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Best insult you ever heard

  • 02-02-2021 1:58am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 262 ✭✭ beerguts


    Would anyone like to share the best or funniest insults you ever heard and what happened after it was delivered.


    The best one that I have heard I still don't really understand but the aftermath was priceless.

    Several years ago I had a lads weekend in Kilkenny and on the second night I had finished up drinking and was getting a pizza in a takeaway. Two local lads were mouthing off at one another beside me in the queue, nothing really serious and it petered out after a few minutes. Then one of the lads turned to the other after he had gotten his own pizza and said "Ya nothing but a Wexford Strawberry kid". The insulted lad got into a blind rage threw the pizza on the ground and started throwing slaps at the other, with both ending up on the ground rolling on the pizza. What made it funny was a few others chanting "Strawberry" at the two lads while throwing food at them. I still dont know what the insults means but it was funny as fook


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 849 ✭✭✭ IrishLad90


    Hahaha quality, my one liner seems irrelevant now


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,562 ✭✭✭ MyStubbleItches


    There’s two prícks in this pub and you’re the both of them.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 424 ✭✭ Cerveza


    Offs that’s stupid.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,075 ✭✭✭ smellyoldboot


    If you hurry home you might beat your father to your sister.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,637 ✭✭✭ Princess Calla


    He probably had relations , mam /dad from wexford. Wexford is known for strawberry growing......so the insult was aimed at his family I suppose.

    The Facebook thread usually has a few cracking insults in it......the aftermath is anyone's guess.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 24,686 ✭✭✭✭ punisher5112


    Your ma


  • Registered Users Posts: 24,686 ✭✭✭✭ punisher5112


    That's what your ma said last night


  • Registered Users Posts: 24,686 ✭✭✭✭ punisher5112


    Up your ma


  • Registered Users Posts: 24,686 ✭✭✭✭ punisher5112


    Not what your ma said last night


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,501 ✭✭✭ dotsman


    Lads, I wouldn't be saying anything bad about the Ops family.

    Last time I call his dad a puff and he slapped me with his handbag.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 11,664 ✭✭✭✭ Purple Mountain


    I remember a story from the noughties when a few culchie lads I know (early 20s) were out cruising around the road in their car.
    Their gag was if they saw people standing around a village they'd roll down the windows and shout abuse at them.
    So they'd slow down, roll the window down and shout the words 'abuse, abuse' at randomers.
    When I was told that story, I literally doubled over in hysterics.

    To thine own self be true



  • Registered Users Posts: 2,194 ✭✭✭ MayoForSam


    Not sure how many on here would have come across the book series 'Arisen', but there's a character known as Master Gunnery Sergeant Fick and that man is well known for his 'Fickisms'.

    My favourite is “Boy? Who the f#ck are you calling boy? I’ve got a bucketful of balls, a yard of dick, and enough hair on my ass to weave ten Navajo blankets. I will take you to f#cking man school".


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,442 ✭✭✭ wexfordman2


    The best part of you ran down your mother's leg.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,081 ✭✭✭ Gregor Samsa


    Mate of mine in school casually asked another guy for a go of his hurley one day at lunch.

    The guy replied “Shut your nose! All you’ll get from me is abuse!”


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,015 ✭✭✭ Treppen


    Teacher verbally ripping into a student who'd been pi55ing him off for weeks.... Finished up with ..." .. I don't think your mother would appreciate knowing what you get up to in my class... and I'm very well aware of what your mother appreciates".


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,980 ✭✭✭✭ _Brian


    Was reassembling equipment at work one day and dropped a part, guy with me quips “your some lad, every finger is just a bigger thumb”


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 618 ✭✭✭ Arduach


    beerguts wrote: »
    Would anyone like to share the best or funniest insults you ever heard and what happened after it was delivered.


    The best one that I have heard I still don't really understand but the aftermath was priceless.

    Several years ago I had a lads weekend in Kilkenny and on the second night I had finished up drinking and was getting a pizza in a takeaway. Two local lads were mouthing off at one another beside me in the queue, nothing really serious and it petered out after a few minutes. Then one of the lads turned to the other after he had gotten his own pizza and said "Ya nothing but a Wexford Strawberry kid". The insulted lad got into a blind rage threw the pizza on the ground and started throwing slaps at the other, with both ending up on the ground rolling on the pizza. What made it funny was a few others chanting "Strawberry" at the two lads while throwing food at them. I still dont know what the insults means but it was funny as fook

    I was at a Wexford v Kilkenny Leinster hurling first round match in 1996, which Wexford won. I was a neutral. Throughout the match this Wexford big stout woman was roaring on her team. She was giving an equally stout, mouthy Kilkenny man Infront of her the odd poke of her umbrella when Wexford would score. The KK man was getting thicker and thicker.

    Near the end of the match he stood up to her and said 'there are only 2 things that come out of Wexford, knackers and strawberries, and your no strawberry!'.

    Priceless, she shut up!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 618 ✭✭✭ Arduach


    My late father about a fella who thought he knew it all.. 'that fella thinks he'd knit an arse on a cat'.

    The same man on someone he seriously disliked.. 'he's the two ends of a bol*lix'.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 618 ✭✭✭ Arduach


    My dad on an awkward fella, or if you dropped something doing a farm job.

    'You haven't hands to wipe your arse'.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 618 ✭✭✭ Arduach


    On a particularly mean person.

    'He wouldn't give his sh*t to the preachains'.

    Preachan being the Irish for crow.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 10,838 ✭✭✭✭ snoopsheep


    "i hear yerman was promoted to arch-bollox" was a good one


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,323 ✭✭✭ griffin100


    The reason I’m fat is because your Ma gives me a cake every time I ride her.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    My best tit for tat:

    Me: "jesus lad, is it that small you are afraid of losing it?" To a gauger with his hands down his jocks.

    Gouger: "least I can see mine ya fat prick"

    Me: "I don't need to see it, your ma knows where it is"

    Little victories.

    However, a thread here not so long ago with some typical keyboard warrior going on about how much of a ninja he is and a user posted "ah I see, your one of them. If a mate went to Tenerife you went to elevenrife"

    I thought that was ****ing brilliant. :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,678 ✭✭✭ Aglomerado


    "Someone pissed in your mother".

    "You've a face like a melted Welly."


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9 ✭✭✭ ReahKelly


    When mother trolls you in front of relatives. :)


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Loosely related to the OP.

    There’s only two things ever came out of Wexford, knackers and strawberries. And you don’t look like a ****in strawberry.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    The Wexford-Kilkenny thing about 'pissing in the powder' is still raw 100s years later!


  • Registered Users Posts: 973 ✭✭✭ grayzer75


    The tide wouldn't take you out ye ugly c**t


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,130 ✭✭✭ Rodin


    If there was work in the bed, he'd sleep on the floor.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 870 ✭✭✭ Curse These Metal Hands


    "You'd have to slap her belly and ride in on a wave" - some lad about the logistics of having intercourse with his friend's rather portly mother.


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