't offer (or said I'll walk with you for a little bit 😅)

Did he have plans for after your date maybe? going to a party?

I find it even more odd that when you said you were getting a taxi home he offered to walk you 5 minutes of the way. Women generally get taxis home so that they feel safe, it's not because they don't want to walk because they're lazy or find it boring to walk on their own...so offering to walk you 5 minutes of the way meaning you'd have to walk a further 10/15 minutes by yourself in the dark is odd because you had already planned a safe way home. Surely he can't have missed all of the media and social media commentary on how unsafe women feel while walking on their own.

Ficheall · 03-04-2022 7:33am

Presumably there were two ways for you to get home - (assuming you weren't planning to drive since you'd been drinking, and arranging a lift was pretty unlikely) - taxi or walking, and you picked the one where he couldn't really accompany you. Just be honest next time.

I've walked hours out of my way on dates, and enjoy doing so, but I wouldn't walk someone home if they didn't want me to - or said they didn't want me to, at least. Especially on a first date, when someone might not feel fully comfortable around you yet. Perhaps, as the poster above suggested, he's aware of all the social media and didn't want to make you uncomfortable by foisting his company on you for 15 minutes in the dark where there's no one else around. Remember - men aren't mind-readers, and can only take you at your word.

tony1kenobi · 03-04-2022 9:07am

Ye women get yourself into such a tizzy.

The lad clearly needed a poo. He knew it could wait ten minutes. But it couldn’t wait 30.

Why didn’t you just ask him if he needed the facilities? Do that next time and be more thoughtful of others.

03-04-2022 9:23am

You said you were getting a taxi but you expected him to walk you home?

What is he a mind reader? Don't say something if you don't mean it.

Jequ0n · 03-04-2022 9:30am

”He asked how I was getting home. I said taxi, hoping he'd offer to walk me, which is what every other man has done in the past.”

And that’s when you messed up the date by trying to play games. He accepted your wish to take a taxi and received unnecessary drama in return.

893bet · 03-04-2022 9:40am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118873144#Comment_118873144

This.

If I could get to your man now I would tell him run, run fast as you are already playing some pointless games.

Next up is

“my boyfriend asked if it was ok to go out to watch the match with his friends, I said it was but was hoping he would chose to stay in with me and watch strictly come dancing, but he didn’t, what’s wrong with him”?

you are young, but still an adult and it’s a childish way you are thinking. I mean that as very honest and genuine advice.

jacool · 03-04-2022 9:46am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118872804#Comment_118872804

What direction would you run that mile?

Snugbugrug28 · 03-04-2022 9:54am

I think you guys just weren't on the same wavelength at the time. Given he did everything else right he must have thought what he was doing at the time was right. Probably wanted to make sure you didn't think he was trying to get you in the sack before time or something.

I don't think you're too precious, you just both thought something different about the significance of the walk home.

Ficheall · 03-04-2022 10:17am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118873218#Comment_118873218

"you just both thought something different"

I wonder what could possibly have caused that.

Dial Hard · 03-04-2022 10:21am

I have literally never been walked home from a date in my life, and I've been on a *lot* of dates. Is this a thing now?

Anyway, I agree with everyone else, if you wanted him to walk you home, you should have said so. But I can also see why he might have thought he was being "chivalrous" (I hate that word, and the concept) by not offering - plenty of women wouldn't necessarily want a man to know where they live on a first date.

YellowLead · 03-04-2022 10:35am

Was he meeting friends after? It pretty much would have been a 40 minute round trip for him there and back including saying goodnight, and you said you were getting a taxi so he probably didn’t see it as a big deal at all.

As others have said, a lot of women wouldn’t be comfortable with a guy knowing where they live on a first date or worrying if he is going to ask to come in for sex etc so distancing himself from being at your house could have been him actually trying to be gentlemanly.

If everything else was great ignore this and don’t miss out on something that could be fun over a miss understanding.

Mundo7976 · 03-04-2022 10:40am

Let us know how the next date goes!

Buddy Bubs · 03-04-2022 10:53am

I'd offer to walk a lady home every time if it was 15/20 mins and she seemed to want to walk. If she said she wanted a taxi I'd take that at face value and walk her to taxi. After that you're only messing and guessing.

DebDynamite · 03-04-2022 10:53am

You said he asked how were you getting home, you said a taxi. He then walked you for 5 mins of the journey. Sounded like when you said you were getting a taxi, he didn’t want to say goodbye at that stage so kept walking with you another 5 mins to spend more time with you.

You said you wanted to get a taxi. Maybe he was concerned you were cold, or your feet were sore in your heels (if wearing any!), or didn’t want to feel he was imposing himself on you for safety reasons... It sounds like to me he listened to you about anything to take a taxi, but still wanted to squeeze another 5 mins out of the date to spend with you.

Tork · 03-04-2022 11:04am

If you wanted this guy to walk you home, why did tell him you wanted to get a taxi? He isn't a mind reader and you still hardly know each other. With the times that we're living in, he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.

Also, we hear about how dangerous it is for women to walk on their own at night. What about guys? Once he'd walked you home, he'd have had to turn around and walk through sub-zero temperatures to his own place. You didn't say where you lived but maybe it's not the safest of areas for somebody to be walking alone at night?

This guy sounds lovely, so why are you self-sabotaging this?

AyeGer · 03-04-2022 11:17am

How far was his journey? Apart from the fact you said you’d get a taxi which is a perfectly believable thing to do btw, why would he not take you at your word when you said that. On the other hand if he had a 20 min walk himself and then went 20 mins in the opposite direction that would be an hours walks for him when the simple solution was for you to get the taxi you already said you were getting.

Lesson maybe is to speak your mind more and let people know what you want.

storker · 03-04-2022 11:33am

I think a lot of women don't realise that guys tend not to parse anything women say beyond its literal meaning. They don't look for hidden meanings because most men think that if you say "X" then you mean "X" and not "W" or "Y".

I'd say there's a good chance the OP's date was actually disappointed because he was hoping for a chance to walk her home.

I'll just leave this here...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezVib_giTFo&ab_channel=CentralFilms

Liberty_Bear · 03-04-2022 12:08pm

Men are not mind readers unfortnately (despite as much we might proclaim to be!). You said you were getting a taxi home thus he was being straight up. I dont think you have any right to be miffed at all if you ask me! And he was being a gent in thinking that if he did walk you home, would he have thought maybe that you were thinking he was looking for something more than a walk home? Thats how I would have read it if I was the chap. Either way I hope it goes well!

wotzgoingon · 03-04-2022 1:54pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118873187#Comment_118873187

The opposite direction from the woman. That's if she is a mong if good looking well that's another story.

03-04-2022 2:05pm

I think you gave him a bit of a mixed message and put him on a bit of an awkward spot, if I'm honest. Sounds like the poor guy didn't know what you wanted.

Don't give mixed messages. It's headwrecking and leads to overthinking (like you're doing now!)

When he asked how you were getting home, you could have said "I can get a taxi, or maybe you'd like to walk me home?

Keep in mind that maybe he was hesitant on walking back alone at night - lads walking alone get beaten up regularly. Is it a safe area? (not than anywhere is 100% safe these days).

It may be chivalrous to walk you safely to your door, but he is entitled to consider his own safety as well. The recent threads on violence against women also brought up alarming statistics on random attacks against men.

He sounds like a nice guy, I hope the next date goes as well. Relax a bit, and have fun instead of sweating the details.

(Now my advice as a Mammy - always carry enough cash on you for your taxi fare home.)

Leg End Reject · 03-04-2022 2:17pm

Why all the detail about who bought what?

I don't understand why you're annoyed he didn't offer to walk you home when you said you were getting a taxi when asked. It's also a bit much to expect someone to walk you home when it's a 20 minute walk there and another 20 back. Where is the logic in that? Are you miffed you had to go to an ATM for the taxi fare?

marilynrr · 03-04-2022 2:25pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118873144#Comment_118873144

She hoped he'd walk her home but if she said "taxi" and he said "perfect" and then they left it at that then she probably wouldn't have made a thread over it.

He made the situation weird IMO by offering to walk her part of the way.

I wouldn't allow a man to pay for me on the date but I feel like it's a bit like someone saying "I'll pay for your dinner but not anything that costs more than a tenner".

Not offering at all and accepting I was happy to split the bill with no fuss would be absolutely fine, but some kind of half offer definitely would make a lot of people start to analyse what was said!

Analysing dates is all part of the process anyway, he could be at home cringing thinking why did I only offer to walk her for 5 minutes? 😳🙈

Diemos · 03-04-2022 2:52pm

Christ on a bike, I feel for young fella's today.

Ginger83 · 03-04-2022 3:23pm

Maybe he had another date after yours

Fella didn't walk me home

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