Are these red flags in a prospective new housemate?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118532051#Comment_118532051

A young one? At what point did I mention her age? She is not a young one. She's in her thirties.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118530473#Comment_118530473

Yeah I think you're right, this is solid advice. Cheers. :)

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118530431#Comment_118530431

Yeah, already feeling a bit tired from it all as she's text again with more drama. I think I'll just have to be pretty boundaried, and maybe she'll prove me wrong and it will work out. Thanks for the advice!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118532190#Comment_118532190

Well she’s not an aul wan either is she? If 30 is old I don’t want to know about it.

I stand by what I said. You’re being a pill.

Certainly not, but certainly not a young one either. :)

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118532208#Comment_118532208

Hahah no idea what a pill is. But I mean, did you actually read my post? Her new best friend of two weeks, TOLD ME that people think they are two psychos… I mean…. Did you miss that part?

spakman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118532354#Comment_118532354

And you took that LITERALLY?

Snails pace

Put a few extra locks on your door just to be safe!! Give her a few days to settle in and see how things go before making any big decisions

AyeGer

I’d say now she is in relax a little and see how things go, if you are this uptight about her you will end up creating the very thing you fear.

I'm out.

pm1977x

'Niamh' was, is and always will be the drama, your gut feeling was right, good luck OP, it sounds like you're going to need it!

Big Bag of Chips

OP, can I ask, as it's not really clear - what part do you want advice on?

She has moved in. She's settling in. Maybe nervous, maybe excited, maybe she's just a bubbly, oversharing, full on person. You said you clicked on the first day, so obviously you were drawn to the fact that she was open and chatty etc. Now it's the thing that you're complaining about.

She has moved in with you. She hasn't, as yet, done anything that would give you reason to ask her to leave. Maybe she will. And maybe this will be an absolute disaster. If that happens you will deal with it. But, there are many different types of personalities in the world. This one seems to be a bit full on. You liked it at first, but now you're doubting your choice. That's on you. Not her.

You can keep a civil distance between you if that's what you're most comfortable with. But other than being a bit full on, I don't see what she has actually done, that has you "extremely worried and anxious". What are you extremely worried and anxious about?

road_high

Well OP you were well warned. AlI the signs were there for a neurotic head melt…

JustJoe7240

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118532399#Comment_118532399

To be fair, I don't think I've ever heard anyone refer to another person as a psycho in an endearing or jokey way, that said, I've also never heard anyone refer to another as a pill as an insult before, so I may be out of the loop.

road_high

Wonder how soon it will take for the missed rent and bills to start? My hunch, not very long. And it will be your fault for “bullying” her etc

JustJoe7240

Also worth finding out why the previous housemates were hassling. Assuming it's chasing non payment of bills. Her behaviour sounds ridiculous for a person in their 30's

spakman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118533058#Comment_118533058

What are you basing any of that on?

road_high

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118533068#Comment_118533068

The Instagram drama for starters. Some people are like that. They are endless drama and problems. And also the nonsense about her old landlord- only reason he/she would be “harassing” her is unpaid rent/bills. The other side of the story would be interesting I’d say

sporina

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118532194#Comment_118532194

umm... OP you had an issue on here with a housemate before.. then you came on here and asked about this one - red flag? and most said, yes.. avoid.. but you went ahead and let her in.. and now issues already.. I dunno.. I smell a rat.. I dunno - I just find it all a bit odd..

yes good advice above.. best of luck

Hannibal_Smith

The girl had a rant on Instagram about people who were judging her. Has struck up with a friendship with a girl in the past two weeks. The psycho remark I wouldn't take literally, I'm reading it as a throw away remark more than anything.

I'm not seeing red flags as such. You were nervous enough about saying yes to her. Is it possible you're grasping at anything to almost prove your suspicions right?

Relax and get to know her. You can set boundaries and dictate how the relationship goes from here. You don't have to depend on her to set the tone.

road_high

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118532199#Comment_118532199

Why are you even replying to this rubbish? Unless it’s issues to do with the house then fcuk all to do with you. You don’t know her.

Shes more than likely looking for someone to indulge her drama as everyone else has ran a mile years ago (hence the two week old “friend”)

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118533156#Comment_118533156

Supply and demand?

Padre_Pio

Honestly, you were silly to let her move in.

There are thousands of perfectly normal people who are looking for accommodation. Your housemate seems clingy and in need of friends. You've just become her target.

byhookorbycrook

Anyone else see irony in the OP "flagging" a new best friend of the housemate, when the OP "clicked" straight away with the new housemate?

Big Bag of Chips

sparklinglens, have you spoken to your GP about anxiety? Are you on any medication or seeing a psychotherapist? It's just the phrase "extremely anxious" is concerning me. At most you should be mildly peeved that your new housemate is a bit full-on. But you should, as an adult, be able to manage that yourself. You need to be able to deal with lots of different types of personalities. Especially if you are living in a house share. You should be able to put your own boundaries in place, either by directly spelling it out, or by your actions of not being buddy-buddy with her and not getting involved in texts rallies with her. She'll soon get the message.

Until she starts being late with rent, or not paying bills, or wrecking the house, you have nothing to be extremely anxious about. Every houseshare has the potential to be a disaster. You are picking someone to live with based on a few minutes of talking to them. But equally many houseshares just tip along together and get on with it.

If you are extremely anxious about this situation, one you chose, one you decided on, then you need to discuss this with someone who can help you pick it apart. Explore why you are anxious and why you continually took steps to lead you into a situation where you are extremely anxious when you had opportunity to turn back.

In all honesty, I think extremely anxious is an over reaction to this situation, but if that's how you feel, that's how you feel. But it might be worth talking through your anxiety with a professional. Normal life situations shouldn't have you feeling extremely anxious. Mildly apprehensive maybe. But not extremely anxious.

witchgirl26

OP here's my take on it.

You don't get to judge how long people can be friends before they're real friends. Some of my best friends were instant connections with someone & we would have been inseparable from the get go (and these were friendships made as adults - not as children). And in terms of the phsyco's - that could be anything. I was jokingly called that by my best friend because of my love of true crime. It was a joke. Ok it fell flat but I wouldn't be taking it that flippin seriously.

I think you need to relax and let her settle in a bit and let you settle. You seem to be looking for a red flag with everything at this point. And just because she had an issue with a previous flatmate, doesn't mean she's the melt. I know someone who is still friends with most of her previous housemates but there was one where it was borderline getting the Guards out in regards (locking her out of their apartment at 9pm because she'd missed curfew - they were in their mid-20's).

If you are getting this anxious and looking for all the potential problems (beyond just being aware that they could happen), then maybe consider not having a housemate as that seems to be causing the anxiety as opposed to the individual.

Tork

Have you ever had housemates who weren't a bit odd or problematic? I house shared on and off from when I was in my late teens until my early 30s. In all that time, I can honestly say I never shared with anybody who was weird or particularly awful. At worst they could be a bit irritating at times but that's standard fare in most house shares. After your previous thread and now this one, it's making me wonder are you attracting a certain sort of housemate?

Hi all, OP here. This has had lots of interesting responses. Thanks to all who replied. Happy for mods to close this thread if they like because I’ve received enough feedback and probably won’t be checking back. Cheers. :)

OP here, things have escalated (badly) but I’ve edited this post to delete my comment as I’m not sure I’ll get any actual helpful advice. Going to leave it at that, thanks.

fritzelly

This is a wind up surely?

Should have quoted the post because that was beyond bat **** crazy