Fella didn't walk me home

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118875911#Comment_118875911

Or maybe it meant he believed what you said when you told him you were getting a taxi?

I feel for this guy, he's in for a very hard time if you're going to say one thing but mean another

foxsake

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118877135#Comment_118877135

lay off the OP. she made one very minor misjudgment and the good and great of the forum have labelled her difficult. maybe say a few novenas for the poor lad while you are at it.If only we all were so well adjusted in matters of the heart as the champions here.

he should have walked the OP to the taxi and seen her get in out of courtesy. It's what a man should do unless there is a reason. But the OP should speak her mind too maybe not demand a walk home but ask to walk for a bit . It's only a communication misunderstanding not worthy of the OP's character being judged.

seamus

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118877135#Comment_118877135

I think you're being a bit harsh here. They're both fairly young. Women communicate with eachother using a lot more nuance and hints and trigger words. Men communicate far more directly.

And rarely does anybody explain this to young people, so when they start talking to eachother, miscommunications happen until they realise what's happening. Some people never get it.

Everyone is coming from their own perspective. If the conversation had been reversed and she asked him how he was getting home and he said "Taxi", then what he would have meant was, "I'm kind of tired and just want to get home as quickly as possible". So when OP said it to him, that's the meaning that he took from it. The offer to walk her a certain distance until she could get a taxi showed that he wanted to walk her, but didn't want to disregard her wish to get a taxi.

Saying one thing and meaning the opposite is a fairly classic male/female misunderstanding, it's important not to read any specific meaning from the response or from the question. Accusation of "playing games" is a bit far, this kind of communication is nearly innate for many women. There's no ulterior motive or manipulation going on, it's just an expectation that the other individual is also communicating like this.

There's nothing to say that you can't drop hints, OP. There's no reason why one party should have to adjust their communication style entirely and the other not have to. But if you want to be heard you need to be far less subtle. Like, "I fancy walking home, but I don't want to walk alone". Even then a man might not hear, "I want you to walk me home", he might hear, "I have a problem that I want you to solve in the most efficient way possible". And his response might be, "Let's get you a taxi". :D

@foxsake wrote:

he should have walked the OP to the taxi and seen you get in out of courtesy.

I would just like to point out that while you're technically correct, it's not a black mark against the guy for it. Why didn't he do it? Because nobody does it for him. When he says he's off to get a taxi, everyone says goodbye and he heads off on his own to get a taxi. Nobody watches him get in to make sure he's OK. So this is not something that he considers to be normal. As I say above, we can all only come from our own normal. Unless someone tells this guy, "Actually, women feel quite unsafe walking alone at night, most women consider it a basic courtesy that you would ensure they have gotten into a taxi or gotten into their house safely, before leaving".

Nobody does this for men. Nobody walks men to their taxis or texts them to find out if they got home. So most men are not aware this is something that women want.

osarusan

@seamus:

Saying one thing and meaning the opposite is a fairly classic male/female misunderstanding, it's important not to read any specific meaning from the response or from the question. Accusation of "playing games" is a bit far, this kind of communication is nearly innate for many women. There's no ulterior motive or manipulation going on, it's just an expectation that the other individual is also communicating like this.

She literally says in the OP that she said she'd take a taxi in the hope he'd offer to walk her home. It was, in its own minor way, a bit of game-playing, a little test of him, even.

Big Bag of Chips

I think this is now a combination of a lot of things all coming together and making life increasingly difficult for young lads in the world today. The issue of consent is now a huge thing in young people’s lives. There are classes in school and college about it. There are Facebook posts and men calling on other men to stop other men from taking advantage. This fella asked you how you were getting home and you said taxi. The taxi rank, from what I can gather was across the road from the pub. Had he offered to walk you home he might have been accused of not listening to your wish to get a taxi, and to maybe want to walk you to a quieter spot and may make you feel uneasy. You said taxi, the taxi rank was close by and you were unlikely to get into any bother between the pub and the taxi rank which was in view. He accepted that and let you get a taxi. We are also hearing how women don’t want to be classed as the weaker sex, and want to be treated equally. As a poster above mentioned, nobody walks him to his taxi and makes sure he gets in ok. So he doesn’t want to be seen as assuming you are weak and need to be looked after by having him stand beside you as you get into a taxi in full view of the pub you were just in.

Life is so very very difficult for young people now, and boys/men in particular are wary of doing anything that might inadvertently land them in trouble. If you tell him you are getting a taxi, he is hearing from society that he should let you get a taxi. If he offered something (to walk you a certain distance) and you refused, he has been taught to accept that decision and not push the issue. So as a consequence of all that, playing coy and saying one thing but hoping he realised you mean something else is not going to work. Men have been taught that no, means no. (Thankfully!) But that means that if you want something you have to explicitly say it. That way there’s no confusion and no question that you are giving the go ahead for him to do what you are hoping he will do.

manonboard

you told him you want to get a taxi and are upset that he didnt walk you home? Dont play games with people no matter how small.

In his head, hes trying to show you he is interested but without pushing any boundaries. He has no idea how you will take it if he suggests going anywhere to your place. He has no idea how you will feel once you both get there. He has no idea if it would be considered creepy or pushy. He has no idea if you want to be treated like a china doll or an equal. He also has to consider his own needs. He would have to walk back and add 40 minutes to his journey? He might not have the money for his own taxi.

You live in one of the safest places in the world. Its midnight, you are are fine to get home on your own like the thousands of other women in our cities.

Just drop your thoughts on this. You had a lovely date with a nice chap, you both seem to dig each other. Dont bring misery into it.

witchgirl26

OP without being harsh, you said you were getting a taxi & he offered to walk you to where you could get one. Does he know where you live? Otherwise you could have been ages away and walking would have been out of the question for both of you. And maybe he thought your feet were sore, or cold like someone else said. If you wanted him to walk you home, maybe be a little bit more direct about it. Just say that you were going to walk home, would he mind walking with you it's only x amount of time away.

My OH walked me to the taxi rank on our first few dates. No hope of walking home as he lived in the complete opposite direction. Didn't expect it either. The only time I've ever been walked home was by a male friend after getting off the Nitelink & he lived really near by. He realised I'd be walking through a couple of laneways to get to my house so walked me to the end of my road. That's the only time.

Ok he maybe should have waited till you were in the taxi at the pub & waved off before going in, but I wouldn't be over judging him by that one little thing.

Like other posters said he.was trying to avoid coming across as looking for sex at the first opportunity. He likely has good ethics, he could be a keeper for the long haul.

feelings

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058240002/fella-didnt-walk-me-home

Agree with others. Why did you not you offer to walk him home? 😄

IMHO, you need to be more clear in your communication. Don't just assume he can read your mind. Ask the question - it can be a flirty/friendly way - "my chariot awaits... walk a girl to get a taxi?" - job done, very clear that you're not asking him home but that you'd like to be walked to the taxi.

It really isn't rocket science. Good, effective communication and that goes both ways.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118877460#Comment_118877460

I am a woman, nothing more annoying then someone who cannot say what they mean/think.

she may be young, but she's a grown woman, she needs to communicate normally if she doesn't want to be a headwreck

RabbleRouser2k

Some folks derailing things by talking bout societal pressure and issues... when really it's simply down to lack of communication.

None of us are mind readers.

Big Bag of Chips

I'm a bit confused by what you wanted/expected OP. Why, exactly, were you hoping he'd walk you home? Were you going to invite him in? He offered to walk you "to the pitch" which was 5 minutes away. You say you live 15-20 mins walk further on. So potentially a 25 minute walk, there and back. Guts of an hour. For what reason? It seems like the most sensible solution is for you to get a taxi. And he seems like he thought this was the most sensible idea too, which is why he was a bit confused at you mentioning him walking you all the way home.

Caranica

Just as an aside, as a woman I never get a taxi off a rank any more. App, comes to the door and you can check out the driver first using the driver check app. So much safer. Plus there's a record of what car you got into.

There's no way I would give a guy my address on a first date OP. You said guys usually walk you home. Please consider your safety.

marilynrr

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118879574#Comment_118879574

If he thought it was so sensible then why on earth did he say "I'll walk you to the pitch" knowing that she'd then be on her own in the dark when she had already said she was going with the sensible option.

Surely it's obvious what she wanted. I'm not understanding the confusion.😐️

Either way, she came back on here with a good update and hasn't questioned anything else or kept going on about it so I'm really not sure why this pile-on on the OP is allowed to continue!😐️

HeidiHeidi

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118880320#Comment_118880320

I have a feeling "pitch" might be another word for "rank" so he was offering to walk her to the taxi?

Or at least that's the assumption I've been reading under....

marilynrr

@HeidiHeidi

Oh, I never heard of pitch used in that way. I assumed it was football pitch or something like that a few minutes down the road in the middle of nowhere!

HeidiHeidi

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118880359#Comment_118880359

Nor did I! But it's the only way I could make any sense of the OP!!

YellowLead

What’s the ‘ramp’ by the way that was across from the pub and that he didn’t walk to? Is that a regional word for rank as in taxi rank?

amdublin

I honestly think you are being extremely harsh on your date. You told him you were getting a taxi. Of course he would not walk you home in this instance...

marilynrr

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118880566#Comment_118880566

Extremely harsh?

All she did was question that one thing 😵 She's since been texting him and had a coffee date.

Your response is 'extremely harsh' on the OP.

Jequ0n

Why is this thread still going? Clearly this has been resolved as per the OP’s last update.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

As you've resolved your issue OP, I'll close the thread there.

Thanks everyone who offered advice.

HS