Guys on dating sites…

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118419299#Comment_118419299

Shyness alone wouldn’t stop me. I’m outgoing enough. A complicated depressed type would be way too much hard work without reward as those people are usually way too self-focussed.

cena

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118420819#Comment_118420819

you sound like a good catch.😉

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118424020#Comment_118424020

You bet I am, sure I could eat myself 🤣🤣🤣

Looking at latest list of comments on the sites I’m on, I don’t feel comfortable replying to most of them. Eg “oh wow!” “the others I see here are plain in comparison”, wtf am I meant to reply. What kind of response is this actually demanding? I much prefer the odd one that says “I wouldn’t mind getting to know you a little”, then I will respond by elaborating a bit more about myself. Maybe some women, when complimented on their looks (and that’s all likes of Tinder can showcase) will respond by getting all mushy in the head.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118424808#Comment_118424808

I would unmatch those (with a quick message to say why) - a guy coming out with comments like that is either only after one thing (90% of the time) or desperate and has no idea how to talk to women.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118425167#Comment_118425167

I’m not going into explanations to all of them, if they have the cop-on to be able to initiate communication without a version of “I really fancy having the ride with you” I’m not making any effort to give reason why I haven’t replied. In my experience some guys are that desperate to get a reaction, and it’s a red flag. Yeah, we all love fun, but there’s a bit of subtle sociaL interaction to be negotiated before.

Guys roughly fall into two categories. The “I really fancy the look of you and just want sex without a further thought” OR “I am seeking somebody to be with for the rest of my life and I don’t want you to let me down as I’m gonna be pretty intense about it”. That’s extremely off-putting to me, what if I find he just doesn’t do it for me and I have to find a way of detaching without incurring too much emotional damage. It’s a minefield 😱 😂

I’m really laughing here at some of the profiles 😁 and it’s nothing that guys couldn’t easily fix tbh! Maybe women post up the same kind of stuff, but I wouldn’t know, I’m not on sites looking for women.

A fair number of guys post a picture of themselves with another. Sometimes another man, and you can’t work out which is the actual guy in question. Sometimes it would be a pose like as if of father with son. Which is the one looking to date?

Some post pictures of themselves with obvious ex girlfriend/wife. Posing with kids is absolutely fine and appropriate, and shows the importance of a beloved child in one’s life, who should take precedence,bat least before relationship is fully established, then of equal importance. But ex girlfriend? I mean, come on. Sometimes they are crudely half scrubbed out, don’t know which is worse, maybe the latter.

Other guys don’t post pictures of self at all, at all , but of their dog, their car, even their tractor. You scroll to try and find some hint of their countenance, nada. Scroll by.

The half faces, upside-down faces, grimaces would freak you out. If they are that clueless that this is acceptable, what are they like in real life?

A lot of dating apps are purely on looks, and I count myself no. 1 in terms of judging by looks when it comes to these apps. My very first thought is “could I continue to look at that face?” Even though I know if I got to know a person and found them utterly charming or attractive in persona my view could be altered, the only real thing to impress in a dating app is the face looking at you from it.

I happen to be fortunate in that I have a nice smile which goes down well, but not every holistically attractive person does, and they get eliminated at first hurdle. It’s really unfair on people who might not possess outwardly terrific looks.

The only thing is to maximise one’s appearance and profile, if necessary take advice from a good neutral friend or relative.

Past couple of days had (non-Covid) fever of 104c, of dental origin, absolutely floored me. Just got a scrap of energy to scroll through social media tonight, couldn’t reply enthusiastically enough to a suggested date, seems very nice guy. Hope he actually believes I’m considerably under the weather & not fobbing him off. I’m in such pain I’m not going past the door to my apartment. Except to dentist in 2 days. These things always seem to coincide 😨

Mister Vain

The photos of half faces is an odd one alright. Plenty of women do that too. A couple of group photos is fine. People want to show they have a social life, but you can easily avoid a lot of confusion by not having one set as your main photo. I have one group photo but its the last one on my profile.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118459416#Comment_118459416

It’s the photos that seem to be of the ex wife/girlfriend that’s very peculiar. Occasionally these pics could be of arm around the daughter or even sister at a family event, however sometimes it’s clearly an ex (or current 😱) partner.

How do people imagine “half pictures” are anyway ok. I know some are not great at taking selfies, but for anyone with a modicum of interest in how they present themselves to the world. My thinking would be that somebody careless in this respect might not have much interest in taking care of other basic matters.

It’s a sad reality to admit, but when it comes to “swiping right” I definitely find myself filtering first by appearance, and then by basic compatibility. Intelligence and education (whether formal or self-learned) are fundamentally important to me as I need to be on basically the same level of conversation. I think people need to match well in this regard and in real life scenarios people of like education/interests naturally gravitate towards one another. The trouble with dating sites is you do not get to know this aspect of a person until you meet them unless their profile status as having postgrad ticks that box.

Some hilarious examples of profile pics, edited for either privacy or decency.

Is this meant to attract a heterosexual cisgender woman, or does it suggest some particular kink activity I’m not familiar with? 😂

His face is actually very attractive and his bio seems sort of normal. If he hadn’t posted this I’d have given him a like, but much and all as physicals are tantalising, don’t imagine the conversation might go very far; not a holistic choice for a healthy relationship methinks. Besides he mightn’t actually perform as specified in the manual 🤣

Mister Vain

He obviously wants a threesome with a woman and a mannequin. Perfectly normal these days. 🤣

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118465713#Comment_118465713

They are two different guys. Maybe I could get them both on board and see could we have fun. The mannequin guy had no photo of himself. The wanker had a lovely photo of his face and upper body and interests etc checked out and I was about to give a tick when I saw that. Yes I enjoyed viewing the picture but didn’t tick him. 😂

Saw another that just showed only his very unremarkable legs. I suppose he’s no good at turning on the front lens, so to speak. 😂

<Mod Snip: Not relevant and totally inappropriate in this thread>

I’m talking to a couple of very seemingly normal & very nice attractive individuals. They live quite far away, but if/when I meet I will of course let one or two trusted confidantes know of the exact arrangements & how things are going, as always I do as a matter of good sense. I should think any guy meeting me or anyone else should do the same, always good to let another trusted person know if your movements, eg in case you were being led into some kind of trap.

The worst thing about all this to me is that I feel like I’m almost selecting among candidates for a job with a series of interviews. A certain amount of guilt goes with this territory for me.

You asked for serious as well as jokey responses OP.

so on a semi-serious note, and based on your posting style here, and leaving aside you’d be too old for me and indeed, I’m not looking anyway, I wouldn’t date you. 😀

Im not sure you’ll ever be satisfied regardless of the profile you’re looking at and you’re incredibly pass remarkable - and as for your “standards of education” remark? You’d be more successful joining an interest group of your choice where you’re guaranteed to find like minded individuals - I don’t think you’ll find happiness on an online dating site but if you enjoy speaking about your experiences here, then it passes some time for you I guess- but probably more fun if you got out there and met real people and maybe more rewarding - just a thought 😊

patnor1011

There was an article somewhere from which I recall that most of those dating websites were just in a business of tapping in vulnerable or lonely people. Most of them are "free" but as soon as you register you start getting messages which you cant read or can read but cant reply to unless you "upgrade" membership to some sort of paid status.

Most of the profiles with nice attractive people are robot profiles which are used only to push you to paid membership.

And sometimes there is the odd scammer "in talks" with scores of people in order to extort some money for various pressing issues like medicines and such. A lot of older dudes were convinced some young model from ex soviet country wants nothing else than to marry them and come to live in their cottage in Ballysticks.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118478139#Comment_118478139

The trouble up to this has been this wretched little pandemic thing 😂 that’s why I went online, so to speak.

No seriously, I’m talking to somebody really lovely who seems to have a genuine heart of gold. I have friends & relatives who met fabulous people online. But one has to have a bit of a tongue-in-cheek take on it at times, and I find the process part amusing to say the least. Back in the day yes it was interest groups, clubs etc. in recent years I had very bad health & underwent curative surgery, so that interrupted things, so to speak. Now I’m having a bit of fun!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118479153#Comment_118479153

Yeah re scammers, sensed one was about to do that so I blocked him. Plenty of them out there, they spin a sob story early.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118480096#Comment_118480096

Fair enough - good your finding some nice people to talk to - sounds like a lot of wasters to wade through

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118480682#Comment_118480682

The really nice ones stand out so very much, they float to the top of the morass 😀

Pussyhands

Lads are expected to send lengthy messages yet vast majority of messages don't get replied to so can the women blame the men for the short openers when it all depends on if they find you attractive anyways?

BorneTobyWilde

It's typical 3 guys in each 10 square miles that hook up with all the women . Typically how tinder or pof work, all the women are replying to those 3 guys only,

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118482997#Comment_118482997

The nature of only being able to get a pretty shallow look at the “candidates”. A reasonably attractive appearance/presentation, someone who seems to be “normal”, and someone with similar educational/social/intellectual background, though I got him em out above for deigning to suggest the latter. I believe to be able to converse on approximately the same level of understanding is absolutely fundamental and basic, irrespective of social upbringing.

BorneTobyWilde

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118483982#Comment_118483982

Speak English dude, not riddles.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118484095#Comment_118484095

Ok, in plain English (& it won’t go down well either) I uptick the better looking ones with more apparent education & shared interests. Of course I’ll be called a snob, fussy or unrealistic.

laoisgem

I rest my case 🙄

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118484458#Comment_118484458

And I suppose by your standards nobody should discriminate in any way when it comes to potentially embarking on a relationship, just accept anybody who pops up and use no criteria or discernment in choosing one against another. I’m being straight & honest about it. In your view I should perhaps take up with somebody who calls a woman a “burd”, a girlfriend a “mot”, that sort of thing? I mean we have to get real. I’m not much in poetry and if a guy professes his number one desire would be to read out poetry nonstop to his other half, I’d discriminate on that count too. See what I’m getting at?

Tried dating sites for a while but deleted them for a couple of reasons.

Was talking to one person for around a month. Found it a bit much and felt I had to put most of the effort in in conversation. He would initiate most conversations but I felt I had to carry them and with the constant messaging like every day I felt that like I had to entertain him and just wasn't really enjoying the interactions.

Anyway met up. Date was alright and after that didn't hear from him. He deleted my number on Whatsapp. Thought it was a bit much but I knew I wasn't into it because I wasn't that bothered. Still wasn't nice being ghosted though! 🤬

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118487986#Comment_118487986

The premise of meeting is a “try-out” to see if you hit it off in any way in real life. It’s kind of very artificial. When you date in real life, it’s because you have already found something mutually appealing about each other. Ghosting isn’t a nice way of dealing with the end of contact, it should go something like “thank you for meeting me, I don’t think we are that suited to each other. Wishing you well and hope you and I can meet someone soon.”

of all the sites in general, I’m finding Tinder the most usable, though it has that reputation. There are some nice people on it 😉 sometimes it’s a feast rather than a famine, like a lovely menu you have to choose from. Other times you look on the menu and see nothing you could face 😂

😉 Getting some good action 🥰 no seriously talking to a very likeable guy. All good ☺️ when you find you are are chatting very companionably.

Segotias

I've tried all of the sites over the years. POF years ago was half decent, I find now when I was getting a match it was for a hook up. Tinder - I've never had any luck or matches. Match was probably the best in terms or actual conversations with men but nothing came of it thanks to lockdowns. Recently I tried Hinge and lasted 20 hours, my first match was a booty call.

Recently I've been receiving potential matches on match, one of whom is using a photograph from a previous catfish.

Good luck anyone on them now, seems like a lost cause to me

Galwayguy35

The pubs are back to normal now, easier to find someone there I think rather than sending off countless mails to people who have no real interest in even meeting up

YellowLead

Agree - though one needs wing women/men. Can be tricky if all friends are married with kids and nights out are sporadic and take arranging!

Tempted to try some of those single nights you so see on Meetup.com

Galwayguy35

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118533217#Comment_118533217

It could be just me as they seem to be very popular but I'm so done with dating sites/apps.

Maybe I'm just old school but I think with a face to face in a bar you can tell straight away if someone is interested and the chat flows freely rather than messaging for days/weeks online and at the end of it even if there is a meet up its like pulling hens teeth trying to get a conversation going when all you are getting is a grunt from someone who would rather be anywhere else.

And I'm sure its the same for women who end up on dates from hell with some of the lads that are on these apps.

FobleAsNuck

Let me chime in... this is literally 2mins of work which include figuring out who I am to touch up and finding a photo to do that...

It doesn't require absolutely ANY knowledge of photoshop, etc. It is literally trying one of hundreds of presets and applying them in real time to see the difference, including hair colors, skin manipulation, (de)aging, different smiles, glasses, hair lenght, etc. Possibilities are endless from slight touch up to making a completely unrecognizable face. Name of the app is FaceApp, look it up.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118537406#Comment_118537406

Yikes 🤭 I haven’t had too much experience of guys doing that thankfully, majority of times they look better in the flesh than in photos. I do hear from guys it happens to them a lot from women though. Don’t know how people do that, clearly the other person will be mega pissed when the two meet!

Mister Vain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118533217#Comment_118533217

Yeah one of the few good things about the apps is you don't need help from anyone else. I wouldn't mind trying the speed dating events but I'd have to go up to the big shmoke for that.

FintanMcluskey

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118537406#Comment_118537406

Thats **** crazy

Imagine a lady getting her hopes up, arranging a date, and the guy on the right turning up

Be well pissed off

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118537406#Comment_118537406

😱😂🤣

BorneTobyWilde

Why would you need an face app though, it seems extremely ugly skinny weak guys are in, judging by Kim Kardashian, and Megan Fox, will that trend actually take off though?> Doubt it .

BorneTobyWilde

It would be funny if that trend did take off, and every nerdy skinny dork had a supermodel on his arm, while the super buff guys are on crash diets to get skinny.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118537859#Comment_118537859

Hmmm you’re forgetting the loaded an famous bit....

BorneTobyWilde

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118537964#Comment_118537964

Eh but those women are the loaded ones, not the guys,

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118537678#Comment_118537678

its a long time since Boris looked that dashing..... if ever! 😉

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538898#Comment_118538898

Might give him a thumbs up click 😂

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118488878#Comment_118488878

Yeah I get the ghosting thing tbh. It's not nice but I understand why people do it because they don't want an awkward moment...I'd prefer a more 'its too far away' or something like that where we both know that's not the reason but it allows some closure.

My main thing that I don't like with online dating is the constant texting. I had someone ask me 'how are you?' several times every day. Just being nice and trying to keep the conversation going I guess but one thing that Ive learned myself from it is I'm the type of person that needs space. Before Mobile phones and constant availability...at least you could build up some anticipation towards each other in the early days of dating and a nice slow pace of getting to know each other.

Mister Vain

One thing I like about Hinge is that it has videos and voice prompts on the profiles, so you can get a better idea of what the person is like. It's harder to faceapp yourself while shaking your arse on the dancefloor or jumping into a lake.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118558914#Comment_118558914

I think most of us are just like you in that respect. Chatting on sites like these is really not at all a normal type of scenario, it’s very forced. I keep to subjects like “booked a little trip to y, it was very good value, never been but I hear it’s nice, have you ever been there?” Or one thing that I can “ dine out” as they say, indefinitely are the years I took up flying small aircraft. That’s a nice neutral and interesting topic that gets a conversation going, and on being asked “what is your ideal date?” the answer will be an afternoon light airplane flight, followed by a simple meal and drink. That usually gets a wow!

Bit of Wow going on, hopefully a bit of meet up soon. Mutual respect is so essential. It may be a spark of the magic, or may not ignite at all.