Best insult you ever heard

cannotlogin

My grandmother was a great woman for her match making and ever single person within miles was referred to as a good catch or a bad catch.

Her favourite expression was for a man who wasn't a good catch or couldn't get a date was "Sure even the tide wouldn't take him out".

beerguts

Some brilliant stuff here lads.the country is full of witty fookers Keep it upðŸ˜

Stihl waters

She's been rattled more times than the fence at Auschwitz

whisky_galore

Having a face like a dropped pie.

Having a head like a robber's dog.

pgj2015

I read one on here years ago. some small guy was being a real twat to this tall guy in a pub, small man syndrome at play. The tall guys says to the small guy " I used to have a suit like that, I wore it for my first holy communion" im gonna use it if I ever have to on some small guy who is annoying me.

Snails pace

A couple of insults I use depending on the circumstances:

If you had two brains you'd be twice as thick.

You'd swap your shít for a bigger one.

I wouldn't píss on you if your were on fire

I reversed more miles than you drove.

Your as thight as a nuns cúnt

You've a face on you like a melted welly.

I wouldn't ride you into battle

You've seen more japs eyes than a honda

silverharp

Against Nicola Sturgon , her nickname was seaweed because even the tide wouldnt take her out

McGinniesta

silverharp wrote: »

Against Nicola Sturgon , her nickname was seaweed because even the tide wouldnt take her out

I've also heard her called Mrs Rab C.Nesbitt


She's also known Jimmy Kranky's lovechild

Mundo7976

mackeire wrote: »

During the first lockdown during a zoom quiz on a Friday evening with everyone having a few cans.

Two of the lads (in their 40s) slagging each other and one slags the others ma.
The reply was "shut up you slagging my ma, at least I still have a ma, yours is dead in a box somewhere".

Yeah well, I was in your ma's box last night

beerguts

Stihl waters wrote: »

She's been rattled more times than the fence at Auschwitz

Your some bad bastard!!:D:D:D:D Almost choked laughing at that one. I'm going to hell but you'll be accompanying me:p

McGinniesta

Mundo7976 wrote: »

Yeah well, I was in your ma's box last night

So was your oul lad

Mr.Crinklewood

"You're nothing but a yellow pepper"

Feisar

partyguinness wrote: »

"Sure that crowd took the soup.."

'Nuf said.

I dolled that one out an ould lad and two sons in a bar one evening. They were being a bit holier than thou nationalist, "your crowd took the soup and all the chest beating in the world isn't going to change that now."

Stihl waters

What does took the soup mean

Feisar

Stihl waters wrote: »

What does took the soup mean

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Souperism

It is often link with dropping the Mc or O but I don't think it was a feature of the practice, that was probably Penal Laws that done that. Also they say one had to convert to some degree to get fed. Also not the case, it was for the most part people trying to help in a crisis.

scudzilla

Used this one a few times...."You're the cum you're mother should have swallowed"

When i worked the doors always got the 'Fat Bastard' remarks....simple answer was "Yep, only fat cos your ma feeds me cream cakes after i've fcuked her"
So simple yet the amount of scumbags it would trigger was immense :pac::pac:

Feisar

That wan is fond of the lad that runs with the chickens.

I don’t know why promiscuous women get such a hard time, (no pun intended) I was always a fan.

whisky_galore

Stihl waters wrote: »

What does took the soup mean

A dated term of abuse that only someone over 50 would get.

Feisar

whisky_galore wrote: »

A dated term of abuse that only someone over 50 would get.

I’m in my thirties

cute geoge

pgj2015 wrote: »

I read one on here years ago. some small guy was being a real twat to this tall guy in a pub, small man syndrome at play. The tall guys says to the small guy " I used to have a suit like that, I wore it for my first holy communion" im gonna use it if I ever have to on some small guy who is annoying me.

I worked with a small but tough guy and any big fella who threw his weight about he would say ''I'd say he makes a big sh#t''

pgj2015

cute geoge wrote: »

I worked with a small but tough guy and any big fella who threw his weight about he would say ''I'd say he makes a big sh#t''

That just makes the small guy seem a bit weird.

.anon.

Stihl waters wrote: »

What does took the soup mean

It's when a Protestant doesn't quite have the look of a Protestant about them.

StemCell

He's such a wanker he needs windscreen wipers on his laptop screen.

trashcan

MayoForSam wrote: »

Not sure how many on here would have come across the book series 'Arisen', but there's a character known as Master Gunnery Sergeant Fick and that man is well known for his 'Fickisms'.

My favourite is “Boy? Who the f#ck are you calling boy? I’ve got a bucketful of balls, a yard of dick, and enough hair on my ass to weave ten Navajo blankets. I will take you to f#cking man school".

I’m reminded of the Sergeant in Full Metal Jacket. “Did your parents have any children that lived ?”

hairyslug

The best part of ya dribbled down your mother's leg - from a father to his son in a place I used to work

Cee-Jay-Cee

Years ago I was getting abuse from some wee scumbag in a chipper one night, have no idea how it started but he was mouthin off in front of his mates and came out with some old tired line like ‘yer mother wasn’t saying that when I was tearing into her last night’ and I replied ‘yeah she was laughing about you earlier, says she’s never seen such a tiny cock before and she’s a nurse on the children’s ward’ His friends fell about the place laughing and bucko stormed off seething!

I heard one girl describe another as "a nice person, but you'd get tired just walking around her...".

I thought it was magnificently bitchy.

Sorcha Dhuisigh _She_Her_

How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.

Surreptitious

Shut up or I'll make you good looking.

Arduach

Oliver J Flanagan, conservative FG TD from the 30s to the 70s. Famous for quotes like 'there was no sex in Ireland before the television'.

He was campaigning during an election in Laois, speaking about agriculture. Some farmers felt he wasn't qualified on the subject.

Farmer: 'How many toes has a Pig Oliver J?'
Oliver J: 'Take off your shoes and count'!

Arduach

Old Anglo-Irish lady lived in a big house in Laois in the 1980s.

There was a local workman who did odd jobs in the area, a bit of carpentry, building, gardening, working with animals.

The lady in the big house had him up to groom her poodle. She never paid him. The same happened a second time. He was asked to the house a third time. He says 'before I work on the dog can I ask one question Mam?' Yes says she, what is it? 'Does that dog have a medical card?'

I like this one

"Cup my balls, You Cnt!

honeybadger

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgrQeA9HZUg

Purple Mountain

She's more rolls than a bakery.

Immortal Starlight

She wouldn’t run too well on soft ground.

whisky_galore

She would pike round bales for you.

mick121

If all the village idiots got together and built their own village, you'd still be the village idiot.

Ontheroof

About that one negative friend we all have... jaysus you'd have to call the samaritans after talking to him.

blackvalley

From Sligo county council meeting .
One of the members ( A local farmer ) complained that seating in the chamber was "very hard and uncomfortable ".
Another speaker said " Could Mr ....... not bring in a bale of hay to next meeting and sit on it "
To which Mr ..... replied " I certainly could only that " when i was standing to speak you would probably eat it on me "

partyguinness

"A dog with two mickeys wouldnt touch her"

mfceiling

The "hard" man in the pub mouthing off one night.

One oul lad pipes up "you're like a donkey's cock....you're big when you're out".

pgj2015

Another one I heard before. There was a woman who was always done up to the nines at mass. The priest said to her "Mary Magdalene didn't dress like that" the woman said "no, and Jesus didn't drive a brand new beamer either father"

Bombaby1974

One for when you're being asked to do something you'd rather not....

I'd rather guide me Da into me Ma!!!

DwightSchrute1

Brilliant insult from father to son from the film O Brother Where Art Thou.

“Thank God your mammy died giving birth. If she'd have seen you, she'd have died of shame.”

jem

2 lads siting at bar in local pub.
1 seriously annoying fella the other just wanting a quite pint.
1st lad says - a thought just crossed my mind..
before he could say another word the 2nd lad says - that was a dam short journey

Miley Byrne

After an encounter with a particularly stupid man my friend described said stupid man as follows "He's as ignorant as the back of my sack, and all that ever saw was sh1t"

Feisar

The mother that had that lad would drown nothing.

Ya couldn't whip cream with an outboard motor.

Bass Reeves

Heard this one decades ago. Frank the cleaner was being hassled by a manager. At the end of the dressing down, Frank told him,

''F@@k off you afterbirth, when you were born the midwife threw the baby in the bucket and kept you''

Another quib, Johnny local young and up and coming local small businessman arrived at mass with a young lady in a miniskirt and high heels that was a good bit taller than him.
After mass the priest met him and asked him ''Johnny is that girl not a bit tall for you''

Johnny's reply '' She won't always be standing Father''

Strumms

Regarding a lady / girl who would have been deemed a bit, erm, easy...It would be like throwing a sausage up o Connell st..