What was the most offensive/hurtful thing ever said to you?

Donald Trump

About 30 years ago I had to deal with a situation of an extremely smelly student who used to come to my lectures reeking of BO and booze and pi$s. Even from the front of the lecture, the stench was overpowering and other students were deliberately avoiding my classes. The issue actually dominated departmental meetings for a couple of months.

So I eventually took the student aside and explained the situation. I tried to minimize the impact by saying that I hadn't noticed it myself (even though I was almost retching at the time) but other students had complained. The student actually improved a lot as a result and in order to make them feel better about it, I later lied and said it was a mistake so that they would feel better about themself. At that stage, I kinda thought that the good habits would have been formed.

As I was walking away, I heard that student mutter under their breath "what a fuc$ing cu*t". It hurt a lot because I had gone out of my way, both to help them and to try to minimize their mental stress. It did not lessen that hurt one bit to later hear from other lecturers that that same student had subsequently reverted to their old stinkbag habits and was actually worse than ever

Daisy78

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386033#Comment_118386033

It doesn't mean you have to articulate it. You'd hope someone one would have the cop on not to say it.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386033#Comment_118386033

You are confusing life expectancy at birth with life expectancy at another age. If, to pick a number, life expecancy at birth is/was 80 then it does not mean that a 79 year old is only expected to live for one year. The 79 year old's life expectancy could be 10 years

Mad_maxx

dont be so precious , people often die out of the blue when they reach eighty , every death is tragic on a personal level but it happens each and every day of the week

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386125#Comment_118386125

personal expectations are meaningless as any number of random eventualities are possible health wise

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386145#Comment_118386145

Well then don't quote one as the basis for your argument. If your position is that these stats are meaningless, then don't base your argument on them in the first place

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118381966#Comment_118381966

And my opinion is only my opinion too though. It could be wrong, hence the ability to hurt me. But what I'm also getting at is the regret of not handling something better. And such things will often be said in front of others and your status will drop when they witness this.

Brid Hegarty

@bubblypop I don't go to work because of what people say. I work because I like to work, I like my independence, I like having my own money.

Yeah but if we were to go deeper with that word 'independence'. I could argue that you like your independence because you get respect for having it; bringing me back to my point about ego. So therefore you do care about what people think.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386380#Comment_118386380

What are you talking about? Why do you think I get respect because I'm independent? I have no idea what anyone thinks of my independence, nor do I care, I like it, my life suits me.

And no, I don't care what other people think.

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118381864#Comment_118381864

What happened to the real guy? I guess he wasn't he singled out in front of everyone?

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118381916#Comment_118381916

Sorry, bit confused. Avoid what? Bad hygiene? You've been "thinking about how to deal with encounters like this" from which perspective?

kirk.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386421#Comment_118386421

From the perspective of the hatee

Handling hate and general garbage from encounters with people

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386099#Comment_118386099

Hang on, are you for real? Did you know user TooTired123? You must be very old by now if you did? It's to long to be a joke joke. Are you the lecturer. Funny that a lecturer would call themselves Donald Trump!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386099#Comment_118386099

An alcoholic will find any and many ways to insult, what they are best skilled at. They smell heavily of everything.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386141#Comment_118386141

I honestly have no words.

manonboard

I had two made about my looks that really hurt.

1st, as a teen:

female classmate: "You might look alright when you are older. Usually it happens that way"

me: "why would that change?"

female classmate: "well usually better looking people lose their looks, while people like you get better looking"...

They meant it as a nice, neutral observation.. I think thats what hurt the most.

second: Though I'm 36 now and quite presentable now.

I asked a friend out. A few years of good friendship. I thought she was interested because of lots of different things she's said like trying to find a guy just like me to spend her life with. She had been a good friend to me. So we slept together. I was generous, no issues there. Following on the discussion about whether to date:

"It was really good sex. You really know what you are doing there. The orgasms were soooo good that i was convincing myself the next day it would be good to date...but i don't find you physically or sexually attractive though.. but man.. the orgasms were so good i thought 'well maybe I could date him!!!'"

it killed me. We got along fantastic as friends. The sex was quite enjoyable. So finding out it was just about me physically hurt like hell. Hearing her try to convince herself to try it because the sex was good actually made it worst.. because on the good side, there was the great sex.. on the bad side?... me.

F* you! lol

The thing that helped me get my confidence back was: I had an eating disorder up until literally that month. By complete coincidence, a rare specialist was able to help me and make HUGE improvements in my life. I went from 1300 calories a day to 2500 calories a day. A 35 year battle ended. Im always rock climbing so it immediately all turned to 10kg extra muscle over the last 8 months. Girls have been nicer and much more verbally appreciative of my body. It really helped me recover from that last experience. I think guys deserve a lot more verbal appreciation of the physical.

TooTired123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386407#Comment_118386407

Oh I haven’t a clue. I would have been quite quiet and lacking in confidence. But look. Whatever doesn’t kill you will kill some other c**t.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386537#Comment_118386537

She must have found something physically very attractive about you if the sex was good. Maybe in your case of having been close friends for so long before, she psychologically was thinking of you more as a brother type figure and though responded well physically to you, that barrier of hesitance about “dating” you popped up in her brain. A kind of “anti-incest” instinct at play. We are all quite neuroplastic and that need not necessarily have been a problem long term with all the other factors being right.

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386537#Comment_118386537

I'm giving you the prize for best post!

kirk.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386465#Comment_118386465

Smelly student dominanting department meetings for a couple of months

Quite humourous if it's a windup

manonboard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386570#Comment_118386570

lol of all the best prizes, owning the shittiest experience is the worst :D

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118386568#Comment_118386568

Yeah i struggled to understand parts of it in the end. After some time, i just had to put down thinking about it. She made her choice. I respect that.

Ill meet someone else, and with my new mk 2 body :D ill get enjoy that side :D.

One thing that i perhaps took from it, which is just my mind making the most of a bad situation. It greatly greatly, helped me feel immense gratitude for the gift i got of fixing my eating disorder. It was like getting a fresh sample of cr*p to make sure i know how valuable this second chance i get is. So im very grateful for it, even if i MAY still carry a little sourness about the experience :)

bb1234567

My partner and I are same gender and look somewhat alike I suppose so people regularly refer to us accidentally by one another's names. A girl who I thought was a friend one day was remarking on how people do that and said she thinks it's more offensive when my partner is called by my name than the other way around. What a cow, I didn't even care to know what she meant by it , never gave her the time of day again afterwards

corks finest

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118374514#Comment_118374514

Whilst I agree 99 pc of your points ref not being great back then etc

( national school from 63 on)

one thing we sorted out immediately was bullying- boxing or kicking match , end of it then-

whereas now it’s mostly hidden online and can be vv hard to sort out

DeanAustin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118388056#Comment_118388056

That’s actually a very fair point. There were dozens and dozens of fights in my school but I never recall a fallout lasting longer than a couple of days. Certainly, there was never anything long lasting. Even the lad who had part of his ear bitten off by another bully were mates again before long. I’m sure of that because they went around giving other kids a hard time together.

I do worry about the online aspect of it for my kids because you hear some horror stories.

corks finest

My youngest now nearly 19 had a torrid 18 months that I didn’t notice ( bullying in school) retrospectively I should have seen the signs sooner.nervous, schooling suffered etc, different boy now in UCC but it could have turned out bad , Pieta house saved my youngest not me, turns out he hadn’t the confidence to tell me wtf was happening as he knew I’d be looking to rip heads off at the time so poor kid suffered on until finally I got it out of him, it was sorted but I’d advice any parent to really listen to the kids

Heighway61

No words, just a gentle kiss on the forehead.

One thing to be said about anyone who goes out of their way to unjustifiably jibe others is that they are most often self-loathing and are attempting to bring you down to their own level of misery. They try and recruit as many potential “victims” as possible and snare you into their world of despair and desperation, and get cranky when those would-be targets cop-on to what’s really happening. Not always done entirely consciously but the end result is the same. I’ve born witness to this on a number of occasions in my life and indeed not so very long ago; deeply unhappy individuals that would try and drag you over their precipice with them to share their tortured state of mind. You cannot give them any further opportunity to do that. Your own mental health comes first.

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118389193#Comment_118389193

Yeah yeah yeah. Haven't you anything to share yourself?

Baybay

Years ago. I thought he was The One & I was completely besotted. Daydreamed about a future together in a non specific but rose tinted haze. He turned my face towards his & said that when he was older he wanted to marry someone exactly like me. Not me. Just someone like me. He thought it was such a complimentary thing to say. I did not.

corks finest

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118389188#Comment_118389188

Kiss and a hug says it all👏