wife beaters, what makes them tick?

Wanderer2010

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Mike Tyson: Hold my beer

He had fame and money and adulation to prop him up. Im talking about the garden variety of wife beater who release their rage on females who they know cant fight back when they couldnt throw a punch at a man in a million years.

Quantum Erasure

What makes them tick? Nothing, they just are thick

Hellokitty1212

A long time ago a colleague was clearly being abused by her husband who worked in the factory too. Tiny wee girl she was, looked like a frightened kitten most of the time. Heartbreaking.

Came to a head one Christmas party night where he grabbed her by the collar to take her home because she laughed at someone’s joke. Couple of the younger guys had a quiet word with him and “explained” why he should probably try picking on someone his own size.

He started crying that he grew up without a dad and he didn’t have role models etc - a pathetic sight. A complete coward. I genuinely believed he’d have killed the poor girl.

Mrsmum

Hellokitty1212 wrote: »

A long time ago a colleague was clearly being abused by her husband who worked in the factory too. Tiny wee girl she was, looked like a frightened kitten most of the time. Heartbreaking.

Came to a head one Christmas party night where he grabbed her by the collar to take her home because she laughed at someone’s joke. Couple of the younger guys had a quiet word with him and “explained” why he should probably try picking on someone his own size.

He started crying that he grew up without a dad and he didn’t have role models etc - a pathetic sight. A complete coward. I genuinely believed he’d have killed the poor girl.

And then he went home and probably gave her an extra kick for embarrassing him.

AllForIt

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/nov/08/man-died-in-euthanasia-clinic-after-acid-attack-trial-told


PEOPLE are often screwed up. That's life. Don't worry, none of us are around that long to suffer such abuses, thankfully.

Walking home from salthill years ago, a few of us, pints on board, no joy in the Warrick etc came across a chap throwing a few slaps on a woman by the Tatch
We pulled him off her, she gets up and starts beating into us.

We left them at it

Hellokitty1212

Mrsmum wrote: »

And then he went home and probably gave her an extra kick for embarrassing him.

I’d hope not but you never know with these lunatics. She did finish with him a few months later after he got sacked but he waited round after work for weeks after - poor kid’s dad had to collect her.

Vestiapx

completedit wrote: »

It probably happens more than we care to admit.
Women don't really like nice men but even nice men can be abusive. I've had one or two relationships and while I've never been violent or close to it, I can see how situations can deteriorate before you even know it. Sometimes my feeling of ineptness would spiral out of control and I'd just want to fly off the handle. With me, it manifested itself in defensiveness. I think men who are more prone to being aggressive but have the same insecurities would react by being physically violent.

Women don't like nice men? That's a fallicy if I ever heard one, women love nice men who are tall athletic and confident in themselves. Too many lads kidding themselves that it's the nice that gets them ignored while it's actually the crippling inability to just be themselves.
The angry violent and therefore seemingly or perhaps actually confident bad boys are often simply seen as confident and confident goes a long way.

Vestiapx

Pyridine wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knkYoT_11OY

In the movie he hits the blond and her mother, wonder if that ever happened .

Strumms

Buddy Bubs wrote: »

Has anyone thrown out the mental health excuse yet, the poor divils have mental health issues God bless them. It's not their fault

You have a mental health issue, if you are diagnosed by a psychologist or psychotherapist... bollocks about felling xyz and using that or past events in your life to indulge in cruel and downright ****ty violent behavior is not acceptable. Unfortunately society tends to be warming to the fact that person A.. by virtue of being victim of falling of their skateboard at 13... can basically do what the fûck they like to people in life...

pgj2015

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

Thats the kind of guy you want looking out for you

I heard of a guy who lives local to me, a real piece of dirt. beats his partner, left her in hospital a few times, she is a bit simple. she has 7 brothers, none of them gave yer man a hiding, like id nearly do it myself and I dont even know the woman. what kind of brothers are they?

pgj2015

pgj2015 wrote: »

I heard of a guy who lives local to me, a real piece of dirt. beats his partner, left her in hospital a few times, she is a bit simple. she has 7 brothers, none of them gave yer man a hiding, like id nearly do it myself and I dont even know the woman. what kind of brothers are they?

Useless men?

Any man throwing slaps, digs or kicks into any woman, deserves multiples of the same from any man within beating distance of him. I mean, a beating he wouldn’t forget, ever.

As far as I’m concerned, all the talk about equality of the sexes and similar guff goes out the window and that situation boils down to being a man and dealing with the scum who lays a finger on a woman with a violent response.

Too big to take on? You should know someone else who will join you in beating seven shades out of the dirtbag. Or two someones. Domestic abuse when it’s hidden is one thing. If you know and you don’t deal with someone like that, shame on you if you call yourself a man.

I’m not a scapper, but some situations are worth breaking bones in your hands to stop a pig from hurting a woman. A small price to pay if it comes to that.

Buddy Bubs

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

Walking home from salthill years ago, a few of us, pints on board, no joy in the Warrick etc came across a chap throwing a few slaps on a woman by the Tatch
We pulled him off her, she gets up and starts beating into us.

We left them at it

Same thing happened to me too

Buddy Bubs

Buddy Bubs wrote: »

Has anyone thrown out the mental health excuse yet, the poor divils have mental health issues God bless them. It's not their fault

I would be careful of mixing up "excuse" and "explanation". It is perfectly valid to seek explanations for the behavior of any given individual - especially if our goal is to seek to treat or change that behavior. But finding the reasons and motivations and causes of someone's behavior does not mean "excusing" it.

As for "poor divils" - well you mentioned "God bless them". I would keep non existent characters out of it myself - but the Christians do have a concept of "hate the sin not the sinner" and in mental health issues I would take a similar approach.

I can despise the act and still have empathy for both the perpetrator and the victim. And if I were to seek to explain - understand - and treat the perpetrator I would be doing so from a starting point of human empathy. I can despise that person's actions without impacting my sympathies for any underlying physical or mental or other conditions that might have led them to it.

I fear too many people think that it's one or the other. That somehow doing one curtails - or should curtail - the other. I have never found this to be a reality.

zanador

Mad_maxx wrote: »

much truth in that , traveller men beating their wives is as common as muck , unfortunately for the traveller women , feminists wont call this out as travellers are a sacred cow of progressives

its also common in muslim societies but again they are a progressive left sacred cow so better to focus on the " toxic masculinity " of european whites

I don't normally answer to these kind of posts but as this is a serious topic I'm going to.

Huge work done with Traveller women around this issue. It's a known problem and the people who are in these communities and working in these communities are tirelessly trying to change it rather than sitting on the internet giving opinion about it. It is talked about ALL THE TIME.

I dunno where you got that assumption about Muslims because it's not a cultural thing at all, depends on the man same as here.

Imo opinion being that 'rare' ( I think it happens way more than we think) breed of woman who used to get physical with partners before I learned (I grew up in an abusive household and that's just how anger was manifested) I can tell you it's unregulated emotions and no boundaries that then become rage at the slightest thing. I was never like beat the **** out of someone but I would have given a slap no problem until my mid twenties when I copped.

Mad_maxx

zanador wrote: »

I don't normally answer to these kind of posts but as this is a serious topic I'm going to.

Huge work done with Traveller women around this issue. It's a known problem and the people who are in these communities and working in these communities are tirelessly trying to change it rather than sitting on the internet giving opinion about it. It is talked about ALL THE TIME.

I dunno where you got that assumption about Muslims because it's not a cultural thing at all, depends on the man same as here.

Imo opinion being that 'rare' ( I think it happens way more than we think) breed of woman who used to get physical with partners before I learned (I grew up in an abusive household and that's just how anger was manifested) I can tell you it's unregulated emotions and no boundaries that then become rage at the slightest thing. I was never like beat the **** out of someone but I would have given a slap no problem until my mid twenties when I copped.

i dont see anything wrong with giving a slap to someone beyond ones twenties , certainly not unless its a last resort but some people are complete feral animals or at the least neandethrals and cannot be reasoned with

a local jackass left me with a damaged shoulder blade back in 2013 , he came up behind me in the local and punched me as hard as he could while i was facing the bar , thought it was hilarious and done the same kind of thing with several others for sh1ts and giggles , this guy was mid fifties at the time and like i said a shaved ape

i gave him a few clatters a few weeks later as he cost me the guts of seven hundred quid in physio bills and other medical expenses , add to that i was not long recovered from a back injury and the last thing i needed was someone using me for target practice

some guys are just utter morons their entire life

zanador

Mad_maxx wrote: »

i dont see anything wrong with giving a slap to someone beyond ones twenties , certainly not unless its a last resort but some people are complete feral animals or at the least neandethrals and cannot be reasoned with

a local jackass left me with a damaged shoulder blade back in 2013 , he came up behind me in the local and punched me as hard as he could while i was facing the bar , thought it was hilarious and done the same kind of thing with several others for sh1ts and giggles , this guy was mid fifties at the time and like i said a shaved ape

i gave him a few clatters a few weeks later as he cost me the guts of seven hundred quid in physio bills and other medical expenses , add to that i was not long recovered from a back injury and the last thing i needed was someone using me for target practice

some guys are just utter morons their entire life

I am a woman (not that that makes a difference to intent) and was doing it through rage with no justification.

pgj2015

Mad_maxx wrote: »

i dont see anything wrong with giving a slap to someone beyond ones twenties , certainly not unless its a last resort but some people are complete feral animals or at the least neandethrals and cannot be reasoned with

a local jackass left me with a damaged shoulder blade back in 2013 , he came up behind me in the local and punched me as hard as he could while i was facing the bar , thought it was hilarious and done the same kind of thing with several others for sh1ts and giggles , this guy was mid fifties at the time and like i said a shaved ape

i gave him a few clatters a few weeks later as he cost me the guts of seven hundred quid in physio bills and other medical expenses , add to that i was not long recovered from a back injury and the last thing i needed was someone using me for target practice

some guys are just utter morons their entire life

if I was in your position, I would have pressed charges for assault, you would get your 700 and more back in court.

Mrcaramelchoc

Ask Johnny Depp

Bobblehats

It’s the elasticity.

Wanderer2010

Mrcaramelchoc wrote: »

Ask Johnny Depp

The two of then were as bad as each other. She played on the poor me woman card heavily during the trial when she was as much of an abuser as him.

Hellokitty1212

Mrcaramelchoc wrote: »

Ask Johnny Depp

Absolutely, good to get a victim’s perspective.

mariaalice

The is no one size fits but there are common traits to all of the issues.

Controlling personality.

Issues with emotional regulation, anger management.

May have grown up with violence so it has become normalised to them.

There might be social anxiety involved, they feel extreme shame and anger when their partner does something they think will embarrass them.

mariaalice

Mental ill-health.

They may have Borderline Personality Disorder or other mental illness and Self-Conscioushionious which make them prone to too much shame and not enough guilt

Boomer Rant

Some are psycho bullies

Some are normal men who have been nagged to death and lash out

Others are just following their culture

Witcher

JayZeus wrote: »

Useless men?

Any man throwing slaps, digs or kicks into any woman, deserves multiples of the same from any man within beating distance of him. I mean, a beating he wouldn’t forget, ever.

As far as I’m concerned, all the talk about equality of the sexes and similar guff goes out the window and that situation boils down to being a man and dealing with the scum who lays a finger on a woman with a violent response.

Too big to take on? You should know someone else who will join you in beating seven shades out of the dirtbag. Or two someones. Domestic abuse when it’s hidden is one thing. If you know and you don’t deal with someone like that, shame on you if you call yourself a man.

I’m not a scapper, but some situations are worth breaking bones in your hands to stop a pig from hurting a woman. A small price to pay if it comes to that.

Boomer Rant

Edgware

zanador wrote: »

I don't normally answer to these kind of posts but as this is a serious topic I'm going to.

Huge work done with Traveller women around this issue. It's a known problem and the people who are in these communities and working in these communities are tirelessly trying to change it rather than sitting on the internet giving opinion about it. It is talked about ALL THE TIME.

I dunno where you got that assumption about Muslims because it's not a cultural thing at all, depends on the man same as here.

Imo opinion being that 'rare' ( I think it happens way more than we think) breed of woman who used to get physical with partners before I learned (I grew up in an abusive household and that's just how anger was manifested) I can tell you it's unregulated emotions and no boundaries that then become rage at the slightest thing. I was never like beat the **** out of someone but I would have given a slap no problem until my mid twenties when I copped.

I heard last week of a local Traveller girl getting married, age 17 and already the boyfriend had hit her a few slaps before getting married. She did the Junior Cert and the school reckons she's good enough to get 400 points plus in the Leaving.
But no, she must get married and start producing kids.
We don't hear Bacik, Ruane etc condemming this.

Hellokitty1212

Edgware wrote: »

I heard last week of a local Traveller girl getting married, age 17 and already the boyfriend had hit her a few slaps before getting married. She did the Junior Cert and the school reckons she's good enough to get 400 points plus in the Leaving.
But no, she must get married and start producing kids.
We don't hear Bacik, Ruane etc condemming this.

I often wonder how feminists square their beliefs that women should be treated equally (I prefer to treat my wife like a queen - I’m too old for Tinder!!) and supporting a culture where girls with ambition are crushed underfoot sometimes literally as well as figuratively.

mariaalice

mariaalice wrote: »

Mental ill-health.

They may have Borderline Personality Disorder and Self-Conscioushionious which make them prone to too much shame and not enough guilt

Borderline Personality Disorder and feeling self conscious does not necessarily equal an abusive person. In fact those with BPD tend to direct pain on to themselves and as for self-consciousness, that's not the same as the kind of shame that comes with self loathing.