Marriage in doubt over relocation.

MissShihTzu

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

Absolutely do NOT do this. She blocked you once, and unblocked you. She then decided to block you again.

Doing something shady to get around that and start texting her again is not going to endear you to her! She has sent you a message with this - listen to it, understand it, and show her that you've understood by respecting it. Show up to give the kid his present, make a fuss, and calmly ask for a date/time for another discussion, and try and have a neutral party there with you for that discussion.

Respectfully, I disagree. The OP needs the ability to contact his wife, if only to ask about the kids. His phone is not working. Why SHOULDN'T he get a cheap burner for that purpose? When he speaks or texts his wife, she's going to know it's him. He should then explain why he's calling. She has no right to block him. Not when there's kids involved, and no indication of violence. Nothing shady about that!

The point being, they should TALK. All this game playing by blocking and unblocking his number, and him storming out when she says something he doesn't like needs to stop. It's childish, immature and totally unnecessary. Go to mediation. It's the only way.

It's only been a few days, don't go trying to outwit her and adding fuel to the fire by getting a 'burner' phone because someone who has watched too many cop shows advised you to:)

Enjoy the day with your kids and ask her when she is available for a chat about things.

francie81

She unblocked/contacted me last night to come back home because it’s his birthday, I will be going after work since I can get the day off.

_Kaiser_

francie81 wrote: »

She unblocked/contacted me last night to come back home because it’s his birthday, I will be going after work since I can get the day off.

Did you contact any solicitors yet? Have you called one of those advice services other posters recommended?

Look, I'm sorry OP as I know that in your own way you're trying to work this out, but when I'm reading posts about asking what to do because your phone is broken, I'm really at a loss as to what else I or anyone else can advise you.

You're a 40 year old man. You have 3 kids and a wife who is behaving like a spoiled immature teenager (blocking your number, unblocking you again etc). But you're not doing yourself any favours either with your actions.

I'm not trying to be mean but your own maturity and ability to deal with this is a problem too. You both need to stop acting like children and talk properly about your future and the welfare of your actual children because THEY deserve a lot better than this.

If you can't do that - either because she refuses to, or because you can't handle what she's saying (you mentioned previously about running out because she said hurtful things) - then you need to seek professional advice and mediation.

Start making those calls. Today.

hello2020

francie81 wrote: »

She unblocked/contacted me last night to come back home because it’s his birthday, I will be going after work since I can get the day off.

both of you behaves like romantic teenagers and may be that's the reason u got married just after meeting once in Dubai !!
kind of like the fairy tale stories except that you settled in a small place (Louth) after marriage

HildaOgdenx

OP, I suggest maybe step away from the thread, for a little while, possibly ask for it to be temporarily locked, just to think over everything that has been posted.

Entirely up to you, of course, but it might help you to see things more clearly, from all sides.

Slutmonkey57b

MissShihTzu wrote: »

Respectfully, I disagree. The OP needs the ability to contact his wife, if only to ask about the kids. His phone is not working. Why SHOULDN'T he get a cheap burner for that purpose? When he speaks or texts his wife, she's going to know it's him. He should then explain why he's calling. She has no right to block him. Not when there's kids involved, and no indication of violence. Nothing shady about that!

The point being, they should TALK. All this game playing by blocking and unblocking his number, and him storming out when she says something he doesn't like needs to stop. It's childish, immature and totally unnecessary. Go to mediation. It's the only way.

Because it doesn't show respect for boundaries. Someone doesn't have to be violent to be harassing, or controlling. She's unblocking him to talk about the kids and her mum has agreed to be a middleman so clearly she's not cutting off contract.

"Please don't do X to me"
*continues to do it even worse*
That's not a good strategy.

What happens when she blocks his new number? Does he just keep buying burner phones and sims indefinitely? Until she gets so fed up she *does* file a harassment report? He needs to find out what her reason is for blocking him, take time to actually understand it, and go back with an apology and an agreement of how contact should be conducted like appropriate adults.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

OP, I think there is a danger this thread could become a bit of a crutch for you. Personal Issues is a place where posters are welcome to come for for advice on anything that is impacting them and the idea then is that the OP take steps to rectify their situation. I think if the thread remains open, it may distract you actually dealing with it with your situation.

There are 11 pages of really good advice for you to go through. Some maybe relevant to you, some may not be. But I'm going to close this thread for now, to give to a chance to go away and think about your situation, with the benefit of the advice that has already been given. I do think if things deteriorate further between you and your wife and you feel you can't resolve it, then you should consider counselling for you both or worst case scenario, legal advice.

With all that in mind, I'm going to close the thread for now to give you time to go away and try and address the issues between yourself and your wife. If you need it reopened for further advice (ie not for updates) just PM one of the Mod Team and we can discuss whether it is appropriate or not to reopen it.

The best of luck for now and I hope you enjoy your day with your son and he has a lovely birthday.

Thanks everyone for taking such time and effort to help the OP.

HS

francie81

Disaster

I went for party in great vibe (before dropping my phone to be fixed) she was washing both boys, I stayed in kitchen with my youngest. She didn’t speak to me but that’s ok, when my son came in all nicely dressed my oldest wasn’t taking to me, and my other son (who’s birthday it is) came I said that’s a present from your aunt (my sister) she then started right there we don’t need this from them running to your racist sisters, looking down on my (clamped) apartment, bringing every paranoid stuff up about them, then threw the present and ripped my card saying your not respecting me, that’s when I seen the worry on my sons face I started crying then and went to hold him as he started hitting me I needed to run out at that stage, now I have a lump on my elbow which was probably because I was trying to force my way past her, this is sick.
She’s trying to get me back there now which am not, am going to A&E to have this checked because am worried about this lump, am just in bits over this.

MissShihTzu

Well that escalated quickly...

Look - get the elbow checked out. Then call a solicitor. This has got WAY out of hand. DO NOT go back there. Get a court order for access to your kids.

Start documenting what happened, when and how.

The only thing I can do now is wish you luck. You have your answer...

francie81

This can’t be normal surely, am getting blamed it’s all my fault in person now on text.

Hannibal_Smith

There are 11 pages of really good advice for you to go through. Some maybe relevant to you, some may not be. But I'm going to close this thread for now, to give to a chance to go away and think about your situation, with the benefit of the advice that has already been given. I do think if things deteriorate further between you and your wife and you feel you can't resolve it, then you should consider counselling for you both or worst case scenario, legal advice.

I've merged your threads OP, but kept it locked. Please see my post above and reason for closing your initial thread and in particular the part quoted above.

You should seek professional advice at this stage.

HS.