Guys on dating sites…

Now I’m being quiet light hearted here, so some fun answers welcome as well as maybe serious ones! I’m 60, had years of serious and dangerously bad health where relationships were just not on, had radical surgery in (resultant ileostomy) and am currently no longer looking back!

Just in case anybody wonders, the ileostomy has zero bearing on situation but just needs to be mentioned.

I am online with a lot of matches, a lot with way younger guys whom I like, with mutual attraction. I would say, some of it seems too good to be true. I mean some are really attractive. Perhaps photoshopped. Maybe some real, but why would such fantastically good looking guys be still there?

I’m a fairly attractive woman of 60, pretty enough face, a plumpish figure that can still embrace tight clothes. I’m confident in my looks. Why would an attractive woman like myself be still there? As above, extreme medical situation dating for years to 2017.

I’m definitely not photoshopped, but would certainly suspect some guys of doing so? Any ideas how many indulge in photo -manipulation?

cronos

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058222749/guys-on-dating-sites

Until you have had a video call you know nothing about who you are talking to. Period.

Try starting some video calls in tinder, you will work out who you are or are not talking to quickly enough.

To be honest I would right swipe everyone so match with all sorts, but I'd unmatch those I wouldn't consider usually unless I was being lazy. I wouldn't converse with anyone I wouldn't consider riding. In short however plenty of men are not that discerning when it comes to sex. They are for a relationship of any form though.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118318201#Comment_118318201

I’m on other sites as well. I matched extraordinarily well well a while back, inotherwords I am a former private pilot, he is is private pilot in training L, woweewe. And a real looker to boot! That was months ago, my poor head was seriously messed up for about 4 months by circumstances I’ve come through.

I have a very moral outlook on my interactions à with people, I do not want to lead antibody up the garden path and met them down. It is hugely against my nature to let anybody down, I just don’t start anything with anyone unless I can carry it through.

Years before colectomy all relationships were organic, they were with people yo my got to know in person. The concept of online dating to be has been peculiar. All people who fancied me heretofore were people who actiallly knew me, and vice versa! There was always abundant passion in the background!

B2021M

I suppose some men just like older women? Or at least are not totally focused on age.

As for photos being false.....hard to say how common that is bit might be easy enough to rumble after some conversation? It could be hard for person to keep up false pretences for long?

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Thanks for your post OP. It appears you're looking for a discussion as opposed to advice. For that reason I'm going to move your thread to the Ladies Lounge which might be a better better for it.

Thanks

HS

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118318321#Comment_118318321

Ah yes, it’s for a bit of fun really 😂though insights are a bonus!

We know images are verified in dating sites by poster having to have A picture validated on own phone. In theory I could borrow my slightly better looking friend to pose, though I dare say I might be found out 🤣. If there was a basic enough similarity, though, I might sort of get away with it. And maybe there are techy ways around it too that I have yet to know about.

I have been a tiny bit suspicious as to why some insanely good looking guys (& gals etc) would be out there on the search, unless there was some catch, like bring a raving drug addict or something. On the other hand I have a relative who met her partner (through a site), who is an absolute catch on all counts and he is without any complications whatsoever. Although she insists she never noticed he is very good looking.

Dr Fred

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118321145#Comment_118321145

Men are individuals and not of a hive mind so can’t be expected that a one size answer will fit for all

As said earlier, some men like older women and have a fantasy about it.

Beware than some guys on dating sites already have partners/are looking for many options. Others are genuine.

It's the way of the world now, you will have your pick of this guys, should you wish.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118321249#Comment_118321249

I’m so aware of that. I don’t mess people around myself, and don’t take it either so they’d get to be toast. Don’t intend to be anyone’s side fantasy per se, I have to be the main dish. 😅

So I assume this is a big confidence boost? Enjoy it. Also, see it for what it is.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118322724#Comment_118322724

My experience thus far is an ongoing slow burning chat for days, but although I’m outwardly friendly I’m always slow to really warm up to people. A guy I’m chatting with is going on a bit about wanting to be “loved forever”, doesn’t want anything casual; my response is friendship first, maybe get cosy, and remain casual friends whatever the case may be. I actually find a fair few guys can be quite emotionally intense from the outset, can be a tad off-putting to someone a bit (initially) casual like myself.

I just had to laugh when he asked “are you patient?” 😱 Had to give a blunt “no” as my true colours would emerge pdq, he says “bless your honesty!” 🤣

What platforms (apps, websites) are you using?

Out of curiosity, the free ones. Matching up with 40-somethings, who seem to like my kind of sporty look, not that I’m sporty, lol. But I somehow kind of feel very guilty about picking and choosing, it’s not really in my nature, I much prefer the natural organic way of things to happen.

JoChervil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118330419#Comment_118330419

C'mon disclose it. Give VT a chance to match you 😎

Ah for gawd’s sake, I’m a tad mysterious, but not much.

There’s a lot of totally sincere types out there, but many of those are on the syndrome, so to speak. That means there can be a slight issue in understanding. Attraction is great, but understanding equally important.

One thing I would definitely say, although this might be Ladies Lounge, I utterly welcome all inputs. Genuinely humorous non-trolling ones too, I really enough seeing things through the perspective of humour,

I’m laughing at some experiences. Got a Jesus freak type onto me, trying to convert me I suppose, or I reckon his ultimate goal might have been to try and extract money from me going on the vibe I was getting. Blocked without explanation.

Have had younger guys (yeah I’d be physically attracted, as would any older guy to an attractive younger woman) who obviously want a mammy figure type, almost certainly breast-fed as chiselers.

There’s the absolutely haggard guys, worn beyond their time, posing with pints. No-no.

There’s guys with half-faces, masks showing half a lovely face (more’s the pity if the other half is half-ok ), posing in darkened rooms: maybe grand guys with little confidence, but that give the impression there’s something to hide.

When I was really involved over getting something pretty time-critical accomplished some time back, I matched with somebody who seemed incredibly suited in his rare niche interest which I share, along with other stuff, and seemed so damned grounded. I put one thing aside for that potentially really good match, I just want going to mess uP what seemed to be a genuinely good person by procrastinating.

There must be surely better matching algorithms… just I think they cost a little bit! 😂

Galwayguy35

Its the downside of free sites, lots of timewasters also sign up with no intererest in ever meeting up.

If you want to weed that sort out the credit card has to be used unfortunately.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118377994#Comment_118377994

Yes, I know about time wasters, had one classic one looking to deceive me for money. I could see it coming so blocked him immediately. Started out by sniffing out my financial assets, so to speak. Do you have your own car? Do you have your own house? Have you a mortgage? What is your career? Are you religious, because I believe a woman can only be faithful to a man if she’s faithful to God?

Then you get at least the odd straightforward statement: “would you enjoy sex with a younger man, I would like it with an older woman, nothing else please”.

There are some sincere-seeming people on for a chat and see where it goes. You don’t want to mess up a really decent individual deserving of the best of you, whilst at the same time filtering out the people not deserving of you at all. As one of the most important things my father taught me as a teenager was always to do my best in not causing hurt to any man.

All these antigen test requirements before meeting are a nuisance, indeed aren’t we being told not to meet people outside of household/circle at all. My view on it is that if the other person hasn’t vulnerable people in his family, with this highly contagious variant, just effin well share the virus as well! 🤣🤣🤣

Mister Vain

I have a tooth missing so I photoshopped a tooth into my gob and now I get loads of matches.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118378196#Comment_118378196

Ah yeah but when you have video chats do ya keep yer gob shut, and when it comes to meeting to do also keep yer gob shut… and then when she goes to kiss you and discovers the gap with done surprise what is her reaction? 😂

Decades ago I remember kissing a guy after a fancy dress party in his car, and was horrified when I ended up with his full set of false teeth in my mouth. 😱 I said “thank you for the ride home”. He had been a flying instructor and had just become so distracted by me (not my intentional doing) that if I hadn’t taken evasive action we would have ended entangled in trees. Later his mate swore he didn’t have dentures as they had shared a room during a flying trip and he saw him brush his teeth in the conventional way 😂

Mister Vain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118378265#Comment_118378265

I've never done video chats on dating apps. Is that actually common? I haven't had any complaints in person thankfully. I just look dreadful in photos when I smile.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118378341#Comment_118378341

I mean on WhatsApp, Signal etc after exchanging numbers.

I am in hysterics at a PM sent to me “you are one of the genuinely pretty woman that appear on dating sites”’ 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I’ve encountered stunning looking guys on Tinder etc, I’m in conversation 😁🙏😇 some only too good to be true 🙏😁🙏

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118403613#Comment_118403613

Yep like I’m cautious about why such lookers should be in sites… but then why would likes of myself be on such either 🙏😁😗

Pussyhands

I'm in my 30s and primarily go for women in their 50s and 60s. I like being single so the age gap means both parties know right away it'll never be anything serious. Suits me. I'm also mature for my age and older women are more straight forward. I don't know how many dates I have been on with women around my own age where I have to do all the heavy lifting conversation wise, it's hard work. Feels like I'm doing an audition sometimes.

I wouldn't think I'm goodlooking at all but the older women often say I am very cute and say I must have loads of young ones after me.

@[Deleted User] PM me 😂

I'm quite annoyed as I have POF and used to meet some older women there but now they have changed their site and have max ages you can put in the filter. The max age I can put in is 44 or something.

Pussyhands

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118378341#Comment_118378341

I've started doing it. Can save a lot of time.

I was messaging this one, looked decent, convo going alright. Videocalled...as soon as she opened her mouth I knew it was never going to happen. She was dog rough. She was talking to her young daughter too and seemed a bit of a dodge.

Several stunningly attractive guys have been in touch - but it remains to be seen if these are genuine pics 😂😂😂

Surreptitious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118403944#Comment_118403944

I can just hear her voyis, lol! Like wan of de cawlurs to de Liveline! 😂🤣😂

Like, how do you say to someone like that “well you are rough, I’m sophisticated, it won’t work”, without sounding like the complete w@melt snob that you would be 😁? How does one put it, diplomatically?

cena

I am on POF and tinder and hardly get any matches. Very hard to get ladies to reply back to messages

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118404589#Comment_118404589

I’ll let you into a secret. Ladies often get their female friends in on the act to help evaluate potential matches, I don’t know if men do this kind of thing much. 😁

From my point of view I like a natural looking photo, but one that has been chosen with a little bit of thought. I see lots of guys taking photos of themselves in bathrooms. Sometimes with half of face cut off, or grimacing. Good to get a friend, or maybe a sister to take a quick series of pictures, pick the best for the profile. If you have a good smile, use it, but some people just don’t but it is always good to “think happy” when the photo is being taken. Think of a nice woman seeing the picture and giving the thumbs up to a friendly looking guy.

One particular text I got that I really liked was when a guy said “I really feel a bit awkward on a dating site, just not used to it, but here goes”. It immediately told me he’s not a pushy type or full of bravado and got a big thumbs up from me.

YellowLead

You seem to have the right attitude OP - look to have some fun online dating and if you meet somebody for a relationship then awesome, if you don’t then you can still have fun dating, and meeting new people, the awful dates or convos make for entertaining stories.

If you are attractive and confident then attractive men will be happy to date you. As long as you have your head screwed on and can weed out the either just looking for sex ones, or the emotionally damaged love bombers - which you will encounter irrespective of what age you are.

Mister Vain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118404589#Comment_118404589

Try Hinge. I have found that to be much better than tinder. It's not as "swipey" and there's generally more info on the profiles.

cena

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118405192#Comment_118405192

I have no bathroom pics. one or two pics of my playing ice hockey.

Pussyhands

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118404589#Comment_118404589

What are you looking for?

Probably unpopular but online dating is a numbers game. I have a copy and paste intro message. Maybe I'll add a person touch if I like the profile but most profiles women have are generic. "like going for hikes, going on holidays, walking my dog" etc.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118405276#Comment_118405276

Ya gotta try and have fun whatever ya do in life. I put a very fast block on WhatsApp, without explanation on a guy who used the phrase “I feel God had sent you to me…. “ and then “when we begin our new life together”. I think he was after my bank account after some leading questions regarding my financial status.

A friend of mine who went on a date following a Tinder encounter some time back said she felt she was being interviewed by the guy, and she was getting very bad vibes from him and had to engineer an escape. Turned out he was living a few doors down 🤣🤣🤣 and a creep but fortunately didn’t bother her after. She reckons he has worked his way through tons of “interviews”.

Gonna be meeting someone who seems to be a very nice guy, for coffee over the next week or so, all Covid scenario permitting etc. There’s plenty of potential matches out there, but I really only want to talk to one at a time. Nothing seemingly wrong with a little list of others, but above all don’t want to be messing people around, so won’t respond to raise false hopes without first seeing if this guy checks out well in real life. Might be worth getting Covid for 😁

Pussyhands

i rejoined POF last night after about a year. The site is unusable as a man now.

You can only swipe on maybe 30 women and message about 20 women a day. I've gotten one reply. And the upgrade costs like 20 euro a month? Fcuk that! Facebook dating is better.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118411467#Comment_118411467

Would that not be the same for women on POF? Except maybe women get more replies there maybe?

A lot of guys put up absolutely terrible photos, which are off putting to say the least. A lot would definitely benefit from a friend or relative taking a decent picture, half the battle.

Mister Vain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118411467#Comment_118411467

20 messages a day is plenty to be sending. I wouldn't have the patience for anything more.

Pussyhands

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118412200#Comment_118412200

It's a numbers game so I just copy and paste usually.

cena

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118411467#Comment_118411467

I don't pay for the pof or tinder apps.

Pussyhands

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118413763#Comment_118413763

Neither do I. I might be tempted for a month or two if it was like 3 or 4 euro for a month but not at 20 euro a month!

I'm not paying to be ignored by women! 🤣

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118414133#Comment_118414133

Would this be like you, cawlur?

No amount of money could you throw at it 🤣🤣🤣

I have as my no. 1 match somebody who to me is entirely attractive and very compatible, wants to meet but is very shy and totally new to online dating. My female friends said they’d definitely give him the thumbs up. How not to make him too nervous and reassure him that I don’t bite… errr I might actually 😂

YellowLead

Oh I don’t know, I wouldn’t be big into somebody who was very shy and a slow mover that I’d have to teach - don’t want to be somebody’s mammy!

cena

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118418284#Comment_118418284

Could be shy tell you get to know them