Spousal abuse

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408227#Comment_118408227

What's wrong with "consent classes"?

To me they are the same conversation as what is an ok secret to keep.

Along with it being ok if you don't want to give granny or whoever a hug and a kiss etc.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408321#Comment_118408321

The theoretical basis for them is that males are inherent sexual predators

It's about pathologizing maleness

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408334#Comment_118408334

No it's not.

It's teaching respect.

Being respectful to what another person wants, not just assuming you (broad sense) know what they want and what they are comfortable with.

It amazes me that someone would have a problem with talking about consent and making it be a negative thing.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408391#Comment_118408391

So you think girls will be addressed in the same way as boys ?

Jequ0n

I seriously have no idea what consent classes even are…is this really a thing? Is there a curriculum?

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408407#Comment_118408407

From my own sex Ed way back when, we were thought not to feel pressurized into doing something we were not comfortable with. Equally we were thought not to put pressure on someone else.

I'd imagine due to the metoo movement the conversation has moved with abit more structure.

It's definitely a conversation I'll be having with my boys not because I think they are sexual deviants but because I think it's an important conversation.

touts

There is no interest in male victims of spousal abuse because there is little money to be raised by the charity industry for male causes. Plus if they help one man and he is then accused of being the abuser they will lose support for helping him. The system, both official and unofficial, in Ireland assumes automatic guilt of the man and innocence of the woman once accusations are made.

I have a good friend in the UK who was abused mentally and eventually physically by his ex wife. The police took statements but never followed up. When he eventually fled there was no support for him..No shelters existed for him so he had to sleep on friends couches for a while. She wiped him out financially. Took the children, house, all his money and he is still supporting her to this day even though she is now living with a new partner in my friend's house. And then for good measure she threw in an allegation of abuse against him on social media so now he is branded an abuser and she is seen as the victim. Last time they saw each other before the separation she broke his nose with a saucepan to the face.

Ok that is the UK but Ireland is almost identical. Males are not protected.

Wanderer2010

The whole men getting abused versus women getting abused double standards was really exposed when Caroline Flack took her own life before facing domestic violence charges. All of a sudden Facebook went into overdrive and the amount of ill-informed, attention-seeking and downright stupid people (both men and women) who changed their profile picture to a cuddly pink background with the words Be Kind prominent in the picture was unreal.

Not a single one of those people would have changed their profile had it been a man who killed himself after domestic abuse against a woman. This kind of band wagon jumping, populist herd thinking is a real blockage to genuine debate or action on male victims of abuse.

The debate is changing, albeit very slowly but sadly it remains the case that male abusers are "monsters" but female abusers are merely "tragic" or "troubled".

the_pen_turner

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408391#Comment_118408391

in theory there is nothing wrong with consent classes. if anything they would be a good thing and should be incuraged but we all know that they will be completely biased and one sided . why would they not be. everything else is. men are seen as the rapist and the woman as a victim irispective of the fact of the case.

py2006

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408391#Comment_118408391

Consent classes is a pandering response to the more radical feminism of today which seeks to put rape as a characteristic of masculism or as they put it, "toxic masculism".

Most men are well aware rape is wrong and don't need some patronising feminist at the top of a classroom telling them not to rape.

py2006

I've spoken about my feelings on campaigns about domestic violence/spousal abuse on here before. The subject infuriates me at times.

As a man in his late 30s now, I have seen many a woman abuse/control their partners to the point the man is a lifeless provider. God only knows what goes on behind closed doors.

I fully believe woman are fully capable of mistreating another human being as much as a man can despite what these campaigns want us to believe.

It's telling how posters all presume that male victims of domestic abuse have wives and girlfriends as abusers.

It's like no one thinks same sex couples have domestic abuse

There are male and female victims, male and female offenders, in opposite sex relationships and same sex relationships. It's hard for all victims to come forward, everyone deserves help in those situations. And I think a campaign or two with same sex couples would be a good idea.

Freddie Mcinerney

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118404828#Comment_118404828

Guy went to Roxboro Garda Station saying two girls were making advances. The cops ignored and laugh at him.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408565#Comment_118408565

Patriarchy eh

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408750#Comment_118408750

True, campaigns are useless unless the message is made absolutely crystal clear and every single combination has been featured.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408750#Comment_118408750

WOKE points are available everywhere

Stay sharp

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408838#Comment_118408838

Gonna have to explain?

How many domestic incidents have you dealt with?

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408707#Comment_118408707

Kinda dragging the thread off topic but consent /non consent doesn't always mean the end result is rape.

There are many actions that some people would see as "harmless" that really aren't appropriate.

I remember there was a thread here maybe 2 or 3 years ago started by a guy. He had been having a conversation with his wife and she casually mentioned something that happened in a nightclub, an unwanted advance that was pretty physical or something along those lines (way before they had met). He was shocked in equal proportions that some guy would do this and the fact that his wife was very casual about it in a "sure it was a normal night out" kinda way.

I'm sure if you ask any female in your circle they will all have at least one story where they definitely felt uncomfortable by unwanted attention.

So yeah if consent classes help to raise awareness of how ones behaviour may negatively impact on another and then cause a change in that behaviour for the better, it can only be a good thing, no?

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408750#Comment_118408750

They did run a campaign with a male couple a few years ago as far as I can remember.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408889#Comment_118408889

Yes, I remember it, but probably need to do more. Victims need to understand that they are victims and there is help available.

Larbre34

The matter of explicit consent shouldn't be conflated with persistent spousal or partner abuse.

Consent is of course important in an early sexual relationship, but a healthy physical intimate relationship just contains it implicitly as part of trust and respect.

The ad campaign is more concerned with coercion, restriction, dimunition, alienation, isolation, gaslighting, threats and outright physical and sexual violence. These are the hallmarks of partner abuse and they are persistent and sinister.

kerryjack

Interesting tread this, like what is abuse, like someone's definition of spousal abuse might be some one else definition of someone caring for you, OK they might be a bit of control, but sure some us men need a bit of control,we need to be picked up from the pub at 10 because if she don't we get a lock in and might go walking home at 4 in morning no taxi about and get killed stone dead. Well it happened me a few times, well not the dieing part obviously, I was a raving alcoholic before I met herself not a pot to piss in, I had No stop button so i married one, if I married a lunatic like myself, which I met a few it would be chaotic, good fun maybe but no met a lovely girl settled down with nice house, 4 lovely kids, Sex on sunday morning, for me that's living the dream but for some lads that could be a nightmare. We would all love to keep the good life going for ever,jesus I would give it all away to be back in mid 20s again heading in to Dingle town on a Saturday drinking all day pulling knickers down off a stray Hen down some allyway and have mad drunken sex with her and never seeing her again, good times.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408870#Comment_118408870

reminding the room that many couples involving domestic abuse are same sex couples

Mad_maxx

the teaching of consent in school is as already pointed out , pandering to radical feminism .

most parents are well able to teach their children how to behave towards everyone , I never learned about " consent " in school but I never acted inappropriately towards a woman either , Its not that difficult to know when you are not welcome , telling the kind of people who dont care wont make any difference .

its all part and parcel of the demonisation process of males . naturally the mainstream media are keenly on board and anyone who speaks out against will have the rabid feminist man haters light on them and have the question " why do you oppose protecting girls and women " put to them

whole thing is absolutely toxic , hopefully their will be an opt out clause for parents who dont want their sons participating in such ideological indoctrination seminars

touts

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118408750#Comment_118408750

Well done you. Us evil Straight Males well and truly put back in our box our tails between our legs for daring to suggest straight males may have anything wrong on their lives.

AckwelFoley

What is abuse

You're a useless dick head

You're no good to me

You're not a man

You're a **** handicap bastard

Pot throwing

Slap

Persistent and regular verbal assault is abuse

Anything physical if only once is abuse, but the thing about physical abuse its never just once.

They way I put it when a woman slapped me across the shoulder / arm in an argument once - when the dust settled I made it categorically clear that the slap was absolutely not acceptable.

I'm 6'4 I weigh 19 stone I played rugby for years, a slap from a small woman isn't going to be the same if I did it to her but it's equally unacceptable. In fairness I think she accepted this letter because it didn't happen again.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118409738#Comment_118409738

And what's wrong with that? For years people didn't think women could be the abusers in domestic violence incidents, men were ashamed and embarrassed to come forward as victims. As more people have talked about it, become more aware, it has thankfully meant that more male victims can come forward.

It's important to talk about these things, so victims don't feel alone and ashamed and embarrassed. So, you can throw your favourite word around all you want, personally I would care more about the victims then your ridiculous insults.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118409811#Comment_118409811

Pretty sure you picked me up completely wrong

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118409826#Comment_118409826

its performative WOKE,ry or else an attempt to deflect

no need to interject with mention of same sex couples , this is about the male - female dynamic that plays out within the context of spousal abuse in terms of the attitudes of both the authorities and wider society

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118409845#Comment_118409845

Thread title is 'spousal abuse'

Why do you think it's just male -female domestic violence occurs in any type of relationship, of course all victims should be included in such discussions